Unless you’re very friendly and forward, the only way you’re getting a date at a bar is to be approachable. If you don’t know how to approach guys or if you’re very traditional about them having to approach you, you need to find out what makes a person approachable and apply it to yourself.
Most people, especially women, love the attention they get in public places like bars. The setting is designed to foster a relaxed and open environment, which is perfect for mingling and meeting new people. Men know that they have to approach women, so they’ll get noticed, but it’s also okay for girls to make the first move.
If that’s not your style, you can still look friendly and approachable, and the boys will still line up to get your attention. Just remember, however, that the purpose of making an effort to be approachable is not so you can validate yourself. Be approachable, so you can get a chance to meet new and interesting people who can make an impact on your life. [Read: 10 ways you can stand out from the crowd]
What makes a person approachable?
People are not approachable because they have a sign that says, “Come say hi.” Being approachable is about being open and inviting, without having to say anything at all. You don’t need to be the most noticeable person in the room for people to approach you. On the contrary, what you need to do is be comfortable in your own skin, and appear like someone who’s up for a bit of conversation with your fellow bar-goers.
Sorry, ladies, but your personality is not designed to shine through if you’re not willing to put it out there. Physical appearances do matter, but only up to a point. Your appearance is not just based on the shape of your body, the texture of your hair, and the size of your body parts.
It is most noticeable in terms of how you present yourself through your clothes, hygiene, and demeanor. Your appearance is the initial basis of your prospects. If they don’t like what they see, they won’t bother taking a second glance.
You can improve your appearance by wearing clothes that fit and exude your personal style. You have to look fresh and clean as well. A little puff of powder and a swipe of lip gloss can transform you from an overworked employee into a club-ready vixen.
Mind the body language
The first thing that a person notices about anyone in the room is how they carry themselves. Every bit of movement you make, although not as noticeable as you think, is actually being processed by other people’s subconscious.
#1 Stand tall. Nobody wants to approach a person that slouches or looks like their back hurts. Bad posture shows a lack of confidence. Aside from that, it’s bad for your body.
#2 Do not cross anything. Don’t cross your arms, your legs, your hands or your ankles. Find a comfortable position that doesn’t come off as being too guarded.
#3 Move your hands when you talk in an open manner. When speaking to someone, make sure that your arms look like they’re gesturing to welcome others or to urge them come closer.
#4 Keep your chin up. It’s the same concept as slouching. Keeping your head down makes you look like you’re unsure of yourself or hiding something.
#5 Face the person you’re talking to or the person you want to approach you. It’s basically a sign that says, “I choose you.” It’s a simple move that signals to a person that you’re interested in them.
[Read: 12 things guys like in a girl besides her appearance]
Show those pearly whites
Smiling is a pretty safe gesture that shows a person that you’re open and friendly. It’s a sign of good will and signals to a person that you’re willing to engage them in conversation. In terms of being approachable, make sure that you’re smiling with the people you’re already with. If you’re alone, try not to frown or scowl. Resting bitch face is not an attractive feature.
Make eye contact
Studies show that eye contact has a bigger impact than people assume. It actually allows people to create deeper connections and makes them more memorable. Keeping eye contact shows that you’re confident and assertive. These are two of the most important traits that make a person seem approachable. [Read: The all-in woman’s guide to making eye contact]
Know how to enjoy yourself
If you want to be the most approachable girl at the bar, you can’t just sit there and wait for it to happen. You have to stop thinking about it, and do what you came to do in the first place, and that is to have fun.
Stop thinking about whether or not someone will approach you. No one talks to the fidgety girl who keeps looking around and waiting for someone to talk to them. Get lost in your world. Have fun with your friends. Be happy and enjoy the night because the people who notice that you’re having fun are the ones who will definitely approach you.
What to do when someone approaches you
When someone does decide to approach you, it does not mean that you’re supposed to revert back to being shy and reserved. Keep the conversation going and prove to that person that you are worth approaching.
#1 Keep smiling. Someone said hi! Why wouldn’t you smile? The only reason why you should frown is when the person who approached you turned out to be an asshole. If they’re nice and polite, reward their efforts with your time and a winning smile.
#2 Answer politely, but reply with a question of your own. Talking to a stranger can be intimidating, but you don’t have to be nervous about it. Talk about anything you want, and don’t forget to ask them open-ended questions as well.
#3 Laugh at their jokes, or try to make them laugh. Humor is always a winning trait. Keep the conversation light, and whip out a healthy dose of wit.
#4 Be genuinely interested. Don’t pretend to like a person just because you enjoy being approached. That guy probably had to get up the courage to talk to someone as awesome as you. If you don’t like him that way, it won’t hurt to make a new friend and connection. [Read: 9 silly things women do to attract awful guys]
#5 Know when to end the conversation if it doesn’t work out. Being approachable has its perks, but it also has its downsides. You might be approached by people that you’re not interested in. You don’t need to waste anyone’s time if you’re not into them. Politely decline their advances, and continue to enjoy your night.
[Read: 13 ways to be more approachable to guys]
You should want to look approachable at the bar so that the people there will be more inclined to make a connection with you. It doesn’t have to be just about finding romantic relationships. It can also open you up to possible connections with new friends, acquaintances, and colleagues.
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