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Why Do We Fall in Love? 15 Reasons, Some Fate & a Mix of Science

Why do we fall in love really? Have you ever wondered what makes us desire someone, romantically and sexually, and what keeps it alive? Find out here.

why we fall in love

Have you ever asked yourself, why do we fall in love? Love is a many splendored thing, or at least that’s the way an ancient song goes. We may not always know why we fall in love, but the truth is, there is something very comforting about being in love.

Once you have fallen in love for the first time, you forever chase the rush that it gives you.

You might’ve heard the saying that love is just a bunch of chemicals in your brain, and this must’ve made you curious as to how we truly fall in love. A complex combination of similarities and chemicals, why people love one another is still a mystery – even to the most coveted scientists.

Many theories exist about why we fall in love, but to date, there is no one really good explanation why two people mutually feel love for each other. We all know that sometimes people can love us, or we can love others, and it isn’t returned. But when there is a meeting of two people’s desires, it is one of the most miraculous things in the entire world.

When we fall in love, it can feel like the most magic and extraordinary feeling in the world. Of course, there are other real-life factors at play as well. Environmental things like proximity, socioeconomic status, and upbringing are essential too.

[Read: What is true love? 22 signs of love to know for sure if yours is real]

What makes us fall in love with someone

There isn’t a single reason why we fall in love with someone. There are so many factors at play, such as compatibility and chemistry. For instance, when we first start talking to someone and there’s an instant vibe, you’re more inclined to fall for them when you get to know them better.

Obviously, we’re not saying you fall in love with every person who passes the vibe check. But there are people you’ll easily be attracted to, for several reasons.

Maybe you have the same levels of emotional maturity, or you share similar values. These can play a part in what makes you fall in love with them. [Read: 20 strong signs of sexual attraction to know you make each other horny]

Of course, it’s all chemicals and hormones that flood your brain that make you feel something like love. But is there all there is to love? Could there be more as well?

Love is this solid and concrete emotion we all experience and while intangible, it’s the most real thing we’re ever going to feel. It’s a feeling unlike anything we’ve felt before – which is why the pain we feel because of love can also be that intense and unbearable.

There are chemicals released in the brain that allow us to experience the sensation of love, but it isn’t all about chemicals.

That’s what makes love so extraordinary and why many people go a little bit crazy loving someone. No matter your standards for the perfect person, several factors encourage you to fall for them further. So why do we fall in love? It’s everything in this list combined and more. [Read: Signs of falling in love – 25 sure-fire signs to watch out for]

15 reasons why we fall in love in the real world

According to science, it isn’t about your star sign, the stars aligning, fate, or even coincidence. But don’t give up on the soul mate theory just yet.

We may not have all the answers just yet, but perhaps there is a possibility that there’s more than just chemicals that make us fall in love. Let’s take a look at the most important things that play a part when we fall in love with someone.

1. Emotional maturity

People who are on the same level emotionally are more likely to love each other. Highly empathetic people fall in love with other highly empathetic people and aren’t very likely to fall for someone selfish or self-serving.

When you are both at the same emotional maturity level, not only are you more likely to fall in love, you will probably enjoy a more satisfying life together.

This is why when you’re on a similar wavelength to someone emotionally, it’s easier to fall in love with them. There’s an instant emotional connection and intimacy, and that alone can build an attraction for someone.

Once the chemical reactions like pheromones that draw us closer fade, having an emotionally level platform from which you both stand makes for more understanding throughout the peaks and valleys of life. [Read: How to make a relationship last – 19 love commandments]

2. A woman’s evolutionary details

Men are more likely to fall in love with women who have the proper “measurements.” That isn’t always what women want to hear, but it is what science proves. We are nothing but animals in clothes when it comes to our desire to survive and procreate.

A woman who has “childbearing hips” in relation to her overall stature is viewed as more highly attractive than those who look more fragile for mating.

The waist-to-hip ratio is one of the biggest things that draws two people together and is one of the reasons why we fall in love.

