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In Love With Another Man? 15 Questions to Help Make Up Your Mind

It’s official: you’re in love with another man. Before you do anything impulsively, it’s important to ask yourself the right questions to avoid regret.

in love with another man

When you’re in love with another man, it’s easy to make irrational decisions. You feel like this new guy gives you everything you could possibly want and need – and this is how you know you’re in trouble.

You’re content and comfortable with your long-term partner and then BAM! You meet someone so funny and witty that you are convinced he’s your soulmate.

You’re stuck in the hardest decision you have to make. You know that liking this new guy is like playing with fire, but you just can’t deny yourself this once-in-a-lifetime pleasure. This new guy is drop-dead gorgeous, but you also don’t want to make the mistake of leaving your boyfriend.

There are so many factors you should consider before even letting yourself fall for another man. For all you know, it could just be lust or infatuation. Making the wrong decision could backfire in your dating life and you’d end up with choices you need to live with. To put it simply, you’re in a messy situation.

If you choose your boyfriend, you’d never stop thinking about the what-ifs. If you leave your boyfriend for another man, you could be doing it for all the wrong reasons.

If you’re confused, we’ll list down the necessary questions to ask yourself when you’re in love with another man. Be as honest as you can, and make sure you’re in a peaceful and quiet place to get clear answers.

[Read: How to handle a crush when you’re already in a relationship with someone]

We’ve split these questions into three sections, and if you’re wondering what to do when you’re in love with another man, this is what you need to ask yourself.

Questions about yourself

These aren’t trick questions, neither do they require you to answer them in a snap. Spend a few minutes or more on each of them. Close your eyes, avoid any distractions and be completely honest with yourself. The most important thing here is to avoid lying to yourself!

1. Are you experiencing a crisis?

Before believing that you’re falling head over heels in love with the new guy, make sure you’re not just having a quarter-life or midlife crisis. Maybe you’re not really in love with another man, but you just crave a change to happen in your life.

Discontentment can lead you to explore other options, especially when you’ve been with the same person for years. If you find dissatisfaction in relationships, you start to think that you must make a drastic change, or else you’ll be doomed forever.

Just like you shouldn’t make big life decisions when you’re ecstatic and in the moment, you also shouldn’t make decisions when you’re having a crisis. Otherwise, you’ll likely end up regretting that decision. [Read: The big things that ruin a relationship and how to watch out for them]

2. Do you see a pattern?

How are you with your past relationships? Have you fallen in love with other men outside your relationship, or is this the first time? Do you have any regrets?

If you’re the type of person who easily gets bored of their current partner or is easy to get attached, then this could explain why you’re in love with another man.

It could also indicate that it’s not love you’re feeling, but infatuation or a repeated pattern. If this is the case, you must do everything to avoid giving in to your feelings. Don’t leave your boyfriend just because you feel the butterflies in your stomach.

When it comes down to the honest truth, relationships are about more than just the sparks. Maybe you’re just smitten, maybe you’re just bored, or maybe you need to fix yourself and discover the beauty of commitment. [Read: In a relationship but like someone else? The truth you need to know]

3. What are you really looking for in a relationship?

As they say, there are many fish in the sea. For some time, though, you were so happy with the fish you had, that you didn’t care about the million other fish. You need to figure out what your standards and needs really are.

Otherwise, you’ll keep changing partners the minute you get dissatisfied. By figuring out what those needs are, you can use this to your advantage in your current relationship. Just because you’re in love with another man, doesn’t mean you need to leave your partner.

Instead, communicate with your partner about those needs. Maybe you could get the happiness you wanted with your boyfriend instead of looking for it elsewhere.

At the very least, if you decide to stay in your current relationship, it can help you improve what you already have by expressing what you do and don’t want. [Read: What to look for in a relationship? 23 real traits of a happy romance]

4. Are your expectations realistic?

This is a very important question that you need to ask yourself when you think you’re in love with another man. It’s so easy to have high expectations and standards in a relationship that are often not realistic. You can’t expect someone to tick off every box in your checklist of a perfect boyfriend.

