A Gentleman’s Guide to Successfully Asking a Woman Out

If you don’t ask, you’ll never know, right? Get your ass out there and go out on a limb. Asking a girl out should be simple if you follow these tips.

how to ask a girl out

When it comes to asking out women, there really is no all-encompassing formula. Every woman is different, and you should approach them differently, as well. Knowing where you stand in her life is extremely important, so you know just how much wooing you need to do to sweet-talk her into giving you that “yes.”

So, how do you ask a girl out? First, you have to know where you stand on the “closeness” scale.

The closeness scale

Before we dive into how to successfully ask a girl out, you must identify your already-existing relationship with your would-be love.

#1 If she’s a complete stranger. Coming up to a stranger and asking her to go out with you may be as daunting as jumping off a plane to skydive for the first time. However, if you look at it, it’s easy as pie. For starters, you really lose nothing if she’s not interested. Well, maybe a little embarrassment that you can easily brush off, but that’s about it. However, if you ask her out and she says “yes,” then you’re the man! [Read: How to approach a girl you don’t know and impress her]

#2 If you’ve just met her. If you met her at a party and you dig each other *at least you think so*, the secret here is to ask for her number—or, more romantically, ask where she usually hangs out or where she works. If you have her number, call her and ask her out for lunch. Another option is to show up to where she usually hangs out and from there ask her out on a date.

#3 If she’s an acquaintance. She may be a friend’s friend, a classmate, a work colleague, or someone who lives in your building. You may have had a few friendly exchanges in the past, so it’s more likely she’s comfortable around you already, as you are around her. At this point, it’s easy: next time you see her, ask her what’s she’s up to on a weekend *or even on a week day—any day she’s most likely to be free* and invite her to hang out in a nearby coffee shop or watering hole.

#4 If she’s a friend. When it comes to asking a girl out on a date, the more you know each other, the trickier the process is. So, if you want to ask out a friend, you have to be very careful if you want to get out of the friend zone without a hassle. The key here is sincerity. Make your intentions known, but be prepared to face rejection. If she agrees, take her out to a nice dinner and ease her out of the idea of you just being a friend. You’ll know you’ve got it when you both feel a deeper connection growing and she’s open to take the relationship to the next level. [Check out: How to date a friend you like]

#5 If she’s your ex. You’ll have a better idea of what your ex likes. However, even if it’s Valentine’s Day and you have no one else to ask out—man, stay clear of this path. Don’t even think about asking your ex out on a date.

How to ask a girl out the right way

Now that you have figured out how to approach a woman based on how well you know her *or not*, you’re only halfway through the battle. You also have to know just what to do in order to secure that “yes” the moment you ask, “Would you like to go out with me?”

#1 The clothes make the man. You don’t have to wear a bespoke suit and wear it like Barney Stinson if you want to ask a girl out. However, this doesn’t mean you can look like a homeless slob, either. Whatever you wear, make sure you feel good in it and maintain a sense of class and style. Look polished and attractive, and you have a better chance of getting a “yes.” [Read: How to woo a girl and make her fall for you]

#2 Confidence is your best asset. Of course, whether you wear the most expensive shoes or a hand-me-down shirt, whatever you wear will mean nothing if you don’t display confidence. Remember these simple tips:

a. Keep your shoulders and back straight *but don’t act like you have a stick up your ass*
b. Hold your chest high
c. Don’t slouch
d. Don’t look down
e. Don’t fidget
f. Smile like you really mean it *and really mean it!*

#3 Be keen on the cues. Be attentive to her. Does she touch you often? Does she mimic you? Just because she’s nice to you doesn’t mean she’s as attracted to you as you are to her. So pay attention.

#4 Hold her gaze. When she looks at you, hold her gaze. If she looks away in irritation, that might be a sign to back off. If she smiles, you know you have a chance. However, be sure to just make the eye contact last no longer than five seconds to avoid creeping her out. The same goes when it comes to conversation: engage in eye contact when you talk and if she smiles *or blushes*, you know the attraction is mutual. [Try: 12 obvious signs she wants you to ask her out]

#5 Be her knight. Whether you know her well or you just met her, make a good impression by being nice to her or making a nice gesture when she’s looking. This tells her that you’re a good person, which will then make her more comfortable around you.

#6 Look and smell nice. When you finally approach her, either to weigh the situation or finally ask her out, be sure to be well-groomed. Brush your teeth, wear deodorant, shave *or leave a few stubbles for a more rugged, manly effect*, and keep her senses heightened by wearing some good-smelling cologne.

#7 Keep it light. When you approach her, don’t go blurting it all out in one go. Keep things light and casual. Better yet, try to project that you asking her out is really not that big a deal. Just relax and crack a good joke if you must. Keep things easy-peasy and so naturally charming, that she might really find it hard to say “no,” anyway. [Read: How to ask a girl out when you’re a shy guy]

#8 Take note of timing. Of course, you don’t have to be a jerk and ask her out right at the moment when she’s having a bad day. It’s more likely she’ll feel like you’re preying on her. However, with the right approach–such as being her shoulder to cry on–you can actually turn things around to your benefit.

#9 Prepare for rejection. There’s nothing more embarrassing than not being able to handle rejection. Be a man. You have to learn to accept a “no” every once in a while. Don’t make a scene, and don’t insult her for refusing you, either. In fact, applying some reverse psychology can work wonders.

#10 Brush yourself off and try again. So you got rejected—that’s part of the game. Don’t let this change the way you view dating and discourage you from asking women out ever again. In fact, make this a part of the learning process. Think about what you could’ve done better, and polish your moves so you can do better next time. [Check out: How to make a girl like you without even asking her out]

Asking a girl out should be simple. It’s really up to how you approach her and what comes out of your mouth. One big thing to consider here is starting out a brief conversation from which you can allow her to judge you based on her criteria of what makes a man attractive. Women like someone who is confident, has a sense of humor, and is gainfully employed—or at least not a perverted creep. [Read: How to win any girl’s heart and impress her effortlessly]

The key is to make a good first impression, which will give you access to a few minutes of getting-to-know-you chitchat, which in turn develops into a longer conversation. When you get to this point and she’s keen on knowing more about you, that’s when you can pop the question. And there you have it: you have a date.

[Read next: How to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in 10 ways]

Asking a girl out on a date doesn’t have to be a painful battle of wits. You should be able to be your confident self. Just remember to put your best foot forward, be man enough to accept rejection, and polish the tips above to more easily get that sweet “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”

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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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