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Love Chemistry and Sparks in Love

Love Chemistry and Sparks in Love

Do you believe in love chemistry and sparks in love when you like someone? Most people wouldn’t be able to recognize a romantic spark even if it hit them full-on on their face! Matthew Rhodes was one of those men who didn’t believe in chemistry in love until it was a tad too late…

My tryst with love chemistry

Last night, I was watching this sappy, schmaltzy movie on television. Now I’m still nowhere near my story about sparks in love and chemistry in love, but this is a good start.

I was watching The Princess Diaries II. It was a good movie, and I think Anne Hathaway is really hot, which is why I actually watched the movie in the first place.

Surprisingly, most girls I know don’t think she’s hot, which is weird, but anyways, that’s another story, to be told on another day.

But FYI, in that movie she’s made to hook up with a artsy-gay boyish suitor whom she doesn’t like but is forced to woo, if she has to become the Queen of Genovia. Whoooo! The plot thickens to the echelon of a thick tomato soup.

In one particular scene though, the artsy boy and our cute-as-a-button Princess kiss each other in a moment of haste, to see if there is a chance to find true love chemistry between them.

They kiss. They part. I waited with bated breath, and Anne Hathaway looks at him with a blank deer-in-the-headlights expression and tells him that she couldn’t find that spark!

Sparks in love and love chemistry

Wait a minute now! Whatwusthat? She couldn’t find the spark in love? I hate it when women say that. Why does everything have to revolve around that blooming spark?

Girls get scared of lightning sparks, but need the same when they fall in love? In the movie, the good groom-to-be takes the comment as a gentlemen and tells her that he too didn’t feel the spark in the kiss. And they hug and decide to marry anyways. Seriously, WTF?!

Chemistry in love and my life

Spinning around to my world now, my story has a bit of a cheese twister in it. I liked this girl for several months and we used to hang out. We were great friends, and we had so much in common. She was really hot too, and I, like all guys with really hot friends, had a crush on her.  [Read: Falling in love with a friend]

On the other hand, she, like all hot friends who don’t think along the same lines, didn’t know that!

She was seeing someone already since granny’s years, which was all fine because we weren’t really falling in love fast. We work together in the same office and everything was grand. The months flew, and the two birds, that’s me and her for the less informed, started liking each other. She was in love with her guy, but there was something between us that was really sweet, fun and mushy at the same time.

The plot thickens with the love chemistry

And then came the plot thickening, tear jerking story line. I moved on to another job because of the designation and the pay check. We missed each other and we kept in touch through phone calls, mails, snaps and a bit of text flirting. [Read: How to text flirt with a friend] And then, a few months into the phone calls, we both realized that we liked each other. A lot.

We used to do all the corny little chick-flick stuff like watch the same DVDs at the same time, and call each other during the movie to chat. Long distance dating, baby! We were on a date, long distance, watching the same scenes and talking to each other with popcorn and cola. Now, that’s hi-tech dating, I tell you.

We wanted to meet each other but time just wouldn’t permit. And each time we decided to meet up, there was always something or the other that got in the way. The daily calls shifted to mush and sweet love, and we spent long hours talking to each other. There was mush every day, and on those days when the love was low and the minutes were few, we ended up missing each other all the more.

One fine day earlier this month, we finally decided to meet up and planned the whole day out. It was a movie and coffee date, which was great as it had been several months since we had seen each other. The day before the date, we were all excited and happy to see each other. I wanted to kiss her on the date [Read: How to kiss a girl on the first date], and I mentioned it aloud to her. Her bubbly blush almost had me melting in my couch. At that time, there was nothing in the world to bother me. Life is beautiful. I love my city. O๠il fait bon vivre!

Setting the sparks in love on fire

The next day, as planned, we both skipped work and met up at a mall. We watched a mushy movie and held hands the whole while. We whispered and giggled, and we just cuddled. The perfect way to watch a movie. After the movie, we went to a café and the mush was at an all time high. The sparks in love were ready to explode.

