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Alpha Female: Who She Is, 31 Big Alpha Traits & How to Be Her Or Date Her

We’ve all heard about the alpha male, but what about the alpha female and her traits? She’s a fiercely strong, independent woman, who takes no crap from no-one! 

Alpha Female traits signs

You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn’t know what an alpha male is, but not many people know there is also an alpha female. Since women are not expected to be assertive or to command things from those around them, it may sound slightly intimidating.

But being the alpha female is a good thing. When you are the alpha female, people admire you. Even better, they want to be you. What is it about an alpha female that makes her so elusive, desired, and just plain outstanding?

Being an alpha woman isn’t easy as double standards are quite common. If you do whatever you want, you’re wild. If you sleep with more than two men, you’re a slut. Though it may seem easier to be the “delicate and fragile” woman, it’s not who an alpha female is. [Read: 26 qualities of a good woman every man should look for]

What is an alpha female?

First things first, an alpha female is not a ball-buster. She’s not a terrifying woman who goes around upsetting everyone. That’s not who she is at all.

An alpha female is someone who knows her own mind, knows what she is capable of, and is not afraid to go out and get what she wants. She’s confident but not arrogant. An alpha female feels comfortable in her own skin and lives her life for herself, not for those around her.

She’s a high-quality woman in so many ways and someone who isn’t going to take any bad behavior from those around her. Instead, she’ll call it out and walk away. [Read: High value woman – 20 traits that make men respect and be in awe of her]

The common alpha female traits

Though alpha women are constantly challenged by men and women who feel threatened by them, they push forward anyway. Who else is going to take a stand and represent strong and capable women if it’s not her?

If you want to work out if you’re an alpha female, or you want to know if you’re dating one, here are some common traits every alpha female possesses.

1. She knows what she wants

As an alpha female, she knows what she wants. Of course, there will be moments when she’s not sure, but then again, she also knows what she doesn’t want.

The point is, she has a direction of where she wants her life to go, and in order to achieve it, she knows what will benefit her. [Read: How to stand up for yourself – get what you want and deserve]

2. She asks for what she wants

Knowing what you want is one thing. However, asking for it is a completely different thing. It’s not being called “bitchy,” which is what many people will call her, it’s called being assertive.

For a man, being assertive is extremely attractive, but for women, it has a somewhat negative association. However, regardless if you’re a man or woman, being assertive means you ask for what you want in order to better your life. [Read: 17 ways to be assertive and speak your mind]

3. She’s not focusing her life on finding a man

Of course, everyone wants to be able to find a partner they’re going to be with, it’s completely normal. However, an alpha female knows that if you want to be a partner to someone, you need to work and develop yourself.

She knows if a man is going to come, he will, and she’s not worried. She’s focused on developing her self-worth.

4. She is ambitious

You’re the only person who can make the life you want. An alpha female knows this and she knows she is responsible for creating the life she wants. She’s not waiting for someone to give her a handout. In fact, she feels incredible strength in working toward her goals. [Read: 15 ways to be someone who always says, I love my life!]

5. She can still be emotional

This is important as many people believe that alpha females are cold, heartless bitches. This isn’t the case. She’s an emotional being, she has feelings. The only difference is that she doesn’t let anyone use her emotions against her or make her feel they’re wrong.

6. She welcomes change

Change is going to happen whether you want it to happen or not, this is just a part of life. However, instead of fearing change, the alpha female embraces it.

She looks at the changing circumstances and decides to use them in order to grow. This is where alpha female traits truly shine. Yes, she may cry or feel defeated, but she pushes through.

7. She pushes through

Without risks, she wouldn’t be the alpha female she is. She wants to take risks, it pushes her out of her comfort zone and helps her answer questions she was unsure of before. [Read: Giving up on life – 25 ways to find strength and change your attitude]

An alpha female wants to push the boundaries that society has built around her.

8. She often feels misunderstood or judged

There are many situations when an alpha female feels misunderstood or judged. This is where the double standards come in.

For a passive individual, those double standards never see the light. However, since she challenges the status quo, she faces the opinions of others. [Read: How to develop self-confidence and believe in yourself]

9. She accepts that she doesn’t know everything

At the end of the day, the only thing that we can all agree on is that we don’t know anything. An alpha female has no problem with this and she’s trying to become wise and full of knowledge about the world anyway. In the process, she’s keeping her feet on the ground and her ego small.

10. She doesn’t feel entitled

Just because you go to school, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get a job. Just because you help someone move, doesn’t mean they’re going to pay you for your help or send you a thank you card.

