Imitating deep conversations with others isn’t always a walk in the park – especially when you’re talking to a girl you’re interested in. Whether she’s your wife, your girlfriend, or just a crush, it can be difficult to get her to open up to you. That’s where serious, open-ended questions to ask a girl come in to save the day!
If you want to let this girl know you’re serious about her, skip the small talk. When you ask open-ended questions, you’re showing interest in her goals, behavior, hobbies, aspirations, and the way her mind works.
So the next time you’re trying to stir up an interesting conversation, take inspiration from these open-ended questions to ask a girl to get to know her on a personal level. [Read: 44 secrets to win a girl’s trust, signs & the BIG mistakes most guys make]
So, you might be wondering, why ask deep questions to a girl? Is it just a trendy conversational tactic, or is there more at play? The good news: there’s a lot more at play, and it’s all backed by psychology.
Below, we’re diving into the scientific reasoning behind why men should ask deep, open-ended questions when dating or getting to know a girl. Trust us, this isn’t just for show – it’s a proven path to a more meaningful connection.
Emotional intimacy is the bread and butter of any lasting relationship. Asking deep questions can pave the way for a stronger emotional connection.
The social penetration theory, coined by psychologists Altman and Taylor, explains that sharing deeper layers of oneself leads to more intimacy. This means more than just knowing her favorite color!
Getting to know someone on a personal level is a two-way street. Are you familiar with Jourard’s self-disclosure theory?
It says that when you disclose something meaningful, the other person is more likely to reciprocate. That’s right, a little vulnerability from you can encourage her to open up as well.
The investment model, brought to you by Caryl Rusbult, suggests that higher levels of investment in a relationship lead to greater commitment. And what’s a better investment than genuine, deep conversation?
Have you ever heard of the affective events theory? It talks about how emotions in the workplace are triggered by specific events. Similarly, asking deep questions can help you understand what gets her gears grinding or her heart swelling.
This one’s a fun hack. Deep conversations can actually lead to the release of dopamine, the feel-good hormone.
So you’re not just connecting, you’re biohacking her brain to associate you with feeling great! How’s that for love alchemy? [Read: What is dopamine? The dopest pleasure pill inside of you]
It’s important to have a variety of serious, open-ended questions to ask a girl.
So, the following list is intended to help both you and the object of your affection open up about yourselves and delve into deep conversations. These questions are designed to open and reveal the soul.
A great question to not only try and work out the inner self of your partner, but also a chance to maybe try and facilitate her dreams. After all, what could show your sensitive side better than that?
Her worst fear is an important answer as this comes from a place of insecurity and vulnerability. Make sure you don’t just get a vague answer from her, but it’s an answer that comes from her heart.
Her worst fear shouldn’t be something like the dark or spiders, even if that’s what she may say at first. You need to get the real answer, the one that’s beyond the little things, so make sure you focus on those. [Read: Win her heart – all the things to talk about with your crush]
Asking this question shows that you are keen to respond to her needs. It also gives you a chance to show that you are a lover of affection—if that is, indeed, the case. [Read: How to recognize the real signs of affection to know someone cares]
Regret is one of the most negative emotions, and by asking her this, you may be airing something she didn’t really want to…
But it gives you a chance to talk her through it and show what an emotionally supportive rock you are. Support is an attractive, unusual trait in a man.
Food, place to go on holiday, perfume, etc. It’s an off-the-cuff kind of question, but whereas most guys would forget the answer in a heartbeat, you’ll be storing it up to surprise her on her next birthday, or other gift-giving occasions.
This serious question to ask a girl shows that you embrace all of who she is, even her past before you met her and that you want to share her precious moments. This shows true emotional maturity and a real sensitive side.
Listening is a skill that most men don’t have. By asking her about her passion, even the most tight-lipped lady is likely to speak at length, giving you the opportunity to show just how strong your listening skills are. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship & read their mind]
This question gives you a rare insight into her personality, as well as demonstrates your ability to assess and discuss deeply emotional subjects.
Her answer is important, of course, but so is your response—especially if you’re the sort who would contribute it all to charity, rather than buy a tropical island! [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
What makes this such a great deep, serious question to ask a girl is that women do not expect this level of sensitivity and emotional openness from a guy and will find it hugely refreshing.
Similar to number 7, this gives her a chance to express herself, and for someone else to take notice. This serious question is a winner in the sensitivity stakes for any girl.