At that point, she was my girlfriend, and I, her boyfriend. There was so much tension between us, and the chemistry in love was incredible. Soon, it was late in the evening, and time for the inevitable parting. I wanted to kiss her, and she knew that, but we never had the opportunity. The movie hall was crowded and she wasn’t very much into public display of affection, not at least with some guy who wasn’t ‘her boyfriend’.

That’s what I presumed anyways. We sat down in my car, and headed to her place. A little something in my head squirmed inside me. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance to kiss her. The whole way, my lips were extra-dry and my throat was parched.

I was panicking, and the drive seemed exceptionally short. We got to her place, and she didn’t have her keys. And her sister who was supposed to be home was out. Rats! There isn’t any privacy on the streets anymore.

Hoping for another chance

She phoned her sister and apparently, both of them were supposed to go over to their cousin’s place for dinner that night. She smiled and asked me to drop her off at her cousin’s place. My heart was beating, and fast. I was running out of luck big time. We drove over to her cousin’s place, and thankfully the streets were dark. Little rays of light every now and then.

Good. I shut the engine and held her hand. I licked my lips discreetly. She saw that. And laughed! Ouch!! A few minutes in the car, on a dark street, a lonely one. Sweet! All of a sudden, I saw the bright light of opportunity. This was it, I knew it.  The sparks in love will fly any moment now. I was supposed to kiss her. And if I couldn’t seize this moment, perhaps I would never ever recognize opportunity even if it knocks me down on a railroad!

Sparks in love. Ignite!

I moved in for the kiss, and I wrapped my arms around her. She smiled at me and hugged me. It felt so damn good, I wouldn’t know how to explain it even if I tried. I parted slightly from the hug and kissed her cheeks, and then her neck, and got closer to her lips. And finally, I pressed my lips softly against hers, and there it was, bursts of lightning and flashlights. I was falling down, G-Force was on a hundred fold, and it felt ecstatic.

A few seconds of blind maneuvering later, I opened my eyes. And there she was, staring into me like she just saw a ghost! I looked at her, trying to read her mind. She didn’t seem too happy, but she wasn’t going to slap me either.

“Well…?” I asked her.

“I’m so sorry, but I just didn’t feel the spark!”

The balloons burst. Again and again in slow motion. The waves crashed like a typical movie scene. I felt like a Lilliputian. My respiratory system failed. I lost my voice. What was that? It registered!

Omigawd, what had she just said? I was devastated. I just laughed out though, and so did she. She apologized again and told me she was so sorry, but she just couldn’t feel a thing. Well, another try then?

Nope. She just knew it. It wasn’t going to happen! Awww…. Come on! Why worry about sparks of love when I could get fireworks, then? Nope.

A spark? Now, what the hell was that? No one ever told me anything about sparks in love! But then, we were friends too, so we hugged and I thanked her for a nice time and hit the road. The whole way, all I could think of was the damn spark.  And what it had to do with chemistry in love.

Licking my wounds. Hating sparks.

I got back home and we chatted late at night. We laughed about it, and I pestered her to tell me more about our “special” kiss. She elaborated about not feeling the spark, the chemistry in love when we kissed. She told me that she loved me, and that I was very special and cute, but yet, she just couldn’t connect with me when we kissed.

All of a sudden, at that moment, I felt like I was her gay confidante. The same guy who hangs out, talks about panties and boobie sizes, and yet the girls don’t get attracted to him sexually. What? I couldn’t help but feel like I was the King of Loserville!

Ewww! Wait a second, even ewww sounds gay! I should say “Damn!” We talked for a few hours about our ‘Gay Date’, and life was back to normal. My manhood wasn’t, though. I still felt emasculated. I remembered ‘Bedazzled’, the movie in which Brendan Fraser turns into a gay and kisses his crush, and couldn’t find the spark.