An alpha woman understands that she shouldn’t expect things from other people. She knows she shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for everything she does. [Read: Follow your dreams – all the amazing reasons why it’s worth it]

11. She doesn’t feel the pressure of age

Age is really just a number and an alpha female knows that. It doesn’t matter what your age is, it’s about what you’re doing. Alpha females don’t see themselves as someone with a ticking clock and a timeline to follow. She follows her own path and doesn’t let age become an issue in achieving her goals.

12. She keeps complaining to a minimum

Everyone complains at some point, but one of the strongest alpha female traits is that she doesn’t spend her time whining or complaining about things because she knows it won’t help the situation.

Instead, she uses that negative energy and channels it into making her current situation better. [Read: How to stop the negative thoughts dragging you down]

13. She’s comfortable with being alone

An alpha female knows she’s probably not going to be alone for the rest of her life, but she’s okay with those times when she is. That means she’s not getting into relationships that aren’t fulfilling or doing things just out of fear of loneliness.

14. She loves the skin she’s in

She’s a sexy, independent woman. She’s strong, she knows what she wants, and she looks fierce. What’s not to love about it?

She never tries to minimize her appearance for the sake of others and instead, she loves every part of herself. Of course, that includes the bad points too. She doesn’t pretend she’s not flawed, she embraces it.

15. She doesn’t allow a man to intimidate her

Our society is based on the man being the breadwinner and the strong individual. Now, for sure, men are strong, however, women are just as strong. An alpha female knows that and doesn’t allow a man to treat her less than that. [Read: 15 qualities all men crave in their woman more than anything else]

16. She’s open to love

Many people feel that alpha women aren’t capable of being in a loving relationship. However, she’s more than capable.

But, she’s not simply picking any man off the street to be with. She wants a man that loves the alpha female in her and treats her as a partner, not a bowl in a china shop.

17. She’s self-assured

An alpha female is someone who knows who she is and isn’t afraid to be herself. Most of us have two faces, one we show to the world, and one we keep hidden. The key to being an alpha female is to meld those two beings into one. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]

18. She doesn’t sweat the small stuff

Women are creatures of habit and often spend a whole lot of time worrying about one thing or another. An alpha female prioritizes what is important in life and what is not.

Unlike most of us, she doesn’t waste time worrying about things that may or may not happen. Instead, she focuses on those things well within her control. [Read: How to stop overthinking – strategies for more peace]

19. She doesn’t believe in limitations

The biggest problem most of us have are the limiting beliefs we place on ourselves. A limiting belief is something we fabricate in our minds that rarely has any basis in truth.

If you believe you are bad at math, then you will never give it a try, or have the confidence to put your mind and effort into excelling at it.

Limiting beliefs hold us back from our dreams, from trying to get the things that we want, or from believing ourselves capable. The alpha female is free of limitations when it comes to believing in herself. [Read: Little steps to change your life and find true happiness]

20. She knows how to charm people

We all know that girl who walks into a room and all the guys turn their heads. It isn’t always the prettiest woman in the room. It is the one who knows how to make a presence. The alpha female uses her charm to make people stand up and pay attention.

She is happy with herself, fun to be around, rallies the crowd, picks someone up, and just makes you feel like a million bucks.

Knowing how to read people, an alpha female knows exactly the right things to say to bring out the best in everyone and make them believe in the possibility of everything around them. [Read: How to be a lady who awes her man and everyone else]

21. She stands tall

Posture is a huge indication of the person you believe yourself to be. If you are slumped over, shoulders rolled in, and head down, what you project to the world is that you are unapproachable, perhaps insecure, and definitely not outgoing.

The alpha female has a posture that is picture-perfect. Standing up straight with shoulders back, she knows how to carry herself to tell onlookers she is putting herself out there. She is approachable and engages with strangers and friends alike.

22. She is sexy

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder, but not for the alpha female. She not only appreciates her curves, she knows how to use them. Not beholden to stereotypes, or worried about being judged for her looks, she is okay to have guys want and desire her.

Being sexy is about an attitude of using your womanly features to attract people around you. It is okay to use your assets to your advantage. She knows there is no shame in being a woman. [Read: The guy’s view on what’s cute vs. sexy about a girl]

23. She says it like it is

An alpha female is not going to say one thing and mean another. Rarely monitoring what she says, she tells you what she thinks whether you want to hear it or not. However, she takes into consideration that she may hurt your feelings and has a way of saying things that don’t come across as critical.

