27 Easy Moves & Secrets to Approach & Pick Up Girls at a Bar Even If You’re Shy

Some good news – learning how to pick up girls at a bar is actually far easier than you might think. So have no fear, introverts; you can be shy and still get her number! 

how to pick up girls at a bar

As an introvert, the idea of walking into a room packed full of people you don’t know, loud music, drunken disorder, and a lack of personal space probably sounds like something akin to your worst nightmare. Because of this, it can seem daunting, if not totally impossible, to willingly enter this scenario and be the cool guy who picks up girls at bars!

But you can still have a good time and have great success with the ladies in these adrenaline and alcohol-fueled environments. You just need to go about it differently from the way extroverts do it.

You probably don’t want to bounce around, speaking to dozens of people you don’t know, and shouting over thumping music that you probably don’t even like. But you don’t have to in order to get lucky! [Read: Dating expectations – Type A vs. type B personalities]

The extrovert isn’t always dating material

For starters, you have to stack the deck in your favor. You’re not going to be that super fun, outgoing guy that is the center of attention and has everyone laughing.

However, you still want to meet women and hook up. In this situation, what you need to do is play to your strengths and not try to compete with naturally extroverted guys on being the life and soul of the party.

Women are attracted to more than one type of guy. While it may seem like everyone likes the super fun, outgoing guy, they aren’t necessarily attracted to him romantically. They may just find him fun and entertaining but have no desire to actually get to know him better.

It comes much more naturally to the introvert to be the strong, silent type. You don’t need to talk to people a lot, to dance if you don’t want to, or to meet many people.

If you are in great shape, have a good fashion style, good posture, and generally look cool, many women will be interested in you.

From there, it is just a case of taking action with the girl that you like and not letting the opportunity pass you by. [Read: The different types of introverts and how to recognize each of them]

Is it easy to pick up girls in a bar?

It depends on the bar and the girls in it! It’s not the easiest thing to do, especially if the girls in the bar at that given time aren’t interested in more than enjoying themselves with their friends.

The best way to approach this is to see it as talking to a girl – nothing more. You shouldn’t go in expecting to get her number and start a grand love affair. Maybe you just meet a new friend, and that’s great in itself.

So no, it’s not the easiest thing, but by learning how to pick up girls at a bar in the right way, you have a much better chance of success. Even if you’re shy or introverted! [Read: How to approach a girl you don’t know and impress her]

Being an introvert vs. being shy

There is a difference between being introverted and being shy. If you are shy, you are going to need to get out of your comfort zone and learn how to feel more at ease with speaking up or approaching someone. Unfortunately, this needs to be done.

If you’re not comfortable approaching women, or even being in a bar or club, you need to overcome this in your own way.

An introvert, on the other hand, is not necessarily shy. They’re just not into shallow conversations or being the loud, boisterous center of attention. Instead, they want deeper connections that they only maintain with a few people.

Unlike an extrovert, an introvert gets their energy by ‘re-charging’ alone. So, they assess everyone and try to deduce if someone is worth their social energy. [Read: How to stop being shy – 20 ways to kick your shyness to the curb]

How introverts can meet women while partying

Here are a couple of tips that can help you learn how to pick up girls at a bar when you’re shy or introverted.

1. Carry yourself well

First impressions count, and if you look and feel good, women will notice. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you will only find success if you’re lean and muscular. In fact, women have all sorts of different preferences when it comes to body types.

But what really matters when attracting women is confidence. Whether you spend your free time at the gym or you’re rocking a dad bod, confidence and self-assuredness will make you stand out from the crowd. Having a great posture also displays confidence and gives you an aura that makes you stand out.

When your body language exudes sex appeal and confidence, you can easily stand out while just chilling at the end of the bar and have women circle around you, waiting for you to approach them. [Read: 25 things about a man that make him instantly attractive to women]

2. Dress well

The second part of looking good is to dress well. When we say ‘well,’ we don’t just mean dress smart. What will really make you catch a woman’s eye is dressing with a unique style that makes you stand out.

Perhaps you can wear interesting jewelry or bright colors. Maybe you can wear a suit when most people are in jeans and a blazer. You might even wear that obscure band shirt in the hopes that a lady of similar musical inclinations will approach you.

This flashy display of dress sense will only work when you wear pieces that speak to who you are and make you feel comfortable *just avoid tacky logos and childish clothing*.

The intention is to make women interested in you with your looks rather than with your actions so that they’ll be curious to talk to you and find out more. [Read: Ways you can stand out from the crowd]

3. Be comfortable in your surroundings

Whether that is chatting with your friend or wandering around the club on your own, do what you enjoy and what makes you feel comfortable. Don’t feel like you have an obligation to be in your friend’s pocket all of the time. If they want to dance and you don’t want to, do your own thing for a while.

