Being Friends Again: 22 Truths to Get Your Best Friend Back & Grow Closer
Falling out with your BFF? Here’s how to get your best friend back and rebuild what really matters, your ride-or-die bond.
We’ve all been there, one messy fight, a ghosted text thread, or a slow fade-out, and suddenly your partner-in-crime is MIA. If you’re wondering how to get your best friend back after a falling out, you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not doomed.
The good news? Friendship breakups don’t have to be forever. With the right steps, a little humility, and a whole lot of heart, you can revive that bond and maybe even make it stronger than before.
Friendship, especially in your late teens and early twenties, is a wild ride of growing pains, personal evolution, and sometimes, accidental ghosting. But just because things got bumpy doesn’t mean the end credits are rolling.
Research shows that repairing close friendships can actually deepen emotional intimacy and improve long-term mental health, yes, even more than romantic relationships sometimes.
📚 Source: Rawlins, W.K., at al., 1992, Friendship Matters: Communication and the Life Course
Before you hit “send” on that “I miss you” text, let’s break down exactly how to get your friend back in a way that’s thoughtful, genuine, and not awkwardly desperate. Whether it’s been days or months, this guide has your back.
How to get your best friend back: The most important steps that work
Friend breakups hurt in a way that’s hard to explain.
They’re not always loud or dramatic like romantic breakups, but they leave a gap that’s just as heavy.
Whether you drifted apart, had a huge fallout, or something in between, the good news is: it’s possible to get your best friend back. Here’s how to rebuild the connection, step by step, with empathy, maturity, and just the right amount of heart.
[Read: Friendship Breakup: Why It Hurts When Friends Leave & 18 Truths to Get Over It]
1. Reflect on what happened
Before you reach out, you need to understand the “why.” Did you grow distant over time, or was there a specific argument? Were feelings hurt, or did life just get in the way?
Be honest with yourself, own your role, even if it feels uncomfortable. This clarity will help you approach the situation with maturity rather than defensiveness.
2. Give them space
Your instinct might be to fix things ASAP, but sometimes space is the most respectful first move. Let your friend breathe. If things ended in conflict, a short break can help both of you cool off and gain perspective. Wait at least a week before reaching out, more if emotions were high.
3. Reach out with care
When you’re ready, send a message that’s low-pressure and sincere. A simple “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you and would love to talk if you’re open to it” is enough. Avoid rehashing drama in the first message. Just open the door gently.
4. Apologize if you need to
If you hurt them, intentionally or not, apologize clearly and specifically. A real apology isn’t about defending your actions. It’s about acknowledging their feelings.
Say, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” not “I’m sorry you felt that way.” There’s a difference, and they’ll feel it.
5. Don’t expect instant forgiveness
Even if you apologize, your friend might not be ready to dive back in. That’s okay. Rebuilding trust takes time. Let them know you’re here whenever they’re ready, and don’t push for an immediate resolution.
[Read: How to Apologize for Ghosting a Friend, Make Up with Them & Fix the Friendship]
6. Listen, really listen
When you finally talk, let them speak. Don’t interrupt with justifications. Just listen. People need to feel heard before they can heal. Active listening, nodding, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing what they’re saying, shows you care about what they’re feeling, not just fixing things.
7. Talk about what’s changed
If your actions or behavior played a role in the fallout, be honest about what you’re working on. Maybe you’ve become more mindful of your temper, or you’re learning to set better boundaries. Show growth, not perfection. Friends need to know things will be different moving forward.
[Read: 24 Honest Ways to Make Up with a Friend If You Don’t Want to Lose Them]
8. Rebuild slowly with small gestures
Don’t expect things to go back to normal overnight. Start small. Send a meme that reminds you of them, or comment on their story.
These micro-connections help rebuild warmth without pressure. Think of it as planting new seeds instead of trying to tape the old flower back together.
9. Plan a low-pressure hangout
If they’re open to reconnecting in person, suggest something casual and familiar, grabbing coffee, walking in the park, or watching a favorite show. Keep it light. You don’t need to talk about everything right away. Sometimes just being together again is enough to restart the bond.
Shared history is powerful. Bring up a memory that made you both laugh or cry. It’s not manipulation, it’s a way to remind them of the connection you had. Nostalgia can be the emotional bridge that brings people back together.
📚 Source: Wildschut et al., 2006, Nostalgia: Content, Triggers, Functions
11. Do something thoughtful
Actions speak louder than words. Whether it’s sending their favorite snack, making them a playlist, or writing a handwritten note, small acts of care show you’re invested in rebuilding, not just saying the right things.