How do you see long-term relationships? Do you expect to be cuddled every night and given flowers on every occasion? This isn’t just the definition of unrealistic, but it’s impractical. You’ll always feel like there’s something more out there if you have unrealistic expectations. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

However, if you just want something as simple as to be able to laugh once in a while, and your current boyfriend has not offered you that from the beginning *or for a long time*, we don’t blame you for falling for the new guy.

You need to find the perfect balance of realistic and practical expectations. Rather than focusing on your wants like being spoiled with gifts, maybe you should focus on your needs like loyalty, honesty, and respect. [Read: What should you do when you like two people at the same time?]

5. Is it worth starting over?

When you’re asking yourself whether you should stay or not, ask yourself if what you feel is worth disregarding everything you’ve gone through with your boyfriend. Especially when you’ve been together for years, are you really willing to throw all that away for the possibility of infatuation?

Unless you’re convinced that they’re the wrong person for you or that they’re mistreating you in any way, you shouldn’t be quick to leave a relationship just because someone better came along into your life.

Were you already unhappy before this new guy came along, or was it just triggered by his presence? Asking yourself these questions helps you decide which next step to take.

6. Are you unhappy in your current relationship?

When you’re at crossroads, it is the perfect time to assess your relationship and yourself. Are you unhappy with your current partner? If yes, what about them makes you so unhappy, and is it something you can change?

You also need to consider that happiness is subjective. If you equate happiness to feeling butterflies in your stomach, then you’ll never stay in any relationship long enough.

When you think you’re in love with another man, you need to decide if your feelings are triggered by the state of your current relationship. [Read: 15 reasons why you’re bored with your relationship]

Questions about your current relationship

Now that you’ve asked a few questions that helped you understand yourself better, here are a few things to ask yourself about your love life when you fall in love with another man.

7. What do you like about your relationship?

In contrast to the questions above, you also need to ask yourself what aspects of your current relationship make you happy. Is it the way they laugh, the way they make you feel loved consistently, or maybe how caring they are?

List down the positive things, because these are the things you might lose if you choose to pursue the new man. Are you really willing to risk all the good parts just for the possibility of pleasure and feeling the sparks again?

Remind yourself of everything you’re guaranteed to lose if you choose the new guy. [Read: How to break up with someone you love – When it’s hard but right]

8. What do you want improved in your relationship?

In thinking you’re in love with another man, you need to also list everything that’s lacking.

Are they things that can be fixed through a good talk or is the damage too much? Did your partner cheat on you? Do you not trust him? Are they bad for your mental health? Do you lack chemistry and compatibility?

Ask yourself what you want in your current relationship and if they’re things your new man has. Does the good outweigh the bad with the new guy, or are you just blinded with desire and pleasure? After all, just like a new toy, everything feels good and shiny when it’s new.

9. Are there going to be other people affected?

If you have kids, you must not jump into a new relationship on a whim, because this will stress the hell out of them. As frustrating as this is to admit, if you’re going to hurt other people, an uncalculated gamble may not be worth it. There will come a time where you can be selfish with your own needs, but this just isn’t the right time for that.

If the new man you’re interested in proves to be as worthy as he claims, he’ll wait for the right time to be with you. The definition of love is patient and kind, so he must be willing to wait.

Even if you don’t have kids, how can you be sure it won’t affect your whole household? If it does, you may as well have left. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat? A guide to help make up your mind]

10. What made you fall in love with the new guy in the first place?

You need to realize love is a constant decision you make and isn’t just based on a feeling. Otherwise, you won’t last in any relationship. You’ll be tempted to leave every time you feel the lack of love in your body.

When we’re in long-term relationships, it is absolutely normal for the lovey-dovey feelings to wane as time passes. Butterflies don’t stay in your stomach forever—as much as you want them to. The honeymoon stage will pass and things will settle in a warm and secure feeling.

