Living happily ever after and riding off into the sunset are two myths of marriage. But life isn’t a fairy tale. Here are some untruths about matrimony.
Marriage is a life sentence that takes no prisoners – that is one of the myths of marriage. These days, one can never be too sure of being together for life, and sometimes the word “forever” can mean just a few years. Sadly, many marriages never last, and some were doomed from the start.
So often, many couples are lured into marriage, and they rush into something they are never really prepared for. But then again, who really is prepared for marriage?
A long and lasting marriage goes beyond an extravagant wedding ceremony. Marriage is a long and arduous road couples have to take. And it comes as no surprise that many people have grown terrified of marriage and would never go down that road.
[Read: 17 things you MUST do before getting married and settling down]
The long and winding road of marriage
Marriage has been overly romanticized in all forms of culture. We can’t help but swoon when we see those romantic proposals being shared all over social media.
We can’t help but cry during the wedding ceremonies, especially when the couple exchanges their vows, promising to love and cherish each other until the end of time.
These days, marriage, like love, is a very fragile thing. Holding on to something can only bring the risk of losing it forever. Perhaps this is why the world is full of cynics – love has become so fleeting. Time has taught me to constantly be wary and on guard. The world can be cruel and is forever deceiving.
When girls are young, their dream is to marry the man they love. But to make a marriage work, it takes more than love. It takes a whole lot of patience, tolerance, and hard work to keep a marriage intact… and not everyone is cut out for that kind of work.
You might be dating someone for quite some time, so naturally, you think that you would last forever and eventually get married. But sometimes you are wrong.
As we grow older, we realize that sometimes our best-laid plans in our youth aren’t the best plans for us. And sometimes your plans are torn apart at the seams. That might be the only way that you can see reality as it is, not how you wanted it to be. [Read: Intimacy in marriage – 19 signs it’s fading and secrets to keep it alive]
The most common myths about marriage that we shouldn’t believe
Marriage can be a beautiful thing if one lets go of the myths surrounding it. In your youthful impulsiveness, you might have foolishly believed in some of these myths.
As you grew older, you might have learned to separate myth from fact. It can take a lot of unlearning, but it is worth it.
1. Being a couple for a long time means that you should get married
This is perhaps the myth that was the hardest to unlearn. When you have been with someone for the longest time, you start to believe that your investment in them will result in marriage.
However, your suitability to be married should not be determined by how long you have been together. The quality of your relationship and your willingness to overcome challenges should be taken into account as well.
After all, there are lots of couples out there who dated for years and years before getting married, only for their marriage to end after a short while. [Read: Should I marry him? 24 signs that scream “yes” and the honest reasons why]
2. Marriage makes your relationship better
It becomes ridiculous to think that marriage makes life better. Marriage isn’t some sort of magic spell where your problems will disappear in the blink of an eye.
Bad attitudes, arguments, bills to pay, and the gnawing worm of reality just aren’t going to fix themselves.
The honeymoon period is only going to last for so short a time, and before you know it, your partner with all the adorable quirks and idiosyncrasies turns out to be a heavy drinker. It is true that partners bring their assets into a marriage, as well as their liabilities.
It is up to you to take them as they are. Remember that change comes from within and that people will only change if they allow themselves to. [Read: 21 common reasons why couples drift apart over time]
3. Marriage will make you happy
Let’s get one thing straight: an unhappy single person will most likely have an unhappy marriage – that is definitely one of the myths of marriage that you need to know. Happiness is a choice and should come from within.
Even if you happen to marry somebody incredibly rich or drop-dead gorgeous or kind, if you find the dark cloud in every silver lining, you are going to have an unhappy marriage.
Remember not to burden your spouse with so many unrealistic expectations of the person you want them to be. Marriage will not cure your loneliness or your pessimism. As with everything else in life, your marriage is what you make it. [Read: Why you feel alone even in a relationship and what to do about it]
4. You won’t be lonely if you’re married
Sadly, this has become an all-too-familiar marriage myth. Too many single people have wasted away, longing for the one who would save them from being lonely. While it is true that marriage can give you a sense of companionship, it doesn’t mean it will completely eradicate loneliness.
Too many married couples have felt the pang of not being alone but feeling lonely. Many have felt the pain of a distant spouse and the harsh reality of marriage dying before their eyes.
Sadly, many of these people insist on staying because they have already invested a lot or they have kids. Remember: an unfulfilling and dying marriage is far worse than being single. [Read: Loneliness in a relationship – 4 why’s and 7 ways to fix it]
5. Having kids brings security to the relationship
It has become quite the common misconception that having kids brings a couple closer together. As fulfilling as parenthood may be, having children can ruin relationships if one or both of you turn out to be immature or unprepared for the responsibility of parenthood.
Having children can be trying on one’s patience, and seeing to it that children are raised properly requires a harmonious relationship between the couple. [Read: How to know if you’re really ready for a baby]
6. Arguing will destroy the marriage
There is that persistent misconception that married couples who argue in the relationship are headed for disaster. What’s true is that everyone enters a marriage not really knowing what to expect. No matter how well you get along, there will be times when an argument will be inevitable.
The danger of married couples not arguing is that they tend to make emotional compromises, and this tends to erode the sense of trust between the two.
Couples in healthy relationships do argue, but they never hit below the belt. They find a way to resolve conflict and forgive each other once the conflict has been resolved. [Read: Arguments in a relationship – 23 do’s and don’ts to remember]
7. Your spouse should be your best friend
The truth is, you don’t have to force your spouse to be your best friend in order to make a marriage work. While marriage requires a certain level of friendship, you are still free to confide in a trusted friend who isn’t involved in your marriage.
