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When Does Age Difference in Relationships Matter?

age difference in relationship

There are times when age difference in relationships really matter and other times when it really doesn’t. Find out if both of you are age compatible.

We build our entire life with plans and checklists.

We do the same with love too.

But almost all the time, we realize too late that love is blind.

You may have a list of traits and things you want in a partner, but you’d end up falling for someone else who’s completely different.

So does that mean your partner’s wrong for you?

It definitely doesn’t.

But with the unpredictability of love comes the uncertainty of confusing emotions.

One of the biggest confusions with love that most of us have is the age difference aspect that all of us make such a big deal about.

[Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]

Does age difference in relationships matter?

Sometimes, the age difference between two lovers makes no difference.

But almost all the time, age difference can play a big role in the success of a relationship.

If you’re dating someone who’s several years older or younger than you, here are a few things you need to give a thought about.

And once you’ve pondered over these few details, there’s a good chance you’ll know if your love can survive the odds.

How old are you today?

How old are you and your partner today? Relationships are affected by time in phases, and what can seem blissful at one stage can make you panic at another.

If both of you are younger and in your teens or early twenties, even a few years of age difference can have a huge impact on the relationship. But as you enter your thirties or forties, the worry about the difference in age starts to diminish, only to resurface again in the fifties and the sixties.

Age difference in relationships for a teenager

Youth is wasted on the young, true, but it’s still an experience that’s cherished for a lifetime. Live your youth to the fullest and really, live like a teenager.

If you’re a teenager, don’t even consider dating an older person. It’s just not worth it. Don’t lose your precious teen years trying to pretend to be a mature adult just because you’re dating one. Older men and women know how to snag someone in their teens because they already know how to impress and draw a younger teen that’s always looking for attention. Almost always, someone who’s in their late twenties may want to date you only to take advantage of your naivety and innocence.

A word to the older men and women who want to date young teens, don’t rob someone else of their youth for your happiness even if they’re an easy catch. It’s selfish and can change a teenager’s life forever.

Difference in age and compatibility in relationships

For a teenager, it may be an obvious answer. But once you’re past your teens, every relationship that involves a significant age difference is a confusing complication. There are so many factors that test your compatibility that you really have to weigh your options and think twice about any kind of relationship you get into, let alone relationships with an age difference.

But if you find yourself tossing and turning in your bed over the age difference in your relationship, here are a few compatibility testers that can help you clear your mind.

Emotional maturity

Emotional maturity is the biggest hurdle in relationships with an age difference. It can play a huge part in deciding your fate as a couple. Younger lovers are almost always more restless, impatient and enthusiastic, while the older lovers are calmer and patient. How is it in your relationship? Is the difference in emotional maturity and experience driving a wedge in the romance? [Read: Tips to have a happy relationship]

Each other’s habits and interests

Someone born in the seventies or before, and another person born in the eighties or nineties can seem similar on the outside. But once both of you live together, you’d start to notice a huge difference in personal behavior and even expectations of their partners.

Do you work out every morning while your partner likes sleeping late? Are you an early sleeper while your partner stays awake till dawn? Do you prefer PB & J for breakfast while your partner likes a nutritious breakfast with calculated calories? Or is Lady Gaga on your playlist while your partner prefers Pearl Jam?

While these little details can seem cute at first, it can create serious differences that can end a relationship once you’re both past the infatuation. [Read: How to fight fair in love]

Insecurities and age

Nobody likes aging, and the older person in the relationship definitely doesn’t. When you do see your partner having a happy conversation with someone their own age, you may find yourself wondering if your partner connects better emotionally with someone their own age instead of you. Have you ever felt that? What are you going to do about it?

The additional baggage

Are you divorced with two kids? Does your partner have a past that has its own baggage? The problems of dating someone way older always means there’s an additional baggage involved in some form or the other. Can either of you deal with that?

Family planning

Do both of you have the same interests and wants out of life. A decade can make a big difference in the way a person sees life and creates expectations out of it. Do you want kids? Is your partner uninterested in having kids? These may seem like little nagging details now, but very soon, you’ll see that these kinds of details that involve wants and interests actually define your life and who you are.

Growing old together

Can you cope with the difference as both of you grow older? Would you be frustrated because of the different energy levels? If you’re 33 and your partner’s 48 years old, it may seem like nothing. But when you’re going to be 48 years old, your partner would be in retirement. Ever gave that a thought? [Read: Ways to have a long term relationship that lasts]

Does the age difference bother you?

Have you been pondering over the age difference and what other people and friends may think? Does it bother you that the ignorant staff in the supermarket thought you’re a parent and child, and not a romantic couple?

The age difference in the relationship would matter only if it matters to you. You’d be bothered by it only if it bothers you deep inside. If you’re uncomfortable dating someone who’s outside your age group, then don’t date the person. It’s not worth the trouble. At the end of the day, you need to be comfortable in your partner’s arms, whether you’re at home or at a party. If glances and conversations of other people bother you, could you ever just be happy? [Read: Signs of a great relationship]

How much can you sacrifice for love?

