If I could name some things in life that determine the path to the end, the top of the list would be, whom you decide to marry. Sure, marriage is something that can be undone, but that is not its intention. If you ask, should I marry her, think honestly about it. Make sure that the commitment you make is one that makes you.
Should I marry her? 10 things to consider
Marriage is a word that you either dream about forever or spend a lifetime avoiding. And everything in between. It can’t be something pressured into or decided upon at the spur of the moment, but something to be seriously thought through. Before you ask her “will you,” ask yourself these important questions.
#1 Why wouldn’t you? If you think about marrying someone, then you should probably be your own devil’s advocate. Instead of asking yourself, should I marry her, stop to ask yourself why you wouldn’t marry her.
The decision to marry someone means that you love and want her in your life until the day you take your last breath. If you want to know whether you should marry her, then ask yourself why you wouldn’t. Weigh which one you could live with. Those things that drive you crazy or her not driving you crazy for the rest of your life. [Read: 14 ways to know if marriage is for you]
#2 Do you want to fall asleep and wake up to her every day for the rest of your life? A marriage ceremony is a day in your life. A marriage is the rest of your life. If you don’t think that you want to wake up next to her and lay your head down next to her until you are done on earth, then don’t make the commitment.
Life might seem fleeting and not as long as it really is when you are young. But, what I can tell you is “forever after” is a really a f*cking long time. Don’t underestimate the value of questioning whether this is the person you want to spend every night for the rest of your life with. [Read: 10 of the worst reasons to tie the knot]
#3 Can you stand the thought of just having sex with one woman forever more? Sure, sex might be hot right now. But, what if she gets sick, gains ten pounds, or just isn’t as beautiful as you remember her to be?
Before you make the decision to marry someone, make sure that you find her sexiness and beauty about more than what you see on the outside. Everyone ages and changes. That hot little thing you are considering marrying, might not be so hot after three kids, illness, or time.
Make sure you love everything, and I mean everything, about her soul, not just her looks.
#4 Do you think there is someone better suited for you? Don’t settle for marrying someone because they are the best that you have had up until now, and you don’t think that there is going to be anyone better. Better is always in degrees.
If you think that if you wait longer, you might find someone more compatible, don’t be afraid to wait. You can’t end up tying the knot only to find that had you waited until you were more mature and met more people, you would have found the real perfect person for you. [Read: 10 realistic goals that will lead you to the one]
#5 Is it the next logical move or the only one that you would choose? Sometimes people make us feel pressured into thinking it is the next logical move. People sometimes ask someone to marry them not because they are sure or ready, but because they feel pressured or everyone around them expects it.
No one else has to say “till death do us part” but you, so only do it if it is EXACTLY what you want. It doesn’t matter what the next step “should” be. It is all about the right step for you.
#6 Do you want the same things out of life? Although seemingly not a big deal, before you decide to ask someone to marry you, it is critical to make sure that you want the same things out of life.
If you don’t want kids and she wants six or vise versa, one of you is going to have to sacrifice. This leads to resentment, which is cancer in a relationship.
Before you ask her to marry you, know for sure that you both want the same things. If not, it most certainly comes back to bite you. [Read: 15 subtle things that change when you get married]
#7 Is there some other force making you consider it besides just love? There are times when other forces outside of just what you want are at play. If your girlfriend is moving, pregnant, or just needs to be married now for one reason or another, you can’t let that sway what you want.
Take the forced situation out of the equation. You aren’t being true to her or yourself, you are doing it for the wrong obligatory reasons.
#8 Is it the right time in your life for it to go smoothly? If everyone says you are too young to get married, it might make you upset and angry. Stop being stubborn and consider that they know what they are talking about.
There are times when we are too young to know what is right for us or for us to see the full potential of our decisions. If it isn’t the right time, then maybe just date for a while longer, or make a stronger pre-marriage commitment. Don’t go the full monty unless absolutely certain and mature enough to know you are certain. [Read: What is the right age to get married?]
#9 Can you live with her family? What most unmarried people can’t comprehend is that if you marry someone, you marry their family. Even if they pretend their family isn’t important to them, as you age, family always becomes important.
If they have a father who won’t back off or a drug addicted brother who keeps showing up on their door step, that isn’t going to stop when you say, “I do.” It is only going to cause deeper problems and resentment in your relationship. [Read: 6 practical ways to deal with difficult in laws]
#10 Do you love her? Love is a very subjective thing. If you knew for sure the answer to this question, you might not be asking whether you should marry her. In my experience, if you ask, then there is a good probability that it may not be the right time.
If you ask should I marry her, I don’t want you to think I naysay your need for her. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t be turning to the internet or a stranger like me to answer your question.
[Read: Listen to your cold feet: Reasons you shouldn’t marry her]
If you consider the above ten things and know for certain that she is the one who brings your heart alive, makes things possible, and takes all your uga-buggas away, then she just might be the one for you. Only you, however, can answer should I marry her or not.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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