Have you become so reliant on other people for sex that you have forget the importance of learning how to have sex with yourself? It’s possible. Most people end up going down this route. Having sex with other people is great, as we all know, but knowing how to arouse and turn yourself on is a great source of knowledge for when you’re in your bed alone or with someone. If nothing else, it feels good!
No one else knows your body better than you. This is just a simple fact. So, why not spend some time and get to know it before someone else does? [Read: 10 masturbation toys way better than your hand]
Most of us lack a little confidence in the bedroom from time to time. Even if you’re swinging from the rafters most of the time, there will always be occasions when you’re feeling a little bloated and sex is the last thing you want to do. That’s fine, that’s totally normal. However, when body confidence and general sex confidence gets in the way of you enjoying your sex life, you need to address the situation.
It all comes down to confidence. You cannot enjoy sex with someone if you don’t know what you enjoy. Otherwise, you’re just relying upon them to somehow magically know. They’re not psychic, after all. If you don’t know, how can you expect them to? [Read: How to be more sexual and fall in love with the sexy side of you]
By learning how to have sex with yourself, you’re treating yourself to a real confidence boost, but you’re also putting a smile on your own face. Masturbation is healthy! It’s like a naughty little secret only you know, and it will make you feel happier, healthier, more attractive, and more confident. Yes, all of that from learning how to use your own hand, or a toy to help you out!
Once your confidence in your own sexual enjoyment grows, you’ll want to try new things with your partner. That’s fantastic for keeping the spark in your relationship and bonding the two of you together in intimate and beautiful ways. [Read: 12 Easy ways to keep intimacy alive in a relationship]
Having sex with yourself is simply learning what turns your body on. Masturbation is completely normal and healthy, so, when you feel aroused, don’t be afraid to masturbate in order to relieve sexual tension within you. It’s important to relieve this tension as it rebalances you emotionally and mentally.
So, now that you know why you should do it, it’s time to teach you how to do it. Trust us, it’s the best fun you can have alone. [Read: How do you masturbate? 13 Different ways to b a hands-on pro]
You probably won’t masturbate in your living room if you live at home with your parents. If you want to learn how to have sex with yourself, find a quiet spot where you’re not going to be disturbed. If your house is full of people, then wait until the house is empty or when everyone is sleeping. The last thing you want is someone walking in on you. [Read: 11 solo sex positions you need to try out on yourself]
If people are calling you and sending you texts, you’re going to answer. Which, in any normal circumstance is good, however, now is not the time to answer your phone.
During this time with yourself, you need to connect with yourself. Having a phone ringing will simply distract you. So, remove yourself from any distractions such as your phone, TV, or laptop. That is unless you want to play music or watch porn. [Read: How to give yourself an orgasm: 15 sizzling hot tips]
I know you’ve probably been told by people that you need to get a vibrator or dildo, and they’re not wrong, you can totally get one. However, it’s always nice to start off with your hands. Maybe I’m just old school but it’s like training wheels for bikes. You need to know how to use your hands to arouse yourself before you can take it to the final frontier… dick.
You want to get yourself aroused and in the mood for sex before you start to masturbate. Now, it can be tricky because everyone has their own needs and desires. So, I can’t really tell you what will arouse you because, at the end of the day, you’re the only one who knows.
But, I’ll give you some common ideas. Many people read erotic books, watch porn, or simply fantasize about something. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex: Get horny & beat the dry spell]
Now, for the start, keep it basic until you start exploring your vagina more and seeing what works and what doesn’t. So, start off by stroking your vagina with your fingers. Stroke the labia, vagina, and clitoris as these are the areas which are stimulated by touch. It may take you a couple minutes, so, take your time.
Once you’ve stroked your vagina and worked yourself into arousal, then it’s time for you to start using your fingers. By the time you’ve reached this point, you should be already aroused which means you’ll be wet.
You’ll then want use your fingers to rub the wetness, making your fingers wet as well. Then, you’ll take those fingers and enter them into your vagina. But, make sure they’re wet or else it’ll feel uncomfortable. From there, you can use your fingers to move in and out, massaging the inner area of the vagina or press against the vaginal walls. [Read: 15 tips to guide your fingers for maximum pleasure]
If you take your hand and move it down from your stomach to vagina, your clitoris will be the first part of your vagina. It’s extremely sensitive and will most likely give you a tingling sensation when you touch it. You’ll want to rub your fingers very gently over it and then, with time, apply different pressures to it, finding out which pressure stimulates you the most. Keep rubbing it, and you’ll eventually orgasm.
To learn what stimulates your body and mind, you’re going to need to try different things. So, use your fingers to explore how deep or shallow you like it. Ask yourself, do you like it slow or fast? Any particular angle? What combination works best? Answer these questions by paying attention to how your body reacts.
Seriously, don’t forget to make sure the vagina is wet prior to masturbating. If you’re not aroused enough to produce your own lubricant, it’ll be dry and painful. You can also use lubricant which will also make everything more sensitive, which is exactly what you want. [Read: How to get yourself all lubed up]
Your body knows what it likes and what it doesn’t, so when masturbating, actually listen to your body’s reaction. If you’re not feeling stimulated in a certain angle, your body doesn’t like it. If you feeling tingling sensations, trembling, and butterflies in your stomach then your body is telling you it wants more.
Now, you can or can not use a sex toy, it’s really up to you. You can use a dildo or vibrator during your masturbation. Make sure you have some lube for it but once you turn it on, rub the outside of your vagina with it, slowly making yourself wet. Then, slide it in you when you’re ready. [Read: 13 homemade sex toys you have to try]
Try masturbating with your partner. It can be really arousing to watch your partner masturbate at the same time as you. So, face your partner and just start masturbating. There’s the “look but can’t touch” element which is also stimulating.
Learning to have sex with yourself can include sex toys, porn, erotic fiction, audio clips, anything that gets you hot and allows you to explore when you’re totally in the mood. However, for the beginner, choosing a sex toy to explore with can be a difficult process.
The good news is that it’s easier than ever before to buy your own sex toy, thanks to the Internet! Simply choose a reputable site and explore to your heart’s content. You don’t even need to worry about anyone knowing when it’s delivered, as they’re usually despatched in anonymous packaging. [Read: 13 Must-have couple’s sex toys for naughty first-timers]
When you first start looking at sex toys, you’ll notice that there are some huge and rather worrisome looking contraptions. Don’t go for them to start with! Instead go with something small and relatively easy to use. You’ll find all different shapes and sizes of vibrators and they’re packaged to be easy to hold, easy to use, and also pretty easy on the eye these days. If a dildo is more your thing, again, look for something that doesn’t terrify you when you first see it.
If you want to be able to explore the world of toys in your masturbation efforts, you need to be comfortable with what you’re using. Thankfully, there’s plenty of choice out there these days, as sex toys are super-mainstream. Most people own one, you know!
[Read: How to masturbate with these sexy, self-pleasure tips]
Now that you know how to have sex with yourself, it’s time you gave it a try. Find a quiet and safe place and let yourself go.
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