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13 Words of Advice to Date a Fiercely Independent Woman

dating an independent woman

Small acts of chivalry might not cut it for women who are highly independent. So what does it take to sweep a girl like her off her feet?

Does your girlfriend make a fuss every time you do something for her? Is she the type who doesn’t like it when you play the dominant male in a relationship? She’s not being bitchy – she’s just independent.

Who is an independent woman?

An independent woman is someone who knows what she wants, and never relies on anyone to finish the job for her. She is a formidable person who doesn’t allow the men in her life to take over her decisions. She’s tough, but that’s only because she knows it’s the only way she can make a mark in this world.

She won’t settle for being carried on someone’s back, if she can crawl or use her teeth to get to the finish line. She sounds scary, but she’s just a regular girl who wants to actively participate in her journey to become an independent woman in a man’s world.

Still, that doesn’t mean that she’s not open to being in a committed relationship. She just wants someone who will give her space, while she does her thing and still be there for her whenever she feels vulnerable. This woman will love you fiercely with all her heart, but she will never let you walk all over it.

What to do when you’re dating a fiercely independent woman

Once you manage to win an independent woman’s affection, you should never let your guard down. She will watch you like a hawk and scrutinize your ability to handle the relationship. She wants to succeed in being a good girlfriend, but it’s your job to be the best boyfriend for her as well. Here’s how you do that:

#1 Take her seriously. This type of woman always wants to be taken seriously. She has invested her whole life into making people acknowledge her ability to perform excellently whether it’s at home, at work or even in school. Once you undermine her or doubt her abilities, she will take it as an insult. [Read: 21 things that will make her adore you]

#2 Take note of her beliefs and principles. As an independent person, it’s understandable that she has developed certain ideas and beliefs that she has adhered to. You don’t have to bow down to her whims, but you should always acknowledge that she sees things differently or that she is used to a certain way of doing things. If you want her to understand your own beliefs and principles, explain it to her. Don’t just assume that she will go along with how you approach things in life. [Read: The issues that plague the mind of women in a relationship]

#3 Ask her about what she wants. Before you can establish a relationship with someone as independent as this woman, you have to ask her about her needs and wants. By acknowledging these things, you will know how to handle your relationship based on what she has planned for herself.

#4 Ask her about what you both want. Don’t forget that you are a part of this relationship too. Just because she wants certain things, does not mean that you want the same things. The best thing you can do is talk about your plans and goals so that you can arrive at a compromise. This way, you can also find out whether you are both willing to give each other some leeway in the relationship.

#5 Let her in on the decision making. Whether it’s picking a restaurant or a home you want to live in, do not base your decision on whether you think she will like it. Even if she does, she will not appreciate you making the decision for her. As endearing as it sounds to hear that you know her so well, there is a slight chance that she might not agree. If that happens, you can expect her to be very unhappy about it. [Read: 20 ways to make your girlfriend incredibly happy]

#6 Do not make life-altering decisions without her. She will not appreciate the fact that you made a decision without considering her in the matter. Even the trivial things could get blown out of proportion, if you managed to disregard her input in any matter. It’s not because she will be difficult about the situation. Being independent means a lot to her, and letting other people control her actions destabilizes her control over her situation.

#7 Do not let her take the reins. Just because the woman you love is fiercely independent, it does not mean that you should always go by her rules. She is independent, because she wants to prioritize her needs without making anyone else accountable for her actions. By choosing to be in a relationship, she is obligated to adjust to the situation. She must not prioritize her needs above yours – you should prioritize your needs together.

#8 Never play the boyfriend card. When worse comes to worst, you might be tempted to use the boyfriend card. You might hear yourself saying, “You’re my girlfriend. You’re supposed to…” I agree that when a person agrees to be in a relationship, there are some expectations that need to be met. However, you don’t have to state the obvious.

Not only is it condescending, but it also sends the wrong message by implying that being in a relationship requires a person to “play” a role. Tell your partner about what you need. It is up to her to decide whether she can provide it or not. Her role as your girlfriend wouldn’t be up for debate in that situation.

#9 Be just as independent. If you are in love with a fiercely independent woman, you should not complement her by being overly dependent. Her independence requires you to give her space sometimes. When that happens, you are not obligated to wait for her until she has had enough time for herself. You should do your own thing and not worry about whether or not she’s going to call you later. She will probably admire you for not needing to be coddled all the time. [Read: I’m a clingy boyfriend dating an independent girl!]

#10 Let her pay for what she wants to pay for. When she invites you out for dinner or when she suggests that you go on a trip together, do not try to pay the whole bill. Offering to do so would be the polite way to go, but you can’t insist on it when she declines.

If you do it over her head, it will just piss her off because the point of her inviting you is that she wanted to do something for you. By taking that away from her, you are not just undermining her independence – you are also throwing a thoughtful gesture back in her face.

#11 Do not bargain for her time. If you want to spend time with your partner, don’t pay for it with gifts or a promise of a favor. Your partner will think that you’re bribing her, and she’ll take it as a slight against her intelligence. If you want to spend time with her, ask her for it. If you think that she is being unfair to you, tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t care, then maybe your time is better spent with someone else who does. [Read: 25 biggest deal breakers for women]

#12 Do not invite yourself over. Never, ever invite yourself over to her place, when you two are not serious yet. An independent woman wants some semblance of control over her life. If she thinks that her personal space is being violated, she will not hesitate to call you out on it. When things progress between you two, discuss the specifics of what you can do now that you are in a serious relationship.

