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15 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You & What to Do Next

If you still have feelings, it can be useful to know how to recognize the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. But how can you really tell? 

signs your ex is pretending to be over you

If you see the signs your ex is pretending to be over you, the odds are you’re probably right. You know your ex better than we do, so you understand why they do the things they do.

Regardless of how many years you’ve been together, after a breakup, it can be confusing to know for sure if they’re over you, still not over you, or just trying to annoy you!

People can act so differently after a breakup, so what you think you’re seeing can be different from what they’re trying to portray. If you’re still unsure as to why your ex is doing certain things, it’s time you looked at the signs more closely. If you see multiple signs happening in real life, they’re not over you one bit.

[Read: Regret the breakup? 15 undeniable signs your ex still loves you]

Why would you want to know if your ex is over you?

If you’re still hung up over your ex and you’re thinking of getting them back, then you’d want to know how to recognize the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. Maybe they’ve been showing some mixed signals that leave you more confused over whether they’re really over you or not.

Maybe they “accidentally” text you one day but then they claim to be over you, so what does that mean?

Do you trust in their body language or their words? The bigger question is, if it turns out they aren’t over you, what’re you going to do about it?

Sometimes, trying to get to know if an ex is only pretending to be over you is like going down the rabbit hole. Whatever the answer may be, why would you want to know? And if they still are in love with you, would you be willing to give the relationship a second shot? Do you really want to go down that road again?

[Read: How to help your ex move on, get over you for good and find peace]

15 most obvious signs your ex is only pretending to be over you

We’ve all pretended to be over someone when we’re clearly not. And many of us have done embarrassing things in the meantime. Here are the signs to keep an eye on to know where your ex falls. Have they really moved on?

1. They work to get a reaction out of you

They will send you hurtful messages or say things publicly about you or your new relationship. This is all to get a reaction out of you. But in reality, this just shows you how jealous they are. Since when did jealousy show that they don’t care about you?

It’s quite the opposite – if they feel anger or jealousy for you, then they’re not over you! When you see them try hard to trigger an emotion out of you, this is one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking of you]

2. They talk/ask about you

When you talk to mutual friends, they tell you that your ex has been asking about you and talking about the relationship.

Why would they talking and asking about you if they haven’t moved on from the relationship? This sign is useful if you both have mutual friends as you can just ask if your ex recently mentioned you. 

3. They still contact you

They text you and have said that they want a friendship. Come on. You know that isn’t going to work. Clearly, they either want the benefits of a relationship through a friendship, or they’re desperate to build trust and connection again.

If they still text and call you as if the breakup didn’t happen, it’s one of the obvious signs your ex is pretending to be over you. And if they’re trying to play it cool, it’s obvious they’re dying inside.

4. You get drunk texts/calls

In the middle of the night, your phone rings or beeps. Guess who? Your ex! They send you drunk texts about your relationship with them and how much they want you back. After all, the things you say over drunk calls are things you can never say when you’re sober.

If they can’t stop gushing over how much they miss you and still love you, then there’s your answer! It’s doesn’t get any clearer than that.

If this isn’t one of the biggest signs your ex is pretending to be over you, well, we don’t know what is. [Read: Drunk texting and how to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texts]

5. They keep bringing up the breakup

When you see them, they’ll bring up your relationship and the breakup in general. Though it’s old news for you, they can’t seem to move past it. If they can’t stop talking about the breakup, then it’s pretty obvious that they’re clearly not over you.

The only reason why someone can’t shut up about the breakup is that they’re still clinging onto hope. Maybe they bring up events of the past, or they open up about the things they should’ve done differently. They’re subtly trying to tell you with their actions, “I’m not over you.” [Read: The 13 signs your ex is confused about your breakup – Are you?]

6. You’ve been blocked, deleted, removed… but not entirely

They’ve done everything to remove you from their social media… well, almost. They still keep you on some of their social media. They still subtly stalk you on your social media accounts, just to see what’s happening in your life *and if you’re dating someone new*.

