Sometimes our families are difficult. But if they make you say, or even scream, “I hate my family,” what can you do about it?
Everyone can relate to disliking their family members from time to time. But, if you genuinely hate your family, you might need a little more help.
While disagreements and frustration are completely normal within a family, they can also cause you to lose patience. As a result, you get into even more arguments and disagreements. Families mean everything to us, but that can make them nearly impossible to deal with.
Our families are also a lot like us. When you are surrounded by people who are similar to you, you can bump heads a lot. People who have mirroring personalities argue a lot more than you’d think.
Despite all of this, you can deal with your family, no matter how much you all argue. Hating them may not be worth the trouble. [Read: Prepare your partner to meet your family]
Is your family that bad?
Okay, now some families are super terrible. Some people are terrible. That is true. But your family may not be as bad as you think.
We don’t want to shrug off your feelings because they are valid, but you are right in the midst of some family drama. That can skew your view of them. Are they that bad, or does it just seem like that right now?
The majority of the time, your family isn’t acting any different than average. Most of us may think our families are horrible, but in reality, they’re just looking out for us.
Do they try to control your life? Are they too involved? Do they have different views than you? All of these things are normal. Parents and families are not perfect. You will never get along 100% of the time.
In the heat of the moment, these things can drive you to say, “I hate my family .”The truth is, however, that it’s tough to REALLY hate your family members.
They’re probably only acting the way they do out of love for you. Maybe try to give them the benefit of the doubt? [Read: 22 signs you’re the black sheep of the family]
What to do if you keep saying, “I hate my family”
If you feel like you truly hate your family and you find that you’re saying this over and over again, there are a few things you can do to change it. No, you can’t change them, but you can change your reactions and how you deal with them.
It won’t be easy to readjust your behavior, but it will be worth it to find a little bit of peace with them.
If you’re an adult or in a bad situation, maybe you can cut them out, but wouldn’t you like to try to make it work before taking such drastic measures?
If you find that you’re saying, “I hate my family” more than the average person, here’s what you should do. [Read: 19 steps to stop being bitter and blame others]
1. Solve the problem
Obviously, if you feel like you hate your family, there is a problem you’re facing with them that’s causing you to feel this way. You have to solve the problem before you can move on from that hatred.
So, identify what this issue is, and try your best to find a solution. Of course, that’s so much easier said than done. But try to work through it.
Even just being willing to put that effort in can help you let go of the anger you’re holding on to. [Read: How to fix relationships that are falling apart]
2. Talk to them
More than likely, the problem you need to fix is going to involve you speaking with your family about what’s going on. Now, this can be really difficult if you’re feeling outraged and upset, but you just have to push through.
Take some time to breathe and relax. Don’t go in with accusations. Try not to scream or let things get out of hand.
Remain calm and let them know you want to have a conversation about the issues you’re having. Tell them how you’re feeling. Maybe they don’t even know how upset you are! Getting your feelings out could help solve what’s going on so you no longer feel like you hate them.
3. Talk to someone else
If you’re too angry or upset to talk to your family members about what’s going on, talk to your friends about it. This is also a great way to see if you’re just overreacting or if you’re justified in feeling hatred toward them. You may just need to get those feelings off your chest to feel some relief.
Your friends may also have experience with this problem and can help you through it with some advice. [Read: Types of toxic relationships to watch out for]
4. Put yourself in their shoes
If you really feel like you hate your family because they’re being unfair or treating you in a way that is upsetting you, put yourself in their shoes.
What would you do if the situation were reversed? We’re not saying you need to change your mind, but just try to look at things from their perspective. Can you understand where they’re coming from?
You may realize that they have a reason for acting this way. This won’t make you agree, but it can help you talk to them and maybe even get through to them. [Read: The family-oriented date – are they really keepers?]
5. Assess your own behavior
Are you really acting fairly? Is your hatred actually justified, or are you acting a little harshly? Many of us tend to overreact to things that we feel are unfair or that surprise us.
Think over your actions and ask yourself if you would be taken aback if someone else in your situation was to act that way. This can help you realize that your family doesn’t deserve your hatred and you’re just acting out.
