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Fear of Losing Someone You Love: Why You Feel It & Ways to Get Over It

The fear of losing someone you love is a valid fear. It comes from a dozen reasons and it’s not easy to control. But how to overcome this fear?

Fear of Losing Someone You Love

The fear of losing someone you love is not an uncommon feeling. Whether you just got into a relationship, or you’ve been in one for a long time, the fear is still present because, let’s face it: you could lose them at any time.

We all have this fear, but even despite this, we don’t always understand why we have this fear and where it comes from. Even if you’re in the happiest relationship of your life, the fear of losing someone you love can be so powerful that it makes you focus on that fear.

Regardless, paranoia has a way of slithering into our brains, and causing us to envision horrifying scenarios where we are no longer with our loved ones. [Read: Fear of intimacy – The hardships of being afraid of love]

Reasons behind the fear of losing someone you love

So, why might you have this particular fear? There are some possible options.

1. Past experiences or trauma

When you’ve suffered some form of loss before or had a traumatic experience with a relationship, it can result in this specific fear. It makes you believe that that trauma will define all your experiences.

Maybe you’ve been misfortunate to experience a toxic relationship, or maybe your parents’ marriage didn’t work out. These experiences are just examples of what leads to the fear of losing someone you love.

The trauma becomes so great that you dwell on your fear altogether that it’ll happen again, or history will repeat itself. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]

2. Insecurity

We all deal with certain insecurities and flaws; that’s normal. However, when your insecurities are so strong that they remind you that you’re always going to lose someone, that’s when fear takes over. Even if you’re happy with someone, that voice in your head becomes too loud since it comes from your insecurities.

Our fears primarily come from a combination of what has already happened to us and our insecurities. If you always tend to look at your flaws, then that’s the source of this fear.

Maybe you feel like you don’t deserve love or that you’re always inadequate no matter what you do. These are the type of mindsets that leads to believe the fear of losing someone you love. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]

3. How they treat you

When someone mistreats you, even if you know that you should leave, you end up staying. Why? All because of the fear of losing someone you love.

Maybe you’ve been manipulated into thinking they’ll change, or maybe you find a justification for how they treat you.

In fact, the opposite can even be true. People can still have a fear of losing someone even when they’re treated with kindness and compassion. This is because they’re not used to being treated this way, making them scared as hell.

4. Codependency

One of the common causes behind the fear of losing someone you love is codependency. You fear the person you’ll become without them, or you’ve been so used to them in your life that you feel like you can’t breathe without them.

The thought of a life without them in your life scares you to the core because you’ve become so dependent on them for everything – and that’s what causes this fear. [Read: 10 scary signs of codependency in your relationship]

5. Bad childhood

While this can be similar to the first point, this mostly talks about how you were raised. If you have abandonment issues because your parents always neglected you or abandoned you as a child, then you’re likely to have a fear of losing someone you love.

Since your own family always rejected you, your thinking is that everyone else is bound to do the same. You feel like you’re always predestined for abandonment and rejection from everyone else.

Ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love

While we can’t always control our fears, we can do something about them.

To help combat your deep-seated fear of abandonment, we have put together an abundance of different ways you can overcome that fear easily! [Read: 20 downright strange but true phobias about love]

1. Just relax, it’s natural

The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you.

This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. The fear of losing someone you love is a valid fear that everyone has gone through at a certain point in their lives.

By realizing that it’s normal for you to have some fear over losing someone you love, you will be able to accept your feelings and work toward moving on.

Losing this fear altogether is actually cause for concern, as it usually signifies an even bigger issue, such as a loss of interest in your relationship. [Read: 22 signs you’re subconsciously losing interest in your relationship and slowly letting go]

2. Stop trying to control everything

There are things in your life that are going to happen, whether you want them to or not. You can’t physically stop every person who comes into your life from leaving.

They will come, and they will go, without your approval. Many people struggle with letting go of the need for control *because let’s face it, we all want to be in control*.

But you will never be in control of everything, ever. So you might as well go with it and learn to accept things as they are. [Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you]

3. Get a journal

Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and fears when it comes to losing someone you love may help you overcome that burden.

Getting what’s on your mind on paper is a great way to relieve tension and relax a little bit. It’s the most therapeutic thing you can do when dealing with the fear of losing someone you love.

In this case, you can even start an anxiety journal where you write all your darkest thoughts. This can help you see that sometimes, your thoughts can be so irrational that it’s far from reality. [Read: Abandonment issues and how it affects your relationship]

4. Communicate with your partner

One of the best ways to alleviate the fear of losing your significant other is to simply talk to them about it. If your fear is crushing you that much, then you need to let your partner know how you’re feeling.