Relationships need work, whether they have an age difference or otherwise. And it’s in your own hands to make something work. Relationships involve a few sacrifices on both sides.

You now know what it takes to make a relationship with an age difference work. So how much can you really sacrifice for love and where do you intend to draw the line?

[Read: What is the right age to get married?]

At the end of the day, age difference in relationships is all in the head. If you can’t learn to overcome your doubts, it’s better to stay out of it.

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19 thoughts on “When Does Age Difference in Relationships Matter?”

  1. Dilemma says:

    Relationships with age difference are great especially if there’s compatibility in the relationship. I’m a 31 year old woman who’s in a relationship with a man who’s 45. It’s all perfect, but he doesn’t want to have any more kids.

    I thought I didn’t want kids until now, but all of a sudden I really feel the need to have kids. But he’s just undergone a vasectomy and all of a sudden, I feel so shattered. I mean, I’m in love with a man who can never father a child for me. I really love him, but would the fact that he can’t have a child be reason enough to leave him?

    Could I ever live with myself knowing that I’d never be able to have my own children in my life? It’s such a complicated mess, and at times I wonder if things would have been fine if I had fallen in love with someone my own age where our maturity levels and wants in life would have been similar.

  2. Alex says:

    Dear dilemma-

    Have kids! If he truly does not want children maybe this is not the man for you. You only live once, and you have been childless these 31 years. If the relationship does in fact last, would you like this to be your life up through the rest of your life? Ask yourself it having children is an experience you want in your life. Life is in fact about experiences and we ONLY LIVE ONCE! Choose wisely, and think of the bigger picture here.

    I was going to say that age is a huge difference because of emotion maturity. It is true. People seem to go through different emotional pinicles as we age. Sometimes the age difference is just too much. I am only 20, and for the first time “dated” a man that was 32. This was an interesting experience for me since I have always loved men in their 30s. But this situation made me realize I’m not a woman quite yet. And instead of going for my first reaction of “do everything possible to be his level” since I adored him, I am realizing my youth is only about 20% of my life if that. I will make the best of it. I can feel myself turning slowly into adulthood, but while I still can I WILL listen to those Taylor Swift CDs because they relate to me. And not be in a hurry to grow up for once.

  3. anonymous says:

    i am 21 years old turning 22.im dating a guy 35 years of age and has two kids…i feel as if i am making a mistake and i need to pull out before its too late.i feel as if im rushing into marriage nd might regret there after.i feel as if the age gap is big for we think differently and understand each other.i love him but i feel that something is not in place.what should i do?confused

  4. selly says:

    I am 21 and turning my 22 soon and i’m in love with a 35 year old guy! I don’t really know if i should fight it and forget about it all or should i go ahead and see what’s coming up! I ‘m scared of regretting this later and wasting my early twenties in a long term relationship. Don’t really know what to do… sooo confused !

  5. anny o says:

    I just turned 36 and I look very young, it seemed that I’m in my late 20’s, my boyfriend just turned 30. We met online. The first time we saw each other we both new our ages. I didn’t want to have a relationship with a younger man, instead I thought that maybe we could be friends. But after the second time we saw each other again we started a relationship. Since then we have been together for over a year, actually he asked me to move in with him six months ago. At first everything was perfect, but for the last three months we have been struggling to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes it seems that we are living different stages or interests.. he has told me that he is committed to the relationship but he doesn’t think about marriage or children right now, and by the time he would like to bring that topic it would be too late because I will be too old.. so that makes me feel that I have short time.. like if I had cancer and I’m going to die soon. I have been kind of depressed because all this situation makes me feel like a dinosaur. Sometimes I feel that I’m on the wrong place. At this point I feel that I don’t have anything in common to share with him. I just realised that my self esteem is vanishing. I don’t know if I want to fight for this relationship.

  6. rose wood says:

    i wonder if 4 years of difference is a lot if your a female? I I quote anny o ” this situation makes me feel like a dinosaur”. People say that i look young for my age but he as well looks young for his age. I believe that in those for 4 years i have had such a crazy life that makes me feel worn out compared to his vibriant spirit. At the moment he doesn’t want kids but i thought the same way when i was his age but today things have taken a different turn.I left my ex because he was 6 yrs older, this also brings doubts.

  7. Tanya says:

    AT DILEMMA you should leave the guy. You will regret it when it is to late for you that this guy took from you the chance to have children. I talk from experience. Dump him before it’s to late for you to have your children.

  8. Siobhan says:

    Currently, I’m only 21 but as a teenager, I lived a little too wildly. The calmness that my older partner brings into my life makes me safer and happier.

  9. Blue Skyy says:

    It seems the age difference between myself (48) and my boyfriend (36) bothers me the most. We have so much fun together, he treats me like a princess, and is a gentleman. He always does things to show his love. We always have plans for the month ahead, and he spends most of his time not working with me. But, he is a good looking man, smart and would have no problem finding someone his age. Every once in awhile he makes comments about me and things I could do to look younger and I am finding myself pushing away, even telling him good-bye. I feel he will become more unaccepting of the way I look even though he says he would not. I know he loves me deeply because he has proven this in many situations. I just do not see this lasting with out severe hurt by him. Has anyone experienced this?

