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How to Be Emotionless: 16 Ways to Lose Feelings & Gain Control

You can learn how to be emotionless and heartless using these steps. But there are healthier alternatives to being cold-hearted and live a better life too!

how to be emotionless

It’s a strange place to be in, isn’t it? Wanting to know how to be emotionless and cold? On one hand, we have psychopaths and narcissists at one end of the spectrum who can’t empathize or experience normal feelings. And on the other hand, we have you, on the other end of the spectrum, wanting to learn ways to feel heartless and become emotionless.

It’s possible, and we’ll show you how to be emotionless and harden your heart like a rock. But where is this pain coming from?

Why would someone who is gifted with empathy, love and emotions want to throw it all away to turn into a zombie without emotions?

Why you’re hurting and why it’s okay to feel hurt

Everybody hurts. And when that happens, we feel stupid and weak, and helpless. And you’d be willing to do anything to never feel this way again.

Is it because of your lover? Is it your friends who made you feel weak and stupid? Or is it someone at work? Or life, perhaps?

You need to remember that some of us are more sensitive than others, and that’s okay. It’s a gift of empathy and feelings you need to be proud of having.

Experiencing feelings deeply doesn’t make you weak. It’s what makes you a good friend, lover and an overall better human being.

Yes, the world may be more shallow and narcissistic these days, and everyone focuses more on the superficial than real feelings. But do you really want to be one of them?

[Read: How to get over feeling unwanted in life and start feeling desirable again]

You’re sensitive, and you should love yourself for it

Remember this, you’re not too sensitive if you get hurt by someone else’s actions. Calling you “sensitive” is an excuse shitty people use when they want to hurt you and expect you to just accept it.

If you want to be happy, allow yourself to feel these emotions instead of trying to learn how to be emotionless.

But on the other hand, if you do think you’re really sensitive and find yourself taking offense for the smallest of reasons, here’s something you need to check out – How to stop being so sensitive all the time. It can help you understand what makes you sensitive and how you can overcome it.

People care, they just pretend they don’t!

Before you go learning how to be emotionless below, here’s an honest truth you should know. Everyone cares! Everyone is emotional!

But they just hide it really well behind a veil of nonchalance. Do you ever wonder why so many of us spend every free minute furiously scrolling through the same apps, watching Netflix or staying distracted on social media?

That’s because any time left to ourselves and our own minds makes us think and feel emotions. And people don’t want to do that. Instead, they just want to distract themselves and pretend their house isn’t on fire when the world around them is burning.

You feel emotions, so it means you’re able to connect with your thoughts without being distracted by them, and that’s a good thing to feel!

[Read: Why you feel unloved and the different ways to fix it yourself]

The first step in learning how to lose your strong emotions

There are some of us who are just more sensitive than others. Being highly emotional is a difficult way to go through life. Feeling like you are on an emotional roller coaster all of the time is not only tiring, it can leave you feeling lost.

If you are someone who takes things to heart easily, don’t worry, you can learn how to be emotionless when it is called for.

The key is to know when to invest the energy and when just to let it go. We’ll share the best ways you can use below.

And as much as you’re using this guide to stop having emotions and grow a cold heart, always remember that having emotions is a good thing, as long as you can control it and your emotions don’t hurt others.

How to be emotionless and cold hearted

Emotions are pretty powerful things when used for the right reasons. If you have a hard time with them overpowering you, it can leave you feeling drained and in a constant state of stress.

Learning to let go of things you can’t control is the best way to decipher when you should get wrapped up in something or to just walk away.

For a highly sensitive person, learning how to be emotionless takes practice and mindfulness. It is about catching yourself before you fall into the endless emotional pit. Here are some ways you can do it.

[Read: The raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]

1. Cut your empathy down

Empathy is a very important part of humanity, but being overly empathetic can leave you feeling like a weeping wound.

There are things that you can feel for other people, and then there are times when you have to reserve feelings for yourself and your own situation.

You can’t possibly take the weight of the world on your shoulders, so don’t let everyone else’s misfortune weigh down on you so heavily. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and just don’t know it]

2. Stop being everyone’s counselor

When you are an emotional person, you have a tendency to put more thought and concern into other people.

