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How to Subtly Flirt with a Girl: The Art of Subtle Seduction

Men devour pornography while women devour erotica book-fiction. And there’s a reason why. Here’s how to subtly flirt with a girl and rouse her curiosity.

how to subtly flirt with a girl

Why should you know how to subtly flirt with a girl?

There’s a reason 50 Shades of Grey was the fastest selling book of all time. Reading allows for much more personal interpretation than say a movie or image. Ladies like to imagine and build up an emotional feeling long before they’re ready to become intimate – so you want to flirt with her underneath the surface. Tease her by making her figure things out and making her work a little.

First, get your game on if you want to  know how to subtly flirt with a girl!

Before we jump in any further, this is the key! Too many guys think of flirting as this passive, gentle stroking game. It can have those moments when it is indeed toned with softness, but overall, the girl’s looking to engage in verbal battle with you to test what you’re made of. For her, this is like mental masturbation.

You want to be prepared for a dramatic wrestling match. Be ready to have to come back with a comeback line. Don’t rely on one-liners, but think of flirting as a dance of wit and emotional health. A guy who’s on game – who can have fun and who is ready to tussle – is alpha. [Read: How to flirt with girls – 15 secrets to make any girl fall for you]

Here’s how to subtly flirt with a girl

I’ve included a dynamite list here, so be prepared for some gold. Keep your eyes on these areas:

#1 It’s all in the eyes. Needless to say, if you want to know how to subtly flirt with a girl, you’ll have to have fun by doing this:

a. Have a smile in your eyes as you hit her back with cheeky one-two liners

b. Hold eye contact for longer than usual and see how she reacts

c. If her eyes are light enough, watch for dilated pupils – a sign that she’s responding well. If her pupils are small, ease off the flirting – as she’s probably not into it. [Read: 15 lusty signs of sexual attraction you can’t miss]

#2 It’s all in subtle bodily expressions. Sticking with the ‘having fun’ theme – play around with gentle facial expressions that you might think would be too subtle to be noticed:

a. Furrow your brow questioningly rather than asking, ‘are you serious?’

b. Wink knowingly after you’ve said something profound

c. Roll your eyes

d. Use self-confident gestures when narrating a story [Read: 20 types of physical touches and what each touch means]

#3 It’s all in the suggestiveness of it. Here’s a universal law you can trust: don’t talk about your past sexual experiences, even when she asks. Generally, guys communicate in a more direct sort of way.

But for women, it’s all about inference and imagination. She wants to figure you out for herself, without you telling her – from your behaviors, things you talk about, how worldly you seem.

Be a bit mysterious – she doesn’t want you to tell her every little thing about you. Show her who you are subliminally. Become intriguing. Some tips:

a. Drop in things during conversation that reveal your knowledge of types of things girls like

b. Make statements about what kind of girl you think she is

c. If she asks how many girls you’ve slept with, say ‘I’m hoping you’ll be my first’ or something equally playful or ridiculous

d. Tell her what you love in a woman [Read: How girls flirt – 15 signs she’s being way more than just nice]

#4 Compliment her. If you want to know how to flirt with a girl, you have to compliment her. For the longest time, I thought it was too predictable to tell a girl what I liked about her. But the easiest way to let her know she’s on your radar is to tell what you find lovely about her. Make this sincere and do it without planning ahead.

When you have the thought just say it, ‘you look really lovely today.’ Don’t wait for a reaction; just continue doing what you were doing or saying. Every girl knows that if a guy is into her, he’ll find it hard to not let slip something about her that he finds mesmerizing. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]

#5 It’s all in the intent. Have you ever found yourself talking to a girl, feeling as if you had to hold back the animal inside you desperately trying to come out? Why bother? No one needs to know what you’re thinking, but that storm inside you will help to communicate your desire subtly.

When you talk to her, this will make you register in her mind subconsciously as sexually significant. Here are a few things you could do when making eye contact:

a. Let go to those primal thoughts you have for her

b. Imagine being intimate with her

c. Imagine kissing her

d. Imagine leading her across the threshold.

