Worried that you might be an asshole? Learn what it means for someone to be an asshole, how it affects those around them, and ways to break the lifestyle.
What is an asshole? Unlike other words in the English language, asshole doesn’t have any Greek or Latin roots; no, it doesn’t come from “assholius maximus”. An asshole is called after the foulest part of one’s body.
None of us like assholes. They’re at our jobs, in our friend groups, and sometimes even in our families. They’re annoying, aggravating, and just so hard to be around that we can’t help but talk about them behind their backs. But what if you were the one who is really the asshole? [Read: Am I toxic? How to tell if you’re the toxic one & not everyone else]
What does being an asshole mean?
When learning what being an asshole means, you must know that assholery is not a type of behavior, but a character flaw. The action itself isn’t an asshole, but the person behind it is. Someone *is* an asshole.
Someone who is an asshole makes you feel de-energized, small, and disrespected. What separates an asshole from someone who is being “mean” is that being an asshole is not a momentary action or behavior. It is a trait that someone has. It is who they are.
A study behind the psychology of being an asshole was performed by a team of researchers to find and describe similarities of assholes identified by their participants.
Commonalities among assholes described by the participants were: aggression/antisociality, arrogance/self-centeredness/entitlement, inconsiderateness/boundary violation/passive rudeness, manipulativeness/lying/exploitation, and irresponsibility.
What makes identifying an asshole so difficult at times is that the insult is dependent on your self-perception of the asshole. However, they all are draining and belittle those around them.
Why are some people assholes?
Hurt people hurt people. One of the most common reasons someone is an asshole is because they’ve been hurt. Tired of this hurt, they want to project their pain onto other people. They think by putting their own negative feelings onto others, they can feel better. [Read: Ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]
However, this isn’t the case. If anything, being an asshole only enhances someone’s inner negativity by burying it deeper within them.
Negativity is a protective mechanism designed to keep us safe. Someone who is skeptical and thinks negatively first believes they are less likely to end up hurt. However, this is self-sabotage. Negative thinking only ruins your chance of potential happiness. [Read: Is negative thinking ruining your life?]
What makes someone an asshole
People who are assholes don’t give a shit about anyone else, or anyone else’s feelings but their own. They say what they want, do what they want, and walk all over people. Their negativity and selfishness are so deep that most of the time, they don’t even know they’re being an asshole.
If you think you’re an asshole or you might know someone who is, here are 25 common asshole traits to ease your suspicion.
1. They say whatever they feel like saying, without a filter. [Read: 30 wild ways to be a bitch and an asshole]
2. They treat everyone like they are lesser.
3. They take the last piece of everything without asking.
4. They don’t replace the toilet paper. The next person is on their own.
5. They “borrow” things without ever intending to return them. [Read: Sure signs you’re a bitch and don’t even know it]
6. They always “forget” their wallet.
7. They ghost people just ‘cause they can. [Read: Ways to disappear quickly and get away clean]
8. They point out everyone’s faults in public. Obviously, ignoring their own.
9. They puddle-splash people on the kerb… they think it is so funny to watch their faces.
10. They drive at their own speed. They go like 20 miles under the speed limit because no one is going to rush them!
11. They empty the milk or orange juice carton and put it back. [Read: Simple tips to avoid being rude in any situation]
12. They claim they don’t want to go somewhere… and then bitch about not being invited.
13. They use social media as their own personal roast fest.
14. They don’t close up the cheese before they put it back in the refrigerator.
15. They don’t text someone back. They’re too busy for that nonsense. [Read: Ignoring a guy – why this works so well & how to use it right]
16. They always have to one-up everyone (like, everyone).
17. When they bump into someone, they don’t dare ever say “sorry” or “excuse me.”
18. They always put their own needs above others – no matter who, they come first. [Read: The friend code all BFFs must follow]
19. They take the last cold beer.
20. They never go down on the person who goes down on them.
21. They sneak in front of someone in the elevator line. They’re in a hurry, others have time to wait, right?. [Read: Signs you’re stuck in a karmic smackdown]
22. They will chastise everyone in their life because they have finally gone on a diet… then be an extra asshole and count their calories for them.
23. When they walk into a room, they will only acknowledge their besties, the rest are insignificant anyway.
24. They ask how old someone is and when they answer, they will say: “no way, you are way older than that.”
25. They will ask someone out on a date and expect them to pay for the pleasure of being with them.
If you relate to any of these traits, then surprise! You might be an asshole without even knowing it. Being an asshole is not the end of the world because there are behaviors and lifestyle changes you can make to become better.
How to NOT be an asshole
If you want to experience the peaceful mindset those around you seem to enjoy, there are a few changes you’ll have to make for yourself. This lifestyle change won’t happen overnight, but these steps should be practiced daily to improve your positive outlook. Remember, you reap what you sow! [Read: How to think positive and reprogram your mind to stay positive]
1. Admit you’re being an ass
The first step toward improvement is self-reflection. If you don’t want to be an asshole, you’ll have to first admit that you *are* an asshole. [Read: Questions that reveal the narcissist in you]
2. Practice awareness in your daily actions
After you’ve admitted that you are an asshole, it’s time to take a look at how you act. What actions are you doing toward yourself or others that make you such an asshole? Are you angry, upset, scared, and why?
