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Lesbian Bed Death: 10 Alluring Ways to Bring Back the Spark

lesbian bed death

Lesbian bed death isn’t always a sign that your relationship is ruined. These 10 tips can help bring yours and your partner’s intimacy back to life.

While lesbians aren’t the only ones who face a declining frequency of sex in long term relationships, the term was coined for a variety of reasons. Lesbians tend to be satisfied with other expressions of love, like cuddling, kissing, and spending quality time together.

Sometimes, lesbian couples don’t even realize how much time has passed since they’ve had sex. This isn’t a sign that your relationship is flawed or that your partner doesn’t love or desire you, but that you’ve fallen into a rut that plagues both lesbian and heterosexual couples.

Lower frequency of sex in lesbian relationships doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Sometimes everything else in the relationship is flourishing, and the only thing lacking is the frequency of sex. A declining sex drive usually comes down to the fact that not all women have similar libidos, and some women simply have bigger sexual appetites than others.

When you throw hormone fluctuations, body image issues, and monthly periods into that mix, sexual appetites can vary drastically. Regardless what the underlying issues are, there are a variety of ways you can improve your relationship and perform sex life CPR.

10 ways to overcome lesbian bed death and leave the rut behind

#1 Keep the communication flowing. Effective communication is essential for any healthy relationship to grow and flourish. A woman’s arousal usually begins in her mind, so by engaging in stimulating, fun conversation, you can keep the spark alive. Laugh often, and talk about what you love about each other regularly. Practice being more vocally appreciative of one another.

When women feel appreciated and special, they will also feel more open to being intimate. It’s also important to talk about any fantasies and sexual practices you’d like to try. This will help your partner feel included in your fantasies, instead of feeling like an outsider with separate sexual needs. Communication helps the cohesiveness of your partnership, and ensures that your bond remains as strong as it was in the beginning. [Read: 20 sexy text messages to start a naughty conversation]

#2 Be romantic. Oftentimes in relationships, partners will be very romantic at the beginning, and will slowly become less and less romantic as the relationship progresses. Partners often feel the comfort and security of a growing relationship is a replacement for romance. Some women need to feel romanced in order to get in the mood, whereas others merely need a physical nudge.

Romantic gestures, like candlelight dinners, bubble baths for two, and surprise love notes are a great way to start infusing the romance into your relationship again. These things will help show your partner that you are still trying to win her over and show her that the romantic feelings have not dissipated. [Read: 13 naughty date ideas to add a sexy sizzle to romance]

#3 Foreplay around the clock. Foreplay shouldn’t be overlooked when it comes to sex, and it shouldn’t only be used right before sex. Initiating foreplay at any time of the day shows that you desire your partner, so that by the time you get to the right moment, you’ll need little more than a nudge to light her proverbial fire.

#4 Spontaneity. Being spontaneous and playful in your relationship with each other will help nurture excitement and closeness. Leaving little notes and giving gifts out of the blue will ensure that your partner always knows that she is special to you and on your mind. Doing your best to bring spontaneity into your relationship will also keep the fires burning in the bedroom, and inspire both of you to try new things. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]

#5 Keep some mystery. Maintaining a certain level of mystery in your relationship helps keep things alive and fresh. When your partner knows all there is to know, there is always the chance of growing bored. As mentioned in the last point, maintaining some mystery and throwing a curve ball here and there will make sure the relationship never goes stale. Take up a new hobby or change your hairstyle, for example, to show your partner that you aren’t predictable or stagnant.

#6 Maintain your self esteem. Feeling bad about yourself isn’t the best way to feel sexy and turned on. Your partner may love you the way you are, but if you are constantly bashing your appearance or not allowing your partner to see you naked, you might be causing her attempts to come to a screeching halt.

She may even end up feeling rejected and not want to initiate after being turned down. Take care of your body and appearance; although you are in love, that doesn’t mean your partner wouldn’t like to see you dress up once in a while. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 super sexy ways]

#7 Keep the intimacy alive. Intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship. Without regular displays of intimacy and affection, such as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and quiet time together, the interest in sex will be lacking altogether. Intimacy in all of its forms is essential for arousal and helps stoke the fire of sexual desire.

#8 Take a vacation. Some well-deserved one-on-one time can help re-ignite the passionate feelings that brought the two of you together in the first place—even if it’s just to a hotel in a tourist trap, to get you out of your usual atmosphere and feed your fantasy. This special time spent together can truly refresh your relationship and enhance your sexual bond. [Read: 10 things a sex vacation can do for your sex life]

#9 Spend time apart. While this might seem counterproductive, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Spending time alone will help strengthen feelings of admiration and love for each other. When you spend too much time together, you are never quite alone with your thoughts, and don’t have time to miss the other person.

#10 Spice it up. When it comes down to the nitty-gritty, there are a variety of ways you can bring “lesbian bed death” crashing down. Introduce toys into your sex life, or take a trip to the sex store. Talk to each other about your fantasies and work to make them a reality. [Read: 50 exciting kinky sex ideas that’s definitely worth trying]

Role playing, trying on different outfits, watching porn together, and acting out certain fantasy scenarios can all do wonders for bringing the excitement back into your sex life. Making efforts to turn your partner on regularly, and aim to fulfill their sexual desires, will only create a longer and stronger relationship.