  10. Genuine Rich says:

    I hope Siobhan is still happy in the relationship.
    As for myself, I went through an emotional ordeal
    with my 21 year-old sweetheart (and co-worker)
    in December 2012 when she suddenly decided to
    break our bond and gave me the silent treatment,
    though she continued to work with me until March
    when she left to pursue her own goals.
    We had the right chemistry and interests and I
    believe that I can reunite with her again, except
    I will have to take a different approach to win her
    affection (she knew the wide gap in our ages when
    she initiated the relationship and we enjoyed
    our short “honeymoon” phase at work: it was very
    discreet). I hope her friends did not influence her
    to turn away from me. I care about her and want her to
    be happy and hope she doesn’t make the mistake
    of searching for Mr.Right, who may have the wealth
    but not the true heart.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Hey I’m 18 and I find myself thinking about this guy I’ve had in my life for quit awhile. We always had amazing chemistry and he makes my day better when I get a text from him or I get to see him. I’m mature for my age due to personal upbringing in life. He’s also very mature for being his age. He’s against being with girls who arnt within a four year radius of his age. But I had a sit down with him and expressed how I feel towards him. We came to the same conclusion that we both like each other but because of our age we want to stay friends. But it’s becoming more and more complicated because the feelings I have for him are becoming so overwhelming and he knows it. He feels it as well. We live in a society where being judged for dating someone with a crazy age difference is frowned upon. Or the fact how can he go to his family and say he’s dating someone whos 18. How are my parents gunna react when I tell them I’m interested in someone whos 9 years older than me? I always said if I don’t feel comfortable introducing a man to my parents than it will never work out. He’s around the age my brothers are and they are protective of me. So many complications but crazy feelings mixed in. I don’t know if being together which I truly want to be with him for as long as the life we have left to live is worth the complications that will arouse between friends and family who mean the most to us or will it all blow over in time? Please give me some advice…

  12. jinnie says:

    hi im jinnie, 23 yrs old, im in a relationshp with a married man whose age is 48, we have been together from last 11months. we were havng a grt grt tym together..our age gap has never been any issue..we r like best friends we share everything,wether it is happy or sad.. he s a really nice person, he truly luvs me i have seen dat, but he has a family with two daughters.its been 22 yrs they are but from the very beginning their relationshp is all broken. they wanted to give divorce as soon as theirs daughters are setllted into their life.both of them are 16 and 18 of age. he cant live without me but recently his wife nd children caught him and they know the entire story…from the past two months we been that close to each other.. now for the time being we are not into touch with each other.he calls me often he told me to wait fr the time being…what should i do now? i cant think of any person except him bcz i truly luv him.i knw he luvs me too he told me he will cm back again may b aftr few mothns wen thngs get into place.

  13. mc says:

    Jinnie, please get out before it is too late. A married man having an affair with a woman half his age is not a “really nice person”. There’s a reason older men (or women) seek out relationships with people in or barely out of their teens. Chalk it up to experience. Or in a few years you may find yourself in the same boat as his wife; with a couple if kids and him looking for another young na

  14. RustyLH says:

    I’m late to the party but maybe you all can excuse me. I want to add some perspective to some of the great posts I rad here. I hope the person who wrote it can use the advice but if not maybe others who happen across this, as I did will get something out of it. So here goes.

    Dilemma, ever heard the phrase, “count your blessings?” There are many many women out there who have kids but are very bitter women because they don’t have a man that treasures them. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. First, understand that it is a biological clock thing, meaning it is biology. Everyone hears the call to mate and reproduce. Honestly, the world doesn’t have a population problem, it has an over population problem. We are going to get to the point that it’s like a bad science fiction movie, such as the 5th element, where most people live in what amounts to a small studio apartment that transforms into various rooms by tables folding out of the wall, etc.. Most experts believe that the world simply can’t support more than about 11 billion. We are at 7 now, and it takes less and less time to get to the next billion. It only took about 12 years between 6 and 7 billion. However, if you really must have a child, maybe see about artificial insemination. And a VAS is reversible. Or, maybe you can simply appreciate what you have. A great man who loves you. Not having children also frees you to become involved in other things, and some of those things can involve being active in children’s lives such as coaching a sport for young girls, maybe one you participated in. We could write a book about this but it really is up to you. If you can’t quit obsessing about having a child, you should find somebody new, if you haven’t already.

