The problem with flirting is that it can be surprisingly subtle. If you’ve ever wondered, ‘is she flirting with me,’ you’ll understand what we mean!
Everyone flirts in a slightly different way, which can make it hard to figure out if a girl is flirting with you or just being very friendly. It’s a confusing time, for sure. But, we’ve got some useful tips on how you can decipher the real truth behind her actions. [Read: What is flirting? The science behind this common act]
Flirting is a way of putting your hand half in the “do they/don’t they” mix, without actually going all in. So, if it crashes and burns, you can shrug your shoulders and say you were just being friendly. Clever, right?
But, by being half in and half out, you’re actually not giving the person you’re flirting with a clear signal. They might be confused about whether you’re flirting or being friendly. As a result, you might not make a move for fear of being wrong about the whole thing.
Seriously, why can’t we just be honest and say what we think and feel? [Read: How to know if someone likes you back – Don’t miss these subtle signs]
There is a very fine line between the two, and some girls are just flirty by nature. It doesn’t mean they literally want to jump your bones – they’re just being themselves!
When someone is flirting, you can usually tell because there’s an edge to their actions. It goes just that little bit beyond the normal realms of friendliness. Perhaps they’ll wink at you or drop you a smile that says just enough to get you thinking.
Of course, you have to pick up on a few signs to piece the puzzle together. If you only notice one or two, that’s when it’s likely to be a case of friendliness and zero flirting.
Understanding the difference between flirting and friendliness is important because it avoids misunderstandings. This is even more vital if you’re close friends and you don’t want to risk ruining it.
It’s easy for guys to sometimes mistake friendliness for flirting because girls and guys flirt in totally different ways. That’s why you need to understand the subtle differences. [Read: Is flirting cheating when you’re in a relationship?]
Not usually intentionally, although some girls are just flirty by nature and quite enjoy seeing a guy’s reaction! So yes, it can be that a girl may be flirting just for fun.
That doesn’t make your job any easier, because figuring out the differences becomes harder.
However, it is far more likely that she’s just very friendly and she feels comfortable with you. She’s able to let her guard down around you, which could come over as flirty in some situations. [Read: How to flirt with a friend – 18 ways to tease them without being weird]
Women flirt far more subtly than men do, generally speaking. With a guy, you can normally tell that he’s attempting to get onto your good side. But a woman? She half expects you to guess what she’s trying to tell you.
Many women do expect you to be a mind reader, but that’s impossible!
Is she flirting or being friendly? Look out for the following signs. [Read: 15 signs she’s flirting with you at work – Should you flirt back?]
Basically, this is an invitation to talk to her. It’s a classic flirty move. She’s silently trying to invite you to approach her!
It’s the single most obvious ‘is she flirting with me’ sign that points to ‘yes.’ If she’s not flirting with you, then it means she’s flirting with someone standing behind you! [Read: Signs of unspoken attraction that will reveal if someone is into you]
If she’s around you more often than she normally would be, or she’s there when there’s no actual reason for her to be there, it’s because she’s choosing to be.
Yes, this could mean she thinks you’re a great conversationalist and likes spending time with you in a platonic way. But if you notice a few more of the flirting signs too, it’s a pretty firm nod towards the ‘yes’ camp. [Read: 15 signs to know if you should start flirting back with a work colleague]
Does she casually nudge you or touch your arm? Women don’t do this unless they want to touch the person in front of them. She wants to touch you because she likes you!
A good example is when she laughs at something you’ve said *it probably wasn’t even that funny* and nudges you playfully. She might even look intently at you when you’re talking, showing her interest, and touch your arm gently in an almost absent-minded way.
Wondering, is she flirting with me? Yes, she is!
It’s an even bigger yes if you notice that she is looking at you, smiling, then looking away. Lips are sensual. If she is biting her lip or licking her lips and looking at you, this shows that she’s probably not thinking completely pure thoughts! [Read: The scientific explanation behind why lip biting is so sexy]
We all do this if we like someone. It’s a subconscious thing that we do without even realizing it. If you notice that she is mirroring your body language, e.g. if you’re leaning casually against the wall and she starts to do it too, it shows that she’s comfortable with you. [Read: 37 body language cues a girl gives away if she really likes you]
Sorry, but nobody is going to laugh at your jokes if they’re not funny. If she’s laughing louder than the joke deserves, she’s definitely flirting.
