A little light office flirtation can be exciting, but a flirty coworker who can’t seem to tone down the flirtation can be downright irritating.
So you find yourself in a new workplace. Exciting, right? You enjoy the thought of a fresh career prospect, plus the chance to meet new people. The new employee syndrome kicks in: you’re enthusiastic at work, and you seem to attract attention. You get introductory emails, and a lot of handshakes and “hi’s” from your new coworkers. However, there will always be this one person who will incessantly give you a great deal of unwanted attention. And then, it starts to get uncomfortable. You might have found yourself as the target of a flirty coworker.
Flirting is a game that both men and women play. It could take the form of a harmless compliment, or it could be as straightforward as a licentious remark that tiptoes the borders of decency. All of us have done this at some point to playfully show our interest in a certain person we find attractive. However, it is important to know that the workplace is a place of business. While we can get away with a few teasing remarks, too much flirting could lead anyone into trouble. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting and hitting on you constantly]
Signs of a Flirty Coworker
When working in an office or any job environment, distinguishing between a friendly colleague and a flirty coworker can be tricky.
It’s essential to recognize the signs of an overly flirtatious coworker, not just to maintain professional boundaries but also to figure out effective ways to deal with such situations.
1. Excessive Compliments
A flirty coworker often gives more compliments than usual, and these are usually about your appearance or personal traits rather than your work.
If you notice that the compliments are persistent and more personal in nature, it’s a sign they might be crossing the line. They might say things like, “You look great today,” or comment on your new hairstyle, which goes beyond typical workplace pleasantries. [Read: Decoding compliments: 50 cute words and their true meanings]
2. Frequent Personal Conversations
They often initiate conversations that aren’t work-related and try to delve into your personal life. Questions about your weekend plans or your dating life are common topics.
While friendly coworkers might chat about personal stuff too, a flirty coworker tends to push boundaries and shows an excessive interest in your private affairs. Being aware of this can help you steer conversations back to professional topics.
3. Physical Closeness or Touch
Physical contact beyond what is considered normal in a professional setting is a clear sign. This might include lingering handshakes, pats on the back, or ‘accidental’ brushes.
If you feel like your personal space is frequently invaded, it’s a signal that your coworker’s behavior is more flirtatious than friendly. Respecting personal space is key in a professional environment, and a failure to do so is a red flag. [Read: Types of touches: The 36 physical touches we use & what they mean]
4. Suggestive Messages or Emails
Communication that contains innuendos or suggestive remarks, especially through texts or emails, is a significant indicator. These could range from subtle flirty jokes to more overt comments.
Even if they seem harmless at first, they can escalate and become uncomfortable. Keeping a record of such communication can be helpful if you need to address the issue formally.
5. Frequent Offers for Help or Time Together
If they are always offering to help you with your tasks or frequently suggesting lunch together, it might go beyond simple collegiality.
While it’s normal for colleagues to assist each other and socialize, an excessive desire to spend time with you, especially alone, can be another sign of flirtatious intent.
6. Personal Gifts
Giving gifts that aren’t related to work occasions, like birthdays or holidays, can be a sign. These gifts might be small but personal, indicating they’ve put thought into what you might like. It’s different from a group gift or a generic office giveaway and can again signal personal interest.
7. Overly Attentive Behavior
They remember details most coworkers wouldn’t, like your favorite coffee order or how you like your desk organized. While it’s nice to be noticed, there’s a fine line between being attentive and being flirtatious.
If it feels like they’re paying too much attention to your preferences and habits, you know that’s a flirty coworker right there.
8. Special Treatment Compared to Other Coworkers
If you’re receiving different treatment than your peers, such as getting more praise, leniency, or favors, this could indicate flirtatious behavior.
A flirty coworker might be more inclined to highlight your successes and downplay your mistakes, which can create an uncomfortable dynamic in the workplace.
9. Regular Invitations for After-Work Activities
While it’s normal for coworkers to hang out after hours occasionally, frequent invitations from the same person, especially if they’re one-on-one, could be a sign of flirting. [Read: Friendly vs flirty: 34 subtle flirting signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]
Sharing personal information, especially about their dating life or relationship status, can be a way to gauge your interest or availability.
While some sharing is normal in building friendships, an excess, especially early in your acquaintance, might be a tactic to create a more intimate bond.
How to Deal With a Flirty Coworker
To be fair, maybe the person doesn’t really mean you harm, and merely wants to get your attention. Then, it is your sole duty to draw the borders and recognize acceptable levels of flirting in your professional relationship.
Other people might not, and there’s always that person at work who’s a notorious Casanova and tries to flirt with every single woman in the office. So before you go and barge into the HR office, try these tips to diffuse the situation with your own hands.
1. Parry the Flirting With Straight Professionalism
One of the most effective ways to counter any flirting attempt is to show sheer professionalism. If you adopt a serious, no-nonsense stance towards your coworkers, you could immediately get respect from them.