For a more in-depth and, perhaps, intense relationship, expressing this level of understanding and flexibility is likely to make you a saint in her eyes. And it could well save the whole thing.
If you want to know what this girl has planned for herself, asking her what she thinks her life will be like in 20 years is a great way to find out if you two are compatible.
It’s a subtle way of knowing if the future she sees aligns with what you want. [Read: How to get your life together – 30 ways to live your best life]
Again, emotional honesty is a rare trait in a guy, and expressing this honesty without ire or accusation shows your true strength of character and a very real sensitive side.
This serious question to ask may make your girl nervous at first, but she will appreciate your genuine interest in her.
Find this out and then tell her, in so many ways, why you couldn’t possibly agree with her. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]
We’re getting a bit physical now, but sex is an important part of a relationship. Showing that you are sensitive to her needs is highly likely to increase your appeal.
You want to know everything about her—past, present, and future. That’s what this deep question to ask a girl conveys: Her every moment matters to you.
Discussing love can be very difficult—even for some women. But it is still a great open-ended question to ask a girl.
For a guy to come out with this question, and to honestly reply with his own answer, shows a sensitive side that few can boast of. [Read: 20 loving and romantic touches in a relationship to make you feel closer]
Whether you’re talking about the places you eat at, the usual places you go on holiday, or sexual positions, this question shows that you are responsive and sensitive to her needs.
What could better expose your sensitive side than an obvious willingness to change in order to remain in your loved one’s life?
This question can start a conversation about trust in general and what it means to her. Then you should tell her what it means to you and how much you value it.
This question will get her thinking outside the box a little. She needs to think about her life and see what she couldn’t live without. [Read: 35 warm, feel-good questions to ask a girl to get to know her better]
This is a deep question that will get you to see how much she thinks about some paranormal things.
You really want to dig deep here and get her to explain why it had such an impact on her. How did it change her as a person – or did it?
This is an important and serious open-ended question to ask a girl. We all have pivotal moments in our lives. But sometimes people don’t talk about them, so now is your chance.
Hopefully, she’s done some introspection through the years and come up with her deal-breakers. Once you know them, be mindful of not doing any of them! [Read: Dating checklist – how to make one and why it can benefit your life]
This might seem like a mundane question, but it really is a key to how well a relationship works. If one person is an early bird and the other one is a night owl, it has the potential to cause problems.
This will give you a chance to see how close she was to her parents. Were they the kind to teach her deep life lessons or not?
Girls aren’t very comfortable talking about their likes or dislikes of their own bodies. And depending on how close you are, you need to be careful with this one. But it is an opportunity to compliment her in a classy, tasteful way.
This is a serious question to ask a girl that you will need to be sensitive when approaching. She may not want to talk about if she has ever been cheated on in the past, so you can start a conversation about what she would do in the future. [Read: How to rebuild trust after cheating – the things an ex-cheater MUST do]
If she says yes, then ask her if she is worried about it. Does she think the robots will be friendly or hostile towards humans?
When she answers, ask her about what kinds of things she writes about. You don’t have to ask for specifics *unless she wants to share*.
Listen carefully to this one. Whether you have never taken her out on a date or if you have been on many, you can make her dreams come true with this serious question to ask a girl.
This question will reveal what her values are and the things that she treasures. [Read: How to be happy in life – hacks to find real happiness instantly]
When you ask her this, see if what she says aligns with what you value.
For example, if you want six kids, and she says career is more important than family, then you might not be a good match. That’s why this is an important open-ended question to ask a girl.
This is another fun supernatural/paranormal question. You can also follow up by asking her if she would stay the night in a haunted house if she had the chance. [Read: 25 deep questions to ask a girl to see if you are compatible]
Everyone has their favorite movies. If she has a difficult time choosing, then ask her to pick her top three.
Not only does her favorite movie say a lot about her, but it’s an opportunity to see if you have a favorite movie in common or an excuse to set up a movie date night!
This is an interesting question because you can tell how much she respects authority. Hopefully, the two of you will align on this one.
If she has a difficult time answering, then you can give her some options such as: flying, reading minds, superhuman strength, living for 1,000 years – or choose your own.
This will give you some insight into how she feels about herself. Also, ask her if she thinks her friends and family would describe her the same way. [Read: Manic pixie dream girl – 21 MPDG roles & 18 signs, pros and cons of dating her]
This question tells you so much about her character so it’s important to pay close attention.
