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How to Reject a Guy and Turn Him Down Nicely Without Hurting Him

how to reject a guy

Knowing how to reject a guy is never easy. There is no perfect way to turn down a guy, as each guy is different. But here’s a list of ways that would definitely help you get the point across, the nice way and the harsh way.

Do you know the right way to reject a guy nicely? Turning down a guy is easy if you’re feeling heartless on a particular day. But on every other day, for a good girl, rejecting a guy and turning down his advances is just as awkward as it is for the guy doing the asking out.

But by knowing how to navigate through the steps, you’ll always be able to speak your mind and let a guy down easily, without breaking his heart. At the end of the day, you do realize that it would have taken a lot of courage for the average guy to confess his affections for you.

So wanna know how to reject a guy and turn him down nicely? We have all the ways you can use right here.

[Read: How to be just friends with a guy who asks you out]

How to reject a guy

You may have just broken up with a guy, you may just be friendly with another guy, or you may have met a new guy through a common friend.

It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, but there’s a good chance that you may have come across a guy that fancies you and wants to go out with you.

If you like the guy, it’s all fun and dandy. But if you don’t, and he’s being persistent, then you’ve got a bit of an issue on your hands. [Read: 30 facts about guys that can help you read his mind]

How to turn down a guy

Rejecting a guy can be a sensitive matter. And it completely depends on the guy and how he’s pursuing you. Some guys may be understanding enough to back away when you tell them you aren’t interested. But some guys may need a firmer response to get the message across.

If you want to know how to reject a guy, here’s a list of things you can do to get the message across. Start with the first one, and work your way down the list. Somewhere along the line, you’ll surely find a way to get the message across that can harden his heart and make him move on. Whew!

[Read: How guys flirt – 15 things they do differently when they like you]

Where rejections get hard

Let’s face it, rejecting a guy you don’t know is easy. Tinder, just swipe left. Dating sites, just say no. A guy approaches you on the street, easy to just say walk away.

But where it gets hard for most girls is when a guy sneaks out of the friend zone and tries to hook up with you or wants to go on a date with you. It’s weird, but he’s your friend. You don’t want to be rude, because you two are friends. At the same time, you can’t just be nice and flirty back in return, because he’ll assume you’re kind of interested!

It’s tricky circumstances like these that make turning down a guy difficult. But we’ve got that covered here.

How to reject a guy nicely

Now all guys aren’t bad. You have to understand that a guy may be persistent only because he likes you a lot. In some cases, the guy may be genuinely nice and may only want you to get to know him better.

And in some other cases, he may assume you’re playing hard to get and may pursue you with renewed vigor. [Read: The real reason behind why guys chase girls]

But whatever may be the case, if you want to turn down a guy, use any of these reasons as you see fit.

#1 Tell him the truth. This is plain and simple. If a guy that you’re not particularly interested in asks you out, tell him straight out that you aren’t interested in him.

You don’t really have to be rude at first unless he’s persistent. You really don’t owe every guy who falls in love with you an explanation about why you’re uninterested in him, or why you want to reject him. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting and hitting on you]

#2 Tell him you’d rather be friends instead. If you want to reject a guy, but are not sure you want to lose him because he’s been a great friend, tell him you don’t want to go out with him, but would love to be friends instead.

This is a wee bit selfish, and best used when you’re not sure yourself. Take a bit of time to figure it out, and depending upon how things go, you can always change your mind! You are stringing him along though, so you need to be careful not to lead him on accidentally. [Read: 15 ways girls lead guys on and make the guy eventually hate them]

#3 Make it clear. If the guy you rejected asks you to go out with him again, it’s time to be firm. You’ve already been gentle before. So this time, tell him clearly and firmly that there’s no way you could ever like him back. And also tell him that you’re starting to get annoyed with his behavior.

Many guys have an annoying habit of wanting to know the logical reason behind why you’re rejecting them. They want you to explain it, and even if you do, they try justifying it and want more explanations.

So instead of getting yourself in a bind, just make your rejection clear and don’t go into elaborate details. He’ll never be happy with your answers, no matter what you say. [Read: 14 lines you can use to turn down any type of guy]

#4 Tell him you’ll need to avoid him for a while. If he’s a friend, this is a veiled threat that scares them into accepting your decision. When he persistently hints about dating or hooking up, tell him you’re starting to get annoyed with his behavior.