If you look awkward or uncomfortable, women will think you are boring or weird. You need to be happy in yourself and around other people in this sort of environment without it fazing you.

For sure, you don’t have to actually talk to anyone if you don’t want to. You can spend more time people-watching than talking to people. [Read: What is flirting? The science behind this common act]

4. Understand women’s signals

Guys are pretty straightforward – they tend to say and do as they mean. Women are much more subtle, and they won’t usually blatantly check you out or come and talk to you – although, it does happen more when they are drunk.

Women will glance at you repeatedly, hold eye contact, brush past you when there is space not to do so, and just hang around in close proximity to you. They might come and stand right next to you at the bar to order a drink, even if there is plenty of space further along the bar.

These are the subtle signals that you need to recognize.

If in doubt, assume that she is flirting with you and approach her anyway. Over time, you will learn to instinctively feel if she is indeed flirting with you or if she just happens to keep running into you by mere coincidence. [Read: The types of women you can expect to meet at a bar]

5. Hold eye contact

This is the easiest way to let a girl know that you are interested in her without even having to speak to her. If she holds eye contact back, smiles, or looks away and giggles, and then quickly looks back, she probably likes you.

It takes a certain degree of confidence and comfort to hold eye contact, so practice it regularly until you are comfortable doing so.

This way, you know if a woman probably already likes you, so you won’t waste your energy talking to women who are just not interested in you. [Read: Clear cues a girl gives away if she wants you to make a move]

5. Don’t fear rejection

You want to put the odds in your favor by making eye contact and seeing if she reciprocates or flirts with you in some other way before you approach her. But even when you do this, you will still sometimes be rejected. It’s not because you are butt ugly or a horrible person, so don’t worry about it!

It happens. It doesn’t do you any harm. You don’t know her, and she doesn’t know you. She is probably drunk, and you will never see her again.

If you are affected by her rejection, you probably need to work on building your self-esteem before focusing on meeting women. [Read: How to learn from the rejections you’ve faced]

6. Manage your mood

You can’t let a rejection get you down. Equally, you do not want to get stuck in a conversation that is going nowhere or any other activity that is sapping your limited social energy.

You have to really manage your mood and ensure that you keep a positive frame of mind. If you’re not having a good time, we guarantee that nobody will want to talk to you. Don’t be scared to take some time out, go chill with your friends, or even go outside for some air and quiet time.

7. When the opportunity arises, take it

This is the biggest mistake that many guys make. They eventually pluck up the courage to talk to the girl they like, and she is open to the approach, but he is too timid to take things further.

Sometimes, she will take the lead and move things along, but this is fairly rare. Rather, you need to be comfortable in escalating the interaction away from friendly chitchat to something more intimate. [Read: The clueless guy’s guide to using pickup lines and making it work]

If she is talking to you for more than 2 minutes, smiling, laughing, or touching you in any way, she likes you. Take things to the next level!

Tease her, touch her back, and be confident. Take her to get a drink, to sit down, or to dance if you want to break the tension.

8. Don’t force it

Listen, there are going to be some days when you won’t be able to successfully hit on a girl, while other days your phone will be full of numbers. Don’t ask us why. Sometimes, people are in crappy moods, or the music is better than last week.

The point is you can’t force a situation to happen, especially when learning how to pick up girls at a bar. Sure, you can approach a girl, but if she’s not feeling it, back off. [Read: Rules of etiquette for the modern gentleman]

9. Have a drink… or two

If hitting on girls isn’t your forté, why not have a drink or two to start the night off with some good energy? If you’re the nervous type, having a drink will help you to relax. Once you have more practice under your wing, then it won’t be so nerve-wracking.

But for now, have a vodka coke; it will chill you out. [Read: How to approach women: 15 tips you absolutely need to know]

10. Give it a go early in the night

Don’t wait four hours to hit on a girl. Do it right at the beginning of the night. If you get rejected, you have some time to mull it over and continue on with your night.

If you wait too long, you might become more nervous or afraid. So, it’s best to get the possible rejection over and done with right in the beginning.

11. Pick the right place at the bar

You need to be standing in the right place. You want a place at the bar which has a lot of people coming in and out. If you sit secluded in the corner, well, people will think you’re antisocial, and no one will come close to you.

So, hang around crowded areas, preferably not by the till. If there’s a specific area where people wait for their drinks, be there. [Read: How to flirt with girls – 25 secrets and 41 lines to seduce and make her blush]

12. No lame pick-up lines

Seriously, please, don’t do it. Say hi or use something around you as a way to start a conversation. For example, if it’s really crowded at the bar, turn to the girl you like and say, “It’s really crowded at the bar.”

There you go. See, how easy was that? And you didn’t have to try to remember some lame pick-up line that you found online.

13. Be yourself

We cannot emphasize this enough. Don’t feed her with some idea of what you want her to think of you as. Just be yourself. If she feels that you bullshit her at any moment, the odds of you successfully picking her up at the bar are slim.

