Want to learn how to get rid of a boner? We understand. While a rock-solid hard on is visually appealing when it’s sexy time with your partner, pitching a tent down your trousers in normal, social situations could otherwise be awkward. Forget the stares and the looks of disgust; just imagine if you get approached by some random guy with a bulge, and tell me that you won’t break into a panic and dial 911. You’ll no doubt want to know how to get rid of an erection so you can go about your day without any extra drama.
Sadly, male physiology can sometimes be uncooperative. As our wealth of penis-related information on LovePanky will often tell you, the male penis has mind of its own. Your “little man” doesn’t care if you are currently presenting a report in a board meeting, standing inside a crowded elevator, posing for a wedding photo, or even on a date with your longtime crush. He will rise like Greece’s national debt whenever and wherever he wants to. All you can do is plead to the heavens and hope that no one will notice your “hardship.”
Luckily, there are several ways you can help calm the Hulk in your pants. And no, it does not involve masturbating. [Read: How to keep an erection up for longer in 20 ways]
While surprise boners can be pretty inconvenient, they are still a normal body function. Before you learn how to get rid of a boner, know that it’s just a normal part of your body and a normal process. It doesn’t make it any less annoying, we know.
As a matter of fact, having a lot of boners means that you are one healthy, young, reproductively-capable male. Easy erections mean that you have an adequate supply of the male hormone testosterone, which is also responsible for your morning wood. The next time you get that annoying hard-on, just think: you’re luckier than guys who can’t get it up during sex and need Viagra to be able to perform in bed. [Read: 8 stiff facts about morning erections you need to know about]
But to be specific, there are several other *and obvious* causes why you get random hard-ons, aside from your usual Testosterone surge. These include:
Because there are moments where you can’t just forget what you and your partner did last night. Or porn. Before you figure out how to get rid of an erection, perhaps cut down on your erotic thinking and you won’t get one in the first place!
Some guys can control the rush of stimuli given by the girl wearing a hot dress at the next table. Yet, some guys just can’t help it. [Read: How to give a guy a boner: 20 moves for instant erections]
Sometimes there is no actual reason, it just happens. Again, take it as a sign that your guy is working well. That’s not going to comfort you when you’re trying to learn how to get rid of a boner at a key moment when you don’t want one, but it’s still true regardless.
The rule is: the further away you are from home, the more difficult it is. Having a hard-on in public view can be a challenge. Of course, hard-ons will subside at some point. But desperate situations call for desperate measures. [Read: Why does losing an erection bother men so much?]
Your first option when trying to figure out how to get rid of a boner that has appeared at a very bad moment is to try and calm it down. That is always the best option, because then you don’t have to hide it, it will go away on its own.
If the culprit behind your boner is your own naughty imagination, time to backpedal a little bit to reverse your situation. Think of something that would really turn you off. It could be anything depressing or funny. Perhaps a naked old lady, dying puppies, or how you’re still single at 28. Once you’ve lost yourself in these thoughts, your boner will easily deflate. Your self-confidence might not be far behind it but hey, at least you learned how to get rid of an erection you didn’t want! [Read: 23 Sexy tips to dirty talk and say the sexiest words]
Cold temperatures can be a pretty effective way to remove your unwanted boner. The science behind this is that cold temperatures contract your blood vessels, meaning less blood flow to trigger erection—ergo limp penis. You could take a shower, pat your boner down with wet wipes, or press a cold can of cola on your crotch. Just do this clandestinely. Getting caught rubbing a can of soda on your crotch can be more humiliating than getting your boner noticed.
Walking with a boner can be difficult, but it can help you get rid of your unwanted friend, by both providing exercise, and distracting yourself. Pacing a little bit may also help calm your little man into submission. While you’re at it, do a little bit of counter-erotic thinking too. You could maybe think of the time Mufasa died in the Lion King – that normally does the trick! [Read: The average penis: 10 Easy answers that’ll make you a know-it-all]
The opposite of pleasure is pain, unless you’re into BDSM. Giving your genital area a little punishment in the form of a little squeeze and pinch will make it wither down helplessly. Of course, you need to do this in the comfort of a private room, unless you want to be accused of jerking off.
When learning how to get rid of an erection, this one is pretty effective—especially if you’re not into math. Doing mental math requires a great deal of focus and concentration, which takes your brain away from whatever is causing your erection. By the time you’ve remembered the 10th decimal place of pi, surely your penis will have calmed down. This is not advisable for theoretical physicists who get boners from seeing calculus equations, however. That’s just counter-productive. [Read: Floppies and 10 awkward things that happen during sex]
There are instances when time is critical and you have little room to maneuver and calm your “Moby Dick.” The only solution is to hide it and hope that it won’t be noticed. It’s a risk, but sometimes when you’re tryng to figure out how to get rid of a boner, it’s the only option.
Adopting this posture, which looks like taking a nap in the library, allows you to conceal your erection by angling your body relative to the length of your penis. There’s also a chance that your beer belly might help in hiding it from view.
Crossing your legs like a sir would definitely hide that bulge in your pants. Plus, the constricted position lessens the blood flow to your protruding part, making it easier and faster to calm down. It might make people think you’re desperate for a pee if you hold the pose a little too tightly however, so relax! [Read: How to get harder erections: 11 tips & tricks for a rock hard tool]
This is very straightforward. Take your man purse, your jacket, a folder, a clipboard, a book, or your hat, and conceal your boner until the excitement subsides. You can be creative by pretending to fumble in your bag on your lap, read a book, or just type away on your laptop.
Tucking your penis up makes it less noticeable during a hard-on than letting it point downwards or sideways. This lessens the bulge in your crotch, which others could easily pass off as poorly-ironed trousers.
Sometimes, learning how to get rid of a boner means running away and hiding for a short while. Call it a bad stomach, or that bladder you’ve been holding for the past hour as the most plausible excuses for you to run to the bathroom. Then, wait until your crotch bulge subsides. [Read: How to tell if a guy has a boner and is hot and bothered by you]
After you’ve figured out how to get rid of an erection that you really didn’t want, you’ll probably feel embarrassed or stressed. Don’t. It happens to every single guy many times in their lives. You’re definitely not alone. However, don’t assume that it’s over for you because we can guarantee it will happen again at some point! It’s all part and parcel of being a guy.
The good news is that you now know how to get rid of a boner that pops up when you least expect it. You can use that information whenever the need arises, giving you confidence to overcome what could be a rather stressful experience.
[Read: Big blue ball facts you probably didn’t know anything about]
Pointing your junk at someone without meaning to isn’t something you should do in public. That’s why men take precautions to prevent unwanted display of their fertility to unsuspecting individuals. Learning how to get rid of an erection isn’t that difficult, Using these 10 tips, either calm it down, hide it, or *bonus tip* wear precautionary larger-sized pants.
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.
LOVEPANKY IN YOUR INBOX
Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox!