There is an ugly and untrue assumption that all men are afraid of showing signs he wants a committed relationship with you. It is often assumed in society that women want the committed relationship while men want unlimited sex.
No matter how many old-school rom-coms you’ve seen that say otherwise, this is simply not true.
First, there are plenty of women that don’t want a committed relationship. Second, there are loads of men that want a committed relationship. And your guy could easily be one of them.
[Read: The signs he is getting attached and is ready for a real commitment]
How to read the signs he wants a committed relationship
Before you look for signs that he wants a committed relationship, put your reality cap on for a minute.
When you want a relationship with the guy you’re seeing, you can get defensive about how he feels. You can twist small things into big signs. You can take his words and bend them until they fit the narrative you want.
Now, I am not calling you crazy. I am not saying you are unreasonable or desperate. Honestly, I can’t count how many times I overanalyzed a guy’s behavior to convince myself he liked me more than he did.
And, as women in this society, we often downplay our feelings to seem cool. We want to be nonchalant so he will believe we are just so casual and unbothered. We are constantly told men like the chase, so we play hard to get.
[Unpopular opinion: Why playing hard to get with a guy is pointless]
A guy tells us he doesn’t want a relationship or that he just wants to be casual and instead of speaking up about what we want, we agree and act cool as a cucumber, hoping he will change his mind. This is the first thing you should understand. If a guy says he wants it to be casual, that he doesn’t want a relationship, or any version of that, take him at his word.
Just because the last guy you dated said the same thing, then got engaged six months after you broke up, it doesn’t mean he was lying.
No matter how much he cuddles, tells you he likes you, or spends time with you, if he says he doesn’t want a committed relationship, believe him. No signs will outweigh that statement.
Too many women, including myself, have hung onto signs of hope that a guy would change his mind only to spend months or even years waiting for more. And it never happened.
If you are looking for signs he wants a committed relationship, I can help. But, if he straight up answers that question, no sign, no matter how big, will help you.
[Read: 12 signs he wants to be exclusive and committed to only you]
Signs he wants a committed relationship
Now, there are clear signs he wants a committed relationship. Remember that none of these are a sure thing, but they can definitely aim you in the right direction.
#1 You hang out with your friends and his. A committed relationship isn’t just about not dating other people. It is about honesty and sharing things. This means introducing you to his world and vice versa.
If he goes through the nerves of meeting your closest friends and wants you to meet his friends, he wants to see how your lives fit together.
#2 You’ve met his family. Meeting someone’s family is a big deal. I don’t mean a quick wave when you get dropped off after a date, but sharing a meal and small talk. If he introduced you to his parents, siblings, etc., he wants something serious. [Read: Looking for official? The 12 real signs he wants you to be his girlfriend]
#3 He’s met your family. It is always easier to have someone meet your family than it is to meet someone else’s. If you asked him to meet your family and he agreed, and handled it well, he only put in that effort because he sees something with you.
#4 He goes out of his way for you. This could be anything from driving far, to helping you with a project. It means even more if he doesn’t expect anything in return. A guy who wants a committed relationship with you cares about you.
That means he will put in the effort to make you happy when you being happy is all he gets out of it.
#5 He isn’t seeing anyone else. You may not have had the official relationship talk yet but if you both aren’t seeing anyone else that is a good sign. When I first started dating my boyfriend, we were both open to a relationship but it wasn’t necessarily the goal.
After four dates, I told him I hadn’t opened the dating app we met on since we met and that I just deleted it. He said he deleted after we met. That’s when I knew, even if we weren’t there yet that he was ready for a committed relationship. [Read: 19 sure signs you’re in an exclusive relationship already]
#6 He is honest about his past. If a guy isn’t willing to talk about his past, something may be up. Maybe he cheated or is still a bit hurt from a heartbreak. But, a guy willing to tell you the truth and open up about his past is willing to share what he’s learned and is open to more of that.
Some people say leave the past in the past, but our pasts make us who we are today. Sharing those stories with someone new says a lot.
#7 He asks you questions. Guys who don’t ask you questions about you aren’t interested in anything beyond surface level. I always went into dates asking if a guy was close to his family, how he got into his career, etc.
But if they only ask you to answer what you asked them, they are just being polite. A guy interested in a committed relationship will be genuinely interested in what you have to say. [Read: The actions that reveal a man’s love for you]
#8 He says so. If he says he wants a committed relationship with you, he does. A guy will not just admit this and risk being rejected if he doesn’t mean it. If you spot these signs, you may feel a sigh of relief. The guy you’re dating wants the same thing as you.
But, that hope can drag you along for months just waiting for these signs to turn into action. Once you see these signs, and if he has actually told you he wants a committed relationship, bring it up.
Just because he is the guy doesn’t mean it is always his job to start these talks. Let him know you’ve been dating a while, you both want the same thing, and think you should make that next step to make it official.
[Read: How to show commitment in a relationship and make each other feel secure]
Take the signs he wants a committed relationship, consider what you want, and do something with them.
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