Husband taking wife’s surname? Unconventional or revolutionary? Here’s what it means when a man takes his wife’s last name.
Imagine a world where John Smith becomes John Johnson, not the other way around! It’s a curious thought, isn’t it? In this world with the husband taking wife’s surname, it isn’t just a rare occurrence but a normal part of life.
This might seem a bit offbeat or even radical to some, but it’s an evolving trend that’s challenging long-standing traditions and opening up new conversations about identity and choice in relationships. So, when we talk about a man takes his wife’s last name, we’re not just discussing a name change. We’re delving into a world of changing social norms, equality in marriage, and the personal reasons that make this choice right for some couples.
The choices that a couple makes are not necessarily bogged down by societal influences, but it is simply a decision that the couple chooses together.
Still, you can’t help but wonder why a man would choose to go against the grain and take his wife’s surname. Frankly, it’s neither good nor bad, but it does make everyone stop to ponder the reasons and how it can affect society today. [Read: How to not give a fuck: A badass guide to less fucks & more laughs]
A Historical Walk Down the Aisle
When did we even start with the whole ‘taking the husband’s last name’ thing? It’s a tale as old as time, or at least as old as the institution of marriage itself. But really, this tradition isn’t just a random quirk of history; it’s deeply rooted in our societal evolution.
From a psychological perspective, think about Symbolic Interactionism. This theory suggests that our identity is shaped through interactions and society’s labels.
So, when a woman took her husband’s last name, it was more than just a name change; it symbolized a new social role and identity. She’s no longer just Jane Doe, she’s now Jane Smith, a part of the Smith family narrative.
Historically, the tradition of women taking their husband’s last name was deeply rooted in patriarchal societies. This practice began to be questioned with the advent of the second wave of feminism from the 1960s onwards, leading to a significant, though not overwhelming, increase in women keeping their own names. [Read: Feminism: What it is, different types & how they differ from each other]
However, despite these changes, only about 20% of women today choose to retain their maiden name, a slight increase from the 17% in the 1970s.
Speaking of which, there’s a growing trend of a man taking his wife’s last name. The trend of husbands taking their wife’s surname, though still relatively uncommon, is indeed growing. According to a Pew Research survey, the practice of men keeping their own name in marriage is prevalent, with 92% of men who married women doing so.
However, it’s interesting to note that 5% of men have chosen to take their wife’s surname. This statistic reflects a subtle shift in societal norms and attitudes towards marriage and gender roles.
This shift also signifies an increased understanding of gender equality. The idea that a woman’s identity doesn’t have to be submerged under her husband’s is gaining ground. [Read: Feminism: What it is, 5 different types & how they differ From each other]
In many ways, a husband taking wife’s surname or both partners choosing a new name altogether represents a more egalitarian approach to marriage.
Why Would a Man Want to Take Their Wife’s Last Name?
Marco Saldana is not the first man to take his wife’s name, but he might just be the only one connected to a celebrity. That’s probably why this issue is gaining so much popularity.
There are a lot of men out there who are proud to carry their wives’ names and vice versa. We’ve come up with a general summary of why these men took their wives’ last names.
1. They Like Their Wife’s Surname Better
Blame the mindset of most of our ancestors because we can all agree that a lot of people got the short end of the stick when surnames were registered hundreds of years ago.
Taking their wife’s last name is probably a godsend for the chaps with the last names Peanisbreath, Pornsak and Assman.
Some researchers believe that there are men who have distant relationships with their fathers, who want to separate themselves from that identity. [Read: Toxic family members: Signs and reasons to cut them off for good]
A last name has a significant connection to one’s father, which means that it might be an acceptable option for some men.
3. A Symbol of Support
Men who are proud of their wives can decide to take their wives’ name instead of the other way around. It’s not an act that can affect one’s overall standing within a community, but it does send a message that tells people that they are proud of their wives.
4. A Testament to a Couple’s Stand Against Gender Norms
It’s a choice that doesn’t have to make waves. It is just something that the couple wants to do, regardless of what society might think. The fact that it’s a progressive take on gender equality is just a bonus.
5. An Act of Love
People choose different ways to show their love depending on their beliefs and lifestyles. A husband taking wife’s surname is just the same as the wife taking her husband’s last name.
6. Supporting Her Professional Identity
In some cases, the wife may have a well-established professional identity under her surname. If a man’s partner is known in her field by her maiden name, taking her name could be seen as a move to support and honor her professional achievements.
It’s like he’s saying, “Your success is just as important as mine, and I’m proud to be associated with it.” [Read: How to date successful women and not feel like less of a man]
7. Cultural or Familial Significance
In certain cultures or families, a woman’s last name might carry significant historical or cultural weight. For instance, if she is the last in her line with that surname, a man might choose to adopt her last name to help preserve that piece of heritage. It’s a nod to the importance of her family’s legacy, ensuring it continues through the generations.