Ouch! A further shrink in manhood. Maybe I just rushed it, that’s what I think. Maybe I should have stuck with the Rule Book, moved in 90% and waited for her to move in the 10% so she could have been ready for it. Yeah? Maybe. That’s all she said. Or maybe I should just wear fluorescent pants and a short navel revealing body-fit silk shirt, and get my right ear pierced. Damn!

The importance of chemistry in love

Life was back to normal again for us. We still talk on phone, and I’ve gotten over that incident. I still try and convince her to forget the fact that we kissed that day. I still blame the café though. Maybe they had laced her drink with some kind of “anti-love spark feeler” powder. [Read: Best places to go on a first date]

She laughs each time I say that. Could she give me another chance? I hope so. We still share our Muah’s and I love you’s on phone. I still don’t know much about sparks in love, but I’m hoping the next time we meet, there would be something like that in her head, well, if that makes her feel better when she kisses me!

Moving on with my life

I’ve gotten over my Gay Boy alter-ego, and I’m starting to feel like a man again. Yeah man!  And we’ve been keeping the mushy and lovey conversations going too. I think she would feel that spark the next time I kiss her. Serious! I’m not going to make the first move though, I’ll stick with my 90% and wait for her 10%. Someday, just someday, I think she’ll take that 10% and kiss me back.

But hey, until then, we’re happy to be there for each other. It’s a good life, and in our personal secret love story [Read: Romantic love stories]that’s loaded with chemistry, she’s my beautiful princess and I, her prince charming!

I still hate sparks in love

But you know what? I still think I’m going to hate that damn thing called Spark! It’s annoying, frustrating, and most of all, it made me feel emasculated, for crying out loud!!! And whatever it is, just as long as she feels it, I’m happy about it.

But thinking aloud, if only I knew what the hell that spark thing was, perhaps our first kiss story may have been really memorable. But it still is. So what’s the moral I see in my story? Ahem… In love, maybe you don’t really need a spark to make a kiss memorable. You just need two people who love each other against all odds, and are willing to give each other a second chance. Who needs sparks in love when you really do want a second chance, eh? What say you?

Chemistry in love and sparks in love may not always reveal itself in an obvious manner. But in those unfortunate moments like first kisses, it vanishes just when you need it most. We sure do know a lot of spark haters out there!

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15 thoughts on “Love Chemistry and Sparks in Love”

  1. Jessy Jay says:

    Even though I find it amusing, I can’t help feeling sorry for you. I hope someday you will find the spark.

  2. D. says:

    This reminds me so much of my first kiss with my honey. The only difference being I never had the heart to tell him the spark wasn’t there! I blame myself, really. I must be gay or something. There he was, the prince charming that I had been distance dating for months, finally we were in the same town, same car, far away from all of civilization. He politely asked if he could hug me for the first time. We hugged, he proceeded to a series of quick pecks here and there. Maybe too quick. Maybe they were all over before I could register anything had happened. You know how a girl spends years obsessing over her first kiss, imagining how long and perfect it’s gonna be, with imaginary fireworks (I blame TV) and all that jazz? And then… You get something that makes you say “That’s it?! That’s what all of humanity has been ranting on about since the beginning of time?” Maybe he just isn’t such a good kisser. He’s my first and only so I really can’t say. But I’m never leaving him for it, I choose not to.

    Now about that spark, I’m thinking it’s all in our heads. That, and technique. For the kisser there is loads of tension in a first kiss, for he’s mentally doing the dance of joy just for not getting slapped. That’s enough to get his system working. As for the kissee – her system is currently shut down and needs to be ignited. Slowly, and I’m talking snail pace. If she’s just a receiver, then it’s really all just up to the nice present she’ll get (good technique). But if you slightly pull away and let her do the approaching, then she’ll get the satisfaction of not being rejected. Of pleasing. There’s your spark.

