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41 Self-Pleasure Secrets to Give Yourself an Orgasm & Have Sex with Yourself

If you want to learn how to have sex with yourself, it’s not that difficult. Plus, it helps you figure out what you like so you can tell your partner, too! 

How to Give Yourself an Orgasm - self pleasure tips - have sex with yourself

Have you become so reliant on other people for sex that you have forgotten the importance of learning how to have sex with yourself? It’s possible. 

Most people end up going down this route. Having sex with other people is great, as we all know, but knowing how to arouse and turn yourself on is a great source of knowledge for when you’re in your bed alone or with someone. 

If nothing else, it feels good!

No one else knows your body better than you. This is just a simple fact. So, why not spend some time and get to know it before someone else does? [Read: Masturbation toys way better than your hand]

Boost your bedroom confidence on your own first of all

Most of us lack a little confidence in the bedroom from time to time. Even if you’re swinging from the rafters most of the time, there will always be occasions when you’re feeling a little bloated and sex is the last thing you want to do. 

That’s fine, that’s totally normal. However, when body confidence and general sex confidence get in the way of you enjoying your sex life, you need to address the situation. 

It all comes down to confidence. You cannot enjoy sex with someone if you don’t know what you enjoy. Otherwise, you’re just relying upon them to somehow magically know. [Read: How do you masturbate? Different ways to be a hands-on pro]

They’re not psychic, after all. If you don’t know, how can you expect them to?

By learning how to have sex with yourself, you’re not only treating yourself to a real confidence boost, but you’re also putting a smile on your own face. Masturbation is healthy! 

It’s like a naughty little secret only you know, and it will make you feel happier, healthier, more attractive, and more confident. Yes, all of that from learning how to use your own hand, or a toy to help you out! [Read: How to be more sexual and fall in love with the sexy side of you]

Once your confidence in your own sexual enjoyment grows, you’ll want to try new things with your partner. 

That’s fantastic for keeping the spark in your relationship and bonding the two of you together in intimate and beautiful ways.

Why should you learn how to have sex with yourself?

If you’ve never done it before, or have been perfectly happy with clitoral stimulation in your sex life, you may be wondering why in the world anyone would want to climax through digital penetration.

After all, science tells us that up to 80% of women have trouble having an orgasm through penetrative sex. The bottom line? A large majority of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. 

If you want to try something different to pleasure yourself instead of just using your fingers, here’s a full guide on pillow humping and how to masturbate using just your pillow to get you warmed up to the act.

But, if you want to know how to pleasure yourself with your fingers, here are the most common reasons you should give this a go: 

1. Curiosity

Probably the number one reason girls learn how to finger themselves is out of curiosity. We’re taught that this is the epicenter of sex. This is where the magic happens. 

Just don’t be too disappointed that fireworks aren’t going off the first time you do it. Many women enjoy the feeling of being fingered, but many do not. [Read: Easy ways to keep intimacy alive in a relationship]

It’s all about personal preference, so get curious and find out what you like.

2. Preparation for sex

Did you ever have the one friend who just had to use a tampon instead of a pad because she was determined to get rid of her hymen before she had sex? This is common among teenage girls. 

It goes along with the thought that fingering yourself will give you a better idea of what sex is going to feel like *which is not even close!* 

And the hope that breaking the hymen before partner penetration will make sex more enjoyable. [Read: How I lost my virginity – 15 stories that are not so sexy]

3. Pleasure

Especially for those who have already experienced penetration, fingering yourself can add an extra element to masturbation. A lot of girls like the feeling of being “filled up” while they are stimulating their clit.

If we’re being honest, a toy or a penis does a much better job of this, but when in lieu, your warm fingers will do the trick. [Read: Clever and convenient things lying at home to masturbate with]

What you’re looking for when learning how to have sex with yourself using your fingers

For those who have never fingered themselves before, you may have a couple of questions about the inside of your vagina. 

