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How to Tell If You Love Someone: Will You Actually Just Know?

Knowing how to tell if you love someone can be daunting. Some say when you know you know, but is that true? These signs will help you know.

how to tell if you love someone

Love is different for everyone. Some people say they knew at first sight. Some after their first fight, and for others it happens much later. So, how to tell if you love someone? You may think, you should just know, but it isn’t always that simple.

Whether you’ve been in love before or not, figuring out how to tell if you love someone can be more complicated than you think. [Read: 15 signs you’ve graduated to true love]

Why do you want to know how to tell if you love someone?

Are you in a relationship, dating, pining after someone from afar? If you have yet to meet, this may be the wrong feature for you. You might want to look into how to approach your crush. [Read: 25 little ways to draw anyone to you and make them like you]

But if you are in a relationship and feel unsure about your feelings, this feature should help clear things up.

Are love and in love the same?

Not necessarily. You love your parents and your best friends, but you are not in love with them. “In love” carries a romantic meaning along with the deep affection and care you have for someone.

So, you can love the person you’re dating, but if you are in love with them there is a passion and urgency to the love that differs from the feelings you have for friends and family. We’re focusing on the romantic love here, because that is what takes a relationship to the next level. [Read: How to tell if you’re IN love]

How to tell if you love someone

Questioning your feelings is not abnormal. Many people think there is no way they’re in love if they don’t know instantly. Others are a bit more analytical about their feelings. But there are no right or wrong ways to contemplate your feelings.

More often than not, you don’t decide to love someone, so knowing how to tell if you love them isn’t immediately obvious. But there are signs both subtle and apparent that can help you figure it out.

#1 What makes you unsure? Fear? Being open? There is something making you hesitate and question your feelings. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong, but the reason for this could give you some answers.

Have you shared your feelings of love before and not gotten the response you wanted? Are you afraid of being that open and vulnerable with your feelings? If that is the case, you very well may be in love with this person. But if your reasoning is a lack of passion or connection, you may not love this person. [Read: 23 facts about love that will definitely blow your mind]

#2 Is it infatuation? Infatuation can sometimes trick you into believing it is love. There is an excitement and adrenaline that makes you feel that burst of happiness. This strong joy can falsely appear to be love, when in fact those feelings can fade, and leave you in a more serious relationship than you may actually want.

To tell the difference here, it is vital to separate yourself from these feelings. It may feel perfect when you’re together, but do you truly know this person? It can feel exciting and new, but if you can’t see that lasting, it probably isn’t love. And you don’t want to blurt out the “L” word without being sure. [Read: Clear ways that show the difference between love and infatuation]

#3 Is it attraction? You maybe asking yourself, aren’t infatuation and attraction the same? Nope. Infatuation is an excitement, but attraction is surged by hormones. Attraction can also expose itself as love if you aren’t careful.

Finding someone wildly attractive upon meeting can be so intense you think it is love at first sight. Not to disregard love at first sight’s existence, but this feeling tends to be intense attraction. Of course, it can grow to real love. But getting to know someone above their physical appearance is necessary to discover if you really love them.

#4 Do you have the urge to say it? If you are with the person you’re dating and constantly want to tell them you love them, you may very much be in love. This urgency can arise due to infatuation and attraction, but if it is something you can’t shake, it is probably love.

#5 Do they love you? If yes, this does not mean you’re in love. But it can nudge you in the direction your heart desires. If their feelings for you makes you beyond happy, you may be in love. But if you immediately get nervous or scared, you may not be there yet.

Of course, any fear in the situation can be due to a hesitancy to be vulnerable. But if your initial feeling upon hearing that they love you isn’t joy, you probably don’t love them back. [Read: How long does it take to actually fall in love?]

#6 Do you want to say it back? Due to guilt or desire? A lot of people think they are in love or should be in love because their new partner has shared that they are in love. But if it feels more like a mandatory response than a natural feeling, you may be settling for like over love.

That is not to say that immediately responding with “I love you too” is the only way to be sure you’re in love. Everyone comes to their feelings in their own time. It could take you days, weeks, or even months to catch up to your partner’s feelings. But if you feel guilt to return the love rather than desire, it most likely isn’t love.

#7 Have you been in love before? Now this is tricky. If you’ve been in love before you may think, well, this doesn’t feel like last time so it can’t be love. Love is not always the same. Which is good if you ask me. Just because it is different from last time doesn’t define what you have now as any worse or any better.

If you haven’t been in love before, you may automatically have an alert telling you this is different. Many people describe love, or true love, as something they have never felt before. Although identifying love can be tricky, a difference that you can’t define may signify love. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples HAVE to go through]

#8 Do you trust him? You may think that trust and love go hand in hand. Love would be easier if it did, but that isn’t always the case. Trusting someone may mean you rely on them, find them dependable, or feel that they won’t hurt you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is love.

When you love someone, there is always a risk of heartbreak. Of course, if you love and trust someone that is ideal, but there is always some vulnerability with love. So it is up to you to determine love, trust, and the blend of both.

#9 Do you miss them when they’re not around? Want to tell them things that have happened? Answering these questions is a surefire way for how to tell if you love someone. Anyone can have an amazing time together, but it is that time apart that speaks louder.

When you are apart, but always have them on your mind, love may be the culprit. If you constantly want to fill them in on what you’re up to or share something funny you saw, love once again may be to blame. [Read: What are you feeling? Is it love or lust?]

#10 Is it indescribable? If you can name a million reasons why you love this person, but can’t articulate the feelings you have, love may be that feeling. Love is often beyond words. It is something you can’t see or touch, but without a doubt is a powerful force.

So if you are feeling something that is intangible yet overwhelming, congratulations. You’re almost definitely in love.

[Read: 12 signs to recognize true love when you feel it]

Now that you know how to tell if you love someone, I hope you do. Because although love is complicated and messy, it is like nothing else. 

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...