It’s normal to want people to like us. However, you can take it too far. So, you need to know how to stop caring about what other people think.
It might seem strange to learn how to stop caring what other people think. We spend our whole lives doing the opposite. Training yourself on how to not care seems almost impossible.
But we all know that person who seems to be able to let things roll off of their backs so easily. You know, the one who just doesn’t care what other people think. They are just unapologetically themselves. And their effortless self-confidence is enviable.
If you are the opposite and struggle to let things go, you may have to retrain your brain to stop caring what people think. It is easy to become neurotic and socially anxious.
To stop living with such fear and learn how to stop caring what people think, you need to change your mindset, which we know is easier said than done, but it is doable. [Read: 48 real secrets to change your life & find the right path when you’re lost]
Why do we care what people think?
Well, we’re kind of trained to care too much about the opinions of others. Society, media, and even our families have raised us to care what other people think. We want to come off a certain way. Caring is what shows that you are determined, putting effort in, and want to impress others.
This can be hard to handle if you are already a sensitive person. It can easily become a torturous way to live. Bound by worrying about what others think and whether or not they’re judging you.
Why do you care so much?
So we know why as a whole we tend to care what people think, but why do you care so much? This may seem like a dumb question but keep an open mind. Caring is not a weakness, let’s just start with that. Caring means you have a good heart.
You’ve learned to care for others. That is a good thing, you don’t want to get rid of that. But the thing is, if you’re here, it means you probably care too much. [Read: 25 types, ways, and tips to set boundaries with friends without insulting them]
How caring too much can hurt you
When you care too much, you carry the weaknesses of the world around with you. This weighs you down. And that means you lift others and let yourself fall. Why is that? Well, caring too much happens when you lack boundaries.
For instance, you care about your partner. But, when you break up, you still care about them.
It’s not just that you care that they are healthy, but you care if they are hurting and want to fix their pain even though you don’t actually want to be with them. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs & 51 ways to deal with insecurity & fix it]
You let your care for others go above and beyond your care for yourself. That is where the trouble lies.
When you let your care for others break boundaries, you are disrespecting yourself. You are putting the happiness and peace of others over your own peace of mind, mental health, and joy.
You are caring for careless people, and it is eating away at you. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]
But it is about time that stopped.
Why you should stop caring what other people think
Some people think that learning how to stop caring what people think about them is selfish and can lead to bad behavior. While this can be true, there are also a lot of positive reasons why you should stop caring.
And these positive reasons can be life-changing. Here are some of them:
1. Find your authentic self
When you care too much about what other people think, you put too much focus on being the kind person that you think they would approve of. [Read: How to be yourself – 26 steps to un-fake your life and love being you]
In other words, you change yourself for other people based on their expectations.
However, when you do this, you deny who you really are. You put on a social mask and pretend to be someone you’re really not. So, when you learn how to stop caring what people think of you, it frees you to be your authentic self.
2. Be less vulnerable to peer pressure
It’s human nature to want people to like and love us. We also want to be included and not be the outsider who no one likes to be with. [Read: Stand up for yourself – why it’s hard and steps to get what you want and deserve]
But when you care too much about being accepted by a group of people, you change your behavior and succumb to peer pressure. It’s better to have your own thoughts and behaviors and not follow the crowd just so people might like you.
3. Spread kindness
When you learn how to stop caring what people think about you, you actually become less focused on yourself. Because if you’re constantly worried about changing yourself to please others, then you can’t focus outward on them.
And when you stop focusing on yourself, then you can change your mindset and start spreading kindness to other people. Isn’t that what everyone should be doing anyway? [Read: How to be nice – 20 easy tips to make everyone love being around you]
4. Be confident!
When you love yourself and you’re confident about who you are, it becomes natural to not care what other people think of you. You like yourself, and you think that anyone else who doesn’t is just foolish.
Now, that’s not to say that you should be a narcissist. Narcissists don’t actually love themselves and aren’t confident—that’s why they’re narcissists. But having healthy self-love and self-confidence is priceless and makes life so much easier.
