Where to Find a Nice Guy

find a nice guy

Have you been looking for that elusive nice guy? Kevin Smith tells you where to find a nice guy and helps you understand what goes on in a nice guy’s mind.

For most of my life, I’ve always been the nicest guy around. I was nice to everyone. We’ve heard of blooming boy scouts, who are so hell bent on trying to be nice to everything.

Now imagine me at school, I was the leader of boy scouts! Literally!

So that probably makes me one of the nicest guys in the world, waiting to get walked over by everyone who has seen my face.

If there was anything as an Academy Award for the Nicest Guy, I would have won that with my hands tied behind my back. I was that nice!

I helped old women cross the street, stayed sober because I had to drive my friends back after a New Year party, and always made sure I put others’ needs before mine, especially when it came to women.

A nice guy and his love life

I had my first serious relationship with a girl when I was fifteen. The relationship lasted a little over a year.

I knew it wasn’t going to work out two months into the relationship, but I didn’t want to break up because she was a nice girl, and I really didn’t want to break her heart. I silently suffered through a painful year with a girl who pretended like she was still single and kept our relationship a secret from her friends, especially her guy friends.

And what happened eventually was that she dumped me and walked out on me two days before our ‘one year two months’ anniversary and hooked up with another guy who wore a leather jacket and had pierced ears.

I’ve had several women best friends since I was a young kid, and I used to speak with all of them for hours on end over the phone. All the girls in my college liked me a lot, and they kept reminding me about what a nice guy I was. Of course, I liked hearing that. [Read: Are you more than friends?]

Friends, crushes and getting stuck in between

After graduating, I met this gorgeous girl, who took the air straight out of my lungs. She was exceptionally beautiful and very sweet. Eventually, after bumping into each other now and then, we became really good friends.

The only problem with her was that she was really depressed all the time. We used to sit down over coffee for hours, and I loved being around her. Within the first two years after knowing her, she had been in six relationships and walked out of all of them, and there I was, sitting next to her, falling in love more and more with her while she used to hug me and look deep into my eyes.

All I gave a damn about was how her boobs felt against me when she hugged me, but of course, what could I ever tell her? [Read: Why men like breasts?]

I could never tell her I had a big crush on her. I mean, the closeness we shared would eventually get us together, right? And after each hug, she used to tell me the same thing, “You are the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. I wish more guys were like you.”

She even asked me the question that could have changed our relationship once, “tell me where to find a nice guy who would love me?” I just smiled and responded cryptically that he’s probably just around the corner waiting for her to recognize him. I wanted love to blossom through friendship like it did in the movies. The girl dates a million guys and finally realizes that the love of her life was right next to her. [Read: How to tell if a guy likes you]

When the nice guy loses his charm

After years of being by her side and putting up with everything she had ever told me, that’s what I was. A friend. After being there for her for so long, all I was to her was a friggin’ friend! And what upset me was that she wanted a nice guy, but she never did fall in love with me. [Read: How to ask a friend out]

Our “mutual” friendship lasted five years, until one of her longer boyfriends found me threatening and asked her to avoid me, or break up with him. Yup, wasn’t she a true friend. She decided to part ways with me in happiness, so that we don’t hate each other. She never called me after that, and I still missed her. I didn’t miss listening to her rant about her guys, but I missed her warmth and I missed not having an opportunity to have gone out with her.

Mr. Nice Guy no more!

I had basically been through most of my prime years being really nice to women while they just steam-rolled all over me. The days when I could actually date young women without having to pay them for sex were coming to a close. I was getting desperate.

And then, one day, as I was sitting on a park bench and contemplating if I should turn gay or die a virgin, something struck me! [Read: What is the right age to get married?]

Nope, it wasn’t an illuminating revelation. It was a big red Spalding basketball.