    Alex, while people experience different stages of maturity in life, we don’t all experience them at the same time. A woman who finds guys her age to be immature, and an older man who finds women his age to be dull and boring might just be perfect for each other. The may in fact be nearly the same age in maturity. Truth be told, she may in fact, pass him in age in maturity. Better for her to only be a half dozen years older in maturity than 15 or 20 years older in maturity by being with a man her age. However, you are only 20 and as you realized, you are not as mature as you likely thought you were before this experience, so it is best for you to just have fun, grow, mature, and one day, 5 to 8 years from now, you might even find that guy again or another just like him, and totally hit it off. But first you must grow up and mature. Enjoy the journey between here and there.

    selly, At 21, I am sure it isn’t the man’s age but the fact that you realize you are too young to get married. You have not reached the level of maturity you need to be ready. This wouldn’t be any different than if you were dating another 21 year old, but a 21 year old who is very mature and knows what he wants out of life. Either way, you maturity level is just not there yet. Don’t rush it. You haven’t experienced enough life yet. Many different things give us maturity…painful experiences, earned wisdom, intelligence, unselfish experiences, etc… It’s a long list truth be told. Don’t try to rush it. It will just happen, and one day, you will know that being married is what you want. And never ever get married just to have kids…and don’t take the other route by having kids without a husband in the picture. Don’t rob your kids of that important need. There are way too many studies that prove how important fathers are. And don’t put your children first…sounds weird to even put it that way, but again studies show that wrecks kids. This does not mean neglect them, and in fact the whole idea of first and second is wrong anyway. How about, keep relationships healthy and in perspective. A man put on the back burner becomes resentful and less of a help, and may in fact find a woman who makes him feel desired again. Here’s a silly way to think of it. Children are the ice cream. You can walk home carrying that ice cream…a very long walk. By the time you get home, the ice cream is melted. Or, you can get a bicycle…this is the man. But you have to put effort into it. You have to pedal, and the better you pedal, the better shape the ice cream is at the end of the journey. Think of that effort as putting effort into the relationship. Women set the emotional tone of a relationship, but most women haven’t a clue how to do it right. I assure you that it is not by being a B. The truth is, men respond to softness, vulnerability, sweetness, kindness, smiles, laughter, the desire in a woman’s eyes, encouraging words. It may sound strange but in many ways, do the very same thing for him you would for a child, just slightly different. What might surprise you is that if he seems like a sweet guy, he is likely doing the same thing. See, with a child you make a big deal out of the smallest accomplishments, and you focus on their positives not their weaknesses. You strive to build up their confidence and self esteem. Doesn’t it makes sense that a man would respond positively to that also? I assure you that if you know how to treat him right, he will move mountains to make you happy…do it wrong and he will move mountains to get away from you.

    Siobhan, being able to embrace the differences and realize the positives they bring into your life is the key to making this work. Maybe a woman can’t have kids…an older man who already has them or doesn’t want them may be the perfect man for her. Maybe a younger woman simply didn’t do well in school and isn’t really going anywhere in life…will she really be happier with a man her age with a similar story? Maybe an older guy can provide her the security and happy atmosphere that will give her a rewarding life. I would hope, however, that she also appreciates the great qualities in the man that put him in the position to offer her a nice life. Surely he’s deserving of love and adoration. But the truth is, the census showed that most men and woman in relationships these kinds of relationships, aren’t wealthy, so the myth of the gold digger really is a myth. Sure there are some, but they are rare, and truth be told, most men can spot them a mile away. We are hunters after all, so we can usually spot a predator a mile away. But there are many other reasons it can work. She might already have kids and does not want more…and doesn’t even want step kids coming at random times complicating things. We could write a book but you get the idea. One last note, it should be stated that not all older men want the woman to forgo having kids. Some may not have had kids themselves and thus are more than open to the idea. It may be the reason they want a younger woman. How refreshing to have a guy that actually WANTs to have kids. So women should first know what they want, and then talk openly with the man. See if you have similar interests.

    Anonymous (July 19, 2013) You are 18. The simple fact is that you are dangerous in the sense that you don’t yet know who you are or what you want. While you may think you know, you likely don’t. But this does not mean you must throw in the towel. Have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him that you love him and you know he loves you so the games must stop. Honesty must become part of the equation or the entire relationship must come to a complete stop. There is no relationship without honesty. So here is the plan you two should have. Explain that you understand he may fear what I said…he may fear changes in you that make you want to turn away from him…leave him, even if he did nothing wrong. So the best way forward is to just decide to be a couple, but leave marriage out of it for now. Ask him how old he thinks you would need to be in order to know what you want out of life. If he says 25 to 28 depending on your maturity level, he’s on the right track. So tell him that you two should first become a couple, and then let it grow from there slowly…and if it lasts…if you are both still together and in love by the time you hit 25, then you would be fools not to get married. If he can’t pull the trigger by then, he’s selfish and immature…or simply scared and needs to get over it. If 7 to 8 years together isn’t enough to prove to him you are worth the risk, then he’s not worth the effort. In the meantime, you should do things the healthy way. The idea here isn’t to test things in negative ways to see if the relationship can withstand it. You don’t cheat with other guys to see if you really prefer your man. That’s craziness. In terms of excitement, familiar lovers are normally unable to compete with a new lover. The newness adds a lot of excitement, but I assure you that it comes at a high price.