She’s also likely to accompany this with a playful nudge or a touch on the arm.
She might playfully question whether or not you have a partner. She might not come right out and ask you, but she might say something like “oh, your girlfriend must like that” and then look at you waiting for a response.
She’s basically waiting for you to say “I don’t have a girlfriend.” You might notice the intensity of her flirting goes up a notch! [Read: Is she actually hiding her feelings for you?]
If she’s playfully messing with her hair while talking to you, she’s nervous and also flirting with you. It’s a subconscious thing women do when they’re a little nervous, or perhaps trying to say “look at my hair, it’s so shiny.” Who knows, but it’s a surefire flirtation sign. [Read: How to tell if she’s an attention seeker who just wants you to fall for her]
If she’s always dressed down or she doesn’t tend to make a huge effort normally with her appearance, it’s suspicious when she starts to do so.
Of course, she could simply be doing it all for herself, and more power to her if that’s the case. But it could also mean that she’s making an effort to get you to notice her and start flirting back.
Never underestimate the power of a girl’s friends when it comes to helping her catch the guy she wants! If her friends *assuming you know them* are dropping hints or blatantly saying you would make a great couple, then you have to sit up and take notice of that.
In terms of ‘is she flirting with me,’ when combined with other signs, this is a major nod towards the ‘yes’ side of the argument. [Read: Should I ask her out? 30 clear signs she’s just waiting for you to make a move]
When you get a notification, do you automatically know that it’s going to be her liking something you’ve posted? That means she’s watching your social media pages, and she’s making it known that she’s doing so!
It doesn’t mean she’s watching your every move; it’s not creepy like that, but she is interested in what you’re doing and who you’re with. [Read: Instagram flirting – How it’s secretly ruining your relationship]
Does she make regular eye contact with you? Not just the coy look, smile and look away routine we talked about earlier, but do you notice her looking at you generally?
Eye contact is one of the ways we show other people that we’re paying attention but also a way to show that we’re interested. [Read: 13 very subtle eye contact flirting tips to catch someone’s eye from afar]
If she’s giving you more compliments than usual, you can pretty much say it’s a flirtation move. We tend to try and flatter the people we like, so if she’s doing that, you can take it as read that she’s flirting.
Maybe she’ll tell you that she likes your new haircut, basically, letting you know that she noticed.
While she’s giving you compliments, she might also tease you a little too. That doesn’t mean she’s outright rude or calls you names, but instead, she jokingly makes a teasing comment and nudges you to show that she’s only playing around. [Read: How to be a tease – Really flirty moves to capture their attention]
While you’re talking about something you did lately or something you enjoy, she’ll hang on to your every word.
She might even come up with a few random questions to ask. She’s keeping the conversation going because she wants to keep talking to you.
We talked about mirroring your body language earlier, but if her body language is open and she’s displaying several other signs, it could be that she’s flirting with you.
Open body language means she’s not hiding any part of her body away from you. So, she doesn’t have her arms crossed over her body or her legs crossed over the other as she’s sitting. [Read: Friendly vs flirty – How to tell if someone is flirting with you]
When she starts to take her flirting up a notch, she might start to make the odd suggestive remark. But, she’ll do this in such a subtle way that you won’t be sure whether she means it or not!
She’s testing the waters, and she wants to see how you respond to these sexual innuendos she’s making. [Read: The cock tease – How to recognize the flirty games she plays]
A woman will use all the weapons in her arsenal when flirting.
Pay attention to little signs, like her readjusting her top to showcase her boobs, unbuttoning the top button of her blouse to show off a little cleavage, and adjusting her skirt to give you a good view of her never-ending legs.
She’ll find any excuse to be around you, even if she’s the host of the party and has to entertain everyone else. She will mingle with others, but will always flutter back to your side. [Read: 25 cute signs a girl has a crush on you]
She’s not going to make suggestive jokes if she’s not interested in getting into your pants. Keep an ear out for sexually linked comments, naughty jokes, and dirty references.
Even seemingly well-mannered girls will drop a hint or two if they’re interested.
Buying you a drink is a sign that she enjoys your company and doesn’t plan to leave your side—at least for the moment. [Read: What to do when a girl likes you]
If she likes you and wants to see you again, she will drop hints that she’s keen on doing something or going somewhere specific.
For example, she may say, “I love French cuisine, too! I’ve been meaning to try that new restaurant in town, but I can’t seem to get anyone to go with me. Have you dined there yet?”