Tell him that you’ve started disliking him, and may have to avoid him, and the more he asks you out, you’ll only end up wanting to ghost him. [Read: How to friendzone a guy without leading him on]

#5 Pretend to be saddened by his proposal. If a guy’s rather persistent, but yet, quite kind and nice, have a talk with him. Tell him that you’re getting upset and saddened by his persistence. Tell him you’re having a difficult time getting through the day because of his incessant proposals.

When you show your sensitive side to a nice guy, there’s a good chance he’ll back away even if he still wants to ask you out repeatedly. [Read: Signs a guy is really into you]

How to turn down a guy harshly

If none of the earlier ways on how to reject a guy fail to work, here are a few harsh ways that could definitely get the point across. In a harsh way, of course!

#6 Avoid the guy. Now some guys may be nice, but their persistence can be really annoying. Avoid the guy, and make it obvious that you’re avoiding him. If he asks you about it, you can tell him that you tried everything else, but he’s just not getting the point.

#7 Don’t speak to him alone. Guys like it when the girl they like has a conversation with them alone. It shows preferential treatment over other guys. So avoid giving away any signs that could be taken positively.

Avoid the guy, and even if he tells you that he wants to speak with you alone, don’t give him a chance. Tell him you’ll speak with him alone only when you’re convinced he’s not hitting on you. [Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them attractive?]

#8 Be rude. If being firm doesn’t help, be rude. But play hot and cold. You don’t want to upset psycho boy! Hang up on him or ignore his texts. Tell him you’re done talking to him, and don’t want him to text you anymore.

You can soften the blow later if you’re feeling upset about the whole thing. text him “I just wish you’d understand. I really don’t want to end our friendship this way, but you’re leaving me helpless. Why don’t you get it, I don’t like you and I never will…”

Being overly rude to a guy can at times make him vengeful and bitter. You wouldn’t want that, so showing him your softer side in the middle of all the cold shouldering and hate texts will actually make him feel guilty instead!

#9 Cut him off from your social circle. Text him and let him know that you can’t stand his behavior anymore. Tell him that you’d want to be friends and nothing more than that.

Tell him that you’re going to take him off your friends’ lists in social networking sites. Tell him you’re going to avoid him if you meet him. And tell him you won’t answer his calls anymore.

And finally, tell him that you’re willing to be friends only if he can look at you as a friend and behave as one. Explain to him that he can call you again the day he can look at you as a friend and nothing more. If he can do that, tell him, only then can you both be friends again. [Read: How to manipulate men]

#10 Ignore him

The final frontier that will always work. If you’ve tried all of the above points, then this should be your last resort. After you’ve cut him off from your life, ignore him completely. Walk past him, and don’t wave or even look at him. If he confronts you, be nice and warm though. Don’t be rude.

Being completely rude when he tries to talk to you will only make him pursue you more. Speak to him like he’s a five year old. Explain to him nicely that you’ve already told him what he has to do. Both of you can be friends only if he promises to look at you as a friend. And then tell him you’re sorry, but you really can’t talk anymore and walk away.

Think about this, no guy who really does like you would want to be a friend and forget all his intentions. So asking him to be a friend is probably going to be one of the hardest things he can do. [Read: Are you more than friends?]

And on the other hand, if you tell him you never want to see him or talk to him, it would only make him want to pursue you more, as he really has nothing to lose. Use these tips on how to reject a guy, and use the line that seems appropriate. But always remember, guys can’t take rejection, so reject a guy in a manner that makes him feel like he’s at fault and he’ll back away even before you know it!

[Read: Why guy friends are nothing but trouble]

And there you have it, girls, ten of the world’s best ways on how to reject a guy. Use it and see how simple and effective turning down a guy can really be!

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Preeti Tewari
Preeti Tewari

A true believer in the beauty of life and the world we live in, Preeti Tewari finds every excuse to lose herself in nature, be it smelling flowers on a stree...

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36 thoughts on “How to Reject a Guy and Turn Him Down Nicely Without Hurting Him”

  1. Ginny says:

    Nice tips. I’m sure they’d work great. But it’s so hard to get a point across into a guy’s head, isn’t it?