    Jinnie, stop now! If he’s married, he’s not a good man if he’s cheating with you. Oh sure, he likely has a sob story about how unhappy he is. So are many other good men. If he’s so unhappy he should have been divorced by now. Truth is, there are things keeping him there. He hates the idea of giving her child support, leaving his kids, etc… Well if he really care about his kids, he will get his wife into counseling and get his marriage fixed. Yeah, his kids will be thrilled to learn that he was cheating on their mother. Get out now. There are even better guys around his age that would teat you like a queen. Why waste yourself on this guy. No matter how good looking, no matter how good in bed, no matter how good he makes you feel through his appreciation of you…you can find all of those things in a better man…a man without a wife.

  15. RustyLH says:

    Now I would like to address the ladies who are dating or considering dating younger men. OK, first of all, I have a lot of experience with this, and know many men that I have talked with about this very topic. What I am going to do is tell you all the things that guys try to hide from you. I will expose the lies and the deceit, and let you know the kinds of things that have been said behind closed doors when no women were around. I will also help you understand why even a seemingly great guy who seems to know what he wants may be just as dangerous to you.

    OK, first, you must understand some simple truths. So I am going to dispel some myths that are often thrown around as if they are truth written in stone.

    #1. Looks still matter to younger men, and so does age. More often than not, the older women who can attract younger men are women who were blessed with good genes and or work very hard to maintain their good looks. This will come into play many times later in this list. But understand this…the reason a younger guy is interested isn’t because he appreciates older women, it is because you don’t look like the typical older woman…you still look good…usually younger than your age. As you age, it will get harder and harder to maintain that. You may think…oh, he appreciates older women so he won’t leave me when I am old. Wrong. He’s ignoring the fact that you are older, aided by your present hotness. At some point, he won’t be able to ignore it. Think Aston and Demi. One time darlings of the cougar crowd. Then her age started showing and he was out of there. This brings me to my next myth.

    Myth: He knows what he wants. He tells me that he likes that I “know what I want, unlike younger women,” so with that being important to him, he also knows what he wants.” Not necessarily true. Truth be told, we men often don’t put much thought toward the long term future, and even less thought towards the consequences of or decisions. Case in point, and there are many like this, but I had a friend who was 29, and in love with a woman who was 37. I knew her. I had dated her for a short time. So I knew for a fact that she was done having kids. So I asked him if he was OK with not having kids. She had told him her feelings, but he never really thought about it. So I told him to actually put some time into thinking about it. He came to the realization that it actually did bother him to think of never having kids. Then he surprised me just a tiny bit when he said that this made him really think about everything. He said that he realized that he was only thinking of the hear and now. He said that he started to think about it and realized that he was pretty sure her hotness would fade long before he was ready for it to, and that he also realized that he had acted in ways that had pushed girls his one age, and younger, away from him, and this was why her, “knowing what she wanted was so attractive to him.” He said, you know, I have bad mouthed girls our age for not knowing what they wanted, but the truth is, I resented that they really didn’t want…me. But thinking about it now, I realize that I haven’t acted right, so it is no wonder they didn’t want me….long term anyway.” He’s now married to a great woman who is 7 years younger and they are very happy.

    So that brings me to that saying…”she knows what she wants…younger women don’t know what they want. OK, well, there are two possible scenarios here. One, like my friend above, involves men who may get dates occasionally, but aren’t getting that long term commitment from a woman. Thus, “they don’t know what they want.” This is translated to, “They know what the want but I’m not it.” Now, perspective is powerful. It can totally change the picture. To an older woman bent on finding a younger man, it may be hard for her to believe that he is unsuccessful with women. In fact, that 37 year old was 1005 sure he could have any woman he wanted, which of course was just not even close to being true. She wanted him, so of course she would think that every woman wanted him. The truth is…and you woman may not believe this, but most younger men who turn to older women do so because they aren’t getting anywhere with their first choice…women their age and younger. You can deny that all you want but it is the solid truth. I was there. I simply didn’t have the confidence in myself, but noticed that older women responded better. Then one day I noticed that younger women were now responding to me, and that abruptly ended my days of dating older women. I know many men that feel that way. We all love the idea of growing up in the care of an older woman, and then after finding ourselves as men, taking that experience and putting it to good use catching the “younger’ woman of our dreams.

    Then there are the guys that just had such horrible experiences with younger women, and such great experiences with older women that they are even convinced that they prefer older women. Well of course they do, and odds are that will last just as long as it takes him to learn how to attract younger women and eventually that is where he will end up. I’ve seen this kind of thing so many times. Even with regards to race. Had a friend in the navy that was quite skinny when he got orders to Japan. He spent several years there. Grew up, put on some weight, and now his height (6’3”) helped his looks instead of hindering his luck with women. Yet when he got back, for a good year, he swore he would never marry a white woman. He based this on his pre-Japan experiences with white women, and the awesome way Japanese girls had responded to him. He swore that he would marry an Asian girl. Yeah, that lasted as long as it took the right white girl to respond to him…and now they are married and have 3 kids.