This might sound superficial and surface-level, but this is the science behind falling in love. After all, before having that first conversation with someone, physical attributes are all you have as first impressions. [Read: Why men love women and their oh-so-hot bodies – The science approach]

3. Ideology

We tend to fall in love with people who have the same or similar ideology as our own. Whatever side of the political fence you are on, you will be more attracted to people who have the same perspective as you.

Surprisingly, scientists have found that political affiliation is more critical to falling in love than similar personality styles or religious beliefs! Politics is not just about how you see the economy, but how you guide your decision and determine what is right or wrong.

That is why those who think similarly view one another more favorably and are more likely to fall in love with each other. So if you’re asking, why do we fall in love, it all comes down to your core values and beliefs, which are likely molded in your younger years.

When you find someone with similar values to you, it’s easier to fall in love with them than with those you have contradicting beliefs with. [Read: Dating your opposite – Is this something that can ever work in real life?]

4. Beauty

There is no mystery that the first thing that makes two people fall in love is attraction. Scientists have long been researching what makes someone more beautiful than someone else. The aspects that appear to determine your hotness on a scale of 1 to 10 is something called symmetry.

Symmetry is the way that the two sides of your face match. For evolutionary reasons, the symmetry of your face signals to a prospective mate that you have good genes to carry on the species. That is what drives you to want to sleep with them, smell them and just be around them.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, but more in how your face shows how good your genetic makeup is for the survival of the human race. And that’s a fascinating reason why we fall in love.

After all, beauty is the first impression to have of someone you cross paths with, whether you like it or not. [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]

5. Where you live

Various cultures value different attractive traits. Those who live in areas where food is scarce are more attracted to heavy people. It is a sign that they are affluent and a part of the upper crust of society. In reverse, if you are from somewhere where food is in abundance, being thin may be more desirable.

Even something like breast size may be about more than just big and beautiful; it may trigger a man to believe that the woman has the means to be well-nourished, which is a status symbol in some nations. This is one of the overlook reasons people fall in love, but it definitely counts. [Read: Cross-cultural relationships – The most common issues you’ll face]

6. Similar features

Have you ever noticed that couples start to look like one another as they get older? That may be more of a chicken versus egg argument.

In fact, research has shown that we usually fall in love with people who don’t look like us at all. But when studying long-term relationships, scientists have found that when people look similar to one another, they have a greater probability of falling in love and staying in love.

For evolutionary reasons, we tend to go for people who don’t look like us, but we settle with those who are more similar to our own features.

The reason is that we have the drive to avoid having sex with people who we are related to. So that is why we find dissimilar people more sexually attractive.

But then again, falling in love for the long term may involve finding someone you look more closely matched to instead of going for the lust-only phase of a relationship. [Read: Does eternal love really exist? Find out if it’s really forever]

7. Age

They say age is just a number, but it also plays a significant role in why we fall in love. Although it isn’t something that a woman in her 40s likes to hear, men are usually more attracted to the features that are connected to younger girls. Full lips, large eyes, and a smaller nose are usually more attractive to men at any age.

The reason is not that they are younger per se; it is a biological trigger that men have to find women to carry their seed. It’s in the biology of men to be naturally attracted to younger women with these features.

Women of childbearing years may have more attractive features than older women, but overall, the other factors usually win out. Men in their 60s might be attracted to girls in their 20s, but that rarely lasts long.

Once they find that they have nothing in common, the attraction fades quickly, as does the interest. [Read: 25 things guys find sexy and attractive about a girl]

8. Your personality

While you can fall for someone based on their appearances, what makes you stay with them is their personality. It’s their characteristics and traits that make you adore them more as time passes by. So if both your personalities align with one another, that’s another bonus.

If you’re wondering why do we fall in love, a lot of it has to do with their personality. These biological markers may make you more attracted to someone similar to your own personality style.

It is hard to decipher whether you love each other because you think alike and have similar interests or if it is chemical in nature. [Read: 10 reasons why passionate love can be the strongest love of all]

9. Chemistry

Ah yes, chemistry. This is the very thing we tend to think of when falling in love. In fact, we associate love with chemistry *such as love being just chemicals in our brains*. Your body is made of various chemicals that can send out signals to the opposite sex. [Read: Copulins – A woman’s secret smell that drives men wild with desire]

Chemicals like pheromones and copulins are released to alert the opposite sex’s nose about how attractive you are. Each person has a different scent, and it may help to increase how attractive you find someone.

