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How to Not Be Shy: 13 Steps to Finally Come Out of Your Shell

Being shy isn’t always something we can help, but it is something we can work to change. If you want to know how to not be shy, this is what you need.

how to not be shy

Whether you’re shy or not can be due to a few different factors. No matter what they are, shyness can be annoying and debilitating. Those who are shy have trouble in many different aspects of their life. Is it possible to learn how to not be shy?

This leads to shy people wanting to change their shyness. They want to get rid of that behavior and finally come out of their shell to reap the benefits of being an outgoing, friendly person.

What makes someone shy?

As mentioned, shyness can be caused by several things. Your upbringing affects how you interact with other people because if you weren’t socialized well as a young child, it becomes harder for you as you grow. You may also just be genetically shyer than other people.

But the main reason people are shy is a fear of rejection and judgment. Those two things lead someone to stay quiet and avoid interacting with people because they don’t want to embarrass themselves or be rejected in any way. [Read: How to not be awkward – A guide for the quirky ones]

How to not be shy

It’s not easy to go against what you are naturally and become an outgoing person when you’re normally very shy. It takes time, dedication, and practice to get there. But you can do it!

If you want to know how to not be shy and come out of your shell to meet that special someone, make more friends, or do better at school or work, here are the best ways to finally do just that.

#1 Work on your confidence. The main difference between shy and outgoing people has 90% to do with their confidence. If you’re a shy person, you probably also have self-esteem issues you should work on.

By establishing your biggest concern about who you are or what you look like, you’ll be able to make it better and start feeling more confident. You can also hit the gym, the spa, and just do little things that make you feel better as a person. [Read: How to build self-confidence: 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]

#2 Realize the difference when you’re with friends. You’re probably not shy around your friends, right? They most likely wouldn’t categorize you as a shy person when you’re goofing around and being yourself with them. So, what’s the difference?

The next time you’re around your friends, pinpoint what makes you feel less shy around them as opposed to someone new. Learning the difference helps you harness your outgoing side around new people.

#3 Smile at strangers. This may sound like a silly thing to do to stop being shy. It has the potential to get rid of that shyness. Just smile at a stranger whenever possible. It doesn’t require you to talk or anything, yet you put yourself out there to be noticed by someone. That’s the first step.

#4 Go out as much as you can. Being around more and more people helps you to not be shy. The more you go out in an environment to meet new people, the more you’ll get used to it. It will no longer be something that’s intimidating to you. [Read: How to overcome shyness: 16 quick fixes to transform your life]

#5 Practice what you’ll say. If you’re shy because you never know what to say to people you don’t know, then just practice! Get in front of a mirror and go over phrases to use when speaking with someone. It helps you if you’re someone whose brain freezes around new people.

#6 Shut down negative thoughts. Negative thoughts debilitate us and make us feel even worse about ourselves. Shy people tend to start a cycle of self-abusive thoughts whenever they’re in a public setting – which makes them shy.

When you notice this starts, shut down those thoughts and replace them with something positive about yourself. Instead of thinking, “I’m so awkward,” start thinking, “I’m really fun!” You’ll notice the difference in time. [Read: Is your negative thinking subconsciously ruining your life?]

#7 Talk to someone new every day. It’s hard for shy people to talk to new people. However, if you want to not be shy, you must practice talking to people you don’t know. Even so much as a, “Hello, how are you?” to the cashier at a gas station helps you come out of your shell more. [Read: How to meet new people: 16 ways to find a new crowd]

#8 Ask your friends for help. By now, your friends have probably noticed you’re really shy around new people. I’m willing to bet they’ll help you move past it if you ask. Simply ask them to introduce you to new people. Then help you speak up at get together and outings.

#9 Remind yourself why. When you’re out in public and feel shy, it’s easy to forget why you don’t want to be shy in the first place. Have a constant reminder going through your mind about why you want to become a more outgoing person.

By doing this, you always have something in the back of your mind encouraging you to go outside of your comfort zone and interact with new people. [Read: How to be more outgoing – 12 ways to step out of your comfort zone]

#10 Think about others, not yourself. Instead of focusing on how you’re feeling when you go out, focus on other people and how they’re doing. Ask people about their lives and what they’re involved in. You start to forget all about how uncomfortable you feel. It’s also a great way to get to know people on a deeper level.

#11 Stop thinking of yourself as shy. If you continuously tell yourself you’re “too shy” to do certain things, you’ll obviously just stay that way and won’t make any progress. Your mind has the power to change the way you are and how you think. So, don’t tell people you’re shy. Don’t tell yourself you’re shy, and you’ll stop being shy.

#12 Stick with your most outgoing friend for a few nights. If you need help being outgoing, what better way than to watch an outgoing person and join them on their ventures for a few nights? Just tag along with someone who isn’t shy at all. You’ll pick up on just what makes them so comfortable around others so you can copy that. [Read: Social butterfly – The  13 big advantages of being outgoing and friendly]

#13 Write it out. Make a list of all the things you most worry about when you talk to someone new. Doing this helps you pinpoint the area you need to work on the most to not be shy anymore. You may also realize how silly your shyness is by seeing all the reasons laid out on a piece of paper.

[Read: 16 really effective ways to kick shyness to the curb]

Understanding how to not be shy and becoming an outgoing person takes a long time to accomplish, but you can first start by getting rid of your shy side. To not be shy and come out of your shell, these tips are crucial.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer, and the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degr...
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