Make it known that you are there to do your job and that your relationship with them is purely professional. However, you must take care to not dismiss friendliness as well.
Make it known that you’re okay with non-work-related interactions, but it should be done outside the workplace. [Read: Easy ways to avoid a first impression catastrophe]
2. Redirect the Conversation to Work Topics
Whenever the conversation starts veering towards personal territory, steer it back to work-related matters. For example, if your coworker comments on your outfit, you might reply with, “Thanks, did you see the email about the upcoming project?”
This tactic subtly indicates your interest in keeping interactions strictly professional. It’s a non-confrontational way to shift the focus back to where it belongs – on work.
2. Use Humor to Your Advantage
Another way to tame the pathological office flirt is to counter them with humor. Office flirts are usually not alone, and they also have buddies in their department with which they share their flirting escapades.
Use your wittiness to lightly embarrass them in front of their friends by pointing out that they’re obviously flirting with you, and then, share a laugh afterwards.
If you scrape their ego a little bit, they’re sure to retreat and never do it again. [Read: How to effortlessly be funny and make everyone love your company]
3. Set Clear Boundaries Early On
As soon as you notice the flirty behavior, it’s important to set clear boundaries. You might say something like, “I prefer to keep our conversations work-related,” to make your stance clear. It’s essential to be direct yet respectful in your communication.
Establishing these boundaries early can prevent misunderstandings and make it easier to maintain a professional relationship. Remember, you have every right to define your comfort zone in the workplace.
4. Be Honest
To put it simply, you are mildly rejecting the person. Once you’ve established the fact that you are being flirted with, take some time to talk to the person, and pour out that you are uncomfortable with flirting.
You could cite a number of reasons like you already like someone or that you’re already committed, or most importantly, that they are becoming a bother to you during work hours.
You could also insinuate that you are ready to escalate the matter to management if the person will not stop immediately.
5. Confront the Flirty Coworker
If you allow a few flirty remarks to go unchecked, the person would think that you are absolutely okay with what they doing. The best thing to do is to bring it up suddenly while you’re being flirted with.
Ask the person questions like “What exactly are you trying to accomplish?” or the straightforward “Are you hitting on me?” This will catch the person off-guard, wherein you can expect a flimsy response.
Usually, they will try to come up with an innocent response, and for that time, explain to the person clearly that you think that flirting with you is becoming uncomfortable and unnecessary. [Read: Quick and easy ways to deal with nosy coworkers]
6. Ignore the Person
Sometimes, the easiest way to deal with a flirty coworker is to ignore their advances completely. It does not mean that you’ll have to act as if the person doesn’t exist, especially if the person is a teammate and you’ll have to work together at some point.
If the person makes an offhanded joke about you, resist the urge to laugh, and tell them that it’s not funny. Try to keep idle talk to a minimum in order to avoid those small talks that would later on lead to coffee or date invitations.
7. Stick Around With Your Other Coworkers
Another trick is to blend into a group of fellow coworkers that you’re comfortable with during breaks or office parties. This would “screen” out any attempts of that person flirting with you.
Plus, if the person is bold enough, trying to flirt with you while you’re in a group adds the risk of embarrassment for the person if you shoot their advances down.
8. Emphasize That You Already Have Someone
During small talks, casually bring up your significant other or someone you’re dating who happens to be a Karate black-belter swimsuit model. Or maybe tell the flirt that you’re not free for coffee this weekend because you got invited to a date by your Navy SEAL crush that just got home from their tour in Iraq killing insurgents.
Plant these intimidating ideas in the flirt’s head to help dissuade them from making any further advances. [Read: The complete guide to rejecting a guy and turning him down nicely]
9. Talk to Management
If all else fails, it is high time that you consult your manager, the person’s manager, or the HR department to put an end to the inappropriate flirting. This is the last resort, especially if the flirting gets worse and takes the form of mild sexual harassment.
Be sure to make a comprehensive report on the instances where you got offended by their remarks, and take note of the exact words or statements that were said.
You could also enlist the help of witnesses or other people who were also the recipients of unwanted flirting. [Read: 10 types of creepy guys you need to avoid talking to]
10. Limit One-on-One Interactions
If possible, try to limit your one-on-one interactions with the flirty coworker. Opt for group settings or public spaces when you need to communicate.
Having others around can discourage flirtatious behavior and makes it easier for you to navigate the interaction comfortably. This isn’t about avoidance, but rather about creating a setting that discourages inappropriate behavior.
11. Use Non-Verbal Cues
Body language can be a powerful tool in conveying your disinterest. Maintain a professional posture, avoid prolonged eye contact, and keep a respectful distance.
If your coworker invades your personal space, take a step back or angle your body away from them. These subtle cues can often communicate your discomfort without the need for words.