A bunch of guys were playing in the court nearby, and a few girls were watching the game. As the ball hit me, I was floored. I raised my head up groggily to see stars flickering in front of my eyes. I looked around and saw a few of the girls laughing until they turned pink. The guy who threw the ball towards me too, was roaring with laughter. And eventually one of the guys picked the ball up and walked away, without even apologizing to me.

I even saw one of the guys splash half a bottle of water on one of the girls. The girl yelled at him, and eventually, she started chasing him down. The guy and the girl caught up, they just hugged playfully, kissed and laughed out loud. I wondered why these good looking girls liked hanging around with a bunch of jerks when nice boy scouts like me were lonely and dumped all the time without the least bit of remorse.

I was hurt. My eyes welled up with tears, and streamed down my cheeks. I was in my early twenties, naïve, and I was so bitter and angry. And what made it all so much worse was that I was helpless. Women wondered where to find a nice guy, and even when I stood right in front of them, they walked all over me.

And at that moment, I vowed to change my life, and stop being nice to people, especially women. I was Mr. Nice Guy no more. I prided myself for being a really nice guy all this while and girls laughed at me, ridiculed me and walked all over me.

I wasn’t going to let that happen ever again. And almost overnight, I became rude and spoke my mind out without hesitation. My old friends drifted away and I made new friends. I became selfish and the world was just about me and only me. For the first time, I started enjoying life and meeting women who wanted to be with me, not because I was nice, but because I was someone they desired.

Where to find a nice guy?

So really, where are all the nice men? Perhaps, women have forced the nice guys to go extinct, or evolve into jerks that get women instantly. [Read: Is it wrong to be a bitchy girl?]

Can you believe that? Of course, you don’t. But it’s true. Women change nice guys into jerks and wonder where all the nice guys have gone! [Read: Why you can’t find love]

But we have the big question here, where to find a nice guy after walking all over him in the first place? Many people say you’d find nice guys in book clubs, concerts or even in the meat section of grocery stores. But is that true? I don’t think so.

You have as much a chance of finding a nice guy in a grocery store as much as you may have finding him in a coffee shop or any place else in the world. Nice guys are everywhere, and you’d probably bump into several of them every single day. But do you really care or even notice them? [Read: Love at first sight – The real truth]

Women may not know it themselves, but they’re really not looking for a nice guy. Women think they want a nice guy, but in reality, they really don’t. So if I were you, I’d stop looking for a nice guy because you’re not going to be happy with a nice guy anyways. It took me years to understand the psyche of a nice guy and why they end up losers in love. After all, I was a nice guy for most part of my life.

Understanding the mind of a nice guy

So who is a nice guy really? Is he nice by choice or is he just nice because he has no choice at all?

To be frank, nice guys aren’t gentlemen, they’re whining wussies. Nice guys have a huge inferiority complex, and they just can’t handle a confrontation. They don’t know how to say ‘no’ and they’re terribly afraid that women will reject them if they don’t go out of their way to be nice to women.

You know that nice guy, the same one that says “Is everything okay with you? Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Talk to me about how you feel, okay, I’m here for you… I’ll always be here for you… Is there anything else I can get you…?” Well, that was me, that same dork you see in stupid teen movies, the same guy who gets a barrel of beer overturned on his head, while all the others laughed at him.

Nice guys constantly convince themselves that they’re better and nicer than other guys. I’ve been there and done that. Instead of manning up and facing a conflict or asking a girl out directly, they slink away and convince themselves that they are great guys who can handle anything if faced with an unavoidable situation, or get any girl they want if they really made a move.

They go out of their way to help others and love getting compliments and hearing that statement, ‘you are such a nice guy’. It reaffirms what they’re thinking, that they’re the nicest guys in the world, and that every other guy is a loser. But when a girl declines to go out with them, nice guys assume the world is conspiring against them and that women hate nice guys.

When you date a nice guy, he’s never going to speak his mind. He’ll only say what you want to hear, be it about your dress or the plans for the evening or what to order at a restaurant. By saying what you want to hear, he’s avoiding conflict and at the same time, making it appear like both of you have perfect compatibility. But these kinds of relationships can never work out or even be real, and after a while, women will start to hate this ever-agreeing and overly sensitive man who’s fake and constantly craving for your attention or dealing with emotional insecurities.