12. Respect their boundaries
Maybe they’re not ready. Maybe they’ve changed. If they ask for space, give it. If they don’t respond, don’t double-text every day. Pushing too hard comes off as desperate or disrespectful. Show that you care, but also that you understand their autonomy. [Read: 25 Types, Ways & Tips to Set Boundaries with Friends Without Insulting Them]
13. Don’t involve mutual friends
It might be tempting to ask a mutual friend to “talk to them for you,” but this usually backfires. It puts pressure on your friend and can feel manipulative. Keep the communication between the two of you, no middlemen.
14. Be consistent, not clingy
Rebuilding trust isn’t about big grand gestures. It’s about showing up consistently, over time. Check in once in a while. Celebrate their wins. Be supportive without hovering. Friendships thrive on mutual effort, not forced closeness.
15. Accept the outcome, whatever it is
Sometimes, despite your best intentions, the friendship can’t go back to what it was. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. It just means you both grew in different directions. If they choose not to reconnect, honor that with grace. Closure is still growth.
[Read: How to Reconnect with Old Friends & Rebuild Your Lost Friendships]
Getting your best friend back isn’t about fixing the past, it’s about creating space for something new. Whether you rekindle your bond or walk away with peace, the important part is that you tried, with empathy, honesty, and heart.
Check out these guides on friendship and getting your best friend back:
- How to Distance Yourself From a Friend Without a Lot of Drama
- 31 Secrets to Get Your Friend to Like You & Fall in Love Before Asking Them Out
- 31 Signs a Friend with Benefits is Falling in Love with You & Catching Feelings
- 42 Signs You’re Falling in Love with Your Best Friend & What You MUST Do Next
Should You Try to Get Your Best Friend Back?
Before you dive headfirst into fixing things, pause and ask yourself a tough but important question: is this friendship really worth saving?
Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.
If the friendship was mostly one-sided, left you emotionally drained, or made you feel small more often than seen, it might not be something worth rekindling. A healthy friendship should feel like a safe space, not a constant emotional rollercoaster.
Think about how the friendship made you feel overall. Were they there for you when it mattered, or did they disappear when things got hard? Did you feel like you could be your full self around them, or were you always walking on eggshells? [Read: Friendship Breakup: Why It Hurts When Friends Leave & 18 Truths to Get Over It]
If your “best friend” constantly ignored boundaries, competed with you, or made everything about them, those are red flags, not just bumps in the road.
On the flip side, if the friendship ended because of a misunderstanding, life changes, or emotional missteps on both sides, there’s a real chance it can be repaired. Friendships that are rooted in mutual respect, shared history, and emotional safety are often worth fighting for, even after a fallout.
Ultimately, ask yourself this: do you miss them, or do you miss the version of the friendship you hoped it would be? The answer will help guide your next move.
📚 Source: Kendra Marum, 2009, Reciprocity and Emotional Support in Friendship
Why do friendships end?
When a friendship ends, it can hurt just as much, if not more, than a romantic breakup. Your best friend isn’t just someone you hang out with; they’re the person who’s seen you cry over breakups, celebrated your wins, and probably knows your favorite takeout order by heart.
So when things fall apart, it can leave you confused, hurt, and wondering what went wrong.
[Read: How to Be Friends with Someone You Love without Losing Your Mind]
Most friendships don’t end in one dramatic blowout. Some fade quietly, while others explode with betrayal or resentment. Understanding what caused the rift can help you figure out whether it’s fixable, or if it’s time to let go.
1. Drifting Apart
Friendships often dissolve gradually. You don’t even realize it’s happening until you realize it’s been months since you last talked.
Graduation: Whether it’s high school or college, major life transitions can pull people in different directions. New routines, cities, or careers can shrink the time and emotional energy you once gave each other.
Marriage or kids: If one of you suddenly has a partner or a baby, your priorities shift, fast. That spontaneous midnight FaceTime might get replaced with diaper duty or date night.
Moving away: Long-distance friendships require effort. And if your communication styles or priorities don’t match anymore, the connection can quietly fade.
Growing into different people: Maybe one of you got into the party scene, while the other leaned into quiet nights and early mornings. Shared values and interests matter more than we realize until they’re no longer shared.
2. Deliberate Endings
Some friendships don’t fade, they break. And when they do, it’s often because of intense emotions or serious misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings: A misread text, a third-party rumor, or an awkward situation can spiral fast. If trust is shaky, even a small misstep can feel like betrayal.
Betrayal: Whether it’s gossiping behind someone’s back or crossing a romantic boundary, betrayal cuts deep. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships don’t always have clear rules, so when they’re broken, it stings even more.
Unspoken resentment: If one person constantly gives more, listens more, or forgives more, the imbalance builds. Eventually, someone hits their limit and walks away.