You don’t have to say what you’re thinking as it may be inappropriate depending on context, but being in the sexual mindset carries electrical charge. [Read: How to make a girl want you and desire you sexually]

#6 Poke her. Some physical contact tips:

a. Playfully take her wrist, studying her bracelet as an excuse

b. Poke her briefly on both sides of her waist as you pass her *not hard, but enough that it might feel surprising*. If she reacts weirdly say, ‘oh sorry, thought you might be ticklish’

c. Place your arm on hers as you make a point *don’t look at her arm as you do it, that’s just awkward*

Playful physical contact is a great tip for understanding how to subtly flirt with a girl and close the canyon of physical touch between you two. Once you’re both comfortable with light physical play, this possibly opens the door for more extended and intimate touching. [Read: How to subtly flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]

#7 Tease her. Teasing is a great tip for figuring out how to subtly flirt with a girl. As a teenager a girl had asked me, ‘do you fancy me or something?’ when I kept teasing her during lessons. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it at the time, but she’d been right. There are many sophisticated ways of going about teasing, however – be inventive. A few random ones:

a. Make an ambivalent statement about her that’s hard to interpret but which might be a half-compliment

b. Look away distractedly after saying something provocative

c. Playfully say one thing and do another

d. Pretend she’s goofy

e. Misinterpret what she says on purpose. A typical response to this type of teasing might be something like, ‘stop it, that’s not what I meant.’ [Read: How to tease a girl, and get her to text you back often]

#8 Be unpredictable. Long-term, you want to stay interesting. Flirting that is one-dimensional gets boring quickly – it’s too predictable and quickly seems childish. Let’s sophisticate your flirt game. Here are the dimensions:

a. Playful and positive

b. Playful and negative

c. Serious and positive

d. Serious and negative

e. One of the 4 above related to her

f. One of the 4 above related to you

Whenever you’re too much on one side of the spectrum, bring it to the opposite side. This is a way to never be predictable – even you won’t know what you’re going to say next, only the emotion behind it. [Read: 10 ways to build sexual tension the flirty way]

This way you can have an interaction that’s infinitely engaging and never gets boring. You’ll also never be too focused on either yourself or on her. She’ll want to see the conclusion and will even seduce you in order to find out how it ends. Don’t underestimate the power of this one.

#9 Use x in a text.

HER text: Hey what you up to? 🙂

YOUR text: Eating a bangin tuna sandwich x

The lowercase ‘x’… It’s another phenomenon that cannot and should not ever be underestimated. Think of an x as empathy. From her end, it says that there is something special about your communication with her. You don’t just send anyone an x, even your favorite bro.

Technically it is a shortage for ‘kisses,’ but it can be used in many ways – it’s very cool when you use it casually, after a seemingly ordinary, everyday message. However, it will have her thinking about you and if she reciprocates, that’s a good sign – it generally means she’s encouraging your intimacy. [Read: How to text a girl you like and make her want you]

#10 Show an interest. This one might sound like an obvious tip for how to flirt with a girl, and it should be. James Bond is a cool movie franchise, but the reality is that we live in a world of too much information and if you constantly act as if you’re disinterested in a girl, she’ll simply take your disinterest at face value. A few ways to show interest:

a. Ask her things that you want to learn about her

b. Ask her what she’s interested in

c. Remember little things about her and point them out

d. Make a note of important things like birthdays or personal victories and do something that you think she’d like, to acknowledge them. [Read: How to make a girl like you without even asking her out]

#11 Make statements. How are you doing? How are you today? Where did you get that handbag? What kind of music do you like?

Too many questions can be annoying. No one wants to be interviewed for 5 hours. Balls up and say what you think. Try to work out who you think she is. No girl wants a people pleaser. Every girl wants her partner to look into her eyes and see into her soul like a vampire in the Twilight movie.


a. ‘I think you’re bit of a badass chick,’ as you point out her leather Zara biker jacket

b. ‘Okay, you’re definitely into dogs,’ as you pass a dog walker and she can’t stop staring

c. ‘Hmm, I think you’re a Trap music kind of girl but you used to be into pop. You probably have a poster of Justin Bieber next to Future on your bedroom wall.’

Be controversial or sarcastic or witty. Let your personality shine through like you would to a friend, just with more sexual intent. If she completely hates your personality or comedy, then it really wasn’t meant to be: #Incompatible.

Remember, never just focus on her the whole time, as it will begin to seem like an interrogation – change your statements to things about you, your opinions and your surroundings.

[Read: How to talk to girls and leave them swooning… every single time!]

The art of knowing how to subtly flirt with a girl is like a tussling match, so think on your feet and be on game. If you’re expressive, observant, and take an interest in her, you’re already half the way there. Also let her see who you are through your behaviors and you’ll have her fascinated.

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