While lesbians aren’t the only ones who face a declining frequency of sex in long term relationships, the term was coined for a variety of reasons. Lesbians tend to be satisfied with other expressions of love, like cuddling, kissing, and spending quality time together.
Sometimes, lesbian couples don’t even realize how much time has passed since they’ve had sex. This isn’t a sign that your relationship is flawed or that your partner doesn’t love or desire you, but that you’ve fallen into a rut that plagues both lesbian and heterosexual couples.
Lower frequency of sex in lesbian relationships doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. Sometimes everything else in the relationship is flourishing, and the only thing lacking is the frequency of sex. A declining sex drive usually comes down to the fact that not all women have similar libidos, and some women simply have bigger sexual appetites than others.
When you throw hormone fluctuations, body image issues, and monthly periods into that mix, sexual appetites can vary drastically. Regardless what the underlying issues are, there are a variety of ways you can improve your relationship and perform sex life CPR.
10 ways to overcome lesbian bed death and leave the rut behind
#1 Keep the communication flowing. Effective communication is essential for any healthy relationship to grow and flourish. A woman’s arousal usually begins in her mind, so by engaging in stimulating, fun conversation, you can keep the spark alive. Laugh often, and talk about what you love about each other regularly. Practice being more vocally appreciative of one another.
When women feel appreciated and special, they will also feel more open to being intimate. It’s also important to talk about any fantasies and sexual practices you’d like to try. This will help your partner feel included in your fantasies, instead of feeling like an outsider with separate sexual needs. Communication helps the cohesiveness of your partnership, and ensures that your bond remains as strong as it was in the beginning. [Read: 20 sexy text messages to start a naughty conversation]
#2 Be romantic. Oftentimes in relationships, partners will be very romantic at the beginning, and will slowly become less and less romantic as the relationship progresses. Partners often feel the comfort and security of a growing relationship is a replacement for romance. Some women need to feel romanced in order to get in the mood, whereas others merely need a physical nudge.
Romantic gestures, like candlelight dinners, bubble baths for two, and surprise love notes are a great way to start infusing the romance into your relationship again. These things will help show your partner that you are still trying to win her over and show her that the romantic feelings have not dissipated. [Read: 13 naughty date ideas to add a sexy sizzle to romance]
#3 Foreplay around the clock. Foreplay shouldn’t be overlooked when it comes to sex, and it shouldn’t only be used right before sex. Initiating foreplay at any time of the day shows that you desire your partner, so that by the time you get to the right moment, you’ll need little more than a nudge to light her proverbial fire.
#4 Spontaneity. Being spontaneous and playful in your relationship with each other will help nurture excitement and closeness. Leaving little notes and giving gifts out of the blue will ensure that your partner always knows that she is special to you and on your mind. Doing your best to bring spontaneity into your relationship will also keep the fires burning in the bedroom, and inspire both of you to try new things. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]
#5 Keep some mystery. Maintaining a certain level of mystery in your relationship helps keep things alive and fresh. When your partner knows all there is to know, there is always the chance of growing bored. As mentioned in the last point, maintaining some mystery and throwing a curve ball here and there will make sure the relationship never goes stale. Take up a new hobby or change your hairstyle, for example, to show your partner that you aren’t predictable or stagnant.
#6 Maintain your self esteem. Feeling bad about yourself isn’t the best way to feel sexy and turned on. Your partner may love you the way you are, but if you are constantly bashing your appearance or not allowing your partner to see you naked, you might be causing her attempts to come to a screeching halt.
She may even end up feeling rejected and not want to initiate after being turned down. Take care of your body and appearance; although you are in love, that doesn’t mean your partner wouldn’t like to see you dress up once in a while. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 super sexy ways]
#7 Keep the intimacy alive. Intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship. Without regular displays of intimacy and affection, such as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and quiet time together, the interest in sex will be lacking altogether. Intimacy in all of its forms is essential for arousal and helps stoke the fire of sexual desire.
#8 Take a vacation. Some well-deserved one-on-one time can help re-ignite the passionate feelings that brought the two of you together in the first place—even if it’s just to a hotel in a tourist trap, to get you out of your usual atmosphere and feed your fantasy. This special time spent together can truly refresh your relationship and enhance your sexual bond. [Read: 10 things a sex vacation can do for your sex life]
#9 Spend time apart. While this might seem counterproductive, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Spending time alone will help strengthen feelings of admiration and love for each other. When you spend too much time together, you are never quite alone with your thoughts, and don’t have time to miss the other person.
#10 Spice it up. When it comes down to the nitty-gritty, there are a variety of ways you can bring “lesbian bed death” crashing down. Introduce toys into your sex life, or take a trip to the sex store. Talk to each other about your fantasies and work to make them a reality. [Read: 50 exciting kinky sex ideas that’s definitely worth trying]
Role playing, trying on different outfits, watching porn together, and acting out certain fantasy scenarios can all do wonders for bringing the excitement back into your sex life. Making efforts to turn your partner on regularly, and aim to fulfill their sexual desires, will only create a longer and stronger relationship.
[Read: 15 big lesbian myths that many people still believe]
A fading sex life can affect any relationship, but it’s not always an indication of an unhappy relationship. However, when one or both partners’ sexual needs are left unmet, it can lead to trouble in paradise and the infamous lesbian bed death. And these tips help nurture an active and regular sex life, while taking your relationship to new levels of intimacy.
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