  3. Angel says:


    sparks do exist. I had the opportunity to kiss guys with sparks and no sparks. It has nothing to do with true love. And believe me, you will know when the spark is on. Just start dating other girls and KISS THEM ALL. Forget about your friend. She’s a friend. Just that.

  4. con says:

    Trus me;t it exists.
    In my 34 years and 10 of marriage I’ve never seen/felt the spark in someone elses eye untill i meet X.
    I can’t explain it. Sometimes I feel I can get into X’s soul, that so deep I feel I’m reaching.
    But it happens only when we not rationalize the eye contact and try to control your emotions. You see, we work in the same place and we somehow try to hide this from ourselves.We are both in a stable relation.
    But God, when we meet unexpectedly, like arround the corner, or after a weekend when we probably miss each other, there is a spark there. I feel I can reach the bottom of X’s heart. Not only that’s a deep feeling but it’s also magical , nothing I’ve experience before.
    For this to work, both have to feel the same I think. It also hurts a lot especially if you cannot be with that person. So not sure if this s a blessing or a curse.

  5. David says:

    I was knocked back yesterday by a girl I truly liked, she was also feeling a little fancy for me also, and this was most evident to me when I was chasing another girl, she told me I was a fool because she believed the other girl to not be interested.

    Saturday we had a morning date, it went well, and I went away feeling pretty good about the whole thing til yesterday morning she tells me she felt no spark, I followed up this today to ask her she didn’t tell me sooner, and she replied that she was trying to feel something that she thought was there but wasn’t.

    I don’t understand what the spark is, or how a woman can fancy someone, but not feel anything in the end.

  6. Reader Rapids says:

    Funny, I never felt a “spark” with my first boyfriend, not in the first kiss. Women need a MOOD to be set I think for this mysterious “spark” to be there. Well, at least I thought that until I was supposedly broken up with because he “just couldn’t feel the spark anymore”!

  7. sleeplessincleveland says:


    Great story!!!! In fact I have it bookmarked that’s how much I like it….. :~). First lets discuss the girl, now I am no psychologist, I just play one on TV (lol!) but this is my take on her from what you said …. only three comments…. and then we move onto the more important subject… YOU!!!!!!

    1. She’s not that into you. (loves the friendship the fun great times but at the heart of it doesn’t consider you romance material – you’ve invested and she hasn’t – I know it stinks I’ve been there myself and in her defense she probably can’t explain it either).
    2. She’s just not ready to be exclusive. (You said it she’s hot!!!) Well hot girls get lots of attention (I’m an old hot girl and I still get attention) So she’s not ready to just date you exclusive but likes to have you around …… lets face it …… guys do this all the time – maybe she’s just being a guy (LOL!!)
    3. You’re are an emotional safety net. This is a very provocative reason to be with someone but it never lasts. My personal experience with this was when I was newly divorced I had a man who overwhelmed me with attention and affection – I knew I loved every minute of it but he wasn’t the man for me. I told him I needed to break it off and we needed space from each other because I was not in a good place ready to get right back into a relationship and I didn’t want him to be my emotional “safety net.” You don’t want to be her emotional safety net – you will both resent and hate her for being used in the end – and she won’t respect you.

    So, my advice, you are digging yourself in deeper and deeper and you’ve got to stop and move on. Now before you stop reading this – please read the next section – it’s really positive and good!!

    You sound AMAZING!! You are both fun and funny and in touch with your emotions, know what you want are willing to adventure (i.e. moving and trying a new job). And you have a great picture!!! So lets put all this good stuff about you into action!!!!

    Take a stand – maybe just a “time out” from her. Cold turkey, just like people who smoke have to go cold turkey to quit. Just say you need a break because of your feelings – its ok – if she really does care about you she will give you the space you need. Try (really hard because it will be hard) at least a month!!!

