Understanding how to be a wingman isn’t just about standing next to your friend as they hit on a girl. Being a wingman is about being a supportive friend. It’s about making your friend look his best. It’s about shining a light on him and making him feel at ease.What’s so great is that you can be each other’s wingman at the same time. He could be helping you while you’re helping him. If you want to know how to be a wingman, it means you want to be a good friend. And that tells me you’re already partly there.
[Read: Six golden rules to be the best wingman ever]
What is a wingman?
The term wingman is derived from actual flying. It is the name given to the pilot that flies beside or behind the leader in a formation. It is essentially the supporting pilot. That is the same idea when it comes to a wingman in dating. You are playing the supporting role and helping your friend make a good impression by not taking center stage.
A wingman may boast about how good their friend is. They may set up their friend with someone they know. They may even encourage their friend to be better so they have a better chance with someone they like.
[Read: The 60 bro code rules every guy should follow]
What not to do as a wingman
A wingman plays a supporting role to a friend in need of assistance when it comes to flirting or dating. We often see this role in movies and TV, but what we see isn’t exactly spot on. In those circumstances, you see a guy acting like a jackass to make their friend swoop in as the nice guy. You see the wingman hook up with a girl’s unfortunate-looking friend so his friend can hook up. These things may make sort-of-funny bro-comedies, but they aren’t realistic, right, or decent in how to be a wingman in real life.
A wingman isn’t there to help his friend get laid. If that’s your goal, you can click off this article right now, because that’s not how I’m helping you and not how anyone should. Helping your friend take advantage of a woman by manipulating her is not cool or okay. A true wingman isn’t out there to help a friend pick up a girl by tricking her. A wingman’s responsibility is to help a girl see the best qualities of his friend without having to resort to manipulation and games to bed a woman.
[Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
How to be a good wingmanIf you really want to be a good wingman you want your friend to be a good guy and treat women with decency and respect. Actually helping him be a good person, not just making him look like one is one of the best things you can do for him. So, what else makes up how to be a good wingman?
#1 Help him relax. Being a good wingman isn’t just about making the girl like him but it’s about making him like himself. Before heading over to a girl or introducing him to someone you know help him feel good and calm.
If he’s sweating and nervous, nothing you say to her will override that. Let him know he can handle this. It’s just talking.
Even give him a shot to help him calm his nerves. Just be sure to have a drink limit. It is one thing to give him a little liquid courage to talk to a pretty girl, but another thing to pick him up off the floor after he pukes on her shoes. Keep it classy. [Read: 15 tips every guy must absolutely know before approaching a woman]
#2 Give him a pep talk. The worst that happens is she isn’t interested, and you go on having a good night. Let him know she’d be lucky to talk to him or go out with him. Remind him that he’s funny and would be able to go up to her alone too, but you’re just there to make things less awkward.
Take inspiration from your favorite sports movie’s locker room speech and really get him in the right headspace. If he isn’t feeling confident, she’ll see that and you’ll come off as too pushy acting like he’s so awesome when even he doesn’t think that. [Read: How to motivate yourself to do pretty much anything you want]
#3 Call him out. Above getting your friend into a woman’s good graces, you must be a good friend above all else. If he says something that’s over the line, makes an inappropriate joke, or anything else, call him out. Don’t make excuses or nod along. Not only does that make you complacent, but it doesn’t do him any good. Teach him why what he said or did was wrong.You aren’t responsible for him, but part of being a friend and knowing how to be a good wingman is making him be better, not just seem better. So, don’t just say what he wants to hear or what he wants her to hear. Say what needs to be said. [Read: The 22 unspoken guy code rules all men must know]
#4 Be sober enough. Going out for drinks and meeting girls is great. But if you want to be a good wingman, be sober enough to be on your game. You should be able to speak clearly, hear clearly, and interact. You also need to be able to stand. Having a few drinks is all fine and well. But if you really want your buddy to be able to make a connection with someone, you both need to be relatively sober. You also both need to be sober enough to know that the girl or girls you’re talking to are sober. [Read: What to talk about when you’re drunk with your date]
#5 Handle introductions. If your friend needs or wants a wingman, there’s a reason. He probably is a little nervous. Sure, you can give him a pep talk and help him relax, but you’re there for another reason. You want to ease the tension and awkwardness between everyone. Whether you’re talking to one girl, two, or approaching a whole group, take on the role of organic speaker. You want to get everyone’s name.
You’re essentially opening a door for your friend so he can walk through it. Without a clever knock, the door won’t open. The difficulty here is balancing being charming enough to put everyone at ease while not taking the spotlight of your friend. [Read: How to talk to a group of girls and impress all of them at the same time]
#6 Know who likes who. There can be a lot of confusion here. I’ve seen it happen myself. When you are heading over to a group of girls with your buddy, know who he is hoping to click with so you don’t accidentally flirt with her. Also, introduce them first. Make your focus on her friends or the group as a whole. Try to find common ground between them and focus there.
If she says she’s a football fan and you know he is, circle back to that topic. Help their connection spark so that he can take over. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with girls so you always have something to say]
#7 Know when to back down. Know when to stop and walk away. I don’t mean if things are going well, but if they aren’t. This is another place the movies get it wrong. Persistence is not attractive or cute, nor does it work.
If the girl or girls you’re talking to aren’t interested, don’t keep pushing. Whether they turn you guys down or just seem disinterested, I can almost guarantee you they are not playing hard to get. Know when to say, “Nice to meet you, have a good night.” Having that skill will not only make you a better guy, but it will help other girls realize that as well.
#8 Be yourself. Although a wingman is there to make his friend look good, don’t go overboard. Friends tease each other. You also have your own personality. Be sure to be yourself, not just a puppet spewing filler about him.
On top of that, you want to show everyone there that you’re a decent and normal person. If you come off weird to make your friend look better, it will only make them wonder why he is friends with you. Be yourself and show them that he’s a good guy through you. He would only be friends with someone else whose a good person. If he has a solid friend like you, he has to be a pretty good person. [Read: 18 qualities of a good man that sets him apart from lesser men]
#9 Connect. Connect with the girl’s friends. Talk as a group. Actually get to know them. This really calms the vibes and makes everyone feel at ease. If you flirt with her friend so your friend can talk to a girl, it’ll be obvious. Instead of splitting off and making everyone feel pressured to flirt, just talk.
Make plans as a group. Talk together. Play darts or trivia together. You don’t have to push your buddy and the girl he’s into together in a corner. This isn’t seven minutes in heaven during a seventh grade party. You can all get to know each other and see what comes of it. [Read: How to start a conversation with a stranger and say all the right things]
#10 Read the room. If things seem to be working out and she likes him, know when to wander off, get a drink or give your mom a call. You have to be able to tell if they’re hitting it off. If you can’t, simply ask. Sure, that can be awkward, but it can actually break the ice. Saying, “So can I leave you two alone without a chaperone?” may make them blush, but if she wants to be alone with him she’ll make it known. If not, that gives her an out to walk away too.
Also, don’t leave without a plan. Is he going home with her? Who’s driving? Is he getting her number? Figure it out so no one is left behind. Learning how to be a wingman isn’t about cracking jokes and making your boy look cool. It is about being genuine. You want to help him put his best foot forward by doing the same.
[Read: How to choose the perfect wingman – The pros and cons of every kind of guy]
Learning how to be a wingman is about being a good friend and doing what’s best for both of you. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If you’re a good friend, it’ll work out.
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