Being able to read people, she knows how to tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear, which makes her a valuable friend and confidant.

24. She has empathy

An alpha female doesn’t consider herself better than anyone else and has a high sense of empathy. Being able to understand what someone is going through and what they need, she makes excellent friends and is kind to everyone around. [Read: How to master empathy and master the art of growing a real heart]

25. She is loyal

If you tell an alpha female something, it stays with her. She isn’t into gossip or talking badly about others. The reason most people talk behind the backs of other people is because they either want to ignore their own problems or make themselves feel better by putting someone else down.

The alpha female is content with her own life and who she is. So she doesn’t jeopardize your friendship by not being loyal and keeping what is between you, between you. [Read: Partners in crime – 25 reasons why you need this friend]

26. She is persistent

When someone tells you “no” you have two choices, continue to challenge the no and find a compromise, or give up. The alpha female does not give up.

That doesn’t mean she stands around irritating someone, or won’t let up. It means if she hears no, she finds out what she needs to do to get you to say yes. Never a quitter, attaining her goals is her primary focus, but in a positive and honest way.

27. She knows honesty is the best policy

An alpha female doesn’t feel the need to use dishonest tactics. Instead, she always plays with integrity and self-respect. You don’t have to question what she says because she proves herself to be trustworthy and does not use deception to get what she wants. [Read: 15 ways to be someone who always says, I love my life!]

28. Everyone wants to be their friend

All of the qualities listed above make the alpha female the one to know. Not like the “popular” girl in school, or the “queen bee,” she is someone you feel lucky to be friends with.

Always there to lend support, hold your hand, be honest, and to pick you up out of a rut. She looks on the bright side of things and doesn’t wallow in misfortune or allow you to either.

With an easygoing style, the alpha female is someone whom you cherish, want to return her kindness, and who you want to be around as much as possible.
[Read: Boss bitch – 22 quick-fixes to transform yourself into one]

29. She is faithful

We know that an alpha female is honest, but that also extends to loyalty. She will never cheat on her partner and if she isn’t happy, she will simply sit them down and talk about it instead.

However, on the flip side, she will never stand for any type of unfaithfulness directed toward her either. Instead, she will simply get up and walk away with her head held high.

30. She has a healthy relationship with her parents

An alpha female is respectful of her elders and that means her parents and extended family members. While she won’t be pushed into doing anything she doesn’t stand for, she knows that family is important in life and has a strong and positive relationship with her parents.

31. She is not arrogant, she is humble

It’s a common misconception that a strong and independent woman must be arrogant and bossy. That’s not the case at all. Instead, she’s humble and appreciates the world around her. It’s entirely possible to be strong without being arrogant! [Read: How to express your opinions without seeming cocky]

How to deal with an alpha female in a relationship

If you think you’re in a relationship with an alpha female or you want to be, you’ll probably want to know how to deal with her strength. The thing is, you don’t have to “deal” with it at all, you just need to accept it.

This is a huge part of who she is and if you want to have a healthy and happy union with her, you need to let her be herself and embrace every wonderful part. However, she will appreciate honesty, so if she’s doing something you don’t like, tell her!

Remember, an alpha female isn’t someone who is going to play games and mess around behind your back. You must trust her to be herself and focus on the fun things you do together instead. [Read: Things men just need to accept about women]

What kind of man does an alpha female need and how to attract an alpha female

An alpha female needs a man who is just as strong as she is, otherwise there may be a battle of wills! She needs you to be honest, to have integrity, and to go for what you desire in life. Anything less than that and she won’t be attracted to you in the first place.

Be yourself. Own who you are and love every inch, just as she does. An alpha female needs a man to be a reflection of her own traits. While that means she’ll still love you for the differences you possess, she will be attracted to your strength and honesty.

However, you should never attempt to play games with an alpha female. This isn’t the kind of guy she needs or feels attracted to. The moment she spots one tiny bit of game-playing, she’ll be gone faster than you can blink. [Read: Guys who play games – 17 signs and reasons why & what you need to do]

An alpha female is a woman we all want to be and want to date

You might have started reading this feature with a misconception in you mind of what an alpha female actually is. By now, you should know that this is a woman who everyone wants to be or be friends with, and many people want to date.

She is strong but gentle, fierce but loving, kind but won’t take any crap. She’s a woman who knows she has flaws but doesn’t care.

Put simply, she’s a whirlwind everyone wants to be around!

[Read: How to be the strong independent woman you want to be]

Now that you know what an alpha female is, do you feel you have these traits? Or, do you see them in your partner?

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...