The average answer from materialistic people would be buying cars or the latest iPhone, but if she says she’d give a part of it to charity or says something that reveals her less materialistic side, you’ll know what really matters to her.
This will tell you more than you would ever hope to know about her goals in life and her true desires. With this particular question, you learn about her nature and how much of a traveler or dreamer she is.
You can know so much about a person by what makes her vulnerable. By asking her what puts tears in her eyes in a happy way, you’re asking what pulls her heartstrings.
This is one of the deep, open-ended questions to ask a girl to know about her ambition and aspirations in life. Asking her this deep question helps you understand the single most important hope she has out of life.
Religion can be a very touchy subject for some people and asking if someone is spiritual helps you uncover their beliefs and even their views on the world. If you have contrasting spiritual beliefs, this also helps you know this early on.
It’s one of the most controversial aspects of any relationship so this is a really significant question to ask a girl. [Read: 84 intellectual, deep conversation starters & topics to bond with anyone]
Friendship is just as important as it’s her support system, so it’s an essential part of knowing her. Finding out how much a girl values those in her life that she loves can be discovered with this deep, yet simple question.
You can measure how much a girl values her family by how much time she spends with them.
This is one of the deep questions to ask a girl that’s essential, especially if you’re someone who values family. Otherwise, this could be a huge problem further down the line.
This is one of the deep questions to ask a girl that lets you develop a certain connection with her. After all, she’s just told you something that nobody else knows in her life. This helps her open up to you, and you’ll find out something very important to her.
You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. With this question, you’ll know where the majority of her values, personality, and even her mindset comes from. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits & what it takes to be a good, loyal one]
This is an open-ended question to ask a girl that is very important. By asking this question, you discover if both of your values line up or if she has a much different outlook on life.
It might seem like a mundane question, but this defines your compatibility and helps you know for sure if your values align together.
This is one of the deep questions to ask a girl that’s very nostalgic and sentimental. You’ll give her the realization of how much has changed since then and how her aspirations have changed over time.
This is another powerful question that can show you just how strong of a person she is, or if she’s had a simple life with not much struggle.
A person who’s endured a lot of pain is often wise, resilient, and knows how to fight her way through life. This means if things ever do work out between both of you, she won’t be the type to give up easily.
Many people get asked this question but few know how to answer it. This is one of the few questions that reveal your true priorities. By asking her this, you get a sense of what truly matters to her even until her last breath.
If you really want to know who she is as a person and what type of person she is, you’ll find out by getting an answer to what she is grateful for. Gratitude isn’t something everyone has and people have different levels of gratitude.
When she says she’s grateful for things like the sunset or the fact that she woke up that day, it speaks volumes about her appreciation for the world. [Read: 43 things to be grateful for you don’t appreciate enough in life]
This is one of the deep questions to ask a girl that reveals her purpose and direction in life.
If she says something like her career or the ability to experience the world, she’s a very substantial person. This is the kind of girl who’s very passionate and driven about life as a whole.
This sounds like a cliché question, but a person’s definition of love can make or break a relationship. For instance, if she defines love as a feeling rather than a choice, this could potentially be a problem.
While there isn’t a concrete definition of love, it’s always best to find someone who matches your definition. [Read: 20 types of lovers and relationships you’ll come across in the dating world]
This isn’t an easy question to answer as it comes from a dark and vulnerable place in her life. However, if she does answer this, she’s giving you a part of her past. It also means that she trusts you – or at least, she’s trying to.
Your beliefs are another thing that comes from a vulnerable place, especially if it’s a belief that’s not understood by others. This helps you connect with her thoughts or spiritual side and see something that others don’t get a lot of.
The real truth of the matter is that love really doesn’t conquer all, but some people believe otherwise.
These people either haven’t experienced enough relationships or are just immature with relationships. But if she’s an eternal optimist, that can’t hurt, can it?
This open-ended question to ask may seem broad, but it will tell you so much about the girl you’re talking to.
More often than not, we mellow down our answer to the question “Where do you see yourself in x years” because we think our dreams are unrealistic. But this question is the chance to know her dreams and future goals.
[Read: 50 really cute things to say to your girl that’ll make her love you more]
There you have it, fun but serious questions to ask a girl. Whether you are trying to get to know her better or if you’ve been together for a while, asking these questions and discussing the answers together will strengthen your bond.
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