    OK so….. how do you stop thinking about her…….. well, you got to rewire your brain. Take the pictures mementos (because your such a sweet sentimental guy) and box em up!!! Anything that puts your brain back into “her” mode. Do this….. it is very very important!!!
    Next (and this one equally important) get out of your safety zone!!!! What is that???? Well try something you’ve always wanted to do but have kept on the back burner for whatever reason. Or try something totally out of the blue!! Join a meet-up take a sky diving class, I don’t know – something that scares you and gives you an adrenaline rush just thinking about it (but doesn’t break the law). Why does this work. Well, because of two things – you conquer a fear which instantly empowers you – you get all those head rushing good feeling endorphins and a sense of more control and power in your life. Also, you will meet people – people you wouldn’t normally come in contact with now how empowering is that??

    Now when you’ve done the above you just might be ready for the next step. Start dating again – but here’s the catch. Don’t date whom you have dated in the past. Ask someone out that maybe isn’t that “hot” but you like something about her. Now here’s the reason why I am telling you to do this. First, if you are not hugely sexually drawn to this woman you will not be emotionally invested in the outcome of the date and you might actually have a great time. Second, love really isn’t about physical attraction as much as it is touted or romance – it’s actually about connecting with a person on similar interests, humor, personality, etc etc. And if you only have a couple dates and realize there is no real chemistry on your part – you might have actually made a great friend in the process!! And we can never have too may friends Mat!!

    I have confidence in you – the world is your oyster – and I would really like to know how you fare – I hope I haven’t overstepped my bounds with all my comments and hope some of it is helpful for you!! Wish you the best and hope to hear from you!!!!

  8. JoJo says:

    What about feeling spark with someone you aren’t supposed to like? Both of us are not available and married to someone else. It happened when I didn’t expect it.

  9. me says:

    I coud go on and on about this ‘spark’ thing. I could even number my reasons together with advise in an attempt to look like I really do know what I am saying as this says my thoughts are so organised and catalogued. From a mans point of view, all I can say is that, you need to be into someone that is into you. You will know this when it happens. Its not a ‘spark’, that is purely something that women have labelled as feelings. The honest truth of the matter is this. Don’t waste your time being into someone who isn’t ‘feeling it’, or ‘something is missing’ reason or ‘im sorry but there is no spark for me’ excuse. Its all wishy washy excuses…don’t buy into it. Some people say it after 1 date, or 5, or 2 months and even use it as excuse to divorce after 10 yrs, like as if its acceptable to say ‘there is no spark anymore’. Ive seen/heard and experienced these so called ‘spark’ seekers. My advice is to go and be with someone you enjoy being around and want to kiss, hug and miss when your not around them and they feel the same way. My parents didn’t have sparks, my friends didn’t and I didn’t with my partner. Not all people are built the same way. A lot of single 30-50 somethings who are single and still looking for that spark do so to their own detriment. Let them look, leave them alone and stay away from them. Ive seen too many guys get hurt like this and girls for that matter.

  10. Jordan says:

    This just happened to me and I am so hurt. I built a report with a lovely lady from the Bahamas. We talked, Skyped, and texted for months. She had sugery and the holidays came so our meeting was delayed. We finally met in Miami. I paid for Everything. Her plane ticket. Dinners, hotel, rental car, her a massage, mani and peti, and every activity. I wouldn’t let her touch a door or spend a dime. All this and all the time spent getting to know her and she tells me she didn’t feel a spark. I was friend zoned the next day. I’m so hurt. I really envisioned spending the rest of my time with this woman. I can’t eat or sleep well anymore.

  11. Brigid says:

    The spark exists and it is important. I’ve kissed 4 guys. I felt sparks with 2 of them. I actually even dated one of the sparkless guys for 2 months. The first thing we said when we ended it was that there wasn’t a spark. My mom told me that when she met my dad (they are soon to celebrate 30 years of marriage and they still have an undeniable spark even now) that the spark was there. I want the same thing some day.

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