    Girls take a hint easily and know when to back off. But guys need to get words hammered into their head to even understand a few words. I wonder why that is? Are guys dumb or are they just stubborn?

  2. Bill says:

    Ginny – I’m guessing you are not in a relationship right now, or at least not satisfied with the one you’re in.

    Guys are persistent, as they should be. The girl wants to know that she is special, and that’s what the guy is trying to show her. Girls don’t know how to spot decent guys. Are girls just dumb, or do they like being treated like shit?

  3. dave says:

    Women want the guy to pursue and to be persistent or he is too “nice” and must be punished for giving up too easily and not proving that he could go after what he wants. Women get just what they deserve!

  4. Jen says:

    Seriously Bill and Dave, it’s like you two are on the receiving end of a few rejected advances.. Don’t be bitter because women don’t like you back and why should we explain for the 20th time to men that we’re not interested?? I don’t need to be made to feel special by anyone, especially not if I’ve told them no time and time again. Why do some men think it’s attention that women crav? Sometimes it’s just being friendly.

  5. Danielle says:

    I turned a guy down for dating and accepting gifts, 4 months ago and i want to change my mind, what do I do?

  6. Ruth says:

    I’ll give some of these a go then… one of my coworkers took a liking to me over the summer and while I thought it was friendly fun at first, it has progressed into constant innuendos, suggestions, occasional straight-up ‘we should have sex tonight’ statements and invasions of my personal space. I may have liked him if he’d been willing to back off a bit, but no matter how many times I tell him I’m not interested, he keeps coming back. It’ll make work a bit awkward whenever I see him I suppose, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I throw up. He acts like a complete pig whenever he’s around me.

  7. James says:

    I like these. You’d think they’d be common sense but there are girls who skip the courteous and tactful approach for a rude one and well…thats fine really. No is no. Rejection is only a problem if you really really like the girl you ask out. Basically, don’t let a crush develop before you ask the girl out and when you face rejection you can just say “oh bummer” then walk around the city some and you’ll be thinking “ooo….next!”

  8. Charlotte says:

    There’s this guy who is really into me but I don’t know if the harsh tact is for me… I don’t want to hurt him, but in truth being blunt and honest is the only way forward.
    This guy is nice, but there is no mutual feelings, no interest and let’s face it he’s dull… We’re both very busy people so technically we have no time for each other anyway. But… It’s still awkward all the same.
    I have told people who liked me to back off by instant message before, I instantly regretted that as how would I have felt if that were me? But I made the right decision in the same time as he did back off.
    It’s such as messy and complicated process to comprehend. :/

  9. Allicat says:

    I have a lot of guy friends, and many of them have started noticing me in a “new way”… And I dont really like any of them enough to date them, but one of my (now ex-) bestfriends has a huge crush on me, maybe even in love…. Anyways, he tells our friends he wants to talk to me, then comletely ignores me and goes in the other direction if he sees me; then blames me for ignoring him!!! Honestly, Im not the mean type of person, I just want him to get over the fact I don’t like him the same way he likes me.

  10. Jackie says:

    Thank you, this is the advice I needed! I also want to mention to never ever turn down a guy in public, be it online community, or in real life. If online try to see if they can instant message you, they’ll get really mad if you embarrass them in front of everyone.

  11. Kerry says:

    “You really don

  12. ann says:


    This advice is not meant to be cruel but self protective. Men have the advantage in relationships, in terms of being stronger emotionally and physically.

    When I have tried to explain why I am not interested in a guy, they view that as a negotiation and try to override your concerns. They won’t take no for an answer and will persist and harass.

    Every day men harass women –some women get harassed multiple times a day by different men. Does she owe each man an explanation for why she is not interested? Does she have to give him time to show his game?

    Usually women know within seconds whether they are interested. They can size up the guy whereas the guy is often making the advance based upon looks or sexual selection.

    It’s hard to explain why you are not interested, as a I said, as men won’t accept it. They often get vindictive, can get angry, potentially violent, or emotionally abusive…so women have to manage the date until they can get away and be safe.

  13. steve says:

    Ann, just because we’re gigs, it doesn’t mean we’re going to react like that. You have to understand that advice like this contributes to turning these guys the way they are.

