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Pillow Talk: The Best Way to Create Emotional Intimacy & Bonding

pillow talk

Couples create intimacy through sexual connection, but they also need to be emotionally tied. Pillow talk is an excellent way to grow your bond closer.

Whether a cuddler or not, pillow talk is a great way to establish intimacy between two people. Just because you have sex doesn’t mean you have an intimate relationship. Being able to have a conversation after sex is like the icing on the cake for two people trying to find out what they like about one another besides the sexual nature of their relationship.

7 of the best topics to elicit pillow talk and create emotional intimacy

Not everyone is a “talker.” If you are someone who craves the emotional intimacy of verbally bonding, pillow talk should be an integral part of your closeness with your partner. If you have someone in your life who is not that much into discussions post-sex, these are excellent ways to engage them in a conversation instead of just turning over and sleeping.

#1 What you liked and what felt good. If you want pillow talk to be intimate and productive, start by discussing a play by play of what you liked or what you wanted more of in your sexual encounter.

Going through the details of what you did and praising each other for a job well done is an excellent way to make the next time even better and to give your partner some praise for the things they did to make you feel good. It might also help to get you both ready for round two. [Read: The best cuddling positions to be a loving cuddler]

#2 What is your favorite memory growing up? It might seem completely unrelated to what you just did, but right after the euphoric nature of an orgasm, talking about the intimate memories you hold, helps to bond you together emotionally.

Having your partner think about happy times spent in their formative years pulls you closer together and ties your future by connecting your past favorite experiences. It is also a great time to learn a little about their family without feeling like you are prying. [Read: 36 racy, random funny questions for flirty guys and girls]

#3 What’s your biggest dream? Asking your partner about what they want for their future is a little too serious for pillow talk. Pillow talk is supposed to be all about the spectacular and dreamy things.

So, ask them questions about what their biggest dream is, what they want to do most before they die, or lifelong bucket list musts. Emotionally connect with them by sharing aspirations for your future and finding out if they could have anything, what that would look like. [Read: 50 questions to hook and reel them in]

#4 Ask silly questions. Right after you both got your rocks off, keep it light and laugh a little. Ask them silly or philosophical questions that gets them thinking intellectually, but, remember, light.

When you have deep and meaningful conversations it makes people think outside the box. Deep discussions create intimacy and more depth to your relationship.

#5 Discuss your relationship. If you had some seriously amazing sex and already consider the “where is this relationship going?” talk then asking them when you feel closest might be a good idea.

Right after sex, you’re more open to honesty about how you feel. It is an excellent time, not to put someone on the spot, but, perhaps, to tell them how you really feel. Make any requests that you desire about what you want to go forward.

Don’t be pushy or overwhelming. Because that is not what pillow talk is about. Pillow talk is supposed to be about sharing intimacy and creating connections, not pushing your partner away by coming on too strong. [Read: 10 big relationship problems and how to fix them]

#6 Talk about what qualities you want in a person. Right after sex is an excellent time to take sexual desire out of what you want in a relationship. Find out what someone looks for outside of the bedroom.

Pillow talk is a great time to hash out what qualities are really important to you. And talk about what you desire for in a long-term mate and relationship. Talk about things like if traveling, career importance, or how big of a family you want.

Emotionally connecting and creating intimacy is about expressing your desires, what you really want, and being truthful to find out if you are just good in bed together or if you would be good together all the way around. [Read: Ways to be a better listener and really hear your partner]

#7 Get clarification about things. If your partner said something to you earlier in the week that confused you, but you didn’t think it was an appropriate time to discuss it, right after sex you both feel intimate and vulnerable, so it might be a great time to get clarification.

If your mate said something about never wanting kids or not considering a serious relationship, pillow talk is the time to bring those little things up. Stop that stewing.

Instead of ignoring them out of fear, in the heat of an argument, or when things are ugly, try for answers when you are in a good place. Likely, you will both be less defensive and more open to sharing and finding a resolution.

Sex is one of the most intimate exchanges two people share, but some people need more than just physical connection.

[Read: 34 ways to make a relationship bond stronger than ever]

Pillow talk is an excellent way to gain some verbal and emotional intimacy after sex. If you keep it light, aren’t pushy, and open to being vulnerable, pillow talk can be the best way to bond you closer together.

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Julie Keating
Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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