Sex is a really important part of any relationship. I can’t deny that. But something many people don’t think about is the fact that when you have sex can also become a major factor. If you hop in the sack before you’re ready, it could cause major issues in your relationship. We’ve outlined the 12 consequences of having sex too soon.
Now, this isn’t just when you have sex for the first time either. Although these consequences definitely affect you when it’s your first time, you also run into issues when you get too hot and heavy too soon in a new relationship.
Why emotional intimacy is crucial
When you start a new relationship with someone, your priority should be building an emotional connection with them. You should get to know them on a deeper level before you get physical. Why? Because if you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, you need that emotional connection.
This intimacy is vital to making your relationship last. It’s what binds the two of you together and makes you want to see them happy. When that emotional connection isn’t there yet and you rush into having sex too soon, you could be hurting the relationship before it gets stable or healthy.
The consequences of having sex before you are ready
Whether a virgin or with someone new, the decision to actually do it with someone should be a lengthy one. Never just hop in the sack and ask questions later—especially if you want a relationship with that person.
There are certain consequences that arise from having sex before you’re ready—either for the first time or with someone you just started seeing. These are the realities you may have to deal with if you jump into their bed too soon. [Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]
#1 It can send the wrong message. How many times do you end up having sex with someone and then they think that’s all you want? A lot of us do this and then get really frustrated because we want a lot more. We want a relationship.
The issue here is that you probably had sex too soon. When you have sex with someone quickly after meeting them, it can send the message that sex is really all you want. When you don’t take the time to get to know someone first, it makes them think you don’t want to really know them. [Read: 10 signs you’re feeling lust and not love]
#2 You don’t get to build emotional intimacy first. If you’re looking for a real relationship, you have to build emotional intimacy. If you don’t get to know each other really well before deciding to stay together and have sex, it makes your relationship a lot more difficult.
If you don’t form a deeper connection, you probably won’t want to continue in a relationship with them. Sometimes you don’t realize that you don’t have this connection at first. If you have sex too soon, you’ll have hopped into bed for no reason.
#3 You may feel emotionally damaged. This is more for those who have sex for the first time before they’re ready. You can’t just think you’ll automatically become more mature after you have sex with someone. You should be emotionally ready before you do so. Just going for it without feeling ready damages you emotionally and makes it harder for you to become physically intimate with people in the future. [Read: How I lost my virginity: 15 stories that aren’t so sexy]
#4 You risk replacing emotional intimacy for physical intimacy. If you don’t have an emotional connection with someone, you can’t forge one with sex. Having sex with someone doesn’t magically create an intimate, emotional bond.
The truth is some people think having sex bonds and connects them with someone. And when they don’t feel that initial emotional attraction for someone, they have sex with them because they think it helps. It doesn’t.
#5 You put a rift in the relationship. So, let’s say the sex wasn’t great because you don’t really know each other, and it’s awkward. This makes spending time with them and getting to know them even more awkward.
When you have sex too soon, it can make both of you more insecure and guarded if it didn’t go according to plan. This puts a rift in your relationship and even prevents you from opening up like you should to your partner.
#6 You end up thinking sex is equal to their feelings for you. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean they care about you. A lot of people in relationships who end up having sex too soon are those who think sex means they really like and even love you.
This mistake hurts you a lot more down the road when you realize they don’t actually care for you. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#7 You revert to sex to solve issues. When you’re down for getting it on really early in a new relationship, you begin to depend on sex a little too much. You start seeing it as a means to solve your problems instead of communicating. The problem is that sex doesn’t fix those problems at all.
#8 Communication is made more difficult. Sex is definitely a form of communication. You can say a lot through sex, but if you use sex as your main means of communication really early in your relationship, it makes talking to your partner way more difficult. Learn to communicate effectively before you start having sex. [Read: The 7 deadly sins of relationship that ruin romance for good]
#9 You may become uncomfortable with your body. If you have sex before you’re comfortable with your body, it only makes things worse. In fact, it changes the way you see your body if you do it too soon. You feel like your body is foreign and strange to you. And that greatly affects your self-esteem.
#10 You risk issues in the relationship if you decide to not have sex again for a while. Let’s be real, if you have sex one time in a relationship, it’s expected that you’ll have sex again. And again. And again. However, if you have sex too early, you may feel as though you don’t want to do it again until you’re more ready.
If that happens, you run the risk of your partner getting upset and even angry. Not that they should be mad about not having sex, they’ll most likely be hurt and feel insecure which can come across as angry. It causes a lot of problems.
Bonus risks you can’t ever ignore
#11 Pregnancy. Obviously when you’re having sex too soon, you risk pregnancy. And if you jump into it way too soon, you may end up having a child with someone you don’t actually have true feelings for. This changes your entire life, so make sure you know a person deeply before having sex. [Read: 10 reasons why sex can really never be just sex]
#12 STDs. Again, if you have sex with someone too soon, you may not realize they carry an STD. And if you’re not even comfortable asking a person if they’ve been tested, then you definitely aren’t ready to have sex with them. Some STDs can be fatal and affect your fertility, so be careful.
[Read: Sex for the first time – A teen’s guide to a great time]
Just because sex is important in a relationship doesn’t mean that you can make a relationship whole by having sex. Wait until you’re both ready or you may have these 12 consequences of having sex too soon to deal with.
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