    I’ve talked with a lot of friends that dated girls even just 2 or 5 years older, and they all admitted that it was always there, present in their mind that she was older. And, that if they thought about it, it did feel a bit weird, so they just wouldn’t think about it. Translation, it didn’t feel natural, so to make it feel natural, they had to not think about it. The truth is, it’s just natural for us to be with women that are our age or younger. But life doesn’t always work out such that you get what you wanted, or what feels natural to you.

    Now, let me talk about a couple of the bad guys. These aren’t the guys who will unknowingly hurt an older woman…they will literally prey on them. First, let me go back to that 37 year old. I had dated her right before my friend. I was 28. Wow was it ever on my mind that she was 9 years older. But at the same time, she was literally the sexiest woman I had ever been with…and we had sex like maniacs. Refreshing, and fun, but I had already talked to her about kids. She had a 15 year old daughter and swore that she was done. Said one was enough. Had zero desire for more and had had many opportunities to have more had she wanted them. So one day, she decides we needed to talk. What were we doing…what was it all about, where did I see it going. Well, I was honest with her…it was never going to the alter. We lasted 3 more weeks. I was in the Navy and literally knew hundreds of 20 to 35 year old men, very very well. It’s a lot like being in high school..in a very big school. Every last one of them thought I was stupid to the core for being honest with her. They all thought that I should have led her on…told her what she wanted to hear, or simply play dumb about it.

    This leads me to ANNY O. Sweetheart…I hate to break the news to you but his guy speak is translated, “I love having fun with you and having somebody in my life, but I’m never going to marry you.” Most men I know doing this admit that they aren’t as attracted to the girl as he leads her to believe. He’s hoping something better comes along. Now that is bad, but maybe he will make up and realize, when better doesn’t come along, that he should just be happy with who he has. Occasionally that does happen, but more often than not, the guy will leave. This is very hurtful I know because even we men know the pain of rejection when somebody we cherish doesn’t think we are good enough for them…not for life anyway….and that really hurts. I give a big hug to all women who have had this experience. I hope you eventually find your Prince Charming…or at least a decent guy who loves you.

    I’m just thinking out loud onto this site, so here is a gem for you ladies. If he is ten years younger than you…from his perspective, you will always be ten years older…huge emphasis on older. If he is ten years older…no matter how old you get, you are a hotty that is ten years younger. I am now 50. Remember that 37 year old and how I couldn’t get it out of the back of my mind that she was “OLD?” Yeah, well I rarely see a decent looking 37 year old now that doesn’t seem to me to just be a raving beauty…a real hotty. Heck, when I was 32 I had a 42 year old hit on me. I was like, she’s OLD. We went on a few dates, just to have fun, but she wanted more, I didn’t. I ran across a picture of her recently…I look at the picture now and think…dang…why couldn’t she be 42 now, and that into me? Yeah, the old hag is not a young hotty. At least, that’s what I see in that picture. Of course if the 60 year old version of her self walked up to me, then it would be right back to 32 and 42.

    OK, back to the bad guys. Anyway, many many men I know have zero problem with short term relationships. In fact, truth be told, feminism in this regard was the greatest gift mankind ever received. It was once women’s place to make men behave. How did they do this? By holding them accountable for acting like scoundrels. Guys too got reputations. That is often denied, and there is a spark of truth to the myth…yes it might have been overlooked if it was known that, for instance, a guy had lost his virginity to an older woman, or had one or two sexual relationships…but if a man had acted anywhere near as disgusting as many young men do these days, he would never find a wife in his area. he would have to move to someplace nobody knew about his reputation, and try to start over, to find a wife. Often men simply hid the extent of their debauchery. But the truth is also that most men behaved to protect their reputations. Women wanted good guys, so men tried their best to be good guys. Women gave up that power a long time ago. Or better yet they want to deny their responsibility…have fun right along with the men, and then complain when 10 years into marriage, it turns out that he’s still a bad boy…and not in a good way.

    OK, so the point I have been trying to get to is simple…just like when you were 16…men will tell you anything to get into your pants. Oh, and they are learning to play the game…learning to manipulate with something called “the game” where they act far less interested than they are, and may even lead you to believe that they just aren’t interested in you beyond friendship. WOW does this thing ever work. It’s a form of negging. It is different form the classic negging but the result is the same. See, to you the natural order is that he would be like the rest of the droolers and desperately want to get in your pants. OK, rest assured, he really is one of those droolers, and he is going to rave to one of his buddies just how freakin awesome you are…but with you, he plays it cool. So now you think…hey…wait…why isn’t he trying to get into my pants? Hook line and sinker! He’s gotcha. This can even work on older women. The point is that men will play games to get into your pants, and that especially goes for hot older women, because with you, often that really is all they want…in fact that is what it is the majority of the time. But hey…relax…you can believe him when he says he prefers older women. Oh, and you don’t need to read too much into it when he says things like, “I don’t want to define our relationship…I just want to enjoy being you.” Often it’s not that blatantly obvious, but it is the same old put off game, the one the guys told me I should have played with the 37 year old. Put off her desire for something more serious…especially marriage. Heck, go ahead and get engaged, but don’t get married. Milk that cow until it runs dry.

