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Fake Boobs Alert: How to Tell if Your Girl’s Boobs aren’t Real

If your girlfriend’s breasts seem a little too good to be true, they probably are! Here are 8 ways to tell if your girl’s sporting a silicone set.

fake breasts

Are they, or aren’t they? Where would she get the money for a boob job anyway? What does a fake breast actually feel like? Why did she have to go through the trouble of getting her breasts augmented? These are all questions you’re probably thinking about once you start to suspect that your girlfriend’s boobs are, ahem, enhanced.

Do take note that size alone isn’t a great indicator of whether or not a woman is sporting a silicone pair. The media may have encouraged us to think that all fake breasts are triple D’s popping out of an itty bitty bikini, but this is not always the case. Not all women want ridiculously large breasts. In fact, some women may even be more than pleased with a modest b-cup!

It should be pointed out, however, that fake or not, all boobs are pretty fantastic – from the au naturel sets to the cosmetically enhanced versions. But for the mere sake of sating your curiosity, allow us to assist you in ascertaining if your girl has indeed had some work done on her blouse bunnies. [Read: The truth behind why men like breasts so damn much!]

How can you tell if she’s had surgery on her breasts?

So how do you find out if your girlfriend has had some work done without performing a squeeze test? Staring is rude, but you may not be able to help yourself when it comes to her mysterious rack. Read the tips below to help you solve the mystery of your girlfriend’s overly perky, fabulous breasts.

#1 The shape test. The biggest indicator of whether your girlfriend is sporting breast implants or not is the way they look. Natural breasts can sometimes take on a “sloped” look, as real breasts are pear-shaped, with the bulk of mass being at the bottom of the breast *thanks, gravity!*. Breast implants, however, defy the laws of physics and retain their perfectly rounded shape, no matter what position they are in.

#2 How high? Natural breasts usually fall at about armpit height. Some poorly done breast implants, however, will have the breasts starting far too high up on the chest. If you’ve seen real ones in real life, odds are, you’re going to be able to spot the discrepancies in the altered ones. [Read: How to get your boobs noticed without looking trashy]

#3 Added perks. It should be noted that natural breasts, as fabulous as they may be, are prone to eventual sagging – even at a young age. If your girlfriend is sporting an impressive set of boobs that look unnaturally perky both in and outside of wearing a bra *with no sagging despite their giant stature*, she has probably had implants put in.

Furthermore, natural breasts usually have a 3 inch space in between each boob. If your girlfriend’s boobs are either ridiculously far apart or constantly touching and sporting unrealistic cleavage, those boobs have been tampered with!

#4 The horizontal test. Similarly, you’ll want to take note of where her breasts sit when she is lying flat on her back. Natural breasts will fall back in or to the sides of her chest. Similar to “porn” boobs, breast implants will not have a natural “lay” on a woman’s body. Instead of falling to the sides, they’ll stick straight up as though she were still standing. [Read: How to check out her breasts like a gentleman]

#5 Scarring. If you’ve had the chance to see your girlfriend naked or in a bikini, you may have noticed a bit of scarring around the bottoms of her breasts, nipples, in her underarms, or maybe even an abundance of stretch marks around the area in question. These are all common signs of having had a boob job.

#6 Noisy boobs. Spooky, right? A little known fact about breast implants is that they can sometimes make noise. A light, “swooshing” sound when she moves around is due to the liquid inside the implant. Those who are perfectly trained in their hearing will be able to spot the sounds of a definite implant.

#7 Body proportion. If your girlfriend is weighing in at a size 3 with double Ds, you better know those suckers are fake. Many women make the mistake of choosing implants that are far too big for their bodies, resulting in an unrealistic effect.

Women’s bodies are generally proportional. If she has tiny hips and a tiny waist, DNA shows that her breasts will be proportionally small, as well. While this is not always the case, it sure is a dead giveaway for spotting fake breasts.

#8 A heavenly handful. How do they feel? Aside from the given answer of “Great!” the fact is that natural breasts are soft, squishy, and full of natural fat, making them fabulously jiggly to the touch. Breast implants, on the other hand, will feel firm and relatively immovable. No matter what type of implant a woman gets, saline or silicone, fake breasts will always have a “hard” feel to them, and have less realistic movement than natural ones.

Now that you know they’re fake…

What now? The correct answer is, “Nothing!” A woman getting a boob job is no different from a woman who chooses to bleach her hair or a man choosing to get hair implants. It’s often for the sake of aesthetics, and you can bet she got an instant confidence boost when she had her breasts augmented. [Read: 18 physical aspects of a girl that give men an instant turn on]

As a gentleman, it’s your responsibility not to mention that you have proof that her breasts have been tampered with. It’s up to her if she wants to open up about it, but if she doesn’t, why not just be extra giddy about the fact that her breasts have been enhanced?

[Read: How to touch a woman’s breasts the sneaky way]

If you’ve got a feeling that your girl’s breasts contain implants, the clues above may be able to help you determine the truth. But whether your hunch is correct or not, at the end of the day, boobs in any shape, size, or form are still pretty awesome!

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Waverly Smith

Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...

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