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The 3 Stages to Embrace and Overcome Loneliness

embrace and overcome loneliness

Understand these three stages to realize that loneliness is only a state of mind, and it’s easy to embrace it and overcome loneliness if you try.

When you pictured where you would be at this phase in your life, what did you see?

Chances are, you had great ideas about the freedom that you would have, to do whatever you want, and had imagined your dream job and a perfect life.

As humans, we spend a lot of time dreaming of the big things that we desire and crave for, but we overlook the simple things that really matter.

One of the things we don’t picture often enough is the presence of other people in our grand plans of life.

Instead, we just assume that no matter where life takes us, we will have people who love us surrounding us, and they’d enjoy spending time with us *whether these be friends, family, or a significant other*.

Unfortunately, life’s twists and turns don’t always provide us with built-in friendships or relationships.

In fact, there are several phases in life where you may find yourself successful in your career and happy with your location, but completely alone in your social life.

And being alone can place a damper on your other successes.

After all, if you don’t have anyone to celebrate with, many of your other accomplishments can feel pretty empty. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends right now]

The three stages of understanding and dealing with loneliness

These stages can appear in your life for many reasons. Perhaps, you have just gone through a break up with a significant other, or your friends have moved on into a new life phase, or you have moved across the country and aren’t sure how to put your roots down in a new place.

No matter the reason, there is no need to fear loneliness. While it can be hard to come home to an empty apartment and spend the evenings alone, periods of loneliness can also be an amazing time to take care of yourself, build yourself back up, and find new connections that can help you feel fulfilled and complete, all over again. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the ones you love]

Stage #1 Self-Care

If your evenings find you alone on the couch, dreaming of days in the past in order to escape the loneliness you feel right now, you are in desperate need of some self-care. Loneliness can be sad, but it can also be a chance to pamper yourself. After all, there is no one else for you to be worrying about! This means you are able to put yourself first, guilt-free!

What are your favorite guilty pleasures? Whether it is an excessively long hot bath, playing your favorite songs at top-volume, or eating an entire pint of ice cream while watching your favorite Netflix show, you have the right to do it!

Spend some of your money in a selfish way – buy some new clothes, or a piece of artwork, or a new video game, indulge in something you’d absolutely enjoy!

There are very few times in your life where you will not have to consider the feelings *and finances!* of others when making decisions about how you want to spend your time and money, so take advantage of this opportunity to do things exactly the way you want.

Try to give yourself one or two of these favorite things to look forward to, each day. They do not need to be extravagant indulgences in order to give you a little ‘boost’ emotionally. In fact, sometimes the smaller guilty pleasures are all the more fun to enjoy! Have a glass of wine while reading a new magazine, or light your favorite candle, revel in this rare chance to pamper yourself and put your own needs first. [Read: 20 sure signs you’re a people pleaser who puts others’ needs first all the time]

Stage #2 Self-Improvement

Once you begin to find ways to embrace being alone through pampering yourself, you may begin to get restless. After all, even pampering yourself can get old after a few weeks! This is your next big step in embracing loneliness – taking this opportunity to improve yourself.

A self-improvement journey will be different for everyone, as each individual has different areas that they will need to focus on. A good place to start is to write down a list of the ways you would like to improve intellectually, emotionally/spiritually, and physically. Once you have these three lists, you can pick out one or two from each list to work on at one time.

For example, you may decide that you want to use your open schedule to get into better shape. You don’t have to work around any one else’s schedule, you may find that you are able to hire a personal trainer or fit in a new fitness class. You may also decide that you want to spend some time improving in an intellectual skill such as a new language, your cooking skill, or a college class that will help your career.

This time of your life may feel empty, but it is possible to fill it with new experiences and learning opportunities that will enrich every season of your life that comes next. [Read: 11 easy steps to love yourself and brome a much better person]

Stage #3 Finding Connections Again

Despite the many benefits that can be gained from time alone and embracing loneliness, humans are social creatures and finding people to support you in your current life phase is important. It is important to take care of yourself first before beginning this step, because you need to be able to avoid connections that are not going to be healthy for you.

If you are desperate for human connection in a time of loneliness, you are far more likely to end up surrounded by people who are harmful for you. So make sure you are in a good place before you begin looking to connect with new people! [Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]

When you are ready to connect with new people, do so purposefully. In fact, your self-improvement phase may have already helped you set the groundwork for some new relationships. For example, maybe there are some people you’ve met at a fitness class or sat next to in your pottery workshop that you could grab a coffee with. There are plenty of websites offering a chance for complete strangers to meet up in a local city and enjoy a new activity together.

