There are many terms floating around these days but you may not know what they mean. For instance, what is simping, and how can you avoid being a simp?
Is it just us, or is the internet an exhausting place to be? Every day there’s a new meme that’s gone viral, a new phrase, or a new term we need to know. One of those phrases is “simp” – what is simping, exactly?!
If you’re addicted to social media *is that even a question anymore?* then you’ve scrolled past memes like “simp Nation” or “CEO of simping.” We know you’re probably wondering what this new word means, but before you get ahead of yourself, you should know it’s actually not that new.
In reality, “simp” is an old word and an even older concept. People are calling each other simps here and there, they’re throwing this word around like it’s spaghetti. But what does it actually mean?
What is a simp? Better yet, what is simping?
What is simping?
This word has been around since 1923, although it’s evolved since then. At that point, it was a shortened version of “simpleton,” which isn’t exactly very complimentary!
Then in 2005, things took a turn and “simp” was defined as “a guy who tags along with hot girls because he thinks it will get him laid.”
It’s an acronym for “Suckas Who Idolize Mediocre P*ssy.” Don’t look at us! We didn’t come up with it. [Read: 25 most unmanly and manly things a guy can do from a woman’s perspective]
As you probably assume, today’s definition has changed a bit. Now, the definition means *thanks, Urban Dictionary*, “someone who does way too much for the person they like.”
So, a simp is someone who treats another person with respect and kindness only in hopes of starting a romantic or sexual relationship. In other words, a simp isn’t being honest.
A simp is someone who will act as a friend just to get into the person’s pants. For example, a guy may pay for his female friend’s ice cream, even though they’re friends, which is fine. But he does so only to make a move. [Read: Sneaky techniques guys use to get in your pants]
Is simping bad?
So, here’s the deal, there are some things in the definition we strongly disagree with. Treating a woman with respect isn’t something that should be frowned upon. Neither is putting your relationship first.
However, no one, regardless of gender, should treat you as a doormat. Nor should you allow them to just in hopes of them having sex with you.
Being called a simp isn’t doing anyone any good. If someone is allowing other people to walk all over them, it’s everything to do with self-esteem and confidence. Labeling them a simp will not help them develop the self-esteem and confidence they need to enter healthy relationships. [Read: Here’s how you can be masculine without being a jerk]
If you’re purposely trying to play the “nice guy” act in hopes it’ll get you laid – you can stop. Just because you do something nice doesn’t mean anyone owes you anything. You choose to do nice things because you want to, not because you’re expecting something out of it. [Read: The nice guy syndrome and why you bore women]
Simps are stuck in the friend zone
The truth is that simps are usually friend zoned and effectively stuck. The other person doesn’t view the simp as anything more than a friend, yet, the simp believes that they deserve to move out of friendship and into something romantic and/or physical.
It’s very likely that they became a friend without wanting to be a friend. In truth, they never wanted to be a friend. They only did this to push their hidden motives. In other words, they didn’t enter the friendship honestly and had very intentions in a different direction. [Read: How to friend zone a guy without leading him on]
Are simps always men?
There’s no doubt that being a simp or simping can apply to both genders. If you go on TikTok, you’ll see plenty of videos including women. So, at least it’s inclusive of both sexes. But we need to be honest about this with you…
The term is geared mostly to men. Sadly, it’s geared towards the dated idea that men can only be nice towards women if they want to have sex with them. [Read: How to be just friends with a guy when he wants more]
What is ‘No Simp September?’
You might hear about this, so let’s just give you a quick definition. Basically, “No Simp September” is a challenge born from the Internet *as most things are these days.*
In this month, men are encouraged not to show any behavior that could be classed as simp-like.
The biggest signs you’re simping
We do not condone the idea of malicious simping. If you’re desperate to bed someone that much, you really don’t have to put that much effort in – just be straightforward with them! [Read: Higher standards- why going low only brings lousy relationships]
However, attempting to attract a partner by being super-nice and attentive, just to get them into bed, is pretty low. By doing this you’re hoping that at some point, in the not-so-distant future, this person will give in to what you want because you’ve either manipulated them into thinking you’re perfect, or they feel somehow sorry for you…
Not the greatest basis for a relationship, is it?