    You look at how a lot of girls are today, and they slip right to #6… even the “nice” ways to turn a guy down are kind of mean. while you don’t owe an explanation, friending on the situation, sometimes outs the right thing to do right from the start. but the big issue are the harsh ways of turning a guy down, mainly according him up to completely cutting him off… These things should ONLY be done if the guy is starting to get Moyer on the abusive side, because let’s be honest, if you were interested in him, you’d love to have him hit on you all the time.

    we’re not all jerks that are gonna flip because you reject us, our demand to know why, but after being avoided to much rather than told down, our for some peyote spending an entire life being rejected because they don’t have that “edge”, how do you honestly expect these guys to act? Sorry girls, but respect is a two weedy street. you have to give it to get it. and this is addressed to women add a while, not any individual ones here. stop using these advice things that only result in making it worse, and out on your big girl panties and day no, and if he’s to persistent, get mad, not go run and hide

  14. Renee says:

    Wow this article seems really mean. Can’t you just say no thank you, I’m not interested. That is direct.
    Ok I love nice guys, I’m still in love with a nice, polite, respectful guy. I don’t need drama. If I am not interested in someone I tell them directly. If I am interested, i get really happy and open and invite them to pursue me. It’s sweet. People just need to read signals. If the body language and speech say no, then don’t push it.

  15. Amma says:

    Guys dont judge our entire gender on this article. Women can be cold hearted with out being provoked and men can expect to much and turn all hunter vs the prey to get their way. That doesn’t mean this is a symptom of that gender. I will say since one of you said men do this bc women want…. Again this isn’t true for the female gender as a whole. And some woman turn extremely meek around men or extremely mean around men because of previous experiences with men just as men can with theirs

  16. Dave's idea is terrible says:

    think they should have a side article by men who tell the best ways they have been rejected.

    To all the Dave’s .
    Dave instead of being sour, how about if you don’t like the way she handles it, don’t chase. Find a different type of woman. Besides if she isn’t wanting to be chased, your freaky her out. And if she wants chased but never caught then this is pointless so if you think the first rejection was a test, try a week or so later; it’s never bad to make her think she isn’t the most important thing to u right now, but you would like to get to know her to see if she can be. Don’t say that. If she still rejects move on, easy fish to catch than that confusing one. Confusing because you aren’t sure if she wants chased or if she really wants you to stop. Easiest answer don’t go for it. If guys didn’t women would stop. Sorry not fixing spell check errors.

  17. ElizaM says:

    Dave and Bill

    You’re making this more complicated than it actually is. If she’s not into you, MOVE ON!!!

  18. Anna says:

    The guys here are proving the point of how some men behave when rejected. Kerry, this is why you ‘hate’ women? And you seriously wonder why they disappear on you, rather than have a frank discussion with a man who has waves of bitterness and hate rolling from him? Too bad, the safety of women comes before your precious feelings. And Steve, stop talking about how women are ‘making’ men behave like this. It doesn’t matter how many times you were rejected in the past, or what has happened to you, you and only you are responsible to how to choose to handle it. Build some character instead of pretending to be so helpless. Saying women are responsible for making guys behave in negative, aggressive ways is pretty much the No1 sign of an abuser.

  19. Anthony says:

    why in the heck don’t women pursue then? Guys need to stick their necks out and women are complete cowards. You stupid vaginas.

  20. Anish Singh says:

    I have had enough of rejections and hatred.
    No girl wants to date me and no one is going to accept me.
    I’m fed up of all this that I started looking for prostitutes.
    So that if any other girl again ignores me, it doesn’t affect me.

  21. Dave says:

    I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, it’s not fun wondering for a long time why a person rejected you. Most guys appreciate the truth, especially if the relationship was a long one.

  22. Laura Hughes says:

    I have a hard time telling a guy I’m not interested. When he asks me if we can be friends, I make up or excuse or say yes when I really mean no so he won’t be so persistent. I don’t know him and I have no desire to get to know him. How can I tell him I don’t want to be friends with him without hurting his feelings?

  23. Kevin says:

    I have observed numerous times ,whilst working as door staff that a large percentage of young women seem to get off on rejecting guys as viciously as possible , whilst throwing in some humiliation. They also go out with the aim of getting as many drinks bought for them from men

  24. FollieProudtoBeGay says:

    This is why Im happy being a lesbian. I love you women.