For example, what does it feel like? Press your tongue against the side of your cheek where it feels the slickest and rubbery. This is what the inside of your vagina feels like… only with ridges. 

Where is the G-spot? Does it exist? Here’s what you’re looking for when you enter the cave of wonders. [Read: What does a vagina feel like? 21 confessions from men]

1. Find your G-spot

The G-spot is still a hot-button topic that has people asking, “Does this thing really exist?” Many girls and studies say the G-spot is just a myth

Still, others insist this padded wall inside your vagina is the absolute pleasure zone. If you’re a believer, the G-spot is allegedly located 2-3 inches inside the vagina, on the wall closest to the stomach. [Read: How to find your G-spot without using a flashlight]

Loyal MD has a fantastic reference photo for finding the G-spot. This area should feel rougher and more rigid than other areas inside. 

Some women feel this area becomes enlarged during arousal and becomes an orgasmic hotspot. But others feel nothing at all!

2. Find the clit

Most people don’t realize that the majority of the clit is found inside the body. So, if you’re looking for an orgasmic experience, use your fingers to locate the bottom half of your clit and start rubbing it with the same motions you would use on your top half.

3. Just explore

In the end, you don’t need a reason to finger yourself. Just explore! 

The best way to find out what’s going to get you off is by exploring your body and seeing what feels good… and what should be avoided. [Read: The 15 sexy benefits of masturbation and going solo]

How to prep your fingers for fingering

Before you learn how to pleasure yourself with your fingers, it’s important to start prepping! Here are two major finger rules to keep in mind before you lube up. [Read: Female masturbation tips for guaranteed orgasmic bliss]

1. Keep your fingers clean

Fingers should be washed before entry, and under your nails should be completely cleaned. Any dirt or bacteria left on your fingers *or anything that goes inside of you* may lead to infection. 

We don’t care how good your orgasm was, nothing is worth the side effects of a yeast infection. [Read: Intense orgasms checklist – moves to guarantee one all the time]

2. Cut your nails short

There’s no way that long talons are going to feel good inside your vagina. Long, sharp, embellished nails are a huge no-no if they’re going up inside you. 

What if a pearl or a bead gets loose and decides to make a forever home in your vagina? Instead of gambling on that horrifying thought, keep your nails trimmed for ultimate pleasure. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]

3. Give lube a try

When you first start learning how to pleasure yourself with your fingers, you might find a little lube helps things along. 

Lube is always a good idea, and it’ll make the whole experience a little more slippery and a little more fun as a result! Coat your fingers in the lube before you insert them and they’ll glide far easier. 

Tips and tricks to have sex with yourself using your fingers

We’ve reached the final destination. Here, you’re going to learn how to pleasure yourself in style. Here are some tips and tricks on fingering yourself with ease. [Read: Female masturbation – 17 facts about the naughty secret]

1. Wait until you’re excited before entering

As with any type of penetration, you should wait until you’re really excited before entering. This will give the vagina time to become aroused and expand to fit your fingers. 

Sure, you can slather yourself with lube and force your way in, but it’s not going to feel as good. Start with clitoral masturbation, and slowly work your way in. [Read: How to make yourself squirt and enjoy your first squirting orgasm]

2. Remember to use lube!

Unless you’ve naturally created a slip ‘n slide in your pants, it’s time to bust out the lube. Use your favorite water-based lube and wet your fingers and your entrance.

3. Spread ’em

Lay back with your back propped on an angle on your comfiest pillows. Spread your legs and get ready. [Read: How to masturbate – all the sexy self-pleasure tips for women]

4. Insert one finger first

Once excited enough, start by inserting your middle finger inside your vagina. Go slowly and start to feel around to see what feels good. Once you’re comfortable, you may choose to insert another finger for added girth.

5. Don’t force it 

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, simply adjust the angle of your fingers. Vaginas aren’t all made the same. For example, women with a tilted uterus may find certain positions or angles uncomfortable during penetration. 