Signs that you care what people think too much
You might not even be aware that you care too much about what other people think. It might just be “normal” behavior to you, so you haven’t really noticed it. [Read: Fear of rejection – 56 signs, causes, and ways to overcome and get over it]
So, here are some signs that you really do care too much about what they think of you.
1. You change yourself in response to criticism, regardless of what it is or who it comes from
Because you want everyone to like you and approve of you, whenever you face any criticism, you change yourself right away. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom or a perfect stranger who says it, your automatic response is to conform to their opinion.
This is not healthy because then you never know what you want. It’s more important to turn your thoughts inward and reflect on who you are and what you need to do. [Read: 23 secrets to stand up for yourself in a relationship and know your true worth]
Their opinions and criticism of you shouldn’t affect you.
2. You let other people make decisions for you
Because you are too afraid of making the wrong choice about something, you find it easier to let other people make the decisions for you. That way, you can’t be blamed or made fun of if it doesn’t work out well. [Read: Why am I so indecisive? 25 whys and ways to be an instant decision maker]
But when you do this, you give away your power to other people. Making decisions for yourself can be scary, but when you are self-confident, you don’t care what other people think about the choices you make.
3. You don’t set or maintain boundaries
If you don’t set or maintain boundaries, it’s probably because you are a people-pleaser and don’t know how to say no to people. [Read: How to set personal boundaries and demand others to respect it]
You think that if you say no, then they won’t like you. So, you willingly have absolutely no personal boundaries.
But that makes you into a doormat, and it opens you up for people to take advantage of you. And people who do that like it because then you are always the “giver” and they are always the “taker.” But it’s you who loses, not them.
4. You’re a perfectionist
You are constantly obsessed with being perfect. Whether it is how you look, your weight, your grades in school, your career, or being the perfect mother—you want to be the best at everything. [Read: Negative thinking – 32 signs and ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]
But you have to realize that “perfect” doesn’t exist and it’s subjective. What perfection is for you isn’t what perfection is for another person. So chasing perfection is a lost cause because you will never reach it. Just love yourself the way you are.
5. You hold your tongue if your opinion differs from everyone else’s
You probably rarely think for yourself because you’re morphing into the people around you to please them. But on the occasion that you do have an opinion, you’re afraid to voice it because you don’t want to be judged.
This is especially true if there is more than one person who has the same opinion but it’s different than yours. You find it easier to go with the crowd’s opinion rather than standing up for your own. [Read: 35 super confident ways to be a bitch, own it, and take charge of your life]
6. Your peace of mind relies on approval from others
One sign that you need to learn how to stop caring what people think is anxiety. Specifically, anxiety that stems from a constant checking-in to see if you are pleasing others and if they like you. If you aren’t getting constant approval, then you don’t have any inner peace.
In fact, you probably have very little inner peace. But you are only able to achieve some sort of peace of mind when people like you and approve of everything about you. This is an exhausting and unhealthy way to live.
7. You’re constantly apologizing even if you did nothing wrong
Because you are a people-pleaser, you are constantly worried about doing something wrong. You look to others to see if your thoughts and actions are “appropriate” or not. [Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior and stop being used by people]
So, you find yourself constantly apologizing to everyone. It could be for something small and silly like forgetting to put napkins on the table for dinner or something big. It doesn’t matter what it is, you just apologize anyway even if you did nothing wrong.
8. You rarely say “no”
Because you have no personal boundaries due to being a people pleaser, you almost never tell people no. You fear that if you say no, then they won’t like you and they will have a negative opinion of you.
But when you always do everything that other people want you to do, then you never get to do what you want to do. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries – how to talk about them and set them]
Plus, they will eventually stop respecting you because you never stand up for yourself and so they can walk all over you.
How to stop caring about what people think
If you want to know how to stop caring what people think, it really is about making some big changes in your belief system.