Watch for subtle hints like accidentally liking your photos and posts in all their stalking. In other words, they haven’t moved on from you. [Read: Should I block my ex? 17 signs to help you decide what’s best for you]

7. They exaggerate their feelings

This is one of those clear signs your ex is pretending to be over you! When they’re around you, they exaggerate how happy they’ve been since you broke up and how everything in their life is so much better. OR they tell you how miserable they are, while batting their wet, tearstained eyelashes.

Either way, the reality is that they still have feelings for you, and they’re just trying to get your attention and sympathy. Drama queen or king? Nope, just someone who definitely hasn’t moved on from you. [Read: 16 clear signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking about you]

8. They can’t stand your new partner

You have a new partner that you’re happy with, and it drives your ex nuts. They’ll text you rude things about your partner, make comments on your social media, and overall be very negative to the idea of you moving on.

Again, why would your ex be frustrated or annoyed with your new partner if they didn’t wish it was them instead? Observe closely as these are signs your ex is pretending to be over you. 

9. They stalk you on social media

You see they watch all your stories and like all your photos. Whatever you post, wherever you are, they see it all. It’s a little creepy, no?

When someone is all over your social media, they haven’t moved on. You would only stalk someone if you were low-key still in love with them. 

10. They don’t want to give your stuff back

You’ve asked for them to send over your things, but they’ve refused. They want you to come over and get them. That’s their silly attempt of trying to be near you and see you again!

Don’t go to their place as this is likely a trap to get you back *not unless this is your goal, of course*. [Read: Why your ex still texts you and tries to stay in touch all the time

11. They’re hiding their new partner from you

Even if your ex is already dating, this isn’t a concrete sign alone to indicate if they’ve moved on from you or not. It’s easy to date without feelings, especially when you’re still hung over your ex.

If they’ve never mentioned their partner before or they don’t post their partner on their social media, they might be trying to hide their new relationship status from you *just in case they still have a chance with you*. [Read: Does my ex miss me? How to know if your ex has moved on from you]

12. They hang out with your friends

If they suddenly started hanging out with your friends again for no apparent reason, then they’re trying to get updates about your life. Why? Probably because they’re not over you. Hanging out with your friends makes them feel like they can hold on to a little bit of insight into what’s happening in your life. 

13. They’re hot and cold with you 

It’s normal behavior for an ex to blow hot and cold after you’ve broken up. They go from being affectionate to being distant in an instant. This is because they’re torn between trying to get over you and showing their love for you.

This kind of mixed signal is one of the obvious signs your ex is pretending to be over you. It’s not so much as being an ass as it is not being over you. 

14. They can’t stop checking you out

Even when they try their best to hide the signs, they clearly can’t stop checking you out. They check you out from head to toe, and they even give you short glimpses throughout the day.

Eye contact is a very intimate thing you should never take advantage of. The fact that your ex can’t stop staring at you screams feelings! 

15. They behave drastically

When deciphering the signs your ex is pretending to be over you, observe their behavior and body language. Are they more irritable than usual? Maybe they’re more careful around you and empathetic than usual?

These drastic changes are indicators that your ex really isn’t over you *but is just pretending to*.

[Read: 15 signs your ex isn’t over you & is subtly trying to win you back]

Should you get back together with your ex?

Even if you’re single, it’s still best to remember why you broke up. Just because they aren’t over you doesn’t mean you should give the relationship another try. Especially if the reason for your breakup was because there was cheating or toxicity involved, then this isn’t the best idea.

However, if you both feel the same way and you feel like your story is unfinished *and the relationship ended on good terms*, then you could give it another try. [Read: Getting back together? Why slow and steady is the only way to go]

The only reason you should get back together is if it’s for all the right reasons, and not just because your ex displayed all these signs they’re only pretending to be over you. Get back together with them because you feel the same way and think your relationship deserves a second chance. 

So, what are the signs your ex is pretending to be over you?

Watch out for the classic signs your ex isn’t over you, such as eye contact, drunk texting or calling you, or constantly mentioning the breakup in conversations.

If they show most of these signs we’ve listed here, then they’re definitely not over you! 

If your gut says your ex isn’t over you, you’re probably right. These signs your ex is pretending to be over you will help you find the answers you’re looking for the next time your ex does something that makes you wonder about their intentions.

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