Maybe they can reassure you, and ease your pain. Especially when your partner knows about your past or the fears in your mind, they can find the right words to say and affirm that your fears will not happen. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 14 steps to a better love]

5. Enjoy your partner!

One fantastic way to overcome this feeling is to just enjoy your significant other. Enjoy their company. Enjoy their personality and all the little things that make them tick. Enjoying your relationship is the best way you can forget about your fears, at least at that moment.

Instead of spending all your time overthinking your fears, enjoy the moment with your partner instead! [Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules that’ll guarantee a successful romance]

6. Realize that you may be making things worse

By worrying so much about losing someone, you may actually be making your current situation worse—or even driving them away. If your mind is so caught up in the idea that they’re going to flee, you might just lead them there yourself.

They say that your thoughts shape your current reality, and this can really happen. This is why it’s important to overcome your fear of losing someone because if not, this can become your reality. [Read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship & calm your mind down]

7. Picture your life without them

It’s definitely not something you want to do—especially if that’s your biggest fear. But here’s the thing – if you can imagine your life without them, and realize that you can go on, you’ll be okay, and everything will work out in the end.

It’s so much easier to face the possibility of abandonment. If you can imagine yourself moving on from the relationship and finding someone else, then this can help you avoid dwelling on the fear of losing someone you love.  [Read: 9 important habits you need to learn to feel more independent]

8. Realize that life will go on either way

A partner doesn’t define your happiness, and a partner isn’t in control of you. You will live your life the way you want with or without them, and this mindset is definitely something that will help allay your deepest fears.

We know how difficult this is to picture, but it’s necessary to overcome this fear. You have to realize that no matter what happens, life will never stop for you. [Read: 11 lessons you need to learn to survive on your own]

9. Accept that it’s a part of life—and deal with it

This may be a harsh reality, but it’s an honest one. Losing loved ones happens on a daily basis. You’re not alone when it comes to these feelings at all. Life happens whether you want it to or not, and you will have to deal with losing people you love here and there.

Loss is a part of life, and will impact you in some way some day. Accepting this reality now will send you on your way to overcoming your fear. [Read: You-complete-me relationships and why you need your space]

10. Reflect on the many people you’ve lost

Regardless of what caused your fear of losing someone you love, the fact is that you’ve survived it several times, and you’ll survive it again. If the worst-case scenario happens and you do lose them, you’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Think of how many partners, friends, or even family members you’ve lost and feel empowered by the fact that you’re a survivor. Yes, it’s going to hurt, but you’ll survive this loss just like the rest of your losses throughout your life.

11. Talk to someone

Whether it’s a best friend or a therapist, you need to talk to someone about your fears when it gets too overwhelming. The more you repress this fear hoping it’ll go away on its own, the more you’re going to feel pain.

We guarantee you’re going to feel so much better when you manage to talk to someone about your fears. It doesn’t make you crazy for needing someone to listen to your thoughts; it just makes you human. [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable? 13 ways you can open up more]

12. Find the evidence

When we’re so focused on our fears, the best way to counter that and think logically is if you try and find evidence. Why do you believe that you’re going to lose them?

Is it something they did to you directly, or is it a trigger from your past? The moment you don’t find a single piece of evidence, you’ll realize that your fears were just irrational thoughts to begin with. It’s not that your fears weren’t valid, but it’s that they were coming from a place in your past.

13. Use that fear to your advantage

You can’t always control every outcome, but you can use your fear of losing someone you love to your advantage. Realize that life is so fragile, and anything can happen at any moment, even losing the person you love most.

If you use that realization, you can better appreciate the things in your relationship and the things that happen daily. Since you’re scared of losing them at any time, you know how to better make every second count. [Read: How to be fearless – 13 ways to set aside fear and live your life]

14. Reverse your thoughts

One of the things you have to learn when you tend to think negatively is to counter your thoughts. If your mind is full of your fears such as the fear of losing someone, then turn it into a positive thought.

For instance, every time you’re scared to lose them, just think that at least you got to feel the love you’ve always wanted or that you got to grow from this experience. You need to be capable of finding the silver lining in even the worst fears you have.

15. Deal with your baggage

This is easier said than done, but if you find the root of your fear, you can better overcome it. If a toxic relationship caused your fear of losing someone, then seek closure from that relationship or better yet, realize that your past relationships will never define your current one.

No matter how bad it was, that doesn’t mean it will happen all over again. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]

So, what is the fear of losing someone?

The fear of losing someone comes from something that occurred in your past, a terrible childhood, abandonment issues, insecurities, or how your partner treats you.

This is a fear that we’ve experienced at a given point in our lives that’s tough to overcome. But you can overcome it, with effort, determination, and self-love.

[Read: How to let go of your fear of being alone and learn to find peace]

Losing the one you love is a common fear amongst many people. Luckily for you, we have come up with the best ways to overcome this scary feeling and get back to enjoying your relationship!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...