What kind of a man do women really need to be happy?

To be really happy with a perfect man, you need to stop trying to find a nice guy. Instead, look for a guy with three traits – a guy who loves you, respects you and most of all, respects himself. These guys are harder to find, but you’ll know if a guy respects you and respects himself in the very first conversation. And the best part, these men can be found everywhere. [Read: How to find love]

It takes one respectful and loving man and one complimenting and loving woman for a relationship to be happy and successful. Not a nice guy. And definitely not a woman who feels guilty for stepping all over a nice guy. [Read: Is he the one for you?]

[Read: Dating facts]

So if you’re ever wondering where to find a nice guy, stop looking for him. He’s not worth your time, and you’ll end up walking all over him and leaving him bitter and rude anyway!

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15 thoughts on “Where to Find a Nice Guy”

  1. dave says:

    Women are missing the boat on “nice guys”, who do things for others because it is the right thing to do.Do you really think that old ladies PAY us to help them cross the street? Keep
    bringing your insults, if it makes YOU feel better, or maybe even superior, but “nice guys” are
    better people , and as the rejection book says, women do not deserve guys who could really care abiyt THEM. That laughing sound is what you hear from “nice guys” after the alphas beat
    their women up, just to show them who’s in charge. Women get what they deserve. You want
    to call that bitter or rude? Try calling it the TRUTH.

  2. Barry says:

    Nice guys do exist and yes they are better, because they do the right thing and not what people want them to do. How can you ever get someone to like you if you are not being yourself? Im sure there are a lot of nice girls out there too, but i feel bothe genders are in the same boat. The nice people are stuck on either side of a river and dont stand out as much as the huge flow of people obscuring what we are looking for.

    Also there are nice guys out there who dont get walked over by everyone. We are nice because we want to be and we have no reason to be otherwise. If you want to impress you excel at an activity you do (I like sports), but if you are conflicted with something that you ethically dont agree with, then I will stand up to it. But it doesnt require me do be disrespectful to anyone.

    I would rather spend my whole life finding the one person to make it right and succeed, than searching recklessly and and failing multiple times.

  3. Kay says:

    Honestly, I feel the same way. Guys usually go for the “easy” girls, and mostly seem to think that if a girl isn’t overly flirty to a guy, that they’re “not interested”. I’m a bit of an introvert, and have been told countless times that I am “probably the nicest person” that someone has ever met. I am always friend-zoned, and now it’s kind of a habit to think a guy isn’t interested in me. That doesn’t mean that I will become “bitchy” or a “drama queen” so people will “like me”. That just isn’t me; people can either accept me as I am, or watch me as I go. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. (:

  4. Stacy says:

    It’s really sad to hear this. The thing is, guys always go for the best looking girl. There might have been a shy pretty girl that loved you silently but didn’t have the guts to ask you out because she was afraid to get rejected. I am single, and looking for a nice guy. Yes, a nice guy. I’m not upset because I haven’t found one yet. I’ve never been friend zoned or anything, just don’t have a y luck finding a nice guy. I’ve decided to wwat and see.

  5. A Guy says:

    Eh, most dudes go through his phase. He’s in phase 2 of the male love life. Once he reaches stage 3, he’s a mature man. He knows when to say ‘no’ and does what he wants, but he isn’t a dick or rude about it. He’s neither nice, nor a jerk. He deals with things according to his values. It’s harder for him to find a date, but that’s only because he knows his self-worth and is more selective. He needs more than a pretty face.

    The guy who wrote this article is still in the immature, bitter, dick phase. Most men never get past this stage. He needs to get over it.

  6. Lisa says:

    You know, I almost cried reading this story because I know exactly what it feels like to give and feel taken for granted, advantage of and humiliated. I’m a girl, though, so we can add used to the heap. Can’t forget that one. I’ve longed, ached, and ultimately despaired over not being given the opportunity to forgive as my forgiveness wasn’t sought.