Anyway, our feelings about simping aside, let’s check out a few signs you’re simping so you can identify once and for all whether you might be embodying these traits.
1. Chasing someone who clearly doesn’t want you
Firstly, where’s your pride? Secondly, if you’re doing this, it’s one of the signs you’re simping. Why? Because if someone doesn’t want to spend time with you, why are you doing everything for them?
In this case, you’re trying to get them to feel sorry for you, and then boom! You get what you want. They fall into bed with you.
By doing this, you’re not being genuine, and you’re wasting your time. [Read: How to stop being a nice guy who’s slowly turning into a doormat]
2. You’re always trying to impress
You’re never just yourself. You’re always trying to impress everyone around you, but you do it in a way which tries to attract pity. To be honest, it’s a little pathetic.
As one of the signs you’re simping, always trying to impress people means that you’re basically casting your net as wide as possible and hoping someone falls into it. [Read: When you like someone, do you lose yourself to impress?]
3. You put yourself last
Sure, there are some situations in life where you should think of others and put their needs a little before your own, but if you’re doing it constantly you have to ask yourself why.
It shows low self-esteem, and you need to focus on building that up and finding someone who wants to be around you for the person you are, rather than pretending to be something you’re not.
Focusing on everyone else just means that you’re suffering, and nothing else. [Read: The 20 most common signs of a people pleaser most people just don’t realize]
4. You have a poor dating history
Okay, this one might not be your fault, but look at patterns of behavior.
Do you always fall into the same trap? Do you find yourself always doing everything for someone only to end up left behind? Do you regularly impress the life out of someone, only to get what you want and then move on perhaps?
These are all signs you’re simping, and it is simply poor form.
You can’t help a bad dating history, but you can change what you do from this point onwards. And, you know what? Being strong and yourself is actually quite attractive! [Read: Why am I so insecure? 20 reasons why you care more than others]
5. You let people walk all over you
Do you regularly let people you’re trying to attract walk all over you, letting them say and do whatever they please?
Again, hello? Where is your dignity? Letting someone walk all over you is not going to build a strong relationship. But if you’re a true simp, that’s not really what you want, is it? [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]
6. You’re submissive to women
Do you find yourself being generally submissive around women? We’re not suggesting you come over all masculine, but why do you find yourself turning into a submissive mess whenever a woman is around?
Again, it comes down to confidence.
7. Your goal is to make her love you
Everything you do is geared toward making her like you back or even love you. That’s all you want and all you can think about whenever she’s around – in fact, even when she’s not around.
Is she really worth all this? She’s just a person, after all. You’re an expert at putting women on a pedestal and they don’t really need to be there. [Read: How to make a girl want you, desire you, and think of you sexually]
8. She doesn’t need to do anything to earn your love
Everything is effortless for her because you hand everything over on a plate. You don’t even give her anything to work toward – you hand it all over without the slightest bit of hesitation.
We’re talking about confidence issues here again.
9. You defend and admire women
Now, this doesn’t sound like a bad thing, does it? In effect, it’s not. But you’re not doing it for the right reasons.
Admiring women is great, but you should do it because that one particular woman is someone you truly love and that she loves you back.
As for defending women, go for it! But only do it when it’s necessary, not because you’re trying to get into someone’s pants. [Read: Damsel in distress – why men find women who ask for help irresistible]
10. You’re chivalrous and kind
Again, there should be no issues here but you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Be kind and be chivalrous because that’s a genuine part of who you are. Not because you’re trying to get someone to like you.
How not to be a simp
If you think that you might be a simp, there’s work to be done. The good news is that by changing some of your habits and behaviors, you can move away from simping territory and toward a much brighter outlook. [Read: How to change your life – easy steps for a dramatic life makeover]
1. Don’t be her gopher
Don’t be a slave to her every whim, especially if she doesn’t voice them. One of the signs you’re simping is that you drop everything for her. Stop doing this. She can handle life on her own, you know!
2. Don’t crave her validation
Learning how not to be a simp isn’t easy but with time, you can do it. One important step is to not crave her validation. You don’t need it.
The only person’s validation you need is your own. [Read: How to learn from the rejections you’ve faced]
3. Find out why you simp
What causes you to act this way? You can recognize the signs you’re simping, but what pushes you to do these things?