Learning how to not care is about freeing yourself from the burden of constantly needing to please others and putting endless amounts of effort in. It is your life, and you should do what you please. [Read: 19 signs of a taker in a relationship – are you a giver or a taker?]
With that being said, you don’t need to become an uncaring and mean person who storms through life only caring about yourself. What you want is to find a balance between caring and not caring too much. And this is how…
1. Others’ judgments aren’t your problem
Even if someone doesn’t want to admit it, everyone judges. It’s human nature.
In fact, it is literally in our genetic makeup. Judging people stems from our instinctual tendency to put things into categories. It’s a survival method that we use to help us determine if something is a threat. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]
Judging alone is not the problem.
Judging without necessary cause, however, is. This is when we become torn down. When someone judges you based on your clothes or style, you feel like trash.
You want to prove them wrong, but that is their choice. Their judgments of you are affecting them a lot more than they are you. [Read: Being an empath – 17 signs and ways you feel deeper than other people]
Putting in the effort to change their mind means you are letting them have power over you, your mind, and your actions. Why give them the satisfaction of getting under your skin?
2. Most people care more about themselves
The hardest thing for sensitive people to understand is that people typically don’t care about them, or at least not to the level at which they care about others.
If this is you, the key to not caring is to stop thinking that everyone is as considerate as you are. [Read: Helpful ways to stop being a self-centered person]
Most people are more worried about themselves than they are about you. They care about how they look or how others see them.
Sure, someone may look at you weirdly, but it isn’t because they’re judging you but worried you’re judging them.
3. Care for yourself
The best way to stop caring what people think is by worrying about yourself. [Read: How to focus on yourself – 27 ways to create your own sunshine]
Focus on yourself. Care for yourself. Take time to do what you like without worrying about what anyone else will say or think.
At first, you may take this time alone and in private to learn that you deserve to care for yourself.
Soon you’ll feel good enough to go out and do it publicly. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]
Go for a bike ride or work out at a gym instead of in your basement. Show the world that you put yourself first. They won’t even think about judging you. And if they do, you won’t have the time to care.
4. Not everyone has to like you
When you’re learning how to stop caring what people think, keep one thing in mind: not everyone has to like you. And not everyone will. It is impossible to please everyone. People are so different. To please them all with your looks and personality, you’ll need to stretch so far you become multiple people.
It doesn’t matter if some people don’t like you. You don’t like everyone, do you? [Read: Why does everyone hate me? 69 things you do that people probably don’t like!]
5. Life goes on
The world goes on no matter what you do. That isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing. If you don’t get something done, or if you let someone down, you’ll wake up tomorrow, and it’ll be fine.
Try to put things into perspective. This can help you to stop caring what people think. You are not perfect. No one is.
You can make mistakes and let things slip through the cracks because you’re human. And whether or not you live up to the expectations you set for yourself, you have tomorrow. [Read: YOLO – what it means & 23 secrets to live life like you only live once]
6. Look at the benefits of not caring
You searched for this feature because there is something about caring about other people’s opinions that you don’t like. Part of you wants to know how to stop caring what people think. One great way to do that is to think about the benefits that come with not caring.
You will have a level of freedom you can’t even imagine. You won’t be weighed down by others’ words or what you perceive their thoughts to be. And you can finally focus on what makes you happy. Isn’t that worth all the effort it takes to learn how to stop caring what people think? [Read: How to be happy and find your way to real happiness]
7. There will always be a troll
There are people whose sole purpose in life is not to like the most likable people.
In fact, there will even be people who will dislike you specifically because they are jealous that everyone else likes you.
Think about it. Even the most well-loved celebrities have internet trolls whose mission in life is to bring them down. [Read: How to stop caring about someone who hurt you: 15 steps to heal]
If you base your worth on getting everyone to like you, it will leave you unhappy and always wondering what you’re lacking.
In reality, when someone doesn’t like you, it is their issue, not yours. If you always try your best to be nice and considerate of others, but if they still don’t like you, you know it isn’t your problem.