    Then there are the guys that like the fact that older women will spend money on them. Some are very smooth about it. Some are just so good in bed that you are willing to lie to yourself about what is really going on, but it’s easy to prove, because when the money and gifts stop, so will he. If he’s slick, it won’t happen right away. He’s fully aware that you may test him, but he also knows that life for him only gets better if he can wait you out.

    OK, so the point is, Oprah, and all the rest of popular culture is telling you lies. Well, see, they think that the natural order of man can be altered by just making it happen. They tell you to be open to dating younger men because younger men want you. Well, to be honest, a very small percentage actually do want older women. But you are playing the lottery when you bank on that. The majority are pretenders…the vast majority. We aren’t talking about 70%…we are talking 99.9%. Marriage and relationships are always a risk but you are simply making the odds less and less in your favor when you go for younger men. But hey, maybe you will be that rare lady that wins the lottery.

    And before I go, let me warn you about the worst case scenario, which isn’t really that rare. This is the guy who is not Christian so he has no morality problems with divorce. So he is actually willing to marry you. Why? You have money…so he figures that when he divorces you, he’s not leaving empty handed. Whether the reality turns out differently does not matter, he goes in thinking that basically, he can have fun, and when he’s tired of it, he just gets a divorce, and his belief is that he’s leaving with more than he came with, or in worst case scenario, since you are older and established, he’s not leaving with less, since the court won’t see a reason to take anything from him.

    I hope some of this helps. If you have a more specific scenario you want to run by me, I will try to decipher it for you.

  16. Rhea says:

    Hey hi i m 19 yrs
    I m in love with a guy who is 7 years older than me but i dnt know how to confess it infront of my parents
    Does age difference really affect love

  17. Zeph says:

    You’re obviously anti-age difference. A lot of these differences can happen between people of the same age.
    My younger boyfriend (him 25, me 36) and I share a deep emotional connection I never had with any man my age. The only other one I’ve ever shared that kind of emotional bond with was my ex-boyfriend, 5 years younger than me. Our relationship broke after six years, because of issues with his family (which can happen at any age, as well).
    By thinking ‘too old’ or ‘too young’, you’re just cutting yourself off great potential partners.

  18. Jessamy says:

    Reckon a lot of it’s about emotional maturity. I always had an old head on young shoulders, due to disability and being academically bright (I went to Cambridge) and much preferred the company of adults. Spent most of my teens in hospital, so finding myself never-been-kissed at nineteen I knew I needed someone older, someone patient and kind who knew what he was doing. Your first time should be special after all.

    And my goodness it was ๐Ÿ™‚ Of course I fell head over heels in love with him – but I always knew it was just a fling, realistic like. Let’s face it you can get emotionally bashed in any relationship. So for me it was totally worth it, gave me enormous confidence. While I’ve dated my own age and younger since, the memorable ones have all been at least fifteen years older. None of that oh dear is he going to grow up malarkey – what you see is what you get.

    But there are definitely downers. If you go for someone older when you’re very young, it can really set you apart from people your own age, specially the boys – my sexual self confidence was quite intimidating to them. Being that bit more ancient myself now, I can totally see how someone younger could be manipulated and even abused. Could I pull a 20 year old? Maybe. Would that be fair? Not really. I’d feel like I was spoiling him for girls his own age.

    That said, if you’re attracted to older people go for it, it’s about what butters your crumpet… I just love the exchange of knowledge that comes with it, the music films books, incredibly satisfying. Like any relationship you have to be realistic – if you’re going into it hoping to escape a bad situation, be very wary. But if you fancy each other like crazy and just wanna see how it rolls… it could be the greatest thing you’ve ever had x

  19. Chocolate Cinderella says:

    Hello all, I recently met this guy on a chat site, now normally I don’t get onto those things or am looking for romance either just friendly conversation. Well one day this guy spotted a picture of me and said I was quote “Amazing and Gorgeous” I wasn’t in a great mood that day and lol their is a farm game on this site as well and I was new to it so he started to help me but, we ended up having a very good conversation, I felt a connection so after a few weeks, we exchange phone numbers (I hardly ever give out my number) and its been two months now since we first chatted. He is a really nice geniune guy and understanding. Before him I wasn’t really into older men, they actually made me sick with the catcalls and the disgusting looks at my femininity, but this guy is just so charming,laid-back and hilarious. So I really am fond of him he is in his mid 30s and I am in my mid 20s, we have a thirteen year age gap.

    I have always been told I have a old soul but I was still a little skeptical at first but I got over it for we had so many things in common. Everything was going swell until we started getting to know eachother a little more through text messages, his last gf was a barely a adult and left him to go to college, which I called him out for… then he told me he was jobless and living with his parents. I felt like pulling the plug then, but I still felt geniune feelings for him, for I am like who am I to judge for I don’t know his whole story. He finally told me the truth a couple of weeks ago and That he could possibly go to prison for along time for selling drugs as in cocaine, for several counts (This happen mid last year or before). This is his first criminal charge, he told me after losing his gf, he was depressed then as well with not accomplishing alot in his life. It devestated me for he told me he didn’t wanna upset me or didn’t want me to think he just stopped talking to me. He was also a drug addict at that time.