#13 Give her gifts that she cannot appraise. They say independent women are iffy about getting random and expensive gifts, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give her any, if you want to show your affections that way. They just don’t feel comfortable about being showered with opulence.

If they can appraise what you gave them, they won’t hesitate to return the sentiment with the same amount of effort, just so that they can feel comfortable about you giving them something so expensive. If she can’t appraise the gift – i.e. an heirloom, an experience, something that cannot be replaced – she won’t make a fuss about it.

[Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

The list is not relegated to independent women only. As a man, you should make an effort to make any woman feel like she can carry herself in every situation. While in a relationship, you and your partner can be separately independent. However, don’t forget that you can also depend on each other whenever you need to.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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6 thoughts on “13 Words of Advice to Date a Fiercely Independent Woman”

  1. Lenn says:

    Women like this require space and time for themselves. Be sure to respect that as much as you can. You don’t want to come off as someone whose entire lives revolves around her. That’s not the partner they are looking for. Also, these kind of women like to have control over everything, however if they gain control over you, you will start to become boring to them and they’ll break of the relationship pretty quickly. You really need to try and portray yourself as independent and like to have control over your time. Don’t let her control everything you do and the relationship will be stellar, but if she, even for a moment, sees that she can control you like she does with everyone else, you’re gonna have a really bad time and you’ll be pushed around by her until either she becomes bored, or you become so tired of the way she acts that you break off the relationship.

    Try to give her her space and time, but don’t get pushed around too much, is pretty much what I’m trying to say.

  2. Ms. independent says:

    I always think guys find it hard to date me. I’m an independent woman and I guess they are insecure that I can take care of myself and them. I make my own living and can support myself. Most guys I dated had lower income than I did and was insecure about me paying the bill for our dinner. I can’t help it though, this is who I am and maybe I just have to wait for the right guy to come into my life. Hopefully he makes more than I do and can cook. I love a man who can cook. I’ll be the best wife he ever has. It’s hard to break my walls but once it’s donw, you can be sure it stays down.

  3. all nighter says:

    I really like girls who are fiercely independent. They the girls worth trying to pursue because they are already complete and don’t need a man to complete them. You don’t want to be a baby sitter right? Don’t date an immature, dependent girl. Be with a fiercely independent woman. She is self-made and makes a living for herself. She doesn’t rely on anyone. She makes her own life and it would be a challenge for you to get her. To be able to get her, you should be an independent man as well. Nothing better than two people who are independent and whole. what is 1 plus 1? 2 right? Yes you would get two when the both of you combine, not one. Don’t get me wrong, you both are still a whole number so don’t worry. You get what I’m saying?

  4. Mr Dater says:

    If you’re a man of masculine essence then just don’t date these kinds of women.. A strong romantic love happens when one partner is in the masculine and the other is in the feminine, such is the nature of male and female in the species that have gender. What we’re seeing today in America’s online dating world is a strange product of feminism and (environmental pollution ? ) that has lead to the decline of testosterone in men: a bunch of “fiercely independent” insecure and deeply unhappy frustrated women, in their early to mid thirties, and a bunch of emasculated wimps who don’t know what to do with those women.
    So my answer to the unhappy fiercely independent ladies would be as follows: Let out and embrace that oppressed feminine energy in you, that you were born with, and just allow yourself to be yourself and do things that are natural for you, and not what the feminist-ridden media is telling you you should do (behave like men). That’s what really attracts strong high quality men that you want. As for the wimpy testosterone-deficient boys. Ugh. I don’t know, private purchase of anabolic steroids are really illegal in this country. But they still do have legal testosterone replacement therapies you can sign up to.. Or just start acting like men despite the fact that it doesn’t always feels like it, then it may raise naturally.

  5. Reality Check says:

    They’re absolutely the worse kind of women to date unfortunately.

  6. AndThisIsWhyUsGoodMenAreSingle says:

    And the real problem with these very strong independent women which most of them usually have the very worst personality of them all because of their six figure income that many of them are now making these days since most of them don’t even have respect for us good men anymore either looking for a relationship today. Many of us men unfortunately keep meeting the Wrong women all the time instead of a good Right one which God forbid if we ever did since that is like trying to win the Lottery these days. I really do Blame the type of women out there for this mess since they have really Changed from the good old days when most of the women back then were definitely the very Complete Opposite of what the women are today that are really making it very Difficult for many of us men looking for real love now. Like i mentioned which most women having their Careers now which many of them really believe that they’re God’s gift to men since they have no good manners and no respect for us men at all these days since it is all about them now unfortunately. It is real fact that many more women today are very Nasty to us men when we will try to start a conversation with a woman that will attract us and then to have her Curse at us even when we really never did anything Wrong for this to happen to us which really Doesn’t make any sense at all for them to act this way with us men in the first place to begin with. It is very obvious why many of us men have very bad luck with women these days since they’re very much to Blame since we really have no reason to Blame ourselves at all. Now with all of these reality TV shows that they now have on as well as social media which has really Corrupted many of these women’s minds altogether as well and made them very Horrible now more than ever before which certainly speaks for itself. Very obvious now why many of us good men are still single today since this really has a lot to do with it. It was just too very bad that many of us men never met a real good old fashioned type of a woman that would’ve made all the difference in the world for us since most of the women back then Really Did put these women today to Real Shame altogether since it does Take Two To Tango.

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