8. Focus on the good
Not everyone is worthy of your energy. But if you’re a people-pleaser, when someone isn’t worthy, you try even harder. But, why? [Read: People pleaser: 21 signs you’re one and how to stop people pleasing]
There are plenty of people in the world and in your life that are worthy of your time, energy, and caring nature.
Instead of wasting your time getting the approval of people who don’t deserve your attention, put that time into the people who do care about you. [Read: Positive self-talk – what it is, where it comes from, and how to master it]
9. Cut out the bad
Toxic people are those whose negativity instantly rubs off on us when we hang out with them. Whether they are bad-mouthing someone or just being flat-out negative, nothing about them boosts your mood or self-esteem.
They aren’t adding anything good to your life, so why are they there?
It can be hard to stop caring, even when someone has done nothing but bring you down. Slowly cut these people out of your life. [Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]
Or, if you can handle it, let them know that you think your friendship has run its course because you are at two different points in life. Don’t put any extra effort into those who drain you.
10. Say no
Stop thinking that saying no makes you a bad person. You are not letting people down by putting yourself first.
You can’t be everything to everyone. It’s important to prioritize your time and energy in the right ways and with the right people. [Read: How to say no – 15 ways to reason politely, stop pleasing & feel kickass]
If someone asks you for a favor that just doesn’t feel right, then it’s okay to say no. If you’re tired and can’t go out to hear your work acquaintance complain about her boyfriend again, say no.
Don’t waste your precious time on things you don’t enjoy. This isn’t mean. It is self-care. [Read: How to be mean to people without turning into a mean person]
11. Help others learn how not to care
When you are learning how to stop caring what people think, helping others do the same can feel great. You are getting your good deeds done, but not as a pushover or doormat. You are caring for others that deserve to learn the same things you’ve learned.
This lets you offer aid to those who are in a similar situation. In the process, you are learning how to take your own advice. [Read: How to be kind to yourself, others, and love life instead of hating it]
12. Condition yourself
If you find yourself ruminating about situations or feeling guilty all the time, find a healthy outlet.
Being able to work through your pent-up anxiety and emotions will ensure that you won’t explode on the wrong person, make the wrong assumption, or feel bad about something that’s all in your head.
You can go to the gym, go for a run, or distract yourself from self-imposed guilt trips with your hobbies. [Read: 26 secrets to get motivated to work out and exercise your way to a better life]
Finding a productive and healthy outlet to train yourself away from overthinking and over-caring will help you to stop worrying about things that don’t matter in the long run.
13. Realize that no one is perfect
Stop feeling like you need to be perfect and accept your failures and mistakes as part of life. All the things you’ve done wrong have made you who you are. You are not perfect, and you don’t need to be.
Whether you see someone who makes life look so easy or seems like everyone likes them, you only see a small part. [Read: How to be perfect in everything you do and lead a fulfilling life]
No one is perfect, no matter how much they may seem to be, so stop trying to be. You are you, and that is enough.
14. Refuse to react
When you care about someone who is ungrateful or not nice, you react negatively. But when you react to other people, the only person who gets hurt is you. If you want to feel good about yourself, walk away.
Letting someone else’s actions overpower how you feel about yourself or how you go about the rest of your day gives them control over you. [Read: How to control your emotions and become the pinnacle of restraint]
You are caring more about what they did than how you are feeling. Put your emotions ahead of the actions of others.
15. Stop trying so hard
When you care a lot, you try a lot. You try so hard to impress others. This leads to intense anxiety. You worry yourself sick. Stop trying so hard, and learning how not to care will follow.
16. Ask yourself if you’re happy
Are you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you like yourself? Ask yourself these questions every day. If any answer is no, work out why. [Read: What makes you happy? It really might not be what you think it is]
It is likely because you are placing your happiness, fulfillment, and self-image in the hands of others. It is your life, so take control.