When you identify your feelings, you will be able to think before reacting. Is the person you’re going to be an asshole to really responsible for *your* feelings? Why should you be an asshole to them?
When you are aware of how and why you react the way you do, you will be able to work on changing your behavior.
3. Practice gratitude
The only way to implement positivity in your lifestyle is to start being positive. Assholes tend to think negatively about the world around them, so it’s time to change that.
Gratitude comes in many different forms. You can take a moment to appreciate nature, notice beauty in the things around you, say “thank you” more often, spend quality time with others, and focus on your strengths and positive traits without putting down others.
By practicing gratitude, you will feel more connected to others, experience a more optimistic outlook on the world, and have an overall better quality of life. [Read: How to show your appreciation to someone and express your gratitude]
4. Admit you’re not perfect
No one is perfect. We all have our flaws, our good traits, and our bad traits. It’s time you admit you’re not perfect and be easier on yourself and those around you.
Don’t expect perfection from the people who surround you, and you will find yourself feeling a lot less negative toward them.
5. Let passive-aggressiveness drift away
You know the saying, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Well, that applies to passive-aggression too. If someone does something you don’t find that enjoyable, instead of making a side comment or being passive aggressive, do nothing.
That’s right, let it go. The more you practice not being passive-aggressive, the quicker it will disappear. And so will your negative thoughts. [Read: How to stop being passive-aggressive – get out of the toxic state]
6. Stop hiding being the “Alpha” label
You’re not an “Alpha,” you’re just an asshole. There really is no excuse for your behavior, so drop the “Alpha” label already. This label only enables your behavior because it gives you a shield to hide behind. And no one is falling for it except for you.
7. Place yourself in the shoes of others
If you struggle with empathy, try placing yourself in the shoes of other people. This means seeing things from the perspective of other people, and empathizing with them.
Doing so will help you to see that everyone has struggles they are dealing with. Acknowledging someone else’s experience will help you to judge others less, and understand the world around you more. [Read: How to show empathy & learn to understand someone else’s feelings]
8. Act with compassion and kindness
As we said before, the only way to implement positivity in your life is to start being positive. Kindness and compassion go a long way. Not only do you need to act with kindness and compassion toward others, but you need to be kind and compassionate with yourself too.
9. Practice being considerate
Every time you interact with someone, you should be considerate of their needs. The easiest way to be considerate of people? Speak less, and listen more.
Consider how your behavior might affect others and weigh whether or not it is appropriate. When you practice being considerate, your view of how you interact with others will change drastically.
10. Do 5 little things
Make it a goal for yourself to do 5 little acts of kindness and consideration every day. These things don’t have to be grand gestures, they can be small behavioral changes. Practice actively holding yourself accountable for changing your actions. [Read: 20 easy tips on how to be nice]
11. Attend social skills classes
If you have a hard time interacting with others, a social skills class could benefit you. A social skills class allows you to interact with strangers who don’t already know you, so you have nothing to lose. It also allows you to receive and work on constructive criticism.
12. Take care of your mental health
Your mental health is everything. It determines the way you interact with others, the way you sleep, how you perceive the world, and how you see yourself. If you are not taking care of your mental health, you will feel negative. There is no other way around it.
Having positive mental health doesn’t happen naturally, and there is no shame if you need help taking care of your mental health. Reach out to a friend, a loved one, or a specialist if you need support with your mental health. [Read: How to feel better about life – 16 small steps to feel great again]
13. Avoid manipulative behavior
When you don’t get your way, leave it at that. Avoid manipulating people and situations to get the things you want. Life isn’t fair sometimes, but manipulating others will not make it any better. Practice accepting your current situation and you will find that you don’t need to manipulate others.
14. Avoid using alcohol or other substances
If you are feeling negative, drinking or doing drugs will only enhance your negativity. Learn to cut out any substance from your life when you are feeling down, scared, or angry.
Alcohol and other substances are not healthy coping mechanisms and will only lead to worsening substance abuse. [Read: Life’s a bitch – why it is & 17 feel-good ways to make yourself feel better]
15. Make requests, not demands
Patience is key to a more positive lifestyle. When you make requests instead of demands, you exhibit patience and consideration for others. Stop demanding things from people and you will see that your tolerance and expectations from others will improve drastically. [Read: How to release anger – 20 ways to focus on the positives in life]
16. Seek therapy
Talking to a professional about the problems you face is a great way to release built-up emotions and find solutions. You can see a therapist about any problem you have that you think may be making you a negative person.
A therapist has an objective outlook on the things in your life, and can help you become the best version of yourself you can be.
Why you should stop being an asshole
As you probably already know by now, being an asshole doesn’t make you happy. You might think that you’re somehow getting back at the world for its cruelty, but what is this going to achieve really? Being an asshole brings you nothing but negativity. The more you don’t accept this, the deeper it builds inside of you.
When you stop being an asshole, the world around you will be much more bearable. You will naturally be able to appreciate the things around you, enjoy the things you do, and have a better quality of life. Being positive and upbeat is hard to do sometimes, but it feels so much better!
[Read: 34 qualities of a good person & BIG benefits of being a nice human being
It takes work to stop being an asshole when everything around you seems negative, but you can do it! With a little time and effort, you can be much happier – because you’re focused on the right things.