That can leave you feeling like a counselor to everyone you know. Because you are a good listener and care deeply for others, it can feel like all of your emotional energy is being spent helping out your friends and family members.

If you want to know how to be emotionless, sometimes, you just have to not answer the phone or not be the one who drops everything to help someone through their emotional crisis. Likely, you have enough on your own emotional plate. [Read: 16 signs you’re being taken for granted by the ones you love]

3. Stop internalizing

When someone is in a bad mood or does something to you, emotional people have a tendency to take it on themselves or to internalize it. That can leave you with a whole lot of unresolved feelings, continual guilt, and doubt about who you are.

If someone is being crappy, rude, or downright nasty *and you haven’t done anything*, release them with love.

You can’t be responsible for other people’s feelings or rude behavior. If you haven’t done anything wrong to them, then that is on them.

4. Avoid socially stressful situations

If you are a social-phobe, don’t stick yourself into situations that are going to provoke high stress. Being emotional makes it more difficult to be in tense or stressful social situations.

If you know that going to a family wedding is going to let out your emotional monsters, then skip it. You don’t have to do things that aren’t good for you. [Read: Too empathetic? How to detach yourself and have a better life]

5. Put yourself first

For some people, hearing someone else’s emotional turmoil is cathartic. To those who are full of emotion, it can be like an endless roller coaster.

If you are the person who puts everyone and their emotional needs above you, then it is time to make an oath to put yourself first.

People who are highly emotional have a hard time investing in their own well-being. You don’t have to be super human or put others before you. When you want to know how to be emotionless, you have to put your own needs above others’ in your life.

If you are knee-deep in something, stop bringing in more shovels to put you under. Figure out your own shit before you worry about other people. [Read: How self respect affects you and all your relationships with others]

6. Try to listen without feelings

Emotional people have a tendency to insert themselves into a situation and navigate it imaginarily through emotions to check out all angles.

If you have a problem, step back, and out, to see what is going on rationally, instead of trying to figure out the emotions of it.

Seeing a problem is much easier when you take all the feeling out of the scenario. It also saves you a whole lot of wasted emotional energy.

7. Break up with drama

If you have someone in your life who is continually putting you over the emotional edge, then that may be more toxins than you need in life. Some people like to be the martyr and create drama to get attention.

They often turn to people in their lives who care, and that is likely you. If you have someone who always seems to be in crisis mode, stop letting them use your emotional energy to get their fill.

It is okay to cut someone loose if they are demanding too much of your energy. They will find someone else to listen to their woes and problems, and you won’t find yourself being sucked in.

Drama queens want all the drama, but they never want to take steps to change their situation. They just use your emotional energy to fulfill their needs and then walk home happy as a clam, leaving you in their wake until they need their fill again. Ditch ‘em! [Read: 17 types of bad friends you need to unfriend from your life]

8. Clean your surroundings

You may wonder how learning to be emotionless has anything to do with the clutter on your table or in your house. But it does play a big part.

When you’re surrounded by clutter and find yourself unorganized, your mind stays unorganized, your thoughts are muddled and confused. Every waking minute is filled with confusion and chaos instead of a streamlined thought flow.

Clear the clutter in your life, and your mind will feel clear. You’d feel more in control of your life, and less controlled by your emotions. Inner peace is everything when it comes to getting a grip on your emotions.

9. Avoid helplessness

This may be caused because of work, your relationship, or your friendships. But if there’s a part of your life that makes you feel overwhelmed by emotions in a negative way, it’s time to cut them out. You may be sensitive, but that doesn’t give anyone in your life the excuse to treat you like dirt.

When you feel helpless, you start to feel more emotional and distressed. Avoid the people who make you feel helpless, and regain control over your life again. Y

ou’ll find that learning how to be emotionless comes easier when you own your own feelings, instead of letting someone else control it.

[Read: How to find yourself again after a seriously low point in life]

10. Seeking validation from others

No one knows you better than you. And yet, do you constantly go seeking validation from others to make yourself feel better?

