Courting: The Modern Day Gentleman’s Guide to Wooing a Lady


Is courting really out of style? Be prepared to be blown away, because courting may just be the thing the woman you like needs you to do.

In this fast-paced world, everything moves so fast. So, if you’re not moving at the speed of light, you’re going to be left behind. This is why when it comes to relationships, dating seems to be the norm instead of courting.

In past years, hooking up and one-night stands are popular among those who want to fill a void with some limited intimacy and lots of sex. There are also those who resort to speed dating to quickly meet people who are potentially relationship material. And as for some who are comfortable behind their gadgets, online dating and dating apps are the way to go.

But let’s do a rewind to a time that was more languid. A time when people didn’t resort to technology to either connect or disconnect from people. In what seems like an eternity ago, the best way to find and win over a partner was courting. These days, this art seems on its last dying breath as it is replaced by much more convenient methods.

Yet does that mean the art of courting women is dead? Absolutely not. There are still a few gallant men, and, let’s just say, modest women out there who prefer to take things low and slow before they finally settle into a relationship.

So, what is courting and how can any guy who hasn’t done it ever court a girl? [Read: 18 foolproof ways to make a girl fall in love with you]

What is courting?

In an almost long-forgotten past, probably the time of your grandparents or their parents and grandparents, courting was serious business. In fact, very serious. When a man saw a woman he liked, he wouldn’t go straight up to ask her out.

First, he’d go to her parents or guardian and ask permission to court her. When he gets permission, that’s when courting officially starts, wherein the man called on the woman, came by her house for a visit, and brought her flowers. This would go on and on as they get to know each other—a process that could go on for months, even years.

Simply put, courting is a period in a relationship that precedes engagement and marriage. It is a phase where people get to know each other better before deciding to take the relationship to the next level. Therefore, courtship is done when a guy is sure the person he wants to court is someone to build a serious and enduring relationship with.

However, these days, this is hard to do. How can anyone know for sure that the person they like is the one they really want to spend the rest of their lives with anyway? Therefore, courting really isn’t as simple as it seems, so that’s probably why many don’t bother with it.

Enter modern-day dating. [Read: How to woo a girl and make her fall for you]

Courting vs dating

“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You may have heard your grandma tell you this many times. And this saying holds true if you want to differentiate dating and courting. When you’re courting, you work hard. You take summer jobs or even a second job just to earn enough money to buy the cow—and man, the cow is expensive.

When you’re dating,  you don’t have to work anymore. You don’t even have to buy the cow because you have milk anytime you want. And with this, milk means a lot of things, like sex or intimacy. However, this is not to say people who date automatically drop their pants—but you get the drift. [Read: Every millennial’s guide to surviving the hookup culture]

Courting a woman: The basics

Now, whether you just want to be all old-fashioned or this girl you like wants you to court her, then you should know the basics of courting.

#1 Be crystal. Unlike the ambiguity of dating, courting a woman means you must be clear-cut about what exactly your intentions are. You tell a woman that you like her and would like to court her. Yes, you mention “courting,” and she will definitely swoon! [Read: 12 Prince Charming traits that’ll make every girl swoon]

#2 Get to know her. Essentially, courting is all about getting to know the person deeper and better. The traditional formality aside, courting is about two people becoming good friends first before deciding whether or not they’re the right fit.

If so, they take the relationship to the next level, which is some form of commitment. Today, this is just when dating usually happens, and two people see each other exclusively.

#3 Best foot forward. While being all goody-goody at this stage can come off as phony, it helps to not just be yourself, but the best version of yourself.

This means taking a little extra effort to not be easily pissed when the waiter messed up your orders on your date, or being more thoughtful about the things the woman you’re courting likes and dislikes.

#4 Boundaries. What sets courting apart from dating are boundaries. With dating, people have the tendency to be more intimate with each other. Along with the tendency to go too fast into the relationship.

Courtship creates a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. Anything close to kissing or making out is not allowed, and two people are often restricted to companionship. At most, holding hands and quick pecks on the cheek. [Read: Time on your side – Why you need to follow the 90 day rule]

#5 Longevity. It’s not uncommon for those in the dating part of a relationship to not pursue the next level and fully commit to each other. Often, dating relationships don’t really last.

However, with courting couples, there’s a somewhat established period where they engage in the same activities similar to what dating couples do, such as going out, meeting each other’s friends, and many other things.

#6 Friendship. Courtship often establishes friendship first between two people Before they take things to the next level. This is because courting allows people to do things without the pressures of sleeping together. Giving them enough chance to just be together, be who they really are, and just get to know each other. [Read: New relationship advice to have that perfect start]

How do you court her?

Contrary to what you may think, courting is not that old-fashioned. There are still men and women who like to court and be courted. If you’re one of these, then read up on these tips and have a better chance of making her yours.

#1 Make her feel attractive. While you should respect the boundaries of courtship, this doesn’t mean you can’t express how attracted you are to her. Make her feel special with careful and genuine compliments. You can also give her the usual flowers and chocolates, or make her swoon with love songs. [Read: 19 sweet compliments for girls that’ll make them go awww…]

#2 Write her letters. What’s more romantic than bringing back the lost art of letter-writing? Get fancy stationery from a specialty paper store and brush off the dust from those ballpoint pens of yours.

Pen your thoughts, feelings, and aspirations about your budding relationship. You don’t have to be Shakespeare, but eloquence and sincerity beats 140-character tweets anytime. [Read: How to write a heartfelt love letter like a true romantic]

#3 Revive chivalry. Women these days are so jaded about the idea of men being these knights in shining armor that they are fine without chivalry. In fact, there’s this neo-feminists inside them that believes they don’t need a man to help them get through life.

Prove her wrong. By being chivalrous, you give her an unexpected—and surprisingly pleasant—surprise that makes you memorable and more endearing than any guy she might have met. [Read: How to be chivalrous – The code of modern chivalry]

#4 Date her. And by date, we mean just that—date. Take her out for lunch, dinner, a walk in the park, a night at the museum, feed some pigeons, and just make each time you spend together interesting. You’re building memories with her while at the same time investing time and effort for you to know each other better.

#5 Manage your expectations. Remember, don’t expect a kiss, or even some nookie, in return to everything you do. When you’re courting, you don’t date her just to get in her pants—let’s get that straight. You genuinely want your intentions and sincerity to be known to her that’s why you court. [Read: 6 powerful ways to stop being horny: No masturbating or sex]

#6 It’s worth it. In a world where instant is not even instant enough for some, courting is like moving you up the relationship ladder at a snail’s pace. Add to that the many things you must do for the woman you’re courting to first get to know each other, build trust, show commitment, and eventually win her heart. This is called delayed gratification, which many are not good at these days.

[Read: How to court a woman: 15 ways to do it like a classy gentleman]

Despite their denials, even the most jaded woman would love to be treated like a queen. Don’t hesitate to shower her with affection and gifts , as well as compliments, time, and effort. Even your simplest efforts go a long way as you stay true to your intentions of courting a woman.

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Tiffany Reyes
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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