6. Be realistic
If the problem you’re facing has you hating your family, you have to think realistically. Is it really fair for you to be hating them in your current situation? Is it even realistic that whatever they’re doing should cause you to hate them?
7. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it
Saying that you hate your family can cause damage that is REALLY difficult to undo if it hurts your family. If you truly are feeling hatred toward your family, something is wrong and has to be fixed.
But if you’re just mad at them and saying you hate them at the moment, stop. You don’t hate your family. You’re just upset. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
8. Talk to a professional
Sometimes only a professional can help you realize that maybe you don’t hate your family. They can give you alternative ways to handle these issues or even help you dig deeper into why you’re feeling the way you are.
And maybe only a therapist can solve the problem that your family is facing. Don’t be afraid to get professional advice when it comes to your family.
9. Try family counseling
Instead of just going to a professional yourself, get the whole family to go. If this is bigger than a problem within you and seems to be reoccurring throughout your entire family unit, family counseling can work wonders.
There are times when you and your family won’t see eye to eye, and it takes a trained professional to help your family see just how you’re feeling to get past the feelings of hatred. This can be hard to do at first. Opening up in front of a stranger and your family can be awkward, but it is well worth the weirdness.
10. Make a list of the great things about them
If you start feeling like you hate your family, stop yourself right there and grab a notebook. Write down three things about each family member that you like or admire.
This can help ease those negative thoughts and help you realize that you don’t actually hate them. [Read: How to stop selfish people from hurting you]
11. Take some time for yourself
Maybe you’re just spending too much time around your family. Too much of anyone can cause even the nicest person to start thinking negatively. Take a walk, hide in your room, and just be alone so you don’t get sick of them so easily.
12. Stay with a different relative for a while
If it gets to the point that you’re unhappy living under the same roof as your family and you can’t stop saying, “I hate my family,” then you should retreat to someone else’s house for a while. Spend some time with a new relative to calm down.
13. Reduce your stress
Stress can make even the most positive people feel hatred toward someone who sets them off. Make sure you’re regularly doing activities that reduce your stress level. Exercise, take a walk in nature, listen to music, or do whatever it is that makes you feel calm.
Stress can cause you to take out your anger on the people closest to you because you know they’ll stick around through it all. That isn’t fair. Work through those feelings without attacking others. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]
14. Write your feelings about them in a journal
A stress-reducing technique that will help most when you keep saying, “I hate my family,” is just writing down those feelings in a notebook. Write down all your hatred, and then throw it away.
Physically getting rid of those thoughts in words can help clear your head and put you in a positive mindset.
15. Ask yourself what you’d do without them
Truly imagine your life without your family. Not very good, is it? We love our family, no matter how upset we may get with them and how much we think we hate them. By doing this, you’ll see how much you really don’t hate them, and in fact, you need them.
16. Take some space
Now, don’t just take a weekend away or stay with someone else. If your family problems have really gotten that bad, and your hatred for them just isn’t going away, really get away from them.
This can seem harsh. They are your family, after all. But if you say, “I hate my family,” and that feeling isn’t budging, there is something wrong.
Suppose you’ve tried these other techniques and are still struggling. If you’ve done everything you can, then the last thing to do is back away. Not everyone is super close with their family, and that is okay. [Read: Signs of toxic family members]
17. Create boundaries
If you hate your family because of your religious or political differences, make a point not to talk about those things. Yes, these are important topics that are useful to discuss. But if you have the same fights repeatedly and feel like you’re talking to a wall, make certain topics off-limits.
This can help you focus on the things you do like about each other. [Read: How to set boundaries and help others respect them]
18. Protect your peace
If you have to, just walk away. If a topic arises that makes you hate your family, walk away. You do not need to interact or fight back all the time. You don’t need to use your energy and jeopardize your personal peace to argue with them.
Let it go.
19. Focus on yourself
Worry about you, not your family. Sometimes we can feel like we hate our families because we worry about what they think of us. Maybe you want their approval, or you want them to understand you and your choices.
Find confidence in yourself. Know that your self-worth is about how you see yourself, not how others, even your family, see you.
[Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]
Everyone goes through periods in their lives when they say, “I hate my family.” It’s a normal part of life. But if you say this more than the average person, these are some things you can do about it.