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How to Leave Someone You Love: The Guide to Help You Decide

how to leave someone you love

If you ask how to leave someone you love, first consider why you want to leave and make sure you are doing the right thing.

When I first started the rough draft of this feature, the direction I was looking for was just how to leave someone you love. I then went on to list all the ways you walk away from love for whatever reason you think you must. But, then, I had a change of heart.

Why the change of heart? I don’t know if it is just me, my age, or the environment that we live in, but what I see in my own life and the world is disheartening. I have a very few number of friends who are still married, in a committed relationship, or who aren’t considering leaving the person that they are with.

Should you really? How to leave someone you love

I started to ask myself why everyone seems to call it quits, like everyone I know. There are commonalities in the reasons people want to leave someone they love.

Being in love sounds awesome, doesn’t it?I mean who doesn’t want the white knight on the horse or the wife at the front door in her apron waiting for her husband? Unfortunately, that is not the way love works. [Read: Are you suffering from the White Knight syndrome?]

Before you research the ways on how to leave someone you love, take a second and pause. Find out if you really should leave the person you are with. Obviously, if they aren’t good for you or you are in a bad situation, find your way out. But, at some point in any relationship you go through times of heartache, pain, and unimaginable challenges.

6 reasons that you might not want to leave someone you love

The good news is that if you hold out through the storm, there are always sunny skies to come. Before you find ways for how to leave someone you love, see if there are reasons that you might want to stay.

I know, I am sorry, that may not be the answer that you want. But, when I have thought about leaving the people I love, these are the reasons I hold on and weather the storm.

#1 The grass always looks greener. Relationships are HARD. I don’t care what anyone says. If you have people in your life who tell you they live in a relationship where everything is sunshine and flowers, they are either not really in the relationship at all, like superficial, or they aren’t being honest with you or themselves.

There is no way that two people have a relationship and not find themselves in turmoil throughout life. There is no way to get to the end of this life without a lot of hurdles along the way. But, maybe, just maybe, instead of pushing apart to get through the rough spots, you try to cling together. [Read: The 28 signs that your relationship is over already]

If you think your single friends have it awesome because they go out with anyone they want, and they don’t have the hassle of someone on their case, that may be right and it may not.

Statistics show about 50 percent of married people who get divorced end up wishing they tried to work it out. You must decide which of the 50% you think you will be.

#2 If you leave the relationship then you will be instantly happy. It isn’t that leaving a troubled relationship isn’t good for some people. In fact, many people are much happier when their partner is gone. The problem is if you love someone and you leave them, you might just find out the problem wasn’t them. Your happiness is something only you control.

Sure, other people make you unhappy. But if the unhappiness comes from within, leaving the relationship you are in isn’t going to make you instantly happy. It might just make you see the problem lies within who you are and your own misery more than anything that someone put on you. [Read: How to calm your mind and make peace a state of mind]

#3 You’re on a self-imposed downward cycle. Sometimes we get into negative cycles as couples. We have all felt them. It is like when something hurts, and you sit and think about it, it hurts about one hundred times more. Instead of leaving the person you love, try to turn things around by thinking positively and presenting the same to them.

It is easy to convince not just yourself but your partner too that things aren’t going to work. That is only sabotaging the relationship. Figure out the reasons why it won’t work and decide for yourself whether they are real or a function of your own mental creation.

#4 Love isn’t supposed to be this hard. Unfortunately, we all grew up watching chick flicks and sitcoms with happy endings. In life, there are many times when there are unhappy endings.

If you think you should leave someone you love because your relationship isn’t working because it is just too damn hard, think again. Likely, any relationship you enter into requires a whole lot of work. If you have given it all the chances you have to give, yes, find a way to leave.

But, if you think you are the only one having a hard time getting along, start to look around and listen. It isn’t just you.

Love isn’t a fairytale. It is an enduring like and support group between two people. [Read: The secret to harmonious and long-lasting relationships]

#5 They won’t ever change. Now this one is probably true, they won’t ever change. But, you stop and ask yourself if you really want them to change. There are personality characteristics about ourselves that are nearly impossible to alter, but that is both good and bad.

You fell in love and love the person you are with. Maybe there are just some aspects that if you worked with them, you could come to terms. Leaving someone you love simply because they won’t do exactly what you want, or can’t be 100% of what you want them to be, leads to the same mess next time.

No, you probably can’t ever change them, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t parts of you that can change to meet halfway if they are willing to try. [Read: Have modern relationships changed for the better or are they worse?]

#6 Things are too instant and no one wants to work for things. The internet is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because you get to hear advice from people like me *in jest!*. It is a curse because we don’t ever want to wait for anything or invest time in things because the next person, situation, or opportunity is right around the corner. At least that is the way that it seems.

Relationships are like anything else worthwhile. They must be worked out and at. If you consider leaving someone you love, weigh if you would rather put the effort and time into finding a happy medium to love each other or just let go and move on. Moving on always sounds easier, but it isn’t, trust me!

As I said, I started out this feature giving all the ways to distract yourself into leaving someone you love to make it less painful and okay. I am in no way saying that you should ever stay in a relationship that isn’t what you want or giving you what you need. Maybe there is some way to salvage what you have instead of throwing it away.

Leaving is sometimes just as hard, if not more than staying with someone you love. Just make sure before you do leave, that you know in your heart it is what you want. Don’t ever look back and regret what you let go.

[Read: Feeling trapped? Should you stay or break free?]

The grass may be greener on the other side, but maybe what you are looking at is artificial grass, that’s all I am saying. You could consider how to leave someone you love, but at the end of the day, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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