Friendship endings are rarely black and white. But recognizing what kind of ending you experienced, natural drift or emotional rupture, can help you decide your next step. Was it just life getting in the way? Or was there real hurt involved?
Research shows that friendships impact our mental health as deeply as romantic connections do, especially in young adulthood.
📚 Source: Douglas S. Rait, 2018, Friendships and Romantic Relationships of College Students
So if you’re feeling the loss hard, it’s because this relationship mattered, and it’s okay to grieve it.
If you want to explore more on friendship, check out these guides:
- 31 Secrets to Break Up with a Friend with Benefits, End It & Get Over It ASAP
- 17 Must-Knows to Ask a Friend Out On a Date Subtly & Not Risk the Friendship
- Coupled Already? 13 Signs You’re Dating Your Friend Already & Don’t Know It!
- 30 Subtle Ways to Get Out of the Friend Zone & Make Yourself VERY Desirable
- Dating Your Sibling’s Friend: 42 Rules, Pros & Cons You Should Never Ignore
What Not to Do When Trying to Fix a Friendship
When you’re hurting and desperate to reconnect, it’s easy to act out of panic or guilt. But some actions, no matter how well-intended, can actually push your friend further away.
If you’re wondering how to get your best friend back, here’s what not to do while trying to fix things.
1. Don’t guilt-trip them
“After everything I did for you…” is not an apology, it’s emotional manipulation. Guilt-tripping might get a reaction, but it won’t earn back trust. Instead, it can make your friend feel cornered or emotionally overwhelmed, which just deepens the divide. [Read: Emotional Cheating vs Friendship: The Point When a Line is Crossed]
2. Don’t bombard them with messages
Texting them a novel every hour or sending a string of “I miss you” memes might seem cute in your head, but to them, it can feel suffocating. Respect their space. If they haven’t replied yet, give them time instead of turning into a notification nightmare.
3. Don’t drag mutual friends into it
Avoid using mutual friends as messengers, spies, or emotional referees. It puts everyone in an awkward position and can make your friend feel like they’re being ganged up on. Keep it between the two of you, this is your conflict to resolve.
[Read: 31 Must-Knows to Resolve Conflict, Cut the Drama & Handle Your Emotions]
4. Don’t fake-change just to win them back
Promising to change just to get your friend talking again isn’t fair to either of you. Real change takes time, self-awareness, and consistency. If you’re not ready to follow through, don’t say it. They’ll notice, and it’ll hurt more the second time.
5. Don’t minimize their feelings
Saying things like “You’re overreacting” or “It wasn’t that deep” invalidates their emotions. Whether you agree or not, their feelings are real to them, and if you want to reconnect, you need to honor that.
How Long Should You Wait to Reconnect?
There’s no perfect formula for when to reach out, but timing matters more than you think. If you rush in too soon, your friend might still be emotionally raw or defensive. Wait too long, and the distance might grow into indifference. So how do you know when the time is right?
[Read: Long-Distance Friendship: What Makes It Work & Ways to Stay Connected]
Start by checking in with yourself first. Are you reaching out because you genuinely want to rebuild the friendship, or because you feel lonely, guilty, or anxious? Emotional clarity is your best compass. If you’re still angry or hoping just to “win” the argument, you’re probably not ready yet.
As a general rule, give it at least one to two weeks after a fight or fallout before reaching out, long enough for emotions to cool, but not so long that resentment festers or the silence becomes permanent. If the fallout was more serious (like a betrayal), it may take a month or more for both of you to feel ready. And that’s okay.
Pay attention to signs of openness. Are they liking your posts again? Watching your stories? Responding to mutual friends differently when your name comes up? These subtle cues can hint that they might be open to reconnecting.
And remember: healing happens at different paces. If you’re unsure, a short, low-pressure message like “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. No pressure to respond, but I’d love to talk when you’re ready” can open the door without pushing it.
Healing a Friendship Takes Effort, But It’s So Worth It
Getting your best friend back isn’t about groveling or pretending nothing happened. It’s about owning your part, opening the door to communication, and rebuilding trust one honest convo at a time.
Friendships, like any relationship, require maintenance, and sometimes, a little renovation. But if the bond was real, it’s never too late to reconnect.
Don’t let pride, fear, or overthinking keep you from reaching out. Most friendships don’t end with a bang, they fade from neglect. And that means you have the power to reignite them. Whether it’s a heartfelt apology, a casual check-in, or a shared meme to break the ice, what matters is the intention behind it.
[Read: 34 Signs to Know How & When to End a Friendship that’s Toxic & Hurting You]
If you’re wondering how to get your best friend back, start with honesty, empathy, and a little courage. The right people are worth fighting for, especially the ones who once knew your Starbucks order by heart.
