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Fair-Weather Friends: 20 Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Care About You

A good friendship makes your life happier. A bad one can do the opposite. Learn the signs your friend doesn’t care about you and detox your friend list.

Signs Your Friend Doesn't Care About You

A good friend is there for you through the hard times and is right beside you celebrating when things go well. However, a fair-weather friend is someone who is only there when it suits them. There are various degrees of friendship, but it’s important to understand the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. Then, you can be aware and clear out the toxic people in your life from time to time.

Never put up with poor behavior in the name of friendship. If they really cared, they wouldn’t treat you this way.

However, that doesn’t mean you should cut them out of your life without giving them a chance to redeem themselves. If they continue to treat you badly after that, it’s time to wave goodbye and focus on the friends who build you up, not the ones who knock you down.

[Read: Here’s how to deal with the fake friends in your life]

Why are some friendships toxic?

When you hear the word ‘friend,’ you imagine supportive people who make you laugh and bring you joy. That’s exactly what friendship is supposed to be. However, we don’t live in an ideal world. There are some people who do the total opposite to bringing you joy; they suck the life right out of you and manipulate you at every turn.

Some friendships begin positively but turn toxic over time. There are also some that start out toxic but you don’t see it because the person is using tactics to hide their real intentions.

If a so-called friend makes you feel bad about yourself, if they’re never there for you when you need them, or they take more than they give, you have to question their motives.

Perhaps they’re keeping you around to make themselves look good, or they’re using you because you’re generous with your time or money. [Read: 20 signs of a toxic friend to instantly recognize the rotten ones]

It’s important to remember that friendships are two-way streets. If yours is one-sided, address it, work out what’s going on, and if you need to, walk away.

The clearest signs your friend doesn’t care about you

Communication is vital when you see the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. If that doesn’t change anything, do not be afraid to wave goodbye and move on.

You deserve good and honest friends in your life, not toxic ones. Be on the lookout for these key signs. [Read: 15 types of toxic friends who make you miserable and drag you down]

1. They often talk behind your back

There is nothing worse than a two-faced friend who says one thing to your face and another behind your back. A true friend never speaks badly of you when you’re not around.

If anything, they should be building you up! If you have proof that someone regularly talks behind your back, it’s one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. [Read: Emotional manipulation and 14 ways people mess with your head]

2. Always talking over you and not letting you speak

Is there anything more annoying than someone who always has to be heard? If you’re talking, they speak over you. If you want to say something, they jump in so you don’t get the chance. They basically need to be the center of attention.

It’s rather pathetic, while also showing you zero respect. The next time this happens, call them out on it and say “I’m speaking, be quiet.”

3. They don’t stick up for you

If someone talks about you and you’re not there, a good friend would defend you at all times.

However, one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you is when they either don’t defend you and let the chat carry on, or they join in. Either way, they’re a bad friend. [Read: 15 signs you have shitty friends and need new ones]

4. They like to embarrass you in front of other people

You must have experienced this before. You’re in a group of people and your so-called friend cracks a joke at your expense. If this is something you can all laugh at, you included, it might not be so hurtful.

But when a so-called friend is doing this to embarrass you or belittle you, it’s not only one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you, but basically a sign of someone who doesn’t deserve the term “friend” in the first place.

5. They’re always on their phone when you’re supposed to be spending time together

If this happens just once or twice, it’s forgivable. But if your friend is always on their phone when you’re supposed to be having friend time, it’s downright disrespectful.

They’re just not present in the moment and it shows that they don’t deem you important enough to choose over their social media feed. [Read: How to be present – The guide to find your zone of calm perfection]

6. They never help you celebrate

If you succeed at something or something goes well for you, is your friend there by your side, patting you on the back?

Hopefully, yes. However, if they’re not, it basically means that they don’t care about the things that go well for you. The chances are that when things go badly for you, they always want the gossip. Another sign of a pretty bad friend. [Read: How to deal with someone’s negative traits and attitude]

7. They never encourage you to go for what you want

A good friend will encourage you to try new things and push you to go for the things they know you want. However, one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you is when they discourage you or tell you that it wouldn’t work or it’s a waste of time.

Basically, they’re scared you’re going to do better than them.

8. They take pleasure in knocking you down

If you’re feeling good or something has happened which makes you smile, they’ll just love to knock you down and make you feel bad again.

This is one of the huge signs your friend doesn’t care about you, and it’s not something you should tolerate. [Read: Bad friends: 25 Types of friends you must unfriend from your life]

9. They rarely help you out, even if you ask

A good friend will help you out when you ask, and you probably don’t even have to ask. However, a bad friend will make all the excuses in the world or simply just not get the hint. If that’s the case, they’re not only unreliable, but they’re not showing you care and attention either.

