From time to time, it’s normal to have an argument or fall out with your boyfriend. Nobody can be all loved up and happy 100% of the time. If you never argue, quite frankly there’s something a little wrong! However, that doesn’t mean you should be fighting with your guy on a regular basis. So, here are some tips for how to stop fighting with your boyfriend and feel the love.
Most of don’t realize that to argue occasionally is actually healthy. We’re all human beings with flaws and that means that we’re going to get on each other’s nerves occasionally. We’re going to misunderstand one another. All of this is a natural and normal part of life.
However, not being able to go a few days without World War III commencing is certainly not part of a healthy or happy relationship. In that case, what exactly is the issue? Are you arguing about the same thing all the time, or it is always something different?
[Read: Why fighting is important in a relationship… if you do it right]
The good news is that with mindful commitment and communication, you can learn how to stop fighting with your boyfriend and regain some of the harmony you had before. However, it’s a two way street here. He also should be part of the process.
The key? Talking! Communication! Most of us don’t actually know how to communicate with our partners in the right way, which is quite shocking when you consider how much time we spend together. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship and stop misunderstanding each other]
How to stop fighting with your boyfriend and move back to a place of love
If you want to learn how to stop fighting with your boyfriend, use these steps to bring the love back.
#1 Understand that communication is key. This is without a doubt the single biggest reason why couples fight. If you’re not able to talk to one another openly about what is bothering you without it turning into a row, how are you supposed to be happy? It’s impossible!
Think about how you communicate and what works versus what doesn’t. Sit down with one another, somewhere neutral and relaxing, and just talk. Don’t point the finger of blame, don’t shout. Simply say how you feel. Then allow him to say how he feels. You might actually be quite surprised with a few of the points that come up.
When you forget how to communicate with one another effectively, fights begin. [Read: How to fight fair in a relationship and grow closer]
#2 Take a little time to assess the problem. You might not want to spend time away from your guy when things are so volatile, but it’s the best thing to do. Take some time to really think about what the issue is, what your part in it is, and be open and honest with yourself.
Ideally, he should be doing the same. This doesn’t mean you should spend weeks apart, it simply means a few days on your own thinking things through. You’ll be amazed what a little space can do for you. [Read: How to give him space without losing him or your confused mind]
#3 Understand your part in the issue. Understanding how to stop fighting with your boyfriend means learning to identify the problem, break it down, and assess your part in it. You’re probably not completely innocent here, as much as you’d like to think you are! Just as he isn’t either.
Pointing the finger of blame doesn’t help. It’s far better to think about where you might be wrong and correct the issue. He should, as well. Of course, if he refuses to accept that he might be wrong too, you’ve got an even bigger issue. This is where communication comes in once more.
#4 Avoid text or email fights. Do you often argue over digital means? Stop doing that. There is a huge window for misunderstanding when it comes to written messages. How you mean to say something can easily be misconstrued and taken the completely wrong way by the other person.
If you’re already in a space where you’re arguing a lot, just one misunderstood message could easily trigger another row. Keep things normal over texts and instead, talk about the big things when you’re together. You’re not treading on egg shells here, you’re just being mindful of the fact that messages are easily mixed up. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend seems so mean all the time]
#5 Call a truce. Sit down with your guy, and call a truce. Say that you’re tired of arguing all the time and want to reconnect, spend time doing fun things, and remember why you’re together in the first place. The biggest factor in knowing how to stop fighting with your boyfriend is knowing that there is love underneath it all and something worth saving.
Do the things you always used to enjoy together before the fighting started. This doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the bigger issue, it means you’re reconnecting as a couple. When you do that, you can overcome the underlying problem far more easily.
#6 If there is a specific problem, face it. If there is one thing that you’re arguing about all the time, one thing always the trigger, sit down, talk about it, and come to an agreement to let it go, or do whatever you need to do to fix it. There is obviously one specific problem at hand here, and action is needed. Vow to fight it together and stop pointing fingers of blame at one another. [Read: 10 immature things couples fight about all the time]
#7 Take a break. This is the last resort, of course. But maybe you just both need a little time apart to figure out what the problem is and find happiness within yourselves as individuals. Sometimes we become so caught up in being a couple that we lose ourselves. It can cause frustration and easily bubble up for even the smallest thing.
You don’t have to split, you can just have a break, and lay down the ground rules that you’re both happy with. If you don’t want your boyfriend to see other people during this temporary break, make sure that’s understood and you do the same. [Read: 20 signs to know if your boyfriend still love you through all the fights]
You could even put a time scale on it if it makes you both feel more secure; agree that you’ll come together to talk things through after two months, as one example. Hopefully after the break, you’ll appreciate one another far more, and you’ll both be at a point in your lives where you’re able to put the arguments aside and start afresh.
How to assess your relationship
Learning how to stop fighting with your boyfriend depends upon what you’re arguing about, how often, and what the fights are like. You shouldn’t stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, and if you can’t see anything worth saving, question the future of it and communicate things effectively. Don’t jump to conclusions or assume the worst. But if arguments are becoming violent or toxic in general, you need some space at the very least. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a great boyfriend]
However, it’s also worth mentioning that arguments are very normal. Most couples go through a rough patch occasionally. Normally, it’s about reconnecting with one another and pushing away all the unnecessary stuff that causes toxic energy to break its way into what is normally a pretty solid union.
[Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship and learn to really talk]
Learning how to stop fighting with your boyfriend really comes down to appreciating one another and facing the issue together. Above all else, communicating with one another in a way that doesn’t include pointing the finger.
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