Trying to slip out of the responsibility of being the best man can be awkward and uncomfortable. After all, likely the groom is your friend, he’s getting married, and he has bestowed upon you the honor of being his best man for one of the biggest moments of his life. Perhaps you don’t have the best relationship with the groom due to one reason or another, step back to wonder whether they may have asked you this honor in order to mend your friendship.
If mending a friendship or avoiding awkwardness doesn’t move you, and you’re dead-set on slipping out of the celebration, then that’s completely in your right to do so. After all, weddings are imposing, expensive, and nerve-wracking.
Why you shouldn’t even be in the wedding at all
Aside from not being the best man, there may also be reasons why you’d want to skip out on the wedding altogether. There are great reasons why you shouldn’t be involved in the wedding, including:
#1 You don’t get along with the bride. This is a great reason for you to opt out of the nuptial festivities. If you can’t put your stamp of approval on the relationship, you probably shouldn’t be helping the couple celebrate their happiness – especially not as the best man.
#2 You get along too well with the bride. Are you secretly in love with the bride-to-be? Have you slept together or do you have a romantic past? This is probably one of the best possible reasons that you should decline being the best man at this wedding. After all, who wants to risk you echoing your professed love for the bride after the minister reads: “If anyone sees a reason for the bride and groom not to be wed…” [Read: 10 surefire ways to stay friends after having sex]
#3 You don’t get along with his friends. Do you get along with his other groomsmen buddies? This is another legitimate reason to opt out, as you’ll be spending an abundant amount of time with the groom and his friends. It might put a snag in your best man activities, if you don’t get along with your immediate company.
#4 You’re just not that close. It’s happened before where, simply put, you just don’t know the guy very well. Maybe he just moved to your area and doesn’t know many people. Regardless, it became super awkward when suddenly, you’re supposed to be acting like his “bestie” at his wedding – besides, you’ve never even met his fiancée!
#5 You’ve had a problem between you. So you had a falling out, a blow-up, or perhaps he’s your brother or a member of your family, and you simply don’t get along. While these are all legitimate reasons not to be a groomsman, think of how you would feel if something were to happen to him, say a mutual friend calls and says he got into an accident or died – how would you feel then? Suddenly, your differences may not seem so big. [Read: 10 simple ways to calmly deal with difficult people]
Polite ways to get out of it
If you’ve decided that you’re still not into being a groomsman, then it may be time to bite the bullet and start thinking up your excuses. Never underestimate the power of using your family or work as a fantastic way to get out of something.
#1 You have family responsibility. Let’s say you just had a new addition to the family, or maybe you have sick relatives that are especially going to need your help that particular month. Major bummer, right?
#2 You’re in a time crunch. Perhaps you have your own event you’re concerned with, or a work deadline that falls right around the time of the wedding. Explain honestly that you simply couldn’t give the groom the time and energy that he deserves for his wedding.
#4 You’ll be out of town. A great reason not to be the best man is if you’ll be out of town either on an anniversary or work-related trip. Stress that these plans have been in the works for a while, and your tickets are non-refundable. Be sure to send a great gift and stay out of sight during your faux vacation days.
#5 You can’t afford it. Being in a wedding isn’t cheap. You’ve been asked the “honor” of being his best man, and now suddenly you’re shelling out money for a new tux, tie, gift, bachelor party, and whatever else your groom might need. Simply explain humbly to your groom that you just can’t afford to be in his wedding party. Tell him that, while you appreciate the offer, you simply couldn’t do financial justice to his big day.
#6 Your nerves won’t allow it. Explain to the groom that you aren’t good at public speaking, and explain to him, with apologies, that all the public spectacle is causing your nerves to fly through the roof. [Read: 10 motivational tips and tricks for shy people and introverts]
How you can opt to be a groomsman instead
Perhaps it’s the principle of being the “best” man that you don’t like. As stated in the onset, maybe you just don’t know the guy very well, or perhaps he chose you over his brother, or other best friend, and it’s now created some tension with his family. If possible, offer instead to be a groomsman as opposed to being the best man.
What you must do is to let him know immediately. One last thing to keep in mind is your timing. You don’t want to leave the groom hanging with your answer. The sooner you get out of it, the sooner he can replace you, and you can go on pretending the unpleasantness never happened. If possible, offer to help in other ways. Even if you don’t mean it, it will make it sound like you care about the event and feel at least some small amount of guilt for jilting him. [Read: 10 simple tips to avoid being rude in any situation]
In the end there’s no easy way to decline an offer that carries such emotional weight behind it, however you’ll find that most men are easy-going, especially when you give proper notice and a well-reasoned excuse for not accepting the honor of being the best man.
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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