    In short, it’s impossible to feel sorry for anyone who decides to do the 180 switch from being nice (which appears to have been a ploy to make others approve of you from the beginning) to being decidedly mean; refusal to take responsibility to what was clearly described above as a conscious decision makes it even more objectionable. Case in point, although literally every single adult human has, by their own sets of circumstances, felt these same feelings before, very few of us will reason to flip the script like that and fewer still would actually blame their decision on a 3rd party.

    In short: grow up.

  7. Jo Bob says:

    Wow, I’m pretty disapointed reading this. Really??? I’d say there are 2 types of nice guys, The TOO nice guy, who is indeed not self confident, and is ultra afraid of women. But seriously, don’t put us all in the same boat (see, I’m actually speaking my mind, is that really possible??). It’s lame, and honestly, trying to act like the 70’s cool guy will bring you nowhere in a long term relationship.

    Gratz on being stupid bro, keep on being a “bad boy”, real good guys will be out there doing the man stuff while you keep acting like a kid.

  8. Cathy says:

    I stopped reading after the line “For most of my life, I

  9. Seriously Speaking says:

    Well many of us guys are wondering if we will ever meet a good woman that can accept us for who we are, instead of looking for a man with money today. Women today are too damn spoiled, and they will not settle for less. And many of the women these days Cheat a lot and can’t stay with only one man anymore.

  10. ribbon72 says:

    Hey! Thanks for being a nice and sweet guy before n also thx for sharing ur thought! 😀 it’s true, that being who you are is the most attractive part of all! And what you say about nice guy in the end really true 🙂 me myself fall for good looking man, which by man i mean, someone who respect others n himself, n have enough financial to cover a family.. ofc i try my best everyday to fill myself with knowledges n i also work to cover myself n do extra things, to add, i really like a man who know what he is his goal n what he is doing to achieve his dream.. i’m a lil’ afraid that i’m living in a dream since all the man i’ve meet doesn’t seem to reach my standards, but i find my faith still greater than the fear.. i’m an average looking girl, working myself to be pretty in n out, where cn i find good man like that? Any id? 🙂

  11. ribbon72 says:

    For dear seriously speaking, our world has evolved to a need for money to continue to live.. it depend on the girls you fall for, if you love a pretty graceful hot woman, u have to count also ur financial to cover her, if u cnnot cover her, please lower ur standard.. it’s between u higher ur own level or u lower ur checklist. actually it’s depend so much on ur surroundings, so good luck! I hope u found ur beautiful loyal soulmate and i hope for ur success also 😀 #pleasebeasloyalasuwanturwomantobe

    Ps: if i am u, my goal is to financially success first n lvl up myself
    Have a lovely days

  12. Courtney says:

    Self proclaimed nice guys aren’t nice guys. I read the rest just for a laugh and you weren’t a nice guy. Thinking about beauty and breasts just makes you a jerk. That’s like when a guy says “I’m not like other guys”. You just get up, walk out of wherever you are and never speak to him again because he is exactly like every other jerk and probably worse. You should like a girl for her personality, not how big her boobs are. This is coming from a woman who has never had a day not getting hit on. Men who say they’re nice or compliment your looks first are not nice and they aren’t looking for what a woman needs. My last ex was the so called nice guy, but there is a thing as being too much of what you call “nice”. You went from one extreme to another, so that’s your own fault. Way to be a total goof.

  13. LesAnonymes says:

    I don’t like this article. You’re blaming women for your heartache and pain when you can make the choice as to whom you spend your time with. I don’t think a “nice guy” is someone who will do and say whatever I want and doesn’t speak his mind, a nice guy has morals, is a stand up person, and does the right thing. You aren’t describing a “nice guy” you are describing men with self esteem and confidence issues.

  14. JoyS says:

    “You know that nice guy, the same one that says

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