Your spouse may be your partner, your friend, your lover, your confidant, and your rock. But it’s perfectly fine if you want to share a certain level of closeness with someone you trust that isn’t your spouse.
8. Marriage makes your life complete
Another one of the big myths of marriage is that it will complete you. Once again, marriage isn’t some sort of magic spell that will make your life complete all of a sudden.
This is one of the saddest misconceptions about marriage, and this idea can ruin a marriage when the expectation to feel “complete” is not met.
Your spouse should not complete you, so do not weigh them down with unrealistic expectations. If anything, your spouse should support you in your quest to feel complete, but they shouldn’t be responsible for it. [Read: You-complete-me relationships and why they could be trouble]
9. Married sex is boring
Many people fear that getting married means an end to sex altogether, or having boring sex every single day of their lives. However, it’s not marriage itself that is to blame for a boring sex life.
Other factors such as being busy with work or having children can also come into play. Sex, whether married or not, requires a few tweaks from time to time to keep it exciting. [Read: The sexiest ways to make married sex feel like a one night stand all the time]
10. Being a married couple will stress you out
It will, but only if you let it. Marriage may be difficult sometimes, but it’s not always about work, which is another one of the myths about marriage.
There are millions of couples out there who find it so easy to enjoy being married because, from the start, they already know that despite the difficult times, they’re confident in their bond and in their ability to work through rough patches.
The more you look at marriage as “work,” the more you will resent it, and the less you will be able to enjoy it.
11. You don’t have to put in the effort once you’re married
A lot of people think that when they get married, then they don’t have to romance their partner or try very hard anymore.
They think, “Ahhhh…I’m married! I can just kick my feet up and relax now because I ‘have’ them!” But getting married is where the real effort starts – not ends. [Read: Resentment in marriage – 33 subtle signs, causes, and how to get rid of it]
12. The relationship will always be the same
There is a saying that goes, “The only thing constant is change.” In other words, everything is always changing and you can’t stop it regardless of how hard you try. You and your partner will age.
They will get different goals and interests. Then you’ll have children who will grow up and leave the house. You have to stay in tune with each other to weather the inevitable changes.
13. You won’t ever grow apart
If you don’t keep putting in the effort to stay connected, you might very well grow apart. Especially if you have children because a lot of your attention will be devoted to raising them.
And as a result, your attention is taken away from your spouse. Keep nurturing your marriage so you don’t grow apart. [Read: Relationship drifting – 21 reasons couples grow apart and how to stop it]
14. It should be easy
When we watch Disney movies like Cinderella or Snow White and see all the romantic comedies, they always imply that marriage is going to feel like a fairy tale.
They always have the two people in the end who are wildly happy and ride off into the sunset together. Everyone thinks they will live happily ever after. But it’s not easy to make that happen.
15. The wedding is more important than the marriage
A lot of little girls dream of their wedding day when they grow up. They might even act it out with a white pillowcase over their heads with their friends when they’re very young. Because of that, a lot of people put more emphasis on the wedding than the marriage itself. [Read: How to write your wedding vows – let these poets guide you]
The average wedding is thousands upon thousands of dollars. That’s a lot of money to spend on one day! But how much time do the couples go to premarital counseling? Probably not a lot. But that’s more important than the ceremony – that is another one of the important myths of marriage.
16. You’ll always be happy
Just as the fairy tales told us, we think that because we’re happy on our wedding day, we will always feel that way. But talk to anyone who has been married for several decades and they will tell you that is not very possible.
Marriage is more like a roller coaster with highs and lows. Hopefully, you’ll have more highs, but that’s not guaranteed. [Read: How to rekindle a marriage – 19 secrets to make love exciting again]
17. You’ll grow old together
No one gets married thinking that it will end up in divorce or that they will be widowed. But sadly, that’s what happens to a lot of couples.
So, you should really cherish each other while you can and try to be as happy as possible. You never know what can happen.
18. Opposites attract
Sure, they say opposites attract. The reason they say this is because opposites tend to be complementary to each other.
But if you don’t have enough in common with your spouse, it can end up being a problem. You have to have a lot of similarities so you understand each other and can work through your differences when you do have them. [Read: Do opposites attract or do they honestly repel each other away?]
19. Sex stops when you get married
This is another one of the important myths of marriage. Yes, there are some marriages that eventually become sexless through the years. But a lot of marriages go on to have great sex lives.
The key is that you have to keep putting sex as a top priority. There will be things like children or work that will make you too tired, but you have to keep having sex anyway. You need to keep the intimacy alive, but it won’t automatically disappear. [Read: Sex and marriage – how often do married people have sex?]
20. You should agree on everything
Although you should be pretty similar with your personalities and major values, you don’t have to agree on absolutely everything.
Sure, it’s easier if you’re both of the same religion or have the same political outlook. But that doesn’t mean if you have different views you can’t be in a compatible marriage and agree to disagree peacefully.
21. You shouldn’t have your own friends and interests
Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you have to be joined at the hip. Sure, you should spend a lot of quality time with your spouse so that you say emotionally connected.
But it’s healthy to have your own friends and hobbies. You should have that in order to have a balanced life. Your whole world shouldn’t revolve around just your spouse. [Read: First year of marriage – the surprising truths no one talks about]
22. Going to therapy is a weakness
There will probably be times when you find that you can’t work through your problems on your own. A lot of people think that if they seek the help of a professional, then that is showing weakness.
But it is actually a strength when the both of you want to save your marriage so much that you put a lot of effort into it. It takes courage, and it’s admirable.
[Read: 20 reasons to get married and live happily ever after]
Whatever myths about marriage you see in movies and on the screen aren’t always true. Your marriage is what you make it, and while it can certainly be difficult to handle at times, being able to stay married and happy is worth the effort.