Bottom line? Don’t force it! Penetration is supposed to feel good, so if it doesn’t, or if you’re getting totally squeamish touching the inside of your body, stop. [Read: How to make yourself horny – 25 powerful ways to get you there fast]

6. Play with your clit at the same time

Many women find their orgasms are more intense when they are being penetrated while massaging their clit. Dual stimulation is always best! 

While fingering yourself, use the palm of your hand, a vibrator, or your opposite hand to stimulate your clit at the same time. This makes for leg-tingling, orgasm-worthy dual stimulation. [Read: 16 kinds of touches down there that’ll always leave you hornier and satisfied]

7. Play with positions

If you don’t happen to be super flexible, fingering yourself may not be the most comfortable sexual activity you’ve ever participated in. If this is the case for you, try switching up your positions. 

Laying down with your back propped up is the most comfortable position, but not the most convenient, especially if you have shorter arms.

Sitting on the edge of a chair allows for deeper penetration and easy access to your vagina. Standing up or squatting like you would for cowgirl sex both make for easy reach. [Read: How to masturbate with these sexy, self-pleasure tips]

Experiment with different positions, and find what works best for you.

Other tips for how to have sex with yourself

Having sex with yourself is simply learning what turns your body on. 

Masturbation is completely normal and healthy, so, when you feel aroused, don’t be afraid to masturbate in order to relieve sexual tension within you.

Relieving this tension is important as it rebalances you emotionally and mentally. [Read: How do you masturbate? Different ways to be a hands-on pro]

So, now that you know why you should do it, it’s time to teach you how to do it. Trust us, it’s the best fun you can have alone.

1. Go someplace private

You probably won’t masturbate in your living room if you live at home with your parents. If you want to learn how to have sex with yourself, find a quiet spot where you’re not going to be disturbed. 

If your house is full of people, then wait until the house is empty or when everyone is sleeping. The last thing you want is someone walking in on you. [Read: Solo sex positions you need to try out on yourself]

2. Disconnect yourself from the world and connect with yourself

If people are calling and sending you texts, you’re going to answer. This, in any normal circumstance, is good. However, now is not the time to answer your phone.

During this time with yourself, you need to connect with yourself. Having a phone ringing will simply distract you. 

So, remove yourself from any distractions such as your phone, TV, or laptop. That is unless you want to play music or watch porn. [Read: How to give yourself an orgasm – 15 sizzling hot tips]

3. Get used to your hands

You’ve probably been told by people that you need to get a vibrator or dildo, and they’re not wrong, you can totally get one. However, it’s always nice to start off with your hands. 

It’s like training wheels for bikes. You need to know how to use your hands to arouse yourself before you can take it to the final frontier… dick.

4. Get yourself in the mood first

You want to get yourself aroused and in the mood for sex before you start to masturbate. Now, it can be tricky because everyone has their own needs and desires. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex – get horny & beat the dry spell]

So, you’re the only one who knows what arouses you. But here are some common ideas. Many people read erotic books, watch porn, or simply fantasize about something.

5. Start with gentle stroking motions

When starting, keep it basic until you begin exploring your vagina more and see what works and what doesn’t. So, start by stroking your vagina with your fingers. 

Stroke the labia, vagina, and clitoris as these are the areas that are stimulated by touch. It may take you a couple of minutes, so, take your time. [Read: How to touch yourself – 16 touches that’ll always leave you satisfied]

6. When you’re ready, start using your fingers

Once you’ve stroked your vagina and worked yourself into arousal, then it’s time for you to start using your fingers. By the time you’ve reached this point, you should be already aroused which means you’ll be wet.

You’ll then want to use your fingers to rub the wetness, making your fingers wet as well. Then, you’ll take those fingers and enter them into your vagina. 

