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Baby Come Back: How to Win Your Ex Back in a Healthy Way

Are you tired of hearing that you shouldn’t try to win your ex back? If you think it’s still possible, here’s a healthy way to go about doing it.


It’s understandable that a person would want to get their ex back, especially if the breakup could have been prevented in the first place. Each situation differs from person to person, but there are times when getting your ex back turns out to be impossible or even highly destructive.

Before proceeding, we would like to emphasize that there are times when you are not supposed to get back together with an ex, under any circumstances. These include:

– Your ex was emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive.

– Your ex is now seeing someone else.

– Your ex told you directly that he or she is not open for reconciliation, no matter what you do.

– You are in a state of depression, anger, or desperation.

– You will experience irreparable harm to your finances, career, and wellbeing if you get back together with an ex.

What we mentioned here are the main reasons why getting back with an ex could never be a good idea. These instances will only cause more harm than good if you were to decide to get back together with your ex. If you cannot relate to any of the items on that list, though, you can proceed to the next section of this feature. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 17 sure signs!]

Why do I want to get back with my ex?

The reason why you and your ex are not together is because your relationship didn’t work out. Specific circumstances may have led you to this point, but one thing is absolutely clear. Someone screwed up. It could have been you, it could have been your ex, or it could have been both of you.

Now that the relationship is over, it’s time to regroup and look at why things went wrong to see if there’s a way to get them right again. Still, you have to ask yourself, “Why do I want this relationship back?”

Was it you who made a mistake? Did either of you do something wrong? Were you not ready for a relationship then? We could go on and on about why you might want to get back together with your ex, but you are the only person who can say with any certainty if your reason is good enough. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

Getting your ex back

Once you’ve decided that you definitely want to go through with this, it’s time to get your ex back. The process may take some time, but if you’re willing to make the sacrifice, you just might end up in a better and healthier relationship with your ex. Here’s how to do it:

#1 Fix yourself up. Wipe away those tears and throw away the tissues. It’s time to stop crying and start being proactive about getting your ex back. First of all, you need to look like someone who is ready to be in a relationship again. Attraction is important, and it all starts with your appearance and lifestyle.

Be healthy, keep yourself fit, and always look your best when you go out. You never know when you might run into your ex, so it can help to bring your A-game 24/7. We mean it. The purpose of this is not to pander to your ex’s appreciation for your appearance, but rather to boost your self-confidence. Show yourself that you are worthy of being loved, and your ex will soon see what they’ve been missing out on. [Read: How self respect affects you and your relationship]

#2 Fix what you broke. The mistakes you’ve made in the past may be forgiven *or not!* but the person you are now should be more knowledgeable about how to deal with the same relationship problems. Getting back together means that you cannot afford to make the same mistakes twice. That goes the same for your ex, but you can’t do anything about their side.

All you can do now is make sure that YOUR problems in the past have been resolved. If you have an attitude problem, change it. If your lifestyle is unhealthy and dangerous, change it. If extenuating circumstances caused your break up, resolve them. Whatever you can do to ease your ex’s fears about reconciliation, do it. [Read: How to apologize and say sorry to a lover]

#3 Make your move. Once you’ve prepared your mind and body for the task, you can start to take the necessary steps to get your ex back. First of all, you need to have a serious talk with them about your intentions. Second of all, you need to be open to any reaction you may get from your ex.

If they’re angry, placate them. If they become sad, cheer them up. If they feel confused, give them time and space. Remember, you are asking for them to get back together with you—you’re not telling them. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]

#4 Elaborate. Explain your reasoning for why you want to get back together. Make sure that they know you’re willing to change by outlining your mistakes and telling them how you’re going to fix things. If you feel that your ex needs to change as well, this is the perfect time to squeeze that in.

This is an all-or-nothing conversation, so it’s best to get things out of the way early on. Do not point fingers as to who caused the breakup. Just tell your ex about the things that you are willing to do to make things better.

#5 Be patient. Your ex might not be ready to get back together with you just yet, but don’t lose hope! Controlling, coercing, or manipulating them is not the answer. Just let them breathe and think about it some more. Crowding them will only incite negative feelings, which is absolutely not what you want. Ask them how they’re doing now and again, but do remember that you shouldn’t follow up more than once every time they don’t reply. [Read: How taking a break in a relationship works]

#6 Give them a little nudge. While you are waiting for their answer, it’s perfectly fine to let them know how much you still care about them. Do something sweet like sending flowers and candy, or something original, like a personal gesture or gift.

Remind them how good you were together and how much better you’ll treat them this time. And since you’re trying to win your ex back, we suggest pulling out all the stops. Make it big, but not necessarily expensive and outrageous.

Here are some recommendations:

-Set up a romantic and private dinner by a picturesque location.

-Hire a local band to perform his or her favorite song.

-Send dozens of small handwritten notes telling them what you love about them.

-Give them something rare and unexpected from their wish list. We’re sure you can remember at least one. [Read: Different ways to say I love you without saying a word]

#7 Show them that you are worth loving again. No matter how many gifts you send or how big of gestures you make, nothing will change your ex’s mind if they think you’re not the best person YOU CAN BE. What we mean is that no one will want to be in a relationship with someone who is not capable of loving themselves.

In order for your ex to want you back, you must learn to take care of yourself, in mind, body, and spirit, before you can think about taking responsibility for another person’s wellbeing and emotions. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart]

The truth of the matter is that people make mistakes and people really can change if they want to badly enough. When it comes to winning your ex back, you just have to be sure that this is truly what you want, and let your passion for and seriousness about your feelings for them show through.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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