This is your cue to jump right in and ask her out. She’ll most likely say yes. [Read: Should I ask her out? 47 subtle clues a girl gives if she wants you to make a move]
She will make it a point to let you know she’s single if she wants you to initiate something. For example, she might tell a story about her ex, or casually mention she isn’t currently attached to anyone.
If you notice this and you’re wondering ‘if she flirting or being friendly?’ She’s flirting. [Read: 22 signs to tell if a girl has a boyfriend without asking directly]
She doesn’t have to be in your face to let you know that she’s interested. We live in a digital age, which means the world is far smaller than it was years ago. Texting, social media, and all the other modern forms of communication will help you figure out if she likes you.
For example, if she replies with one-word answers to your text, she’s not interested, but if she sends you random stuff like memes and long replies, she’s trying to keep the conversation going, which means she’s keen. [Read: How to start a conversation with a girl and make her really like you]
Does she act slightly differently when you’re around her? You can usually tell by noticing her from afar and how she adjusts her behavior when you’re close by.
If she changes how she acts, that’s a pretty strong sign she likes you.
Why would she choose to send selfies directly to you unless she wanted you to see them and comment on them? They’re also likely to be quite provocative and flirty and could also cover naughty memes too.
If this is happening, even just once, it’s a pretty strong sign she’s flirting. [Read: How to take a good selfie and look cute every time you snap a photo]
If a girl is giving you mixed signals, it could be that she’s still flirting with you, but she’s doing it just for fun. There’s no real intent to her flirting.
So, how can you tell if this is the case? You’re probably a little confused if this is happening to you, so here’s how you can figure it out and know if she is flirting or being friendly.
You’re noticing flirtatious behavior, but when you try and move a little closer to her, she backs off. This is a classic mixed signal sign, and she’s likely to be doing it just for fun. [Read: Mixed signals – what it is, how to read it, play along and read their mind]
If she’s flirting up a storm but you know for a fact she has a partner, that’s classic flirting-for-fun territory right there. Do not respond.
If a girl tells you directly that she’s only interested in friendship but she continues to flirt with you, back off. She’s flirting to see how you react, and it’s nothing short of confusing and mean. [Read: Mixed signals from a girl]
Of course, out of all the signs that she’s flirting with you, there are some that point to a very definite ‘no.’ Here are some signs that tell you she’s simply being friendly with you and she has no flirting on her mind at all.
If you notice these signs, you know the answer to the is she flirting or being friendly question.
This comes down to body language. We mentioned that a sign of flirting is open body language, but the opposite is true when someone isn’t flirting. So, we’re talking about closed body language.
She will cross her arms over her body, lean back and away, and she might also look around her, almost as if working out how to get away. [Read: Body language of a girl – 37 signs to instantly tell if she likes you]
She’s simply being friendly with her banter if you notice that she always puts a barrier between you. So, that could be her arms over her chest, a table, or her bag. Basically, there’s some physical barrier there.
So, is she flirting or being friendly? She’s just being friendly in this case.
Sorry, she doesn’t find you funny, and she isn’t flirting either.
If she treats you the same as everyone around her and there is no special treatment, she’s just being friendly with everyone. There’s no flirtation on the menu.
You can always know is she flirting or being friendly by how she treats you versus everyone else. [Read: Can girls and guys really be just friends?]
She’s not going to tell you about the guys she’s crushing on if she’s interested in you, is she? Well, unless she’s doing it to watch your reaction turn into jealousy.
It’s quite often the case that if a girl tells you about her crushes, she’s not flirting with you in any way at all. [Read: How to tell if a girl likes you by the way she texts you]
The bottom line is that when we’re flirting, we’re opening ourselves up to possible hurt. We’re vulnerable. With that in mind, it’s possible that she’s convinced herself that you don’t like her in the same way, so she’s pulling back to save herself and her own heart.
We’re all complicated creatures, so don’t try and make sense of it. Simply look for the signs and see how many of them you can tick off.
When you have a few, it’s likely she is flirting up a storm. It’s then up to you to figure out how you feel and whether you want to flirt right back. You’ve got no excuses now that you know is she flirting or being friendly!
[Read: What does sexual attraction feel like – How to know exactly]
Flirting can be difficult to figure out. If you’re wondering ‘is she flirting with me,’ you won’t be the first or the last to wonder. But knowing what clues to look for will help you decide your next step.
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