One of the easiest ways to make new connections is to be totally honest about your situation. Opening up to new people, and letting them know that you are new to the city or just out of a breakup will give them an idea of where you are, on an emotional level. After all, they may not have any idea that you are actually looking to be friends instead of just acquaintances, and you will want to explicitly let them know that! [Read: 16 reasons why people find it so easy to take you for granted]

Meeting new people can be scary, but remember that you are already making it fine on your own! You don’t need anyone else’s approval, and you are able to take care of yourself! Go through your day and assume that everyone you come in contact with is a potential option for a new friendship or connection. Make the decision to try and foster new relationships, and soon, your period of loneliness will be over!

Finding acceptance for where you are

Even if this isn’t how you pictured your life turning out, it is what it is! Every choice you make now is going to determine what your future ends up being. So if you don’t like where you are, instead of obsessing over past decisions that have ended up with you in this lonely situation, you need to take conscious choices that will lead to self-care, self-improvement and the creation of new, lasting relationships.

This season of loneliness only needs to be a single season. You will find new love and new friendships in the future, so make the most of where you are right now and revel in the chance to spoil yourself and improve yourself!

[Read: How to make friends when you just can’t find any friends]

Loneliness can be a time of change and improvement, and a time to understand yourself and your real needs better. Use these three stages to embrace and understand loneliness, and when you’re ready, shine and the world will see you, just the way you want to be seen!

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Briallyn Smith
Briallyn Smith
Briallyn is a student by day, and a student by night too. Currently living in the middle of nowhere in Canada, with a love for beautiful people, long walks, all...
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5 thoughts on “The 3 Stages to Embrace and Overcome Loneliness”

  1. Lonely says:

    I am a married woman whom have more common interest with male. People think I am a very social and all around person but I feel lonely all the time. I don’t have any platonic male friend who can share my interest and hobbies. Every time I get closer to a male, they took it to the wrong way so I had to pull away. I don’t have much interest in things that most female friends would do: cooking, party, shopping, spa, share make up tips etc. so I decline most of the invites from female friends. After all, I don’t have any close friends.

  2. Mistyblue2 says:

    Loneliness in this stage of my life comes and goes when I think about things I want to do and how I would like to share them with more than my children. I have weddings to go to, vacations, concerts, and so much more. Yes I can do any of them alone and probably have many times. However, these days I am fighting off little bits of loneliness. I am starting to really focus on self care and improvement but really struggle trying to enter the arena of connections again. I like your advice about opening up to new people and letting myself be vulnerable so I think I will start there. I do have a hard time with being a bit too private and need to allow people to get to know me. I know if I did they would love me.

  3. Kevin says:

    Self improvement really is the key to combating loneliness. I know I went through a major bout of feeling lonely that caused me to become very depressed and isolated from the world around me. After I got myself out of that hole, I found out I was missing a whole bunch of things for my life: namely my GED. Once I got enrolled on a twelfth grade course just to finish up the fundamentals of school, doors started opening up for me. I managed to get a small part time job that put me in touch with a great network of people. My social circle grew, I was going out for nights on the town again, and my life is generally so much better than it was before. I can’t imagine where I’d be if I was still in that hole.

  4. whole new world says:

    Thank you for this article it made me realize that I could overcome my loneliness. I’ve been battling depression and most people categorize depression in a whole new way of thinking but they are pretty similar. When I’m depressed, I tend to think about suicidal thoughts though, that’s the only difference. When you’re lonely, you would only need a friend, or if it were that easy to do. I’ve realized a lot of things in my life but when the depression kicks in, it’s like my state of mind goes from up to down. There’s no way for me to turn it back up again. What I have is chronic depression. I take medicines for my condition and have been trying to combat this for years and right now I’m stable but would always still have suicidal thoughts.

    I cut my wrists and overdosed on tylenol 2 years ago, I stayed in the bath tub and I dazed out. I thought I already died but the first thing I heard were beeping noises and when I opened my eyes, I was at the hospital. I was tied up, their precaution that if I would wake up, I wouldn’t harm myself again. I cried immediately, my parents were there with me and they didn’t get mad. they understood me. Though I caused them all pain in all aspects of their lives they still love me and I really felt bad for what I’ve done to myself. It not only affected me but them as well.

    I think I’m getting better now and I’ve never done something that I would regret for a long time now, still, I keep thinking of ways to die but it is in my control. My suicidal thoughts cannot control me anymore and I’m a stronger person than before. I admire people who got over what I have, this depression thing, it makes me aspire that one day I would be depression free. I would love to a live a life with a new colorful perspective. I hate the gloomy darkness that I tend to project in my mind.

  5. Positivia says:

    Loneliness may be one of the hardest feelings that someone could experience. It is one of the few feelings that could cause a suicide. But what is loneliness? As you may have already noticed, you may have lots of friends or know lots of people but still feel that you are all alone in this world or even isolated. the main cause for the feeling of loneliness is the lack of intimate relationships. Yes, you may know lots of people or have many friends but if your relationships with them is too superficial or if you never share your emotions with them then you will feel lonely. Sharing your emotions and secrets with people won

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