    I know its crazy, but Jesus Christ helps everyone, and I want to do the same. I have a big heart and will try not to judge and help anyone who needs some kindness from a person who loves giving it. We haven’t met for he lives in Virginia and I in Georgia, we are of different races. Neither of us discriminate for our previous exes were different races. And speaking of exes, he is different from them for he is non-judgemental, I completely rant about anything and speak my full mind along with my heart for I am a very bold person and he completely accepts it, this is a first for my exes hated my boldness, saying I had to much attitude and sassiness. He has no kids and is a loner. Which I understand for I am without children and have a small group of friends too. He however doesn’t look the same as he did on the site the pictures, I seen of him were three years with him thin and youthful. He sent me a pic previously and he is bigger probably by 30 or more pounds and has a fair amount of gray hair. I smile and took it in consideration for looks aren’t that important, and thats why we have salons and other products. He as well said he was staying away from narcotics and such. This I was happy to hear for I would rather have a guy who gives into the pleasures of food then drugs, so his weight is understandable.

    However he did tell me before hand… for I have strong beliefs in my God and Jesus Christ along with marriage, he told me his beliefs weren’t the same as mine which irritate me but I felt everyone deserves a chance. He says he wants to start over and hopefully gets a plea bargain, he said its very possible it could happen though, and that he cares about me and wouldn’t want to ruin my life or make me believe in the inevitable. He has a great family for support along with friends, its just he said he lived a fast life of partying,drugs and fun, now he’s dealing with hard consequences… His court date is soon and on my birthday, wow isn’t that something. I have recently been going back to school to magor in pyschology and trying to get my independence and out from under my mom. Speaking of her, she dissaproves saying he has nothing to offer me and is too old for I need someone more stable. I agree 100% and was like that about men until I met him. He is just so accepting,kind and knows so much about the world its very attractive to me. I haven’t had many boyfriends only three and those relationships last under three months, as well I am a proud virgin waiting for marriage. He understands this as well and thinks, I am very special for my heart is beautiful… I really adore him and it makes me sick to think about him going to jail for we are becoming such great friends and could be more…

    I guess what I am asking is he too far gone, could he change for the better? My exes were all around my age and were very disrespectful and cheaters. They couldn’t understand my beliefs in virginity and I thought well I am tired of the immaturity along with being unappreciated, I NEED A MAN… I know the consequences but I feel so drawn toward him like we could be everything together. I could tell him anything, I feel so comfortable with him, its like I am at peace finally. For before talking to him I was very dismissive and resentful with men for my ex broke my heart badly but he changed that. He knows how I feel about his problems and that I am trying to see his side of the story, I know he is a good person thats been dealt with a bad card… I have accepted him for some men share my beliefs, have jobs, houses, cars and they still were disrespectful to me. While a man who has been pursuing somewhat a hard life isn’t. Its outstanding how we don’t have the same beliefs but he is so thoughtful and kind. I thought previously that men who didn’t believe in my God were all evil but my opinion has changed for people are full of suprises. He is an remarkable man. He said he wants us to both be happy and he is accepting if a relationship doesn’t happen between us. He apologize for putting me in this postion for he didn’t mean to grow so close to me when he knew his circumstances and I didn’t. He definitely isn’t my ideal husband at all with his background but I just think he is amazing. No we haven’t met and yes I don’t know if we would hit it off like we do on the site… but there is no rushing at all and no pressure ever occured between us to force me into some horrible position. He gets what could happen could be the worst, while I have hope and faith. He says he completely understands my reasoning behind if I were to get involved in a relationship with someone, he said he doesn’t deserve me. And its actually kinda funny for alot of men tell me that…

    Please help me, for I give great advice to others but when it comes to myself… I am unreachable, I always follow my heart… and I know where that gets me… I am not rushing into anything for it takes years for a relationship to work and then to be lovers and more. I want the whole package. I just want some advice on is it worth, again he is such a great person, and I feel such dread and a void in my heart knowing he could be seriously hurt or worse. I am looking towards the future of if he goes to prison, the friendship, waitng and the aftermath if he gets out for I have goals already set for my life as well. I always wanted a man that was decent and loving but also one who is financially stable as well physically etc. I am trying to figure how all this could work? I just am so confused, we aren’t together no… but there is lot of interest in that happening several years from now… Also one more thing can y man really commit to a virgin for years without consumption. Or I am just some utter frustration, I believe am not that at all for I am consider myself to be lovely inside and out but most men and women tell me where I live that most men are not accepting… I do see a pattern with him and my exes though, they all had baggage and needed someone to help them be a better person. I have so many questions…I would ask people I know but then again some of them don’t understand my way of life either. You would be so hopeful thanks

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