Love yourself, focus on yourself and believe in yourself. If the number of social media likes or how many friends you had around you on your birthday defines how emotionally happy you are, that’s a recipe for disaster. [Read: When your friends don’t wish you happy birthday – The power play games they’re trying]

As hard as it is, don’t rely on others to create the happiness in your life. Love yourself and learn to create happiness from within. Do this, and it’ll help you control your emotions a lot better. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

11. Apologizing and obsessing

Do you apologize to others all the time, for the smallest slights? Do you find yourself obsessing over some mistake you did, even if it’s something the other person doesn’t care about?

Maybe now is the time to learn to stop apologizing for things that aren’t directly in your control.

When you apologize for everything, you take the blame for everything that goes wrong. And that makes you more emotional, guilty, and sad.

Own responsibility for the mistakes you make, but stop believing that everyone deserves an apology because you choose to put yourself first for once.

12. Implosive anger

Do you hold everything that upsets you inside, until you can’t hold it anymore and then explode? Of course, if you’re doing this, you’d want to learn how to be emotionless!

But you need to ask yourself here, do you want to be emotionless, or do you need to learn how to express your emotions better?

If you can learn to speak your mind, honestly and politely, in the first place, there would have been no reason for you to build your rage to the point where you have to lose it!

Sometimes, it isn’t about learning how it be emotionless, it’s more about learning how to express your emotions better. [Read: How to express your feelings and get your point across the right way]

13. Distract yourself momentarily

We’ve mentioned earlier that people use distractions to stop feeling emotions, and that’s a bad thing. But sometimes, 30 minutes of a healthy distraction can help you calm down and collect your thoughts.

Remember, when you’re trying to figure out how to be emotionless, what you really want to know is how to stop feeling the pain of those emotions. So a healthy distraction can be a good escape, as long as you use it wisely.

14. Meditate

Yoga kicks ass when it comes to controlling your feelings and emotions. Not into yoga? Just sit down anywhere you’re comfortable, set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes, close your eyes and breathe deeply.

Literally, that’s all you need to do to start feeling in control again, and lose all the chaotic emotions you feel right now! [Read: 14 really quick stress busters to quickly recharge your mind and feel peace]

15. Don’t give power to unhealthy thoughts

We’re human, we can think. But that doesn’t mean every thought that passes through your mind is healthy for you.

Self-deprecation, self-hate, feeling like a loser, or hating yourself for feeling too emotional – these are the thoughts you don’t ever have to believe in, or give power to.

Every time you think something negative about yourself, say something positive using your words to give strength to yourself and your self-belief.

16. Let go of control

This is very important when learning how to become emotionless. Why do we become emotionless in the first place?

It’s because something doesn’t go according to our plans. You imagine a scenario in your mind, and someone else screws it up and destroys your perfectly-built fantasy.

When you try to control your surroundings, or the people in your life, it’s inevitable that you’re going to feel more emotional.

You’re depending on others to keep you emotionally stable. How can that work when every human has their own thoughts, desires and there own dreams to follow? Go with the flow, let go of control, and you won’t feel the need to feel emotionless.

[Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you and need to fix it!]

How to be emotionless in a relationship

Being emotionless in a relationship is just like being emotionless in any other part of your life. You should stop seeking control, stop repressing your feelings, and learn to communicate your feelings openly with each other.

If you feel the need to become emotionless and heartless in a relationship, it only means one thing. There isn’t healthy communication between the two of you. Read this article for 14 tips on how both of you can learn to communicate better with each other.

Try it, and if it doesn’t work, perhaps, the two of you aren’t a good fit.

Learning to be emotionless and heartless vs. Learning to control and understand your emotions

Being emotional is something that some people are born with, but others lack it.

If you are someone who admires the person who can walk away without a care in the world, who lacks empathy, and puts themselves first, there are things you can do to cut back on the emotions that you expend. You can stop the energy you put out and the continual roller coaster you find yourself on.

The good news is that although you feel for everyone else, and it can seem like a curse, it isn’t all bad. Feelings are good things, as is being empathetic.

If you use your emotional energy in the right way, it can end up making not just everyone else feel good, but also yourself.

If you want to know how to be emotionless, it is all about learning when you should invest and when to shut it out. You can learn to be less emotional and more in control of your feelings while still being the person you were meant to be!

Want to read more about getting your emotions under control? Try these:

Why am I so emotional? Science has the answers you may not expect

The mysterious factors that play a big part in your emotional stability

19 signs of emotional damage and all the ways to get past them

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...