19 Flirty, Bold Ways to Get a Guy to Approach You & Talk to You If You’re Shy

If you are too shy to approach your crush, you need to know how to get a guy to talk to you. Here are 19 effective ways to get his attention.

Get a Guy to Approach You and talk to you

Some people waltz right up to a person they find attractive and flat-out tell them, then proceed to ask them out without an inkling of fear or uncertainty. But if you’re here reading this, that might not be you. While some women can approach any guy they like, other people can’t even look at someone they like because of their debilitating shyness. If this is you, you need to know how to get a guy to talk to you.

So how do the shyest of the shy snag a significant other? Well, they master the art of getting a guy to talk to them instead of being the first person to break the ice.

This way works better because they already know if the other person is interested, due to them talking first, and so the fear of rejection is minimized.

How to get a guy to talk to you

If you’re like a lot of people, then you usually watch your crush from afar, daydreaming about a time when you would push all insecurities aside, stride right up to him, and tell him how you feel. But then you snap back into reality once they start turning in your direction. [Read: The truth behind why guys like shy girls and find them totally attractive]

If you’re shy and can’t find the courage to make the first move with your crush, let them do it! But in order to get a guy to talk to you, you’ll need to follow some of these tried and true tricks. They’ll get him approaching you in no time.

1. Give him eye contact

Nothing says, “I’m interested in you,” like eye contact from across the bar. If you really want him to come to talk to you, then you have to show him you’re available and into him.

If you’re never looking in his general direction, he’s not going to think you’re approachable. [Read: The all-in woman’s guide to making eye contact with men]

An even better tactic – glance over at him and then look away once you catch his attention. Doing this multiple times for an hour or so will send him the message that you’re checking him out. That’s an automatic in for him, and he’ll take that opportunity.

2. Smile at him

This is a great way to get a guy to talk to you. If you’re just blankly looking at him, he might think you’re spacing out or looking at someone behind him.

To really send the right message across, show off your adorable smile and draw him in. It’s a fact men are more attracted to women who smile than those who do not.

So show those pearly whites while you’re making eye contact. It’s basically a big red arrow over your head telling him to make his move. It also makes you look more positive, and any man would rather approach a happy-looking woman than someone who’s frowning. [Read: Things guys love about a girl beyond her appearance]

3. Wave at him

If the smile and eye contact aren’t enough, wave at him. If you really want him to talk to you, the wave is extremely effective.

Sure, it is hard for the extremely shy. But sometimes, it’s hard to tell who someone is looking at, and he could dismiss your gazes thinking they’re meant for someone else.

Be cute with your wave too. Don’t just flop your hand around in the air. Give him a little shy wave once you know you’ve got his attention. Just a little wave of your fingers is enough to have him excusing himself from his group and coming over to talk to you. [Read: The art of getting a guy’s attention in any circumstance]

4. Talk to his friends

This trick is for those who aren’t quite as shy as others. If you don’t think you can handle talking to him right away, just say something to one of the friends he arrived with.

It doesn’t have to be a pick-up line—he might get the wrong idea. But if you just butt in and mention how great the music is to his friend, he might take that opening to talk to you as well.

Be cautious with this plan of attack, because it might be misinterpreted. Don’t give the man you’re after the wrong idea that you’re interested in his friend. He doesn’t want to be a cock block! [Read: How to get a guy to ask you out in 9 sneaky ways]

5. Walk past him sexily

Every woman should master the art of walking past a man in a fashion that makes him turn his neck and watch her go. Find an opening and walk slowly but powerfully while swaying your hips. Right before you pass him, draw your eyes up to his and wait until they connect.

Then walk past him briskly so he catches the scent of your perfume. If he doesn’t follow you like a lost puppy after that, he just might not be interested in pursuing you because this tactic almost always works. [Read: 18 physical turn-ons that arouse a guy instantly]

6. Drop something on purpose

This technique is almost as old as they come. Playing up the old damsel-in-distress act is a great way to get a man to approach you. Simply walk past him *preferably in a sexy manner* and drop something important as you do.

One way to make this look not-so-obvious is to be taking something, like your cell phone, out of your purse as you walk by and have something else pop out with it. Make sure it’s something important enough that he feels the need to chase you down.

7. Buy him a drink

Again, this is a rather bold option, even if you’re not talking to him, but, it has a really high success rate. If a guy you fancy is at the bar and too busy chatting with friends to have noticed you, ask the bartender to send him over another drink, on you. 

He’ll obviously ask the bartender where it came from and feel the need to thank you in person. This not only gets him over to you, but it shows him immediately you’re interested in him. He couldn’t ask for a better opening!

8. Make yourself available

A guy isn’t going to approach you and talk to you first if you’re surrounded by five of your girlfriends. It’s intimidating and nobody wants their pick-up lines put on display like that.