If you start to forget why you gave him your heart, maybe it’s time to make yourself remember. Go down memory lane and remember why you said yes with full conviction to being his girlfriend.

Does he still have those traits? What happened? Have you talked to him about the changes? [Read: Losing interest in your boyfriend? The signs you should never ignore]

11. Can you live without your current partner forever?

We often enter relationships because we see potential in them, including the potential of a future and a life with them. There used to be a time you couldn’t imagine a life without them, so what happened?

Do you really see yourself not regretting it when you choose the new guy instead? Did you ever consider that maybe lust or infatuation is messing with your logic?

Before you fly off with another man, ask yourself at least a hundred times if you can live without your current partner. If the answer is a resounding yes, then by all means, go. You can’t be impulsive and spontaneous with this decision because once you make it, there’s no going back.

He won’t likely take you back if you made the wrong decision, especially if you’re leaving him to be with someone else. If it’s well thought out and you’re 99% sure you don’t want to be with your current partner even if this new guy wasn’t in the picture, that’s all you need.

If the problems are really beyond repair, then walk away. However, you won’t fix any issues by jumping into the next guy you get attached to. [Read: Relationship addiction – Are you a serial dater who loves the idea of love?]

Questions about the new man

So you think you’re in love with another man. But have you really considered your future keeping this new guy in mind?

12. Is it really love, or a crush, admiration, or lust?

It can be confusing to tell the difference between admiration, lust, infatuation, and love. All of these have similar concepts so you need to be sure that it’s not just temporary. Maybe you just think it’s love, but it’s just a temporary feeling that would fade over time.

No one can tell for sure—especially if you’ve just met him. If you just crossed paths and automatically think you’re in love with another man, don’t you think there’s something wrong with that? It’s likely to be just infatuation. [Read: 23 intense signs of unspoken mutual attraction between two people]

13. In what areas do you think you’ll clash if you do have a relationship?

Imagine that you and the new guy are already together. Really visualize it. Don’t get too carried away by the fantasy just yet; think what your life is really going to be like on the ground.

Does he have goals? Are his finances stable? Is he kind? Does he have respect not just for you, but for other people? Will he compromise? Again, if you just met him, you’ll never be able to answer these questions accurately.

You’re probably thinking only time will tell, but you need to think it through. Do you honestly think your potential relationship with the new guy will be better than your current one?

In what areas do you think you’ll clash, and will life really be better with your new flame? [Read: Help! I like my boyfriend’s best friend!]

14. How far would you go to explore your love with the new man?

Do you plan to just flirt with him, but not really entertain the idea of sleeping with him, or do you plan to go all the way and throw caution to the wind? Maybe you don’t actually see a future with him, but you just want to have fun with him.

In other words, maybe you just want all the aspects of a relationship without the commitment. You need to determine how far you’re willing to go because if you don’t see yourself committing, why bother? [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you’re probably didn’t realize]

15. Is it going to be worth it?

Think hard before answering this question. Even if this is a subjective question, ask yourself if it’s worth the risk of losing your boyfriend for the new guy. If you claim that you’re in love with another man like you think, would it really be the logical choice?

People who often leave their partners for another one end up rarely satisfied with that decision. Of course, things could end up differently for you.

This is why it’s crucial to think about this for a significant period before deciding something you might regret. Thinking long-term could put things into perspective. [Read: 9 signs you subconsciously want to end your relationship]

So, what if you’re in love with another man?

Just because you have feelings for someone else, doesn’t mean you should act on them immediately. Feeling and acting are two different things.

This is why you need to ask yourself these questions – to be sure that you’re making the logical and rational choice. Ask yourself if you’re willing to throw everything away just for a feeling that could fade over time.

However, if it’s clear to you that you are in love with another man—even if it means risking everything you have now—then follow your heart and don’t ever look back. If you know in your gut that this is better than your current relationship in every aspect, take that leap of faith and jump.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...