But make sure they’re wet or else it’ll feel uncomfortable. From there, you can use your fingers to move in and out, massaging the inner area of the vagina or pressing against the vaginal walls. [Read: 15 tips to guide your fingers for maximum pleasure]

7. Explore your clit

If you take your hand and move it down from your stomach to the vagina, your clitoris will be the first part of your vagina. It’s extremely sensitive and will most likely give you a tingling sensation when you touch it. 

You’ll want to rub your fingers very gently over it and then, with time, apply different pressures to it, finding out which pressure stimulates you the most. Keep rubbing it, and you’ll eventually orgasm.

8. Mix things up a little – We all enjoy different things!

To learn what stimulates your body and mind, you’re going to need to try different things. So, use your fingers to explore how deep or shallow you like it. [Read: 37 health benefits of masturbation, bad side effects, and other must-knows]

Ask yourself, do you like it slow or fast? Any particular angle? What combination works best? Answer these questions by paying attention to how your body reacts.

9. Throw in some lube for extra slip

Seriously, don’t forget to make sure the vagina is wet prior to masturbating. If you’re not aroused enough to produce your own lubricant, it’ll be dry and painful. You can also use a lubricant which will also make everything more sensitive, which is exactly what you want. [Read: How to get yourself all lubed up]

10. Tune in and listen to your body

Your body knows what it likes and what it doesn’t, so when masturbating, actually listen to your body’s reaction. If you’re not feeling stimulated at a certain angle, your body doesn’t like it. 

If you feel tingling sensations, trembling, and butterflies in your stomach then your body is telling you it wants more.

11. Try using a sex toy

Now, you can use a sex toy if you want, it’s really up to you. You can use a dildo or vibrator during your masturbation. 

Make sure you have some lube for it. Once you turn it on, rub the outside of your vagina with it, slowly making yourself wet. Then, slide it in when you’re ready. [Read: Homemade sex toys you have to try]

12. Show your partner what you’ve learned

Try masturbating with your partner. It can be really arousing to watch your partner masturbate at the same time as you. So, face your partner and just start masturbating. There’s a “look but can’t touch” element which is also stimulating.

Why is learning how to give yourself an orgasm so important?

You might be wondering why learning how to give yourself an orgasm is really all that important. Well, if you’re someone who believes it’s your partner’s job to know this, this chat is even more important for you. 

Firstly, do you expect your partner to be a mind reader? If you don’t know what you like and what gets you off, how can someone else magically know?

Everyone is different. Not everyone likes the same things! [Read: Female masturbation tips for guaranteed orgasmic bliss]

So, by indulging in a little self-love, you can learn about the things you enjoy most and the things you’re not so keen on. Then, you can tell your partner what you like and work towards hitting the big O on a regular basis.

We all know that many women struggle to orgasm every single time. Some never do. 

That’s why doing some personal trial-and-error work of your own is so important. Experiment and see what works. [Read: How to hump your pillow like you’re having sex with a guy]

You might find a range of new things that get you off, and you’ll probably find a few things that you don’t like much at all. Learning about your body and the things you like is never a waste of time. 

How to give yourself an orgasm 

If you aren’t sure where to start, then why not try these tips and techniques to see if you can get yourself off? Even if you don’t quite get there the first few times, it’s sure to feel good trying!

1. Choose a suitable time

You don’t want to try and rush the process. So, choose a time when you’re not busy and you don’t have plans to go anywhere right away. [Read: Mutual masturbation – intimate ways to connect without touching]

Make sure you lock the door and turn your phone on silent. This is your time to focus on your pleasure. You don’t need anyone interrupting you!

Light some candles and close the curtains. Make yourself comfortable and create a chilled-out, totally relaxed vibe.

When you’re relaxed, you’re far more likely to enjoy the process of learning how to give yourself an orgasm. [Read: Solo sex masturbation position moves that feel just as good as sex]

2. Tease yourself 

Teasing is a great way to build up sexual tension and desire. You don’t have to get right in there straight away, but you do need to get into the right mood. 

You should start by thinking about sex—think about what gets you feeling all hot and bothered.