8. Breaking Free from Negative Associations
If a man has a strained or negative association with his own family or surname, he might see marriage as an opportunity to start afresh.
By taking his wife’s last name, he’s not just embracing her family – he’s also distancing himself from past negativity. It’s like closing one book with a troubled story and opening a new one filled with hope.
9. Egalitarian Beliefs
Some men are keenly aware of and want to challenge traditional gender roles and stereotypes. With the husband taking wife’s surname, they are making a statement about their belief in equality and partnership in marriage. It’s like wearing their progressive values on their sleeve – or in this case, on their mailbox. [Read: Inspiring male feminist ideas from men around the world]
10. Personal Preference or Aesthetics
Sometimes, it’s as simple as liking the sound or look of their wife’s surname better than their own. Aesthetic preferences can play a big role in such a personal decision.
If her last name rolls off the tongue or has a certain je ne sais quoi that his doesn’t, why not go for it?
11. Reinforcing Shared Parental Identity
When children are involved, or in the plans, a man might take his wife’s last name to present a united family front.
It ensures that both parents and children share the same surname, creating a sense of familial unity and cohesion. It’s about crafting a shared identity that each family member can proudly carry. [Read: Interfering parents: All the ways they can affect your love life]
12. Influence of Peer Groups or Social Circles
Sometimes the decision can be influenced by the norms within a man’s social circle or peer group. If he’s surrounded by others who have taken similar steps, it may normalize the idea and encourage him to follow suit.
13. Simplicity in Legal or Official Matters
If his wife’s last name offers simplicity in spelling or pronunciation, it might be an appealing choice for practical reasons.
Navigating legal and official matters with a simpler, more easily recognizable name can be a relief, especially in international contexts. It’s the old adage of keeping it simple to avoid needless complications.
14. Symbolic Fresh Start for the Relationship
For couples who have overcome significant challenges or are entering a second marriage, taking the wife’s last name can symbolize a new beginning or a fresh start
It represents leaving behind the past and moving forward together with a renewed sense of purpose and connection.
Sometimes a man might be influenced by a role model or public figure who has taken such a step. Seeing someone they admire make this choice can inspire them to do the same, recognizing it as a progressive and meaningful gesture.
It’s akin to following in the footsteps of someone you respect, acknowledging their influence on your life choices. [Read: How to be a much better man using the right role model]
What It’s Not Supposed To Be…
The act of husband taking wife’s last name is considered commendable in this day and age, but there are those who think that there are negative connotations connected to the gesture.
Below are some of the most common assumptions that people have against taking a wife’s last name:
1. A Cry For Help
According to most Negative Nigels and Nancies, anything that people do that goes against the normal operations of society is a cry for help.
Why would changing a last name be a cry for help? What is that? Like, “Help. Save me from the burden of being a loving husband?”
2. A Sign of Dominance
It’s the complete opposite, actually. The man is removing his dominance by allowing himself to take his wife’s name.
It does not mean that his wife rules everything in their marriage now that her name gets printed when someone sends an invitation. [Read: How to be dominant: 20 calm and firm ways to be the real alpha]
3. Dissolving an Identity
Taking your wife’s last name is actually a renewal of an identity. You are now a husband and a part of a married couple. Wouldn’t that be that case if your wife took your name?
4. The End of a Legacy
Or the beginning of a new one. We all know that names can carry a lot of weight, but it’s up to the person who owns it to decide how much value they are willing to put on their name.
5. A Misguided Claim for Feminism
We can all admit that taking your wife’s last name is an epic act of feminism, but it does not necessarily mean a claim to the idea.
We can appreciate the gesture as a win for feminists, but it should also be respected as an act between two people who love each other very much. [Read: Marriage advice – tips for a happily ever after]
How to Decide If This Is The Right Choice For Your Marriage
If you’re someone considering the significant step of a husband taking his wife’s surname, it’s essential to weigh this decision thoughtfully.
1. How Attached Are You to Your Current Surname?
Consider your emotional connection to your own surname. Is it a big part of your identity, or are you quite flexible about it? Your surname might be tied to your family history, professional identity, or personal brand.
Changing it is not just a legal procedure; it’s like repainting a cherished old house – a change in aesthetics that affects how you and others perceive its identity.
2. What Does Your Surname Mean to Your Partner?
Discuss with your partner how they feel about their surname. Does it hold significant familial, cultural, or professional value?
Understanding each other’s attachments *or lack thereof* to your surnames can guide a mutually respectful decision.
3. How Will This Impact Your Professional Life?
Assessing the potential professional implications of a surname change is crucial, especially if you have established a reputation under your current name. Changing your name can affect how clients, colleagues, and industry peers recognize you.
For some, a new name might refresh your personal brand or align it better with new personal values, while for others, it might lead to temporary confusion or the need for re-establishing connections under the new name.