12. Consult with Trusted Colleagues
Sometimes, talking to trusted colleagues can provide you with valuable insights or strategies. They might have experienced similar situations and can offer advice on how to handle things.
Moreover, they can provide moral support and help you feel less isolated. However, ensure that this doesn’t turn into workplace gossip; keep the conversation constructive and focused on finding solutions.
13. Understand Your Company’s Policy
Familiarize yourself with your company’s policy on workplace behavior and harassment. Knowing the official protocols can empower you if the situation escalates or if you need to take formal action.
It’s important to be informed about the avenues available to you for reporting and dealing with such situations within your organization. [Read: Signs your boss wants to sleep with you & is slowly seducing you]
14. Document the Behavior
If the flirtatious behavior persists, start documenting the incidents. Keep a record of dates, times, and descriptions of the interactions that made you uncomfortable. It can be crucial if the situation escalates and you need to involve human resources.
This approach also helps in clarifying the seriousness of the situation to yourself and to any authorities you might need to involve later. Documenting these interactions provides a clear narrative of the behavior pattern, making it easier to address the issue effectively with HR or your supervisor.
15. Seek Professional Guidance
If the situation becomes too difficult to handle on your own, consider seeking guidance from a professional counselor or a mentor. They can offer objective advice and coping strategies.
Sometimes, having an external perspective can help you see the situation more clearly and make informed decisions about how to proceed.
Impacts of Having a Flirty Coworker
If you’re feeling unsettled or unsure about the effects of having a flirty coworker, it’s essential to recognize how their behavior can ripple through your work life.
Dealing with an overly flirtatious coworker isn’t just about awkward moments, it can have tangible impacts on your job performance and workplace atmosphere.
Let’s walk through the significant effects of having a flirty coworker, so you’re better equipped in finding ways to handle such situations.
1. Decreased Comfort and Increased Stress
Constant flirtation can make you feel uncomfortable, leading to increased stress levels. When you’re preoccupied with how to avoid or deal with a flirty coworker, your mental peace gets disturbed.
For instance, if it’s your boss who’s being flirty with you, you might find yourself hesitating to ask for guidance or consult on important matters.
This hesitation can further disrupt your work performance and increase your stress, as you’re caught between the need for professional interaction and the discomfort caused by their behavior. [Read: Really quick stress busters to recharge your mind]
2. Strained Relationships with Other Coworkers
A flirty coworker can create awkwardness not just for you but for your entire team. Colleagues may feel uncomfortable or become resentful if they perceive preferential treatment or unprofessional behavior. It might lead to a fragmented team and strained relationships, affecting teamwork and collaboration.
3. Impact on Professional Reputation
Even if you’re not responding to the flirtation, others might misinterpret the situation. There’s a risk of rumors or misconceptions spreading, which can unfairly affect your professional reputation.
4. Potential for Workplace Gossip
In connection, flirtatious behavior can often become the fuel for office gossip. You know how gossip spreads like wildfire, and how it can become more exaggerated and further from the truth as it’s passed from one ear to another. Being the subject of such gossip can feel invasive and embarrassing, not to mention it can distract you from your work responsibilities. [Read: Toxic friends: 22 types, 54 signs & ways to end friendships that hurt you]
It can lead to feelings of isolation or being misunderstood by colleagues. Don’t be surprised if rumors start to spread that are insanely ridiculous, like whispers around the water cooler suggesting you’re planning a secret getaway with your flirtatious coworker – something completely out of left field!
5. Decrease in Job Satisfaction
The cumulative effect of dealing with such a situation can lead to a decrease in job satisfaction. What was once a fulfilling job may become a source of dread, primarily due to the uncomfortable interactions with the flirty coworker. When your workplace becomes a source of stress, it’s natural to feel less engaged and satisfied with your job.
6. Risk of Escalation to Harassment
Flirtation can sometimes be a thin line away from harassment. If not addressed, what starts as seemingly harmless flirtation can escalate into more serious, unwelcome advances. Recognizing and addressing such behavior early is important to prevent it from turning into harassment.
7. Undermining Personal Authority and Confidence
If you’re in a position of authority, dealing with a flirty coworker can undermine your confidence and the respect you command among your team. It can be challenging to assert your authority or be taken seriously when such dynamics are at play, impacting your ability to lead effectively.
Handle it With Tact and Assertiveness
Both you and your flirty coworker have work to do, and you’d better get on it. Plus, a sign of an emotionally mature person is knowing how to separate work from play.
It’s crucial in a professional environment to maintain a clear boundary between personal and professional interactions. Dealing with a flirty coworker effectively not only demonstrates your emotional maturity but also helps preserve the productivity and positivity of the workplace.
Remember, handling a flirty coworker with tact and assertiveness isn’t just about your comfort but also about upholding a professional standard that benefits everyone in the workplace.