Concentrating on these thoughts and letting your imagination run wild will start to get the blood pumping in all the right places. [Read: Real-life public flashing confessions from readers that will leave you aroused right now]

When you actually get down to it, take it slow. 

Touch yourself and then stop. Rub all over your body—don’t just concentrate on the erogenous zones. When you feel yourself getting really turned on, ease off. And then when it subsides, start again. 

Soon, you’ll be pulsating with desire. Only when you can’t take it anymore, allow yourself to take it to the next level. You’ll be sure to give yourself an orgasm in no time. [Read: The best erogenous zones for women you MUST know]

3. Learn and explore your body

To have great orgasms, you need to completely understand your own body and be in tune with it. Take the opportunity to learn about your body when learning how to give yourself an orgasm

Explore every nook and cranny. You might be surprised at which parts of your body are actually a turn-on when touched. 

You can also discover places where you’re ticklish, or maybe even where it just feels downright strange. Knowing your own body and exploring it is the best way to understand what it wants. [Read: How to masturbate – sexy self-pleasure tips for women]

4. Mix things up and try different routes

Great masturbation is all about experimenting and having fun. You don’t need to hold back—just do what feels right for you. 

Remember, it’s just you and your body. 

No one is going to judge or berate you, so if you have a notion in your head of what might turn you on, just go with it and see if you were right! [Read: Female masturbation – 17 facts about the naughty secret]

5. Try watching porn

A solo session watching porn can be a great way to quickly and easily reach an orgasm. Porn is designed with a sole purpose in mind: to make people feel horny! 

There is a huge variety of porn out there, so if you are new to it, why not take a look at several different kinds and see which one works best for you? There’s sure to be something that floats your boat. [Read: Good reasons why women should watch porn]

6. Make good use of the shower

Did you know that the shower is actually a girl’s best friend? The powerful water jets that come from the showerhead can make a seriously good sexual aid. 

If you want multiple, intense orgasms, the shower is the best *and fastest!* way to go. It’s hot, wet, and strong—what more could a girl want? [Read: Shower masturbation + solo sex positions to make yourself cum]

7. How to give yourself an orgasm? Get a little playful with some toys 

Nowadays, you can find vibrators in all shapes and sizes. Simply do your research and decide which one is best for you. 

Vibrators are specifically designed to help you give yourself an orgasm, so take advantage of them! You can also bring vibrators into your sex life with a partner, too.

You don’t actually have to walk into a store and buy one these days, there are countless avenues online where you can order discreetly. 

That means you can spend time perusing the range and find the best one for you. [Read: The best veggies and homemade dildos to pleasure yourself when no one’s around]

8. Try different times

Bored at work? Not anymore! 

The next time you’re feeling a little uninspired at your desk, why not give yourself a great release? Doing this at work is a little naughty, which can be a serious turn-on and get you climaxing in no time at all. 

Head to the bathroom and enjoy yourself for a short while. *Make sure you’re not jeopardizing your job for the sake of giving yourself an orgasm, though!* [Read: How to fantasize about someone else and not feel guilty]

9. Use your imagination and think about your favorite celebrity crush

The point of solo sex is to completely relax and go with whatever works for you. Being able to fantasize about the hottest guy in the world is all part of the fun! 

Whether it’s your celebrity crush, your best friend’s boyfriend, or that bartender you’ve had your eye on, imagining them while you’re going solo will make it feel all the more exciting and enticing!

10. Go somewhere a little different

Just like sex, getting yourself off doesn’t have to be confined to your bedroom. [Read: Female blue balls – what is the blue bean, how it feels, and how to fix it ASAP]

Doing it somewhere a bit risqué can feel seriously hot. So, the next time you get the urge when you’re out and about, why not find a secret spot and make it happen? Just make sure you don’t get caught! 