[Read: 15 big lesbian myths that many people still believe]

A fading sex life can affect any relationship, but it’s not always an indication of an unhappy relationship. However, when one or both partners’ sexual needs are left unmet, it can lead to trouble in paradise and the infamous lesbian bed death. And these tips help nurture an active and regular sex life, while taking your relationship to new levels of intimacy.

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One thought on “Lesbian Bed Death: 10 Alluring Ways to Bring Back the Spark”

  1. Jasmine S says:

    Lesbian relationships are the best because there is not sex to complicate things.When a man is involved there is always his sex drive forcing the woman to satisfy his needs but with two women you do not have that.Women do not have sexual desire.Women only want an emotional connection so there is no sex and no problems that come with it.The things men think about lesbians are disgusting.Men think lesbians have sex with eachother but that is a male fantasy.With women not having any sex drive why would they carry out that act?Two women having sex is something that happens only in the media dominated by twisted white male minds.Females have no sex drive which means no sex.They can not have an orgasm either so there is no point in sexual activity other than to get money from a man or to have a child.

  2. Rich says:

    Just like straight people, all lesbians like different things. I’ve been with four girls, and they have all liked different things. Some girls like penetration, but not all like dildos. Some prefer fingers. A lot of girls like oral, but not all. Some like giving it, but not receiving it. I didn’t like Blue is the Warmest Color because it was so obviously directed by a man. I found myself going “that’s wrong”, “that wouldn’t feel good”. Of course I can’t speak for all lesbians, but in my experience, the movie was not great. This article is surprisingly good in describing lesbian sex. What it comes down to is lesbians are people too, and like all people, we like different things. What we aren’t though are objects for men to look at, and that’s the major problem people have as a misconception.

  3. Bed says:

    COMMUNICATE. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Communicate until the word communicate doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore. And then keep communicating. Find out what she likes. Tell her what you like. Dirty talk, hair pulling, biting, anal play, strapons, tribbing

  4. commando says:

    I was a pretty awkward kid growing up and wasn’t very good at all with the ladies, but I got pretty horny sometimes and just wanted, I don’t know, anything. When I was 12 I was on a Camping trip with these two other kids, one my age one a year younger. We ended up doing some pretty sexual stuff in the tent, we didn’t kiss or touch each others dicks or what not, but we did rub our bodies together and I can remember my penis (still in my pants) on the crack of one of the boys butts. I felt like shit about it for a whole year afterwards. I know I was 12, and probably not thinking clearly when I did what I did. It didn’t help that I was a genuinely unpopular kid who was already bullied pretty hardcore, so the fear that someone might find out about my experience caused me incredible anxiety, and I avoided those two boys at all costs. Things eventually got better. I’ve never told anyone about it, but I’ve come to realize it wasn’t anything past some kids making a bad choice, and one that didn’t get repeated. It kind of helps that we didn’t do anything extreme. If my first kiss had been with one of them, or if we’d taken our clothes off at any point, I’d probably have a different opinion on it. My second problem developed from the fact that I have a foot fetish. When I was in High School, I became much more social and gained a wide spectrum of friends, but that didn’t make getting a relationship any easier. I was just very awkward around girls I liked and had no Idea how to tell one that I liked them, and I had no moves. My family had been friends with this other family for several years, and I was really good friends with one of their kids who was only a year younger than me. One day, when I was 14, we were hanging out and I jokingly touched his foot. Now, I had the fetish and everything, but this was meant to be a harmless joke. The second I touched it, that stopped though. He didn’t seem that freaked out, and I realized I had just kind of fulfilled my fetish. I kept touching his feet throughout the night, and eventually told him about my fetish. He was totally cool with fulfilling it, and every time I went over there we would find a way for him to get his feet close enough to me to play with them without other people realizing. When I was 15 he started playing back. He’d move my feet near him, and we’d just rub and play with each others feet, take each others socks off, etc. When I was 16 we started sniffing and licking each others feet. Things were getting pretty sexual at this point, and we often would seperate after our sessions to masturbate. After the licking started, when it started getting sexual, I felt awful, and I mean absolutely awful, after every single time we did it. I felt dirty, I felt gross, and I could feel the sexual tension deteriorating our old friendship. We were basically no longer friends, just two guys who licked each others feet and didn’t do anything else. This was all compounded by the fact that I wasn’t gay, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t either (?) so I felt extremely confused everytime it happened as well. Despite all these negative feelings, I couldn’t stop myself in the moment. I had no girlfriend, and I had sexual needs I couldn’t control in the moment. So we did what we did, and I felt awful every single time. When I went to college I met my girlfriend and she’s absolutely the love of my life. She knows about all this, including my foot fetish and the “relationship” with the boy and she’s very understanding about it all. I love her with all my heart, and it feels so good to have someone I can confide in and who understands me without judging me. The kid tried to initiate some feet stuff one last time about 6 months into the relationship with my girlfriend. I almost gave in, but I stopped myself cause I wouldn’t do that kind of a thing to her. The problem? Me and the guy were on a family vacation with our families, and he was over at our house a lot. I didn’t want to be alone with him, and I felt like a prisoner in my own house. So that’s my story. Other than that kind of dark stuff I’m a pretty average guy, and I feel like I really lucked out to have found the girlfriend that I did rather than allowed destructive relationships like this to continue.

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