  25. steam engine says:

    You got guts! Congrats!??

  26. Brandon Drake says:

    Why do girls have such a hard time turning a guy down? And why the big fear of avoiding sounding “mean”? I know it’s not the most comfortable feeling to have a person approach you and be upfront about their interest in you…only for you to have to turn them down because the feeling isn’t mutual. But it’s not going to kill you, and I don’t see why that initial feeling of discomfort just seems to completely derail people and get them into situations that are harder than the alternative.

  27. phair2012 says:

    This should be re-titled: Tips to live alone. If you’re that afraid of other people, everyone’s a creep. There are women and girls who think that everyone is a creep or one step away from a creep. And there are those who are not scared even though they may have actually had rape and near-rape situations. The truth is this: there are very few actual creeps in the world who want to do you harm. And people who are not THAT should not be treated that way. You are accusing them of criminal intent—just because YOU feel weird around them. Maybe YOU are the problem and not them. Ever think of that ? Your feelings are your business and you are responsible for them. Just because there is some nervousness and awkwardness that doesn’t mean you can’t get rid of that with some effort. If you don’t want to make any effort then you are lazy and ya get what ya pay for. When someone likes you a whole lot or even with love at first sight, there WILL be some nervous energy and it is a little scarey. That’s life, get over it. But it’s not cancer scarey or someone’s shooting a gun in the neighborhood scarey. These rules pretend to make women equal to men in relationship power. They don’t. They give women ALL of the power. It’s even admitted. If a girl likes a guy, almost any behaviour is acceptable. If she doesn’t, you’re a creep. What kind of a behavioral standard is that? How can anyone know exactly what someone else wants, needs, desires, right away? That stuff can usually be worked out over time. Whoever wrote this article is a fear based individual who makes their decisions based on their personal fear level and will be of no help to anyone else. Because everyone’s personal fear is unique to the one person. And they show a complete lack of understanding of human development and behavior. Men frequently love someone immediately for no logical brain reasoning. (That’s pretty sweet for you ladies when someone starts out from the very beginning willing to worship you and do anything with you and for you. Take advantage of that. AT least enjoy it.) Whereas women usually grow to love someone over time. Labels like “creep” don’t allow for any time or adjusting by the 2 people involved. You must be automatically likeable with no adjusting possible. Pretty rigid way to live. But “creep” has a criminal mass-murderer stigma attached to it. That’s what “creepy guys” are being compared to. DO any of you really, truly believe that? You’re in DANGER because there is some awkwardness present? Hasn’t anyone in the last 20 years had the experience of melting the ice, calming down the anxiety, working together to get rid of the awkwardness, which allows love to bloom? If a woman feels a guy is creepy, it doesn’t make it true. Those are just her feelings and opinions. They are not fact. Don’t girls sometimes stare at guys for too long as they get lost in thought, fantasy, or experience their own emotions? Many times when a girl is afraid of a guy it turns out that the guy had nothing to do with it. It’s about her not you. She might be afraid of her own feelings, her own thoughts, or of feeling love, connected, attached, need, desire. She might be afraid of how a relationship will alter her life. Who knows? But it isn’t always about the guy. If you treat other people with respect and kindness, you allow for the possibility of getting to know someone before you make those judgements. That is true for BOTH guys and girls. A lot of girls who use the creepy word a lot wind up in their mid-forties telling themselves that they are just “career girls” and that’s why they don’t have a mate or partner. Or they become fake gays. And don’t give me the anti-gay speech because no one and I mean NO ONE hates fake gays more than real gays. If you are nervous around someone you can cause that energy to make them nervous. So who started the nervousness?? The creepy guy? Or the fearful girl? Does it really matter? “Oh, HE makes me nervous.” “I’m afraid of him”. Is that necessarily the guys fault? What if she’s just a nervous, fearful girl? I think one response to someone who acts like this could be: “I’m sorry if anything I said or did made you nervous or afraid; I didn’t intend to do that.” Or: “I’m sorry that YOU are so nervous and fearful, would you feel better if blah blah blah….” Or “Is there anything I can do to help?” Because after all, even strange, fearful, nervous, creepy girls can be adorable and deserve love. But this doesn’t usually happen does it?