17. Surround yourself with good things
Surround yourself with things that make you feel good. Whether that is a pet, a soft blanket, or friends that support you, you should keep whatever makes you happy close by.
If you love a fandom like Star Wars or Harry Potter, pick up trinkets and display them at home. You want to smile at what surrounds you. You don’t need to be trendy or cool. [Read: How to be happy in life – hacks to find real happiness instantly]
Having things, material or otherwise, that make you happy will naturally make you feel better and refocus your care onto better, more positive outlets.
18. Get off social media
Social media now is not good for people who care too much. If you want to stop caring what people think, you need to stop allowing yourself to be bombarded by others’ opinions.
Seeing someone from high school you haven’t spoken to in over ten years talking about something personal will drain you. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media and 19 signs and ways it makes you insecure]
As someone who is sensitive and caring, you can’t help but feel for others, even strangers.
The more you see others, even people you don’t know, the more you care. You put all this emotional energy into people whose lives don’t impact you in the slightest. That may sound selfish. That’s not to say that you to unfollow everyone or be distant or uncaring.
But if you know that you are prone to caring too much, schedule social media time and stick to the limit so you aren’t overstimulated by it. [Read: Social media detox – ways to wean yourself off social media]
19. Stop judging others
Just so you know, you do judge others. Even if you don’t realize it, you do. It can be subconscious. There are biases you were raised with, whether you believe it or not. Whether it is a touch of racism or sexism, we are all exposed to these things, and they seep into our minds.
You can’t just press a button and unlearn everything, but taking active steps to pull back from judging others even when it isn’t obvious helps you care less. [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge and how to stop it]
When you are judging, you are putting effort into thinking about others, most likely in a negative way.
When you do that, your mind automatically thinks others are doing the same to you. If you can stop yourself from doing it, your brain won’t be triggered to think the same thing.
20. Be patient
You are not a robot. You cannot stop caring what people think overnight. There isn’t a switch you can flip to learn how not to care. Let yourself come to terms will why you care so much. Take this step by step. [Read: Love is patient, love is kind – rules to experience true love]
You may even want to see a therapist to keep yourself on track and work through the deeper reasons why you care so much.
Quotes to help you stop caring about what other people think
We can’t promise that, by the end of this feature, you’re going to stop worrying about being judged.
And we can’t promise that you’ll be completely “cured” of your need to please others. Nor can we promise that you’ll stop giving a damn about what others think. [Read: How do people become self-centered and stop caring about others?]
What we can promise you is this: by the end of this feature, you will have an idea of what you can do to change your toxic mindset.
Whether you want to do it subtly or loud and proud, here are 9 quotes that can help you stop giving a damn about what people think.
1. “If you’re busy pleasing everyone, you are not being true to yourself.” – Jocelyn Murray
The key to not giving a damn about what people think is realizing that there’s no need to please anyone but yourself. [Read: How Facebook ruins relationships – 15 things to remember]
Sure, there’s a desire to make everyone around you happy, but at the end of the day, why bother? If you can’t be happy, why are you fighting a battle to make others happy?
It’s not like you’re busy saving the world and pleasing people in that sense; you’re worrying about silly things that don’t really matter.
Taking on an extra load of work, just so your colleague can scamper off for a happy hour isn’t making you happy, so why do it? [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real you inside]
2. “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” – Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee was a wise man, indeed. So, follow his words and set your own expectations and work to fulfill them. Dump the expectations that have been set up for you by other people.
It’s understandable if you do certain things to please your parents, spouse, and friends, but at the end of the day, you’re here to live your life, not theirs. [Read: Being taken for granted? 71 BIG signs why it happens and ways to stop them]
Of course, you shouldn’t walk out on your kids and mortgage and run off to the Bahamas. Just choose a career path that you enjoy. Move to the country. Learn to dance.
Do things that will make you happy without compromising anyone else’s happiness.