If you’re going out for the purpose of meeting guys and want to get a guy to talk to you, only bring one other friend with you. This eliminates his struggle of getting past the friends in order to get to you. And for the love of all that is right in this world, do NOT bring a guy with you. [Read: Charming ways to be a lot more approachable to guys]

9. Look great! 

Nothing says, “I want guys to talk to me tonight,” like dressing up in your best attire. You want to look hot if you want a man to approach you. Sure, a guy’s interest in you for your looks may seem superficial, but the first impression they have of you matters.

So don’t go out in just jeans and a t-shirt. While some guys might think this is attractive, the majority are going to think you’re married or not looking to meet men. Throw on some heels, a sexy red lip, and your tightest dress. [Read: Physical attraction tips to look way hotter instantly]

10. Look like you’re having more fun than he is

It’s human nature to want to be included in anything looking fun. If you’re playing darts or another game at a party, make sure he knows how much of a good time you’re having.

He’ll want to be a part of the fun and if the fun looks to be you, he’ll talk to you. If you want to get a guy to talk to you, this great technique for the shy allows you to focus on having fun and not so much on the cute guy. But at the same time, you’re still attracting him.

11. Have a plan

All situations are different, and so are all guys. So, depending on what context you are in, you will need a different plan. You’ll need to approach it in different ways if you work with him versus if you just see him in a crowded bar. [Read: How to talk to a guy – 34 secrets to sweet talk and make him like you]

It also depends on his personality. If he’s outgoing and social, you can just be straightforward and make a joke if you’re in a group of people. But if he’s shy, that wouldn’t go over too well. The point is that you should have something prepared ahead of time, but don’t make it sound scripted.

12. Ask him a question

If you know a little bit about him, then hopefully you can find out a little bit about what he likes. A lot of guys like sports, music, or video games. Look him up on social media and see what he posts and talks about.

Once you know what he likes, then you can ask him a question about it. This makes it sound like you have something in common with him. Simply asking questions about something he like will make him talk to you.

You could say something like, “Hey I heard you like golf, and I was wondering what kind of clubs I should buy?” [Read: 41 casual conversation starters to use with a guy to get him talking]

13. Have a wing-woman

It’s always great to have a partner in crime. So, have one of your friends start off talking to him if you’re too nervous to do it. It helps if your friend already knows this guy.

If you don’t know anyone who knows him, then grab one of your outgoing friends and ask for some assistance.

When your friend talks to him, have them talk you up. Have your friend bring you up in a few conversations and tell him how great you are. This will arouse his curiosity and he will probably want to meet you. 

14. Be direct

Guys don’t always pick up on hints. In fact, he might not see how amazing you are unless you show him. If he says something that’s really funny, you should tell him that it was. Guys love it when you give them compliments. [Read: How to start a conversation with your crush – the secrets to impress]

A lot of guys with a good sense of humor also like sarcasm, so you could use that approach as well. They love it when a girl is funny and she can joke around with him.

15. Be yourself

You don’t want to create an alter ego in order to get a guy to talk to you. Always be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not – even if you think that “version” of you is “better” and that he would like you more.

You should always be yourself because that’s who you are! If he starts to like a fake version of you, then he will be confused when your real personality emerges *and it will*. So make him like you for you. [Read: How to be yourself – 26 steps to unfake your life and love being you]

How to get a guy to talk to you on social media

16. Follow his social media account

If you want to get a guy to talk to you on social media, then you first need to follow him. Investigate what he posts and talks about so you can get to know more about him. But don’t follow him on all of his social media because then you will look like a stalker.

Follow the account where he has the most followers or where he’s the most active. The reason you want to do it that way is that you can blend in a little better but still get his attention. He might even follow you back.

17. Don’t post a lot of selfies

A lot of girls think that guys love seeing their selfies. But guys aren’t really into it as much as girls are. Sure, it’s a habit for a lot of people, but it can really annoy followers. You don’t want him to think you are narcissistic, because that’s not attractive. [Read: How to take a good selfie and look cute every time you snap a photo]

So, you want to update your profile and even delete some things that will give him the wrong impression about you. Make sure there’s nothing you don’t want him to see on there.

18. Comment and interact with him

If and when he posts on his social media accounts, make comments. But make sure that you are not always the first to comment all the time. You don’t want him thinking that all you do all day is watch him. That’s creepy.

But make sure your comments are funny and lighthearted. You want to get his attention, so try to use humor so he is tempted to interact with you.

The more the two of you interact on social media, the more likely you can move it to one-on-one talking. [Read: How to stalk on social media and find exactly what you’re looking for]

19. Use your mutual friends to your advantage

If you and the guy that you want to talk to have mutual friends, then that is great. What’s even better is if your friends actually know him better than you do. You can find more about him from them, and maybe they can connect the two of you on social media.

You can also get his attention by asking your mutual friends to post about you on their accounts. For example, when you hang out, have them post pictures of the two of you together. That way, he can notice you through them if you’re too shy to do it yourself.

[Read: Does he know I like him? 18 signs he knows you have a crush on him]

Being shy and knowing how to get a guy to talk to you is one of the hardest things out there. But with these tips, you’ll be drawing them in!

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...