Consider communicating the change clearly and widely through professional networks, social media, and business communications to mitigate any potential disruptions. [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]
4. What Are the Legal Procedures and Costs Involved?
You also need to understand the legal process for changing your name is essential. This often involves paperwork, possible court fees, and sometimes even a court appearance, depending on where you live.
Each state or country may have different requirements and costs associated, so it’s best to research these thoroughly. Look up your local government or legal aid resources for detailed guidance. This process does require time and effort, so being prepared can help you manage the transition smoothly.
5. How Will Family and Friends React?
Anticipate a range of reactions from family and friends when you change your surname. Some might be supportive, seeing it as a progressive move, while others might be surprised or even opposed, clinging to traditional views.
It’s important to prepare yourself for diverse opinions and possibly even some initial discomfort among your closest circles.
Open and honest communication about why this decision is meaningful to you can help ease this transition. Ultimately, those who care for you will likely adjust to the change over time. Plus, it should be between you and your partner at the end of the day.
6. Are Children in the Picture?
If you currently have or are planning to have children, consider the implications of your surname choice on them.
A unified family name might simplify formalities in schools, medical records, and future legal documents. It can also help in forging a collective family identity that may strengthen the bond between family members. [Read: Family oriented: The meaning & what it means to be this person]
However, it’s also important to consider how this decision fits with your family’s long-term aspirations and the cultural or personal significance of your names.
7. How Does This Align with Your Values and Beliefs?
Consider how changing your surname to your wife’s aligns with your personal values and shared beliefs as a couple. For some, this choice might be a reflection of deep-seated beliefs in equality and partnership within marriage.
This decision can be a significant expression of those values, reinforcing your commitment to living them out daily. It’s important that both partners feel their values are respected and represented in this decision, making the choice not just practical, but deeply personal.
8. Will This Decision Bring You Closer as a Couple?
Think about whether this decision to change your surname will bring you and your partner closer. It should be a joint decision that both of you are comfortable with and excited about.
Doing this can signify a deep commitment and a shared journey, reinforcing your partnership. Discuss openly how this change might affect each of you emotionally and practically, ensuring it strengthens your bond.
9. Are There Alternatives You Haven’t Considered?
Before making a final decision, explore all the naming options available to you. Beyond just taking your wife’s surname, consider hyphenating both surnames, creating a new combined surname, or even retaining your original names.
It can be a creative process where you both can find a solution that uniquely symbolizes your union. Evaluating all options ensures you both feel confident and content with your final decision.
10. How Do You Both Feel About Setting a Precedent?
Acknowledge the potential of setting a social precedent within your circle by changing your surname. This decision could position you as pioneers among your peers, challenging traditional norms and possibly influencing others.
It’s important to feel comfortable with and proud of the precedent you’re setting. After all, this isn’t just about changing a name, it’s about embracing and advocating for the values you believe in, possibly inspiring others to reconsider their own choices.
Is Husband Taking Wife’s Surname an Issue For Most Men?
Marco Saldana, an artist in his own right, said to his wife, “Ah Zoe! I don’t give a shit.” And rightly so. Why should a man care what other people think? Emasculation is not a thing anymore. For most men all over the world, it still looms over them, but there isn’t a big enough issue to merit any cry of outrage from their side.
And actually, why should there be any side at all? By taking your wife’s last name, you are inarguably telling the world, “To hell with sides. I’m on my family’s side.”
Should All Men Change Their Last Names?
With a public expression of gender equality acceptance like this, the answer would probably be: If they want to. The fact that it’s okay to take a wife’s last name means that it’s also okay to keep your name.
But a man should extend the same courtesy and respect to his wife and discuss the possibilities of keeping, changing, or even exchanging names.
Whatever your decision may be, just know that the most important thing to consider is how it will affect your relationship. A couple should agree to these things and allow their spouses enough leeway to make up their own mind about it.
You can go so far as to request the gesture, but it does not mean that you should hold it against them if they decline.
Still, Zoe Saldana has a few choice words to say to the people who think it’s a strange and bad decision. It’s directed to men, but women will learn something as well:
“Men, you will not cease to exist by taking your partner’s surname. On the contrary — you’ll be remembered as a man who stood by change,” she writes. “A real ‘man’ leads alongside his partner. A real man accepts his mortality. A real man acknowledges that nothing can be done alone.” [Read: Should a woman take her husband’s last name?]
Do What Makes Both of You Happy!
Controversial or not, changing one’s surname after marriage is primarily the concern of the two people involved in the relationship. Whether you choose the wife’s, the husband’s, or a hyphenated surname, it’s your business, so do what makes you both happy!
So, whether it’s a husband taking wife’s surname or any other variation, what matters most is that it resonates with you both, and that it’s a decision made in unity, respect, and love.