3. “The most deadly combination known to man is low IQ and high testosterone.” -Jarod Kintz
Some people don’t give a damn about what others think because of their inflated egos. [Read: 73 Red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]
Don’t you realize how stupid it is to worry about what Tom, Dick, and Harry think of your scruffy shoes? Does it matter what Jane, Mary, and Becky think about your untouched roots?
Set your ego aside and stop worrying about what others think about you. Once you exude a positive devil-may-care attitude, people will start respecting you. That’s just how it is.
4. “When dealing with critics, always remember this: critics judge things based on what is outside of their content of understanding.” – Shannon L. Alder
At the end of the day, remember that there will always be people out there who will judge you simply because they don’t know any better. [Read: Ways to instantly recognize fake people and stay away]
They will continue doing so, no matter how beautiful, chic, wealthy, and intelligent you are. You can do nothing more than walk down the street, and people from all directions will judge you.
Whether it’s your parenting skills, hair color, or the type of car you drive, there’s always a hater out there. Think of it this way: no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to please these people, so why bother?
They don’t understand or know you, anyway, so there’s no need to give a damn what they think. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]
5. “Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much, there’s nothing else you can give, and nobody will care for you.” – Karl Lagerfeld
Stop giving a damn what people think by realizing that no matter how hard you try to please them, you’ll never succeed. As Lagerfeld said, if you sacrifice too much, there’s nothing else you can give.
Always remember that no one really cares, anyway. They may giggle at what you wear, but there’s no denying that they will feel a grudging sense of respect toward you for putting yourself out there and not giving a damn about what people think.
Don’t be afraid to break free from convention and do what makes you happy. Trying too hard to be someone you aren’t has never won a friend. [Read: Never make someone a priority when you’re only an option – the truth]
6. “Never explain, your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you, anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard
Your vibe attracts your tribe, so just be yourself and you will find like-minded souls all around you.
Surround yourself with people who matter and you will find that they don’t need you to impress them. They love you for who you are, and, at the end of the day, that’s what we are all striving for, right?
7. “You can’t please everyone, and you can’t make everyone like you.” – Katie Couric
Even if you tried, you couldn’t make everyone happy, so why not just work on making yourself happy? [Read: Attention whore – what it is, 23 signs & secrets to handle an attention seeker]
If you’re a people pleaser, extend this to those whom you actually care about, like family and friends. Forget about the random people who are going to hate you, anyway.
You know, deep down inside, that they’re not worth the time of day.
Slice the toxic people out of your life and you will find it easier to move on from the all-encompassing sense of giving a damn about what others think. [Read: Toxic people – 48 warning signs and the best ways to deal with them]
8. “Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive.” – Matt Cameron
Once you learn how to focus on the positive things in life, you will find it easier to be carefree.
Instead of nitpicking about how your hair looks or how many designer shirts you have, look at the bigger picture; you’ll discover that the little things don’t really matter anymore.
For example, think of the values that you’re passing on to your kids. [Read: Tips on how to be a less materialistic person]
When they see you splashing $2,000 on a handbag, just so you can impress the materialistic whores in your life, what message are you sending to them?
When your kids see you complaining that your car isn’t as nice as your neighbor’s, what are you telling them? Stop right there and start focusing on the positive things in life and you will find it easier to stop caring about what others think.
9. “All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” – Martin Buber
Travel far and wide, and you will realize how petty and insignificant some of your problems are. [Read: 15 reasons why you should travel at least once a year]
The world is your oyster and all her problems and joys are perfectly encapsulated within a shell, just waiting for you to discover them.
Travel to Armenia to meet the shepherds who are struggling to get by. Go to Macedonia and speak to the Syrian refugees fleeing from their war-torn country. Go to Congo and lend a hand protecting gorillas in the wild.
[Read: Sense of self – what it is, 36 signs and tips, and steps to raise it and feel great]
It’s okay to care what people think sometimes. But, caring too much for others’ opinions about you is an invitation for pain and anxiety. With time, practice, and patience you can learn how to stop caring what people think about you and be unapologetically your genuine self.