Does that make you fall in love? Well, not really, but it may help to explain how you find the person to love in the first place. [Read: What are pheromones? The scent of sex and the role they play in love]

10. Compatibility

Compatibility is an essential factor if you’re asking the question – why do we fall in love? Similar to chemistry, compatibility is the factor that helps you connect with someone. Compatibility is why you feel closer to someone when you find out you have the same values or interests.

In the same sense, it’s why it can also be so easy to fall for someone you’ve been friends with for years – because there’s a natural compatibility between both of you.

Along with chemistry, it’s easy to fall in love with someone when you match both traits with someone. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly!]

11. Attraction

We’re all aware of the phrase, love at first sight. It’s possible to fall in love with someone based on just physical attraction alone, but this also goes for emotional and mental attraction.

Similar to emotional intelligence, when someone understands you in ways you can’t explain and when you share a particular level of intellect, it’s easy to find yourself falling for them. It could even be inevitable.

Why? Because you’re attracted to them! Whether on a physical, mental, or emotional level, all forms of attraction are valid. [Read: Different types of attraction – Which is most vital for true love?]

12. Great conversations

When you talk to someone and have a deep and meaningful conversation, attraction and intimacy start to build up. After all, communication is at the core of every relationship, and this shows evidently through conversations.

When you have such a natural connection with someone that conversations don’t feel awkward or forced, falling in love is bound to happen.

No matter what you talk about, it’s as if your souls and minds are connecting and bonding. It might seem mundane but if both people value substance and depth in conversations, falling in love starts to get into play. [Read: How to keep a conversation going & make anyone love talking to you]

13. Sense of humor

If you’re asking the question, why do we fall in love, having a sense of humor is part of that. When they have a sense of humor, it’s frankly easier to feel attracted to them. This is why they say the moment you make them laugh, you’ve captivated their heart, or at least you’re getting there.

If you find someone funny and they constantly make you laugh when you’re with them, you might just find yourself falling for them harder and harder each time. This is only natural since laughing does release endorphins and dopamine into your body. [Read: 15 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

14. Mystery

The element of mystery is the aspect that makes you chase someone and fall for them harder. It’s not so much about a person’s looks, but more about the element of mystery.

When you don’t reveal everything you are yet, it makes others want to get to know you more – and that’s why they fall in love. Being mysterious helps someone fall in love with you and vice versa. [Read: How to be mysterious & leave everyone smitten and craving for more]

15. No reason at all

Lastly, there might just not be a logical explanation for why people fall in love. They just do. Sometimes, none of these reasons apply when we fall in love. We just fall, even if our minds can’t find a single explanation for it.

Even if we’re the exact opposites from them and even if there’s nothing about them that you find appealing, your heart just suddenly beats for them, and you just end up falling. And that’s completely fine.

[Read: How to know you’re in love – 13 science-backed ways to know for sure]

So, why do we fall in love?

Why we fall in love remains a mystery. Yes, we can send someone to the moon, make a self-driving car, and probably cure most illnesses soon.

But the one thing that we may never be able to decipher for sure is why two people love each other, fall for each other, or even stay in love with each other – or even why we pick one person over another, or sometimes fall equally in love with two or more people as well. [Read: How men fall in love – The 7 stages of love for men]

Whether you believe in a soul mate or just fate, you have to believe that sometimes things are just meant to be.

No amount of experimentation can tell you for sure who you love, how long you will love them, or whether your future with them will be bright.

[Read: Real soul mates – 20 signs you’ve met the love of your life]

While these are some of the reasons why we fall in love, sometimes things just can’t be explained entirely by science. Love can never be defined by science or logic, no matter how hard we try. This is the very thing that makes love such a magical and unexplainable feeling. And yet, it’s the most honest thing we feel. 

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Bethany Locke
Bethany was born and raised in Scotland and now resides in Brighton where she lives with her partner and rather disobedient cocker spaniel pup. And in her spare...
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