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Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend: 16 Ways to Know

Looking for the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend? Your gut may already know the truth, but let’s find out for sure.

signs someone doesn't want to be your friend

Catching onto the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend is not that hard. Chances are you already know.

Your gut is a strong tool in this scenario. You can feel when something is wrong. Even if you can’t explain what is different, part of you, deep down, knows.

But, just to be crystal clear, it is always best to know the facts.

When someone shows signs they don’t want to be your friend, they will usually be polite about it, but that is not always effective at hiding their intentions.

There are many signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend. When someone wants to dump you, it is hard to hide it. So, these signs are not that difficult to spot. [Read: 12 key characteristics of a true friend]

Someone doesn’t want to be your friend?

Let’s get this out of the way right now. Why are you looking for these signs? Is someone in your life showing signs you think match these?

Do you think no one wants to be your friend? Is this about one person specifically, or are self-esteem problems leading you here? [Read: How these signs of low self-esteem can sabotage your life]

Even the nicest and most deserving people cannot be friends with everyone. No matter what you do, some people just do not want to be your friend. We must accept that fact. Plus, as you know, it is about the quality, not the quantity, when it comes to friends.

And if someone is showing these signs, they don’t want to be your friend, why would you want to be friends with them anyway? You deserve friends you don’t have to wow or convince to befriend you, but who simply like you.

So try not to take any of these signs too personally. Learn to believe in yourself. Know that self-respect and knowing some people do want to be your friend is what is important. Confidence and self-assurance will remind you that it does not matter if someone doesn’t want to be your friend.

Ask yourself, would you want to be your friend? If the answer is yes, other people will see that and want to be too. If not, that lack of self-love may be what is turning people off. [Read: How to build your self-esteem and love your life]

Signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend

Seeing the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend sucks. No one wants that. But that is the way of the world. People do not want to be cruel or come right out and say those words, so they hint at it and hope you will read between the lines.

This list will help you do just that.

1. They barely reply

When someone is showing signs they don’t want to be your friend, they will do it by doing nothing. When you reach out, they won’t reply unless you are asking a specific question.

Maybe they will reply about work or school but not about anything else. They might like your message instead of actually answering, and they won’t try or want to carry out a conversation. [Read: When you should unfriend bad friends in your life]

2. They cancel plans

If you make plans, they almost always cancel. You might wonder why they would agree to plans in the first place. Well, maybe you made plans in person, and they didn’t want to upset you when they could see your response.

Instead, they will cancel plans, oftentimes right beforehand. And if this becomes a pattern, it is not just one of the subtle signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend but also a flashing neon sign.

3. You always reach out first

If someone never texts you first, they do not want to be your friend. Someone that wants to be your friend will reach out. They will ask you how you are, they will make plans, and share things.

When someone is trying to be nice, they will reply but never make the first move. 

4. They give short answers

When someone isn’t interested in a conversation, they reply with short or one-word answers. They essentially want the conversation to end so that they will put the least effort in as possible.

If someone simply replies to your messages with LOL or yup, they are not interested in a friendship and are probably hoping you will take a hint. [Read: Ghosting a friend and 10 scenarios where it’s okay to do it]

5. They are always busy

Sure, some people are actually just busy, but if this person never ever makes time with you or for you, they show signs they don’t want to be your friend. Even someone who says they want to be your friend doesn’t mean it if they can’t make time for you.

6. They are ghosting you

ALERT, ALERT! If someone is just not answering you at all, they show signs they do not want to be your friend. And they are not subtle about it.

Yes, they are cruel and a bit of a coward. But, if someone is your friend, they will answer you. [Read: Understanding what ghosting is and how it impacts you]

7. You’re putting all the effort in

If you notice you are the only one putting in the effort, they don’t want to be your friend. It doesn’t mean you suck or you don’t deserve their friendship. It is probably more about them than it is you. A friendship is two-sided, not one-sided.

Just like a relationship, a friendship is give and take. If you do all the giving and they do all the taking, that is not a friend.

8. Things don’t line up

If they told you they couldn’t hang out because they are sick, but you see them out on social media, they probably lied to you. They want to let you down easily. But they also aren’t trying hard enough to ensure you don’t find out they are lying.

If someone lies and doesn’t bother covering their tracks, they want you to figure things out by reading between the lines. And that is what you are doing right now.

9. They don’t follow you on social media

If you follow them and they do not follow you, that is not a good sign. In fact, it is one of the signs someone doesn’t want to be friends. And it is a clear one. Not only do they want to avoid seeing you and talking to you, but they don’t even want to know what you’re up to.

With the hundreds of “friends” you probably have online but barely talk to, someone not wanting to be your friend online is a major red flag. Not being able to scroll past someone’s post is a surefire way to make it obvious that they do not want to be your friend at all.

This may even start with them slowly not liking your posts or replying to your stories. Eventually, they won’t interact at all and may even block you from seeing their page. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have many friends]

10. Plans are cut short

The last time I had a friend try to subtly dump me, so to speak, this is what happened regularly. Every time we made plans to hang out, we would, but not for long.

We would go to the mall to shop. Normally we would make our rounds and eat and shop a bit more. But the last few times, we would go to one or two stores, and she would say she had to go for some vague reason or another. [Read: All the reasons why people ditch flaky friends]

11. They don’t ask you anything

When someone wants to be a friend or even an acquaintance, they ask you questions. How are you? What did you do this weekend? Even strangers ask these questions.

So, if this person never asks you anything, they show signs they do not want to be your friend. 

12. They give you specific advice

This one can actually be hard to see sometimes. And I am sorry to say that I have actually done this to someone I didn’t want to be friends with in the past.

I told them that it was healthier for them and they would be stronger if they stopped relying on me and talking to me. They were creepily smothering me. I am not saying it was right for me to do this, but I had tried everything. I even said I could not be friends with you. They continued to message me.

Even after this, they kept at it for a while. So if someone is trying to tell you that being their friend is not good for you, believe them. It is not good for you.

13. They stop sharing with you

Usually, a bad friend will talk to you a lot about themselves but never ask about you. Someone that doesn’t want to be your friend at all won’t even share their news.

You may find out on social media or through mutual friends that they have a new boyfriend, got a new job, or anything else major. [Read: How to overcome the pain of losing a best friend]

14. They seem to have new friends

When someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it isn’t usually because they want to hang out alone. They usually found a new group or a new friend. There are tons of reasons for this, but if you notice this person out with people you don’t know or posting photos with a bunch of new people, your gut was right.

It sucks to feel replaced, but if someone is making new friends, they may be pushing you out to make room for them.

15. You have different priorities

Sometimes friendships have expiration dates. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. There may be nothing wrong with your friendship except that you are at two different stages in life.

Maybe they love to go out late and dance and sleep in while you are buying a house and have a lot more responsibilities. These changes can cause a relationship to drift naturally. It may seem like they don’t want to be your friend because your friendship just doesn’t line up anymore. [Read: Why a friendship breakup feels as bad as a relationship breakup]

16. They just seem distant

This one is pretty abstract but is probably the reason why you came looking for answers in the first place. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but something feels off. You aren’t sure if they are pulling away or not.

It seems like they could have a reason for being distant, but you aren’t getting answers. If you know something has changed, it could be a sign that someone doesn’t want to be your friend

[Read: Understanding the bad friendship skills that push people away]

With all this being said, when you see the signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend, believe them and move on. You don’t want to be friends with someone that doesn’t want to be friends with you.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...