10. They make false promises

In the rare off-chance that your friend agrees to help you with something, they let you down. Or, it could be that you arrange to do something together and they know you’re looking forward to it, but they cancel right at the last minute, leaving you floundering.

It’s pretty bad form and one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you, for sure. [Read: 15 signs a friend is using you and draining the happiness out of you]

11. They refuse to apologize, even when they know they’re wrong

A bad friend never says “sorry” because they don’t think you deserve the apology.

In reality, you deserve it, but they’re just not a good enough friend to do the right thing. Never put up with a friend who constantly does something wrong and refuses to acknowledge it, even when faced with clear evidence.

12. They love to steal your thunder

A bad friend has to be the center of attention at all times. So, when something goes well for you, they’re likely to go one better and steal your thunder. They just can’t stand the thought of you gaining plaudits. And they try to do something which makes them look better, just to outdo you. Sad, right? [Read: How to tell if a friend is toxic & brings unhappiness to your life]

13. Your calls and messages often go unanswered for a long time

They either leave you on read and don’t reply, or they wait a considerable amount of time before replying. I’m not suggesting they should drop everything and answer straightaway, but leaving you waiting means that they simply don’t deem your message important enough to acknowledge. [Read: Being left on read – The honest reasons behind what this means]

14. They disrespect your feelings

Belittling your feelings, not acknowledging your feelings, or basically disregarding them are all signs your friend doesn’t care about you.

If you feel something, it’s valid and should be respected. A friend should be there for you through thick and thin, and if this one isn’t, they don’t deserve your time. [Read: The 13 truthful signs that say your friend doesn’t respect you]

15. They use you when you have something valuable to offer

Have you just been paid? Do you have something valuable they want? You’re likely to find your so-called friend sniffing around whenever you have something they find desirable. That could be money, an opportunity, or even a close connection to another person.

If you find that they’re only around when it suits them, it could be that they’re using you. If that’s one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you, we don’t know what is!

16. They encourage you to make poor decisions

Always listen to your gut whenever you’re about to make a choice. You can’t rely on fair-weather friends to give you good advice.

In some cases, they give you poor advice because they want you to fail. They want to say “I told you so” or laugh in your direction. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Even if a person you think is your friend tells you to go for it. [Read: How to follow your gut instinct – Tried & true methods to follow]

17. They cancel plans on the regular

Not only do they let you down regularly but when you do have plans, you always feel like you need a plan B.

The reason is because you know they’re going to cancel on you at the last minute and leave you hanging. It might even be that they don’t even tell you and instead, they stand you up. That’s not friendship, that’s blatant disrespect. [Read: Got flaky friends? Here are all the reasons to ditch them]

18. They go AWOL for long periods of time

We’ve already mentioned that one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you is that they leave you on read or don’t answer your message.

Not only that, but they might even just go completely AWOL. This can be for days or even weeks. You won’t see or hear from them. It’s not that you want to know where they are 24/7, but it’s just part and parcel of friendship to check in regularly, right? [Read: Codependent friendship – The bad signs & why it’s unhealthy for you]

19. They take, take, take, but never give

Do you feel like you’re always giving and never getting anything back in return? Your friendship is chronically one-sided and it’s never going to improve unless you take a stand.

Your friend doesn’t care about you, they only care about what you can give to them. Be it your time, your money, your connections, the list goes on. It’s not solely about using you, it’s about never thinking to give something in return, or even offer.

20. You’re never a priority

Anything that crops up is always placed higher up the priority list than you. If they get a new boyfriend, they disappear for weeks on end. Perhaps they meet a new friend at work who they deem to be more sophisticated in some way, and means your plans are canceled time and time again.

Basically, you’re not important to them and they’re keeping you in reserve until you’re useful or they have nothing better to do. Charming, right? [Read: How to set boundaries with friends without hurting or insulting them]

What should you do now?

How many of these signs can you nod along to? Hopefully not too many, but if you have more than a few and they are regular occurrences, it’s something you must draw attention to and work out.

It could be that your friend is going through a hard time. Maybe they simply aren’t aware of what they’re doing. It happens to us all from time to time.

In that case, a gentle, blame-free conversation should be all you need to solve the problem.

However, if that doesn’t work and they continue to act in the same way, seriously consider whether you want or need this person in your life.

[Read: Respectful tips for how to break up with a friend]

These signs your friend doesn’t care about you are all pretty damning. If it happens consistently over a period of time, it’s time to wave your hand goodbye to these fair-weather friends and move on.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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