You’re at the bar for a reason, and she knows why, so if she’s going to go home with you, she needs to make sure you are who you say you are. [Read: 16 tricks that will make you instantly likable with girls]

14. Keep your eyes open for opportunity

When it comes to knowing how to pick up girls at a bar, there are always opportunities to talk to them, but most of the time, men aren’t paying attention. You need to be alert. This is why you shouldn’t get completely wasted.

Keep your eyes open for those small chances to strike up a conversation. Those are the best moments.

15. Stay away from cockblocking situations

If you see a girl at the bar and she’s hanging out with an overly defensive friend, and you’re without a wingman, abort the mission. There’s a high chance she’s not going to leave the club with you and ditch her friend.

Choose women you find attractive. However, make sure you have a decent chance of talking to them. [Read: The types of cock blocks you could bump into at a bar]

16. Leave the bar and come back

Don’t be the guy who’s always hanging out at the bar. Leave the bar, walk around, go to the bathroom and then go back.

If you think that women don’t pay attention, well, you’re wrong. They know who’s hanging out at the bar the whole time, looking for women.

17. Don’t get wasted

This is a bad idea. We said to have a drink or two, not ten! If you’re wasted at the bar, there is a pretty low chance you’ll take home any girl.

Who wants to take a drunk guy home and babysit him? Exactly. Be on your game. [Read: How to tell if there’s no chemistry and you should stop trying]

18. Timing is everything

You cannot ask a girl to go home with you after five minutes of conversation. Unless, during that time, she’s already told you she wants to sleep with you. If she hasn’t done that, slow it down and play it cool.

Instead, be genuinely interested in having a conversation with her. Then, when it comes to making a move, it won’t be such a huge deal. It will come off way more naturally. [Read: Does she want the D? 19 signs she wants you to take her home]

19. Confidence is key

You really need to believe in yourself when you’re trying to pick up girls at a bar. You have a lot of competition, but what makes you better than the rest of the guys is your self-value.

Show women that you know who you are and you love yourself. This level of self-assuredness will knock the boots off any woman!

20. Use a wingman if necessary

If you’re into a girl who’s sitting with her best friend, use a wingman. For sure, you can make a move without one, but it might be more successful if you take a friend with you.

Just make sure your friend is a good wingman. If not, you’ll have a problem. [Read: How to choose the perfect wingman who won’t screw you over]

21. Be in the mood

If you’re really not in the mood to pick up a woman, don’t. It’s in your best interest to stay home or watch a movie with some friends.

You’d be doing a lot of small talking, so if you cannot stand the sight of people, hanging out at a bar won’t be the best experience for you.

22. Don’t stare

Yes, you find her captivating, and yes, we know that eye contact helps to build a connection, but staring doesn’t. Avoid staring at her, as she’s far more likely to find you weird rather than sexy.

Instead, hold eye contact for a second or so and then look away. Repeat it again a few moments later. That’s all you need. [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting – what it means and how to do it]

23. Don’t ignore her friends

One key strategy for picking up girls at a bar is to avoid ignoring her friends. Buy them a drink too. They’ll think you’re Prince Charming, and they won’t mind that you’re chatting up their friend.

24. Be nice to the bartender

Manners are everything. If you’re nice to the bartender and any waiters you come into contact with, she’ll assume you’re a respectful, nice guy. That goes a long way, believe us.

You don’t have to be best friends with the bartender, but general manners and politeness are key. [Read: Simple tips to avoid being rude in any situation]

25. Be careful with compliments

Avoiding cheesy pick-up lines might seem easy, but overdoing it with compliments falls into the same category. You can compliment something about her, such as her dress or her hair, but then don’t go any further.

If you pile on the compliments, it’s going to come over as fake and try-hard.

26. Don’t try too hard to make her laugh

A good sense of humor is always sexy, but some people have it, and others don’t. Avoid trying to use a stand-up comedy routine to make her laugh – she’ll see straight through it, and it won’t be sexy at all.

If you make her laugh once, that’s enough. You don’t have to push it. [Read: 15 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

27. No means no

If she rejects you, take it on the chin, bid her a good evening, and walk away. Do not try and push her into changing her mind. She won’t, and you’ll look like an ass.

No means no. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]

Rejection happens to everyone

Remember that rejection happens to even the loudest, most good-looking guys out there. There isn’t anyone walking on this planet who hasn’t been rejected at least once in their life.

If she outright refuses your advances or she simply doesn’t seem interested, take it as practice and move on. You’re one step closer to a ‘yes’ and the lady of your dreams.

[Read: The 20 moves you need to get super lucky with women]

Bars and nightclubs can be excellent places to hook up for introverted guys like you. Since you are more likely to be attuned to your surroundings and the people you’re with, you can use your powers of awareness to steer the game in your favor.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...