It’s really not your fault you’re shy. There are a lot of reasons people become this way and it can even be born into you. But that doesn’t mean you don’t want to know how to be less shy. Being more outgoing means you can meet more people and even discover the love of your life.
It can also be really frustrating to be a shy person. You want to talk to people and you want to be involved but you just can’t do it. You sit there wondering why you can’t have the relationships others do and why you can’t just talk to people when you find them interesting.
Being shy is often heredity and is a personality trait
There could be underlying reasons for your shyness – like anxiety or even a low self-esteem – but it’s often just a personality trait. You were just born that way. There are people who grow up very talkative and outgoing and others who hide behind their moms and want to leave group settings.
There’s nothing wrong with that. However, it does make it a little more difficult to get past. You have to work a lot in order to get over shyness if it’s just how you were made, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. [Read: 10 motivational tips and tricks for shy people and introverts]
How to be less shy so you can meet new people
I’ll be honest, shyness is tough to deal with. To learn how to be less shy, you have to first commit to the idea of changing a personality trait of yours and then go head first into working on getting over the shyness. Here’s how to do that.
#1 Determine the cause of your shyness. It could just be a personality trait, as mentioned above, but it could be due to insecurity or other reasons. Your job is to just figure out what that is.
In order to determine how to go about fixing it, you have to find the underlying cause first. If it’s insecurity, then you’ll work on confidence. If it’s a personality trait, then you’ll have to just practice being more outgoing. [Read: 13 steps to come out of your shell and stop feeling shy around people]
#2 Commit to the change. You can’t just want to not be shy and only work toward that some of the time. It’s not like some other thing where giving only some effort will work.
You have to commit to it. This is a lifestyle change, really. You’re completely trying to change a huge part of your personality and if you’re not committed to that idea, you just won’t do it. So if you truly want to change, stick with it.
#3 Ask friends for some help. They know you better than anyone else, really. They’re going to be able to tell you when you’re shyest and how you can best combat that based on how they’ve seen you interact with people.
So get them involved! They can even help introduce you to people in order to alleviate that level of your shyness. Once you’re chatting to that cutie, it’ll be easier to practice not being shy.
#4 Boost your confidence. A lot of shyness stems from insecurities and not feeling great about yourself. It causes you to hide away and not talk to people. It’s really easy to be shy when you feel bad about how you look or when you devalue who you are.
So work on boosting that confidence. The better you feel about yourself, the more likely you’ll be to put yourself out there. You’ll feel great and want others to feel good, too. [Read: 11 powerful changes to alter your life with more confidence]
#5 Practice introductory conversation in front of a mirror. This is really going to help you get a script down. Many shy people just don’t know what to say and that’s why they feel shy. They fear messing up and not saying the right thing.
This way, you’ll be able to practice saying the right thing. When you know what to say and how to say it, you’ll feel great about going up to that hottie – or really anyone – and talking to them. [Read: Your how-to guide to speak clearly and successfully]
#6 Focus on making eye contact more. This will really help you get out of your own little bubble. Making eye contact forces you to connect with someone. That connection is really going to help you feel less alone – which can often cause shyness.
So when you talk to someone, look them in the eye. Don’t just hang your head down or look away all embarrassed and coy. Look them in the eye and just talk. It’s as simple as that. The more you do it, the easier it’ll get. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact moves that always work]
#7 Smile more often. This will just make you feel better. When we smile, our brain is recognizing that we’re happy and having a good, relaxed time. Therefore, the more you smile – even when you’re not particularly feeling happy – the more you’ll relax and be less shy.
#8 Shut down those inner thoughts. They’ll be there. That’s the painful thing about being shy. You always have those thoughts telling you things that only make you pull into yourself more.
Don’t listen to them. The more you shut them down, the easier they’ll be to deal with. Focus on the positives and keep saying happy things your mind. You can retrain your brain this way and you’ll end up much less shy in the end. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]
#9 Watch outgoing people and mimic them. If you want to know how to be less shy, just spend your time watching them. If you have an outgoing friend, that’s even better. Ask them questions and see what they say. But otherwise, just mimic what outgoing people are doing.
How do they approach groups? What does their body language look like when they’re interacting with people? Copy what they’re doing and how they carry themselves and it’ll help you learn how to stop being shy.
#10 Practice as much as you can. This is really the only way to get rid of that shyness for good. You have to practice and do it often. Get out and meet as many people as you can and you’ll see just how much it can help your shyness.
The more you talk to people, the more confident you’ll get. It’s like a cycle that just keeps feeding itself and eventually, you’ll be an outgoing person who can talk to just about anyone you want to.
[Read: 16 quick tips to overcome your shyness and transform your life]
The best way to be more outgoing and figure out how to be less shy is to gain some confidence and then practice as much as you can. With time, you can turn that personality trait into something a lot more approachable.
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