The way you carry yourself matters more to a woman than anything else. Master these 12 flirting tips and secrets, and learn the world’s best pickup line.
Most women want guys to approach them and flirt with them. At the same time, they are sick of so many guys approaching them. If this seems contradictory, that’s because most men do it wrong. They are either disrespectful to the women, or they are too cocky and egotistical.
Don’t confuse what these guys do with gentlemanly flirting. There’s a big difference between shouting “hey baby” or trying a dirty pickup line, and striking up a conversation.
Treat a woman with respect, and she’ll be much more open to getting to know you better. It’s pretty logical and easy to understand, yet somehow most guys don’t get it.
12 flirting tips for the real gentleman
No matter the setting, good flirting has the same basic elements. Understand and follow these 12 tips, and you’ll find that most women will be open and receptive to you.
#1 You can’t win if you don’t play. Most guys have some level of shyness when it comes to approaching women. Fear of rejection is a powerful emotion, it’s important to learn to overcome it. If you approach a woman in a polite and respectful way, there’s not much chance of an outright rejection. You’ve just got to build up a bit of courage and go for it.
She is her own person and has a right to talk to you or not. Don’t feel that you are entitled to her time. She may not be interested, or maybe she just had a bad day. If you are rejected, be polite about it. A real man can handle rejection without getting angry or bitter. If you approach her with the right attitude, the chances she’ll want to engage with you will only go up. [Read: The right way to approach a girl and impress her immediately]
#2 Eye contact. The best way to catch a woman’s attention and find out if she’s interested is with eye contact. Don’t stare too long, and after a few meetings of the eyes, it’s time to stop ogling and start talking. There’s a fine line here between smooth and creepy. To stay on the right side of that line, smile when your eyes meet. [Read: 10 discreet eye contact flirting moves you can use easily]
#3 Master the smile. There’s nothing wrong with practicing your smile in the mirror. There is a lot of subtlety in smiling, and if you can get a few different smiles down, you’ll do well for yourself. There’s no one right way to do it. Your smile can be shy, confident, mysterious or any number of other styles. Find out what works for you in a given situation and use it.
#4 The approach. After exchanging smiles or repeated eye contact, it’s time to make your approach. Don’t make a big deal about it. Life isn’t a movie, there will be no song playing, no slow motion, and nobody staring at you. Just do it. Oh, and that world’s best pickup line that you were promised… are you ready for it? Here it is: “Hello”. [Read: How to talk to girls and leave them swooning over you!]
#5 Learn to listen. The biggest mistake that men make when they are talking to women is talking too much, specifically about themselves. Show interest in her, ask questions and listen to her answers.
Then ask follow up questions. Reference what she said earlier to show that you were listening. This should be obvious but far too many guys just don’t get it. Do not do more than half of the talking.
#6 Reach out and touch. By all means, you should touch her. Obviously, this needs to be done in an appropriate and respectful way. Ask about a ring or bracelet and touch her hand. If she is wearing interesting nail polish, that’s a perfect opening. If you’re sitting side by side, let your legs touch *but don’t rub them together*. If you’re walking, try to take her arm when you’re crossing a street. If you’re in a bar or club and have to move through a crowd, take her hand and lead the way. [Read: How to charm a girl and flatter her into liking you]
#7 Show interest. This is one of the most important parts of flirting, but one that most guys get wrong. It’s not just about listening to her, you have to stay engaged. Maintain eye contact and don’t interrupt. Avoid looking away at TVs, your phone or other people. Keep the focus on her and she’ll stay focused on you.
#8 Suggestive jokes. Humor allows you to be more bold or forward than you otherwise could. Slightly suggestive jokes are great as long as they’re not creepy. It will depend on your culture as to how far you can take it, but it should be pretty mild no matter what. [Read: How to make a girl smile, laugh and like you instantly]
#9 Set up the follow up. You usually don’t know when one of you will suddenly have to leave. There’s nothing worse than connecting with someone, then her friends drag her away and you don’t have an opening to ask her out or for a phone number. Find something you have in common early on and you’ll be ready to use it later.
There are a few easy ways to do this. You can invite her to an event you both are interested in like a concert. You can bring up a shared interest like a book you both liked and ask if she’d like to talk more about it sometime. Or if you talked about a cuisine both of you enjoy, tell her you know a great restaurant for it and ask if she’d like to go with you.
#11 Take the lead on making plans. When you’re trying to schedule a date, don’t waver or ask her to decide where to go. Most women like a man who is decisive about things like this. You should always have a few bars or restaurants, or other date ideas up your sleeve and ready to use.
Picking something that is different than where most other guys would take her is always a good move. But the important thing is to propose a specific place. Asking if she’d like to go for Mexican food sometime is less effective than inviting her to the great taco place you know.
#12 Be confident and all the rest will follow. This may be the most important part of flirting, but it’s easier said than done. Not everyone naturally carries themselves with confidence, and that can be okay as long as you aren’t negative or pessimistic. The biggest mistake guys make is confusing cockiness for confidence. Being cocky is not a good quality and will turn more women away than it will impress.
Just do it!
Flirting is really not so hard. Once you overcome the fear of rejection, you’re most of the way there. Be polite, be respectful, and it will all fall into place. And most importantly, have fun. If you enjoy yourself during your conversation, then she will too.
Just keep these 12 flirting tips in mind, and start talking, and more importantly, listening. You’ll find women are receptive. Best of all, you’ll see that as your confidence builds, it only gets easier!
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I'm a freelance writer dividing my time between the beaches of Thailand and my hometown of Chicago....