Puppy love is real, and we’re not talking the traditional kind. Traditional puppy love usually describes shallow adolescent love. Basically, it’s your lusty crush amped about a million. But in this case, we’re talking about literal puppy love between millennials and their self-proclaimed fur baby.
Maybe it’s the years of growing up watching such gems as Fox & the Hound, Air Bud, Homeward Bound, or Beethoven, but something in our millennial childhood made something terribly clear: dogs are forever friends. Somewhere along the line millennial couples lost interest in procreating and instead refer to their furry friends as their literal children.
The fur baby and why some are choosing fur parenting
Research from Pew reveals that childless couples have doubled since the 1970s. That being said, fur parents have exploded in popularity! Here are eight reasons why millennials are choosing fur babies over real babies.
#1 Babies are expensive. Dogs are less expensive. “I’ve read that from infancy to 18, child rearing costs like $230,000 *with inflation, this price is actually $304,480*. That’s as much as buying a house. I can barely spring for fast food on my lunch break.” – Abigail, 27
When you’re in puppy love, it gets expensive to care for your fur baby with all the organic treats, handmade toys, and big platform beds they deserve. But not as expensive as a human baby would be.
The New York Times reported millennials are the best-educated, worst paid generation to date. They earn less than ever in their career paths, about 43% less than Gen Xers. For a lot of millennials, the idea of being able to retire one day seems like a fantasy-land. We’d be lucky not to be working and paying off our student’s loans until we’re in the grave. Needless to say, finances aren’t exactly the best for baby-raisin’.
– Business Insider reports that millennials are earning an average of $30,000 a year.
– Babies cost at least $12-12,500 per year until the age of three.
That leaves you with $17,500 spending money for the whole year. Rent, insurance, bills, car payments, and maybe a little bit of fun money. Basically, you’re left with zilch.
On the other hand, the annual cost of owning a dog is about $1,270. That leaves you with a cool $29,998 left in your pocket. Cha-Ching.
[Read: 11 ways to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]
#2 The world is terrifying, but not when you’re in puppy love. “My husband and I have talked about having kids a couple times a year ever since we first got married six years ago. We both agree it’s probably an unbeatable love, but then we remember how disgusting society is and frankly, we’d spend more time worrying and less time enjoying our baby experience.” – Trish, 27
When asked why millennials aren’t jumping on the mom bandwagon many seem to respond with: Have you seen the world? The worst thing that happens to your dog is the sight of you tossing your pizza crust into the compost instead of sharing it with furbs.
Wars, hunger, social media explosions, and endless cynical and jaded personalities seem to be controlling the world with awfulness. This makes it all the more terrifying to think about bringing an innocent little life into existence. Suddenly you’d become that overprotective mother that you hated! Besides, you worry enough about fur baby getting kidnapped or hurt. How much more could your anxiety take? [Read: 19 things you MUST do before you even consider having a baby]
#3 Being a fur parent first sets you up for human baby success. “Never thought I’d want my own kids until my wife and I got our cats. We get so much joy from their little personalities. Now we’re trying for a baby!” – Dave, 29
For some puppy love couples who were once against having human children, adopting a little fur baby changed their mind and set them up for real parenting. This article depicts a woman who adopted a fur baby and only after that realized she and her man were destined to be human-baby parents. The fur-mama went as far as to say that having a dog trained her to be a better mom. [Read: The step-by-step guide of calmly handling a pregnancy scare]
#4 Teenage fur babies don’t get attitude. “I couldn’t imagine pouring my heart and basically my whole life into raising a kid just to have it turn on me when it hits its teenage years. No, thank you!” – Jessica, 24
When your fur baby turns into a teenager they don’t suddenly start blaming you for all the wrongs in their lives, their thick thighs they got from you, or the weird hormonal changes they’re feeling. Nope, when you’re in puppy love you stay there. Fur baby is always up for a cuddle and always thinks you’re the best.
#5 Puppies and breakups. “My girlfriend of two years broke up with me in college. Honestly, I was more upset over who was going to get custody of our cat than the actual breakup” – TJ, 25.
You don’t take fur babies to court and make them pick which parent is doing a better job just because you’re breaking up with your partner. Instead, you just store them in a puppy crate and walk out on your partner in the safety of the night like any sane person would do to keep their fur baby close. Fur baby is fur baby for life.
#6 Fur babies don’t complain about your cooking. “I eat a strictly vegan diet. It would seriously break my heart if my child didn’t follow in my footsteps. Rosco *my bull terrier* loves everything I make. Win!” – Lynne, 30.
Fur babies love any food you’re willing to toss their way. Fur babies never say “no, thanks!” [Read: Newsflash – Your dog and your boyfriend have a lot in common!]
#7 You can be a bad fur parent and not much happens. “I love kids. Adore them. But I don’t want any yet because I know I would make a terrible mother. Sue me.” – Lauren, 26.
If you don’t create structure or make good choices with your fur baby, not much is going to happen… besides chewed up shoes and doggy accidents around the house. Alright, you’ll have a bad dog on your hands, but unlike human babies, you can leave puppies at home alone at 12 months old and not have DFS show up at your front door. Puppy sitting also costs a heck of a lot less than babysitting. [Read: Why it takes having your man’s baby to know he’s bad for you]
#8. You don’t have to go through childbirth. “Has anyone actually watched those natural childbirth videos on YouTube? Terrifying.” – Tia, 22.
One of the biggest boons of having a pooch instead of birthing one the old-fashioned way? No childbirth. Yes, growing life inside you is beautiful. Yes, birth is an absolute miracle. But it isn’t exactly a day at the spa. Here are some quick facts about childbirth that makes having a fur baby seem much more appealing than a human one.
– If your water doesn’t break naturally, they’ll break it for you.
– Labor contractions are described as the most painful natural experience.
– And if you do get an epidural to numb the pain of childbirth there are horrible side effects. High blood sugar, possible nerve damage, possible spinal alignment issues, fever, and stomach ulcers. Yay, relief?
– You still have to deliver the placenta. As if expanding your once tight and sexy vag to deliver a live human baby from your womb wasn’t enough!
– You may poop while giving birth.
There you have it. Eight solid reasons why millennials are choosing puppy love over baby love. Of course, there is one downside to fur babies in comparison to real ones: they don’t last forever. Fur babies only live about 10-15 years if you’re lucky. So love ‘em while you got ‘em!
[Read: All the tips for couples who are planning to get a pet]
Whether you think it’s utterly ridiculous that a mother would liken a furry creature to her child without even enduring painful childbirth, or you’re all for the mother of furbs innuendos, puppy love is real, and don’t you dare tell a fur-baby couple otherwise.
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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