Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, or so the saying goes. And sometimes, when guys are randomly trying to make a move on a woman, that really does seem to be the case. A lot of the time, this clash comes down to the different emotional registers that men and women have. What a man might often consider to be subtle, for example, a woman may view as something akin to a car crash.
The very fact that most guys target articles with titles like “How to charm her pants off” or “Get out of her friend zone and into her bed” says a lot about how most guys operate— seeing sexual intercourse as an end game rather than part of a relationship.
But that isn’t how women usually work. That’s why this article uses the phrase “sweet talk” rather than “charm” or “seduce.” It’s intended for guys with a little more substance about them, and who’d prefer a full and proper relationship with the object of their affections rather than just a quick tumble between the sheets.
How to properly and effectively sweet talk a girl
Sweet talking is the act of honestly and politely sharing your feelings and observations about a woman who you respect and admire, and the following 16 tips show you exactly how.
#1 Eye contact. Before you actually begin your attempt at sweet talk, start maintaining some serious lingering eye contact first. This negates any element of surprise by showing her that you’re interested in talking to her, and eases you into the conversation without interrupting the general flow. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact flirting moves that always work]
#2 Don’t use pick-up lines. One of the most important parts of sweet talk, especially at the beginning, is that you must avoid looking like a creep at all costs. Unfortunately, those tried and true pick-up lines will likely earn you little more than a cold shoulder. [Read: 70 hilarious cheesy pick-up lines to get a girl laughing]
#3 Wait for the right moment. Making your first foray into conversation with the girl you have your eye upon must be done in a timely and appropriate fashion. She, nor anyone else, will thank you for leaping into the fray mid-conversation. Uncool and unlikely to impress.
#4 Be respectful. Rowdy John Travolta moves rarely work in real life. Decent women, contrary to popular belief, do NOT like a bad boy and, instead, feel deserving of a significant degree of respect. Failure to do so will get you nowhere. [Read: 13 rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]
#5 Body talk. When you eventually get to talk to her, make sure your eye contact is strong, your body is squarely facing her, and your posture is upright. Slouching, glancing, and turning away will just be interpreted as a signal that you’re not really interested. [Read: 15 body language cues a girl gives away if she likes you]
#6 The humble question mark. Questions are so important in sweet talk, as they show that you are interested enough in her to let her do some talking, and that you aren’t an emotionally selfish person. Just try not to rattle them off like a game show host.
#7 Observe everything. If you’ve seen her before, make sure you commit everything about her to memory so you can pick up on any changes. Hairstyle, nails, the colors that she wears, etc. Then tell her in a complimentary fashion that you’ve noticed. Men rarely do this, so when they do, it definitely won’t go unnoticed.
#8 Compliment frequently. Adding to the last tip, never be shy of complimenting her. All women love to be told they’re beautiful, well dressed, and have a great smile or laugh, and it’s a great way to begin showing her that she means more to you than just another face in a crowd. [Read: How to compliment a girl and make her blush]
#9 Avoid sobriety. By that I don’t mean go out and get drunk—I’m referring to the other kind of sobriety and the fact that being overly serious is never likely to bring you closer to the woman you’re hoping to sweet talk.
#10 Be confident. Don’t be scared of being yourself or showing those around you that you believe in yourself and your words. She’s far more likely to listen to you if you show that your words mean something. [Read: Cold feet on a date – 12 ways to gain confidence]
#11 Be genuine. Always resist the urge towards idle flattery and made-up stories intended to impress. In truth, nothing will impress her more than someone who displays good manners, integrity, and respect for others.
#12 Physically impossible. Do realize that this is a real, thinking being standing before you, and she is far more than just a body alone. No matter how beautiful she is, you need to focus on all of her qualities and make sure that these are reflected in your compliments.
#13 When the air turns blue. Even if everything is going swimmingly and you’re starting to believe that you’ve actually got a chance of convincing this charming woman of your own merits, resist the urge to let the talk get sexual. Jumping in on the sexual front too early can easily put you back at square one. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]
#14 Give her your undivided attention. While you’re talking to her, she should be the only woman in the room. Even if Miss Venezuela walked into the joint, you’d better make sure that your eyes don’t stray an inch.
#15 Talk about family. Not too much, obviously, but women love it when guys talk about family. It shows that you have a loving nature that isn’t solely tied to sexual matters. She will trust your sweet talk much more when it occasionally touches upon such subjects. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]
#16 Walk. Sometimes, no matter how well practiced or how well meaning you are, the sweet talk just doesn’t work. Maybe you’re tired and your performance is off, or maybe some other jerk has already jumped in before you and spoiled any chance you might have ever have had with her. At times like this, there is only one course of action: walk. Wait until the next time you see her, when the stars are more in your favor, and try to win her affections then. Trying too hard when the ground has already been spoiled might scupper your chances indefinitely. [Read: How to know if you are truly in love]
Don’t just stand there in open-mouthed awe of the object of your affections. Win her over with some dedicated sweet talk and turn your romantic fantasy into a fact of real life.
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