11. Think about a girl and you might learn how to give yourself an orgasm 

Okay, so this isn’t going to work for everyone, but one of the most common female fantasies is doing it with another girl. [Read: What it means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

Even if you don’t want to act on it in real life, thinking about this fantasy could help you climax quicker than you ever have before.

12. Act out your wildest fantasy

Whatever it is that you’ve always wanted to do, why wait for the perfect guy to come along to do it with? There are plenty of fantasies you can act out by yourself, so just go for it! 

If you can’t actually do it in person, lay back, get handy with your fingers, and use your imagination! [Read: Fantasies for women – the universally accepted top female fantasies]

13. Get completely naked

Learning to appreciate your own naked body can be a real turn-on and can help you orgasm quicker and more frequently. 

Get completely naked and spend time touching yourself all over. 

Appreciate how good it feels when you touch your body while giving yourself an orgasm. Learning to love yourself in this way will have a hugely beneficial effect on your sex life. [Read: How to look better naked by using these 15 real-life tips]

14. Watch yourself in the mirror

Knowing what you look like when you masturbate can be very liberating. It will boost your confidence and it’s a major turn-on. Focus on whatever part turns you on the most and push any other thoughts out of your mind. You’ll quickly find yourself feeling hotter than ever before!

15. Film yourself 

Why not go all-out and make a sexy solo film? Pretend you’re in a porn film or that you’re making a sex tape. Be as graphic, naughty, and loud as you like. [Read: How to have sex with yourself and learn what turns your body on]

It doesn’t have to be for anyone but you, so you can really go to town! But, do make sure that you protect your solo tape so that nobody else gets to see it!

16. Remember that practice makes perfect

Practice makes perfect, and this has never been truer than when it comes to giving yourself an orgasm. 

You may not get there right away, but if you keep practicing, you’ll soon perfect your techniques, and then… voila! You can have an orgasm any time you please!

If you’re going to try a sex toy…

Learning to have sex with yourself can include sex toys, porn, erotic fiction, audio clips, or anything that gets you hot and allows you to explore when you’re totally in the mood. [Read: Must-have couple’s sex toys for naughty first-timers]

However, for the beginner, choosing a sex toy to explore with can be a difficult process. 

The good news is that it’s easier than ever before to buy your own sex toy, thanks to the Internet! Simply choose a reputable site and explore to your heart’s content. 

You don’t even need to worry about anyone knowing when it’s delivered, as they’re usually dispatched in anonymous packaging. [Read: How to finger yourself – a full guide and the moves to cum to ecstasy]

When you first start looking at sex toys, you’ll notice that there are some huge and rather worrisome-looking contraptions. Don’t go for them to start with! Instead, go with something small and relatively easy to use. 

You’ll find all different shapes and sizes of vibrators and they’re packaged to be easy to hold, easy to use, and also pretty easy on the eye these days. 

If a dildo is more your thing, again, look for something that doesn’t terrify you when you first see it. [Read: Oils as lube – 22 best oils for sex, must-knows, and lube alternatives to avoid]

If you want to be able to explore the world of toys in your masturbation efforts, you need to be comfortable with what you’re using. 

Thankfully, there are plenty of choices out there these days, as sex toys are super-mainstream. Most people own one, you know! 

Final thoughts

You might be reading this and thinking it’s all just for fun. Well, yes, it is, but there’s another reason too. [Read: How to make yourself wet – 19 ways to get yourself all lubed up]

It’s important to learn how to pleasure yourself because how else are you going to find out what you like? 

You can’t wait around for your partner to figure it out, you need to take the reins and work it out for yourself! Then, you can tell or show your partner what feels good for you.

It’s just as vital as learning how to pleasure your partner. 

A healthy sex life is balanced and that means both of you are getting the pleasure you deserve. By knowing what feels good, you can help your partner out and you can focus on getting them off too! 

[Read: Female masturbation and 17 facts about this naughty secret]

Now that you know how to have sex with yourself, it’s time you gave it a try. Find a quiet and safe place and let yourself go. 

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer, and the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degr...
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