  28. phair2012 says:

    What is wrong with over-riding your concerns? What if your first impression is not accurate? What if you’re missing out on something good and you won’t know it unless you listen as well as speak? What if through “negotiating” he says something amazing and impressive that will change how you feel? Are you afraid of your feelings changing? You just used two words as though they are the same. Persist and harass. Harass = harmful intent. Persist = they really have strong positive feelings for you and they don’t want to “give up on you” easily. Usually MEN know in seconds if they like a girl or not. Most women take time to get to like someone. That’s what statistics show.. Men get angry and frustrated when they don’t even get a chance to interact with you which is how you find out if you really like each other or not. Many great relationships start out on a bad footing and many wonderful beginnings don’t last. They resent you having TOTAL control over the interaction. Why should you? Why should anyone have total control? The unfairness causes anger. It’s one thing to not want sex right away, or even a kiss. That’s reasonable. It’s another to not even talk or give someone a chance because of nervousness or even fear that’s not the guys’ fault. That’s not fair or reasonable. Oh…..you are FREE to do that but don’t wonder if you frustrate people. You can still do it—cut people off without even getting to know them. But don’t wonder about the backlash. That’s disingenuous. Take responsibility for what you are setting up and the energy you are throwing out into the air. In your effort to “protect” yourself, you are being emotionally abusive and hurtful and then wondering about the vindictiveness or return abuse. It’s always a balance of having it your way and happiness. For guys and girls. Total control of the situation or guy does not = happiness. In order to achieve happiness, both sides must relinquish some control and just “be”.

  29. joshlipovetsky says:

    “Guys can’t take rejection”…why does this article see us men as weak and unable to take any rejection? I find that untrue.

  30. Matty says:

    “Men have the advantage in relationships, in terms of being stronger emotionally and physically.”

    Physically OK, it’s true that on average men have more physical strength than women but emotionally? Seriously being unable to ‘get over’ rejection is not emotional strength, getting angry is not emotional strength. I get that you have had bad experiences with men and that men often have advantages that make those situations likely but really not every guy is trying to be some emotionless manipulator. Sometimes the reason we seem awkward or stupid or upset is because we are.

    None of that justifies harassment and of course you don’t have to explain why you don’t like someone, usually there isn’t an explainable reason why we do or don’t feel attracted to people. I’m just saying that people who act shitty often feel shitty and a tiny bit of empathy might even help the situation.

  31. One Woman's Opinion says:

    This is a terrible article. Just a few reasons why – no guy wants to be friend-zoned when the relationship doesn’t work out. He wants to be your man, not your pet if things don’t work out. No woman would like it either. Yes, tell him the truth, yes, be clear, but don’t be rude. I think there are better ways to let a guy know you’re serious about what you say than some of the suggestions to “be harsh”.

  32. One Woman's Opinion says:

    It is hard to tell someone no, and no one likes being rejected, but I guarantee you that most guys would prefer being told the truth to being lied to. Tell him the truth. You can be kind and firm while still being gentle. “I respect you enough as a person to tell you the truth. I can’t see us as friends either, but I’m flattered by your interest.”

  33. lolana says:

    Some guys don’t get that. It’s sad to say but not everyone can read social cues.

  34. lolana says:

    If he doesn’t stop, tell him you might have to go to HR. This is not OK at work.

  35. Aaron Bellow says:

    Well you may not have had to before, but most men have ego and depending on how much he keeps his ego shielded, things can get ugly after a rejection? Personally I’ve seen lashing out, insults to my looks, back pedaling, etc. On the persistence front, I’ve had to start ignoring someone because they didn’t get the hint. Once the ignoring started it got even worse in the form of daily messages until I reply. So yes, its difficult SOMETIMES. Additionally, its not always obvious which ones are the ones who are capable of it. I’ve had some of the most polite, kind seeming men say some STRANGE things after saying I’m not interested.

  36. Aaron Bellow says:

    Pretend to be a girl on a dating website and don’t even do anything with it but watch. Watch as miraculously dozens of men take your non response personally and insult you. You may not have a problem, but I assure you there are many. But how would you know? You aren’t a girl so you haven’t had to deal with the crap men pull in a relationship/love rejection context.

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