Spend some time analyzing this question and coming up with true answers. Only then can you make changes and learn how not to be a simp.
4. Cut out the behaviors you want to get rid of
Sit down and write a list of all the things you do that you really don’t want to indulge in anymore. We’ve already talked about signs you’re simping, but how many of those are you guilty of?
Once you have your list, go cold turkey on those things and stop doing them. [Read: Steps to change your life and find your happiness]
5. Don’t be too try-hard
Simps tend to try way too hard and it comes over as desperate. Don’t do it! Don’t push things and be desperate for her to do or say a certain thing.
It’s time to go with the flow and be okay with it.
6. Make them your number 2 social priority
Who is number one? You are, of course! Put yourself first for a change. [Read: Reasons to love yourself first before falling in love]
7. Raise your standards
And by that, we mean the standards you set for yourself. Right now, your personal standards are low and it’s causing you to accept far less than you deserve. Raise them up and demand more from yourself.
8. Become obsessed with self-improvement
Once you start focusing on yourself, you’ll become obsessed with it. Now, that doesn’t mean you should become arrogant or selfish, but it does mean you should spend some time improving your life and doing things for yourself.
After a while, you’ll realize that simping isn’t for you, because you’re worth more. [Read: Teeny tiny changes that will improve your love life]
9. Don’t be overly chivalrous
By all means, hold a door open for a lady and pull out her chair, but do it because you want to and not because you have ulterior motives.
There’s nothing wrong with being chivalrous, but you shouldn’t push it too far.
10. Distance yourself from the person you’re simping over
It might not be easy at first, but the longer you’re away from the person you’re simping over, the more you’ll realize that they’re not all that. Spend that time on yourself and you’ll raise your confidence. [Read: Self-concept – how we create and develop it to control our happiness]
11. Don’t fight for their attention
If someone doesn’t want to give you their attention freely, don’t fight for it. Just stop.
12. What do you like about this person other than physical attributes?
Simping often happens because a guy likes how a girl looks and he wants to get her into bed. So, what do you like about this girl that isn’t physical? What is it about her personality that grabs your attention?
By considering that, you’ll be able to get to know her as a person and maybe that will cause you to simply want to be friends. If not, it will push aside the notion that you just want to get her into bed. [Read: Feisty girl – 35 personality traits that make her so scarily sexy]
13. Set clear boundaries for yourself
When learning how not to be a simp, boundaries are key. Make sure you set clear boundaries and stick to them at all times. Over time, your habits will change.
14. Channel your time and energy into productivity
This is basically a distraction technique but it’s one that will be a lot more beneficial for you than simping over a woman who doesn’t want you. What do you want to achieve in life? Focus on it and go for it!
15. Pursue friendships and enhance your social life
By meeting new people and solidifying friendships, you’ll come to understand what is important in life. Having a real social life will cause you to value yourself as an important part of your social circle and you won’t feel the need to indulge in simping behavior. [Read: How to make new friends as an adult]
16. Find someone who is genuinely into you
When you meet a person who genuinely likes you and wants to spend time with you, you’ll understand how unfulfilling simping really is. You simply won’t want to move toward that type of behavior again.
17. Continue to set goals
The more goals you set, the more you have to work toward and you will have more things to distract yourself with.
18. Be a role model
Once you overcome your simping habits, you can be a role model for those who are stuck in the cycle of behavior. That will certainly help you avoid falling into the same patterns again in the future. [Read: How to be a much better man using the right role model]
It’s time to change
If you’re nodding along to these signs you’re simping, then something has to change. Firstly, you might think we’ve been a little harsh. We don’t intend to be, but when someone acts falsely in order to get someone into bed or into a fake relationship, it’s not cool.
It’s also entirely possible that you have no idea that you’re exhibiting these signs you’re simping until just now. In that case, it’s time to make a change. If you genuinely want to spend more time with someone, just be yourself and show genuine attentiveness to them.
At the same time, see your friends. Make time to spend time doing the things you love and have some respect for yourself. You don’t have to do everything for another person to make them want you.
[Read: How to be likable without a lot of effort or changing who you are]
Now you can finally sleep at night knowing what is simping. Or maybe you won’t be able to sleep as now you can see the signs you’re simping and think you’re one of them.
