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Why Ghosters Always Come Back: Understand the Mind of a Ghoster

You don’t know why you were ghosted. By the time you moved on, the ghoster is back. What the heck? Why do ghosters always come back?

Why Do Ghosts Come Back

If being ghosted wasn’t confusing enough already, it just became even more baffling. Why do ghosters always come back? I mean, being ghosted is a one-sided breakup without closure, so what do you do when they come back? Without answers, it can be hard to move on and even harder to build yourself back up.

But, once you come to the realization that you deserve better and move on, boom! You get a text from your ghoster.

It can be anything from “Heyyyy. You up?” to “I saw you got a promotion, Congrats, you deserve it.” But, it is never an apology, an explanation, or even an admission or mention of any wrongdoing.

If someone wanted to end their relationship or flirtation with you so badly that they couldn’t even do you the courtesy of explaining why, why would they reemerge? Well, according to an article from Psychology Today, ghosters often choose that path because it isn’t a permanent breakup. Did they plan to come back all along?

When wondering why ghosters always come back, the answers are not as simple as you think. This person was so scared of your reaction to them ending things that they cut off all communication, but now they come back. Why? [Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much and what you need to do about it]

What is it called when ghosters come back?

We know what ghosting is, but when ghosters come back, what is that? It isn’t exactly haunting because that is a lot more irritating and subtle. Is it resurrecting? No, that is too nice. I think the term is zombieing.

Yes, a zombie. That is definitely the right descriptor for a ghoster that comes back. This isn’t someone yearning for a second chance, but someone sneaking back up on you to eat your brains, or more literally hurt you emotionally. [Read: How to handle the zombies of dating]

Why ghosters always come back

Like me, I hope your first reaction to a ghoster that comes back is F*** OFF. But, not all of us can just shut people down how ghosters can. Many people are too kind for that and feel they deserve an explanation, while others just want to see what they’ll say.

Whether you want to know why your ghoster came back or you want to know for research purposes, here are the reasons why ghosters always come back. [Read: 15 ways to ghostbust a ghost like a badass]

1. They’re bored

This is probably the most common. When a ghoster ghosts, they were bored or over it. Now they are bored of something else, so they reach out.

You’ll know this is the reason if they reach out with barely any effort. They might just say ‘hey’ and see if you respond.

2. They want an ego boost

This is something ghosters will never admit to, but you would be surprised how often this is why ghosters always come back. The person who ghosted you is feeling down, or maybe they were just ghosted by someone else.

Even though they aren’t genuinely interested, they reach out to see if you’ll respond. If you do, they get that warm fuzzy feeling that they are still on your mind. Don’t give them the satisfaction. [Read: The unassuming signs you’re dating a jerk]

3. Ghosters are narcissistic

Some ghosters truly are narcissists who believe the world revolves around them. They knew what they were doing when they ghosted you. They know it would drive you nuts, but they did it anyway.

So, when ghosters come back, they don’t even entertain the idea that you’ll ignore them. They assume you have been thinking about them all the time, whether a week or a year. If you don’t answer, they may even reach out again. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do?]

4. They’re oblivious

This is the most ignorant and immature of all the ghosters. They are genuinely unaware that they are not a decent person. They think ignoring you for weeks or months was totally cool. [Read: What does it mean when someone’s ignoring your texts on purpose?]

5. The ghoster saw your cute Instagram post

Yup, this is a thing. If a ghoster is still following you online, AKA-haunting, they may reach out because they just saw your fire Instagram post. Instead of letting you live your best life away from them and their dirty ghosting past, they decide to hit you up.

6. They’re hurt

They want a rebound even if they don’t plan on seeing you or talking to you for more than a night. When something doesn’t work out for a ghoster, they crawl back into the lives of those they’ve screwed over. [Read: 16 signs you’re his rebound girl and nothing more]

7. The ghoster is curious

When it comes to ghosting, it is all about the head games, whether the ghoster realizes it or not. The ghoster wants to see where you are. Sure he screwed you before but wants to see if you are holding a grudge or if you’d be up for Netflix and chilling.

8. They’re lazy

A ghoster that comes back is like a 90’s guy calling the ladies in his little black book. Instead of meeting anyone new and forming a connection, he wants to rekindle what you had before.

Who knows if his intentions are noble or not *they probably are not*, but he sounds like a waste of energy either way. [Read: Why do guys ghost? 15 reasons why they turn into cowardly pricks]

9. Ghosters are entitled, cocky, or stupid

Ghosting in and of itself is an entitled move that proves someone is selfish, uncaring, and all-around immature. But, when the ghoster comes back, they are just showing you once again how they think their feelings are more important than yours.

10. Convenience

Ghosting, in general, is an act of convenience. Instead of ending things or even pausing them, the ghoster doesn’t have to plan out what to say or when to say it. The ghoster just does what is convenient for them. The same goes for when ghosters come back.

They are lonely or curious or bored and reaching out to you is the most convenient for them. [Read: 10 consequences of ghosting]

11. They genuinely miss you

This is the rarest of rare occasions. I do not want you to get your hopes up or believe that just because they texted you “I miss you” after ignoring you for weeks that they actually mean it.

But, there are rare occurrences that someone genuinely feels bad for being an idiot and asks for your forgiveness. But, this is only the case if they actually verbalize/type this out. They must acknowledge what they did. They should offer an apology, or they are not worth the risk. [Read: How to handle the guys who ghost and come back]

What to do when ghosters comes back?

When a ghoster comes back, it can be so infuriating. If you are calmer than me, it may just be not very pleasant. You already moved on, and now they are ready to give you a second chance? I don’t think so.

Your last text *that is visible to both of you in the conversation* could literally say, “WTF, way to ghost me, you immature turd.” And they still have the nerve to text you, “Hey cutie ;)” at two am four months later.

A ghoster that comes back usually takes zero accountability for leading you on, cutting you off, and driving you freaking bonkers. They never explained leaving your life, so they don’t feel a need to explain why they are back. [Read: When someone stops texting you – The sad, mad and pissed off girl’s guide]

I have even asked ghosters that come back, why. Their artful way of avoiding the answer is a psychological marvel.

As I said, I do think in 9/10 ghosting situations, if the ghoster comes back, you should block them and move on with your amazing life. There is that tiny, itty-bitty, minuscule amount of times that the ghost genuinely feels bad and wants a second chance.

If they actually take responsibility for it, proceed with a lot of caution. Otherwise, don’t even give them the time of day. Unless, of course, you’re going to offer a witty dig at them and post it online.

[Read: Haunting vs ghosting: Why haunting is so much worse]

Now you know why ghosters always come back. It may not make you feel any better but, at least you know how you should move forward.

